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What's the most retarded thing you've done in your entire life?

Killer Pigeon

Dear ALL,

Now I'm not going to start this thread by giving an account of something retarded I may have done in the past because, quite frankly, I'm a very boring human being with a very bland lifestyle (other than just earlier today when I realised that the chicken eggs we eat are actually unfertilised eggs and the yolk of the egg doesn't actually contain small chicken fetii/ fetuses). Anyway, to continue with the initiation of this most retarded thread, which possible has been created many times before, please give us a splendorous account of the most retarded thing you had the misfortune of doing in your entire life.

Regards,

KP.

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Loopy

Not the most retarted but one of them.
Last night I made a chocolate cake, it was in the oven about half an hr and to see if it was cooked I put a knife into the centre and then put it to my lips.
It stuck

Ouch, very painful and I have a big blister now on my gob.

SuitedAces

Got a girlfriend...

Sierra Oscar

Drink some methylated spirits . . .

Another was to stand on a septic tank concrete slab cover only to discover that they tend to crack right down the middle when you do so, so I fell right in. Luckily the tank was newly installed at the time (flooded with water though), otherwise I probably wouldn't be around to tell the story. :eek:

staker

Cooking a pork chop years ago when I was renting in Cork city.
Sat down to eat the dinner only to find blood still running out of the chop and in my disgust and ire caught it and ran out the back garden and fcuked it over the ditch!
10 mins later a knock on the door from a neigbour with said chop in hand,can't believe I didn't hang out my housemate or something- just got a barrage of abuse.....:o

Paddy_Smith

Joining Facebook.

TrixIrl

During a very boring/hungover morning at work, I decided my long hair would look great with a little decorative hole in it, say the type you might make with a hole-puncher. Not a great idea.... lost a massive lump of hair - oops!

Victor Meldrew

I convinced a friend to snort pepper to make him sneeze. He did it and I laughed for hours.. This, however, precipitated trust issues....

about a year ago I defrosted the fridge-freezer with a knife......

I used the knife like a chisel......

that cost ~ €300 (new fridge)

Oat23

Last Christmas I decided to go shopping in Tesco with a friend. Never thought it was a Christmas shop and it would take an hour. Got bored after around 15 minutes so I went to sit in the car.

About 20 minutes later some fella gets into the drivers seat and starts the car, don't think he got a proper look at me because it was around 12am and dark. I look at him and I say ''what the feck are you doing you loon?? Get out of my car''. I realised as he started the car that wasn't the sound my car made. He said ''Who are you and where is Mark??''

I was in the wrong car.

jugger0

When i was 8 i put orange juice in my rice crispies instead of milk, was shocked that it tasted like ****... had to finish the bowl anyway or id get the wooden spoon for wasting food.

Indubitable

Kitty-kitty wrote: »

I sprayed sun-screen on chicken once and cooked it to see if the sun-screen would make it cook slower.

I was sober and old enough to know better!

Did it cook slower??

:pac:

floutingmaxims

kingofthe3rdyrs wrote: »

Did it cook slower??

:pac:

I would also like to know this!!

robman60

Sierra Oscar wrote: »

Drink some methylated spirits . . .

Another was to stand on a septic tank concrete slab cover only to discover that they tend to crack right down the middle when you do so, so I fell right in. Luckily the tank was newly installed at the time (flooded with water though), otherwise I probably wouldn't be around to tell the story. :eek:

Seriously lucky to be alive. Drowning in a horrible mess of cow **** would be awful.

seeyounextweek

went to coppers nuff said

Dolph Starbeam

Not the most retarded of mine but the latest one, was out on Saturday night, work at 10 SUnday morning, went for a couple pints, not a chance, came home at half 5 and forgot my key, climbed in my window, took about 10 minutes and woke everyone in the house up... anyway taking off my pants i realise my key was there all along, i never even checked my pockets, i just presumed i'd forgotten it... to make things worse i spend the next hour and a half on facebook and boards and only get an hours sleep before work...

Was by birthday yesterday so i'm out all this weekend so i'll update here on Tuesday, i have a feeling it won't be a quiet one.

donalg1

Kya1976 wrote: »

Wearing a mini skirt on a windy day.

Pictures?

Handsome Bob

Too many to mention, and nearly always related to women.

donalg1

There seems to be a trend developing here,

Drinking Alcohol leads to Doing Something Retarded

Im not giving up drinking though

raveni

Mark! wrote: »

Not the most retarded of mine but the latest one, was out on Saturday night, work at 10 SUnday morning, went for a couple pints, not a chance, came home at half 5 and forgot my key, climbed in my window, took about 10 minutes and woke everyone in the house up... anyway taking off my pants i realise my key was there all along, i never even checked my pockets, i just presumed i'd forgotten it...

Did something similiar, thought I'd lost my atm card, retraced my steps, sure I must have just dropped it, going mad looking for it thinking I won't be able to get the money for a taxi home, finally checked my purse, of course it was there, why I didn't check the one place where I always put it first, I don't know

The logic of a drunk:rolleyes:

[Deleted User]

raveni wrote: »

Did something similiar, thought I'd lost my atm card, retraced my steps, sure I must have just dropped it, going mad looking for it thinking I won't be able to get the money for a taxi home, finally checked my purse, of course it was there, why I didn't check the one place where I always put it first, I don't know The logic of a drunk:rolleyes:

It's a bit like being on a phone call and panicking because you realised your phone isn't in your pocket

Obsidian

Spent £80 on a new thermostat for the Iguana, only to find the old one worked, and I'd been plugging it into itself.

Celly Smunt

one morning i slept in for work by accident to hear a van beeping like crazy outside the house,so i jumped up out of bed,threw on my clothes and went downstairs to grab my keys on the kitchen table,but unfortunately i grabbed a 2 litre bottle of coke and ran out the door in my sleepy haze,i got into the van and sat there for a minute looking at the bottle of coke in my hand not believing how stupid i was to pick up a bottle of coke and leave my keys on the table.

Jayo11780

I crashed through the M6 toll plaza on the way to Galway one morning in February... Flew through the crash barrier at 100km/h in the express lane, as i had no change in my pocket for the basket. Thought i could simply drive through it and pay online when i got to work...
i learnt the hard way, 3k worth of damage to my car and 13.5k damage to toll plaza!! :eek::eek:

Thank god for car insurance!
Wonder wht my premium will be come september?!

Genghiz Cohen

Jayo11780 wrote: »

Thank god for car insurance!
Wonder wht my premium will be come september?!

Do let us know

emmabee

I competed in my college's Fear Factor competition. Ate crickets, put my hand into a bowl of live maggots, drank raw liver mixed with goats milk, and lay in a coffin with a 10 foot restricter snake....

I came first.

The prize?

FcuK ALL.

emmabee

A ginger rejecting the ride? Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth

Hal Emmerich

Jayo11780 wrote: »

I crashed through the M6 toll plaza on the way to Galway one morning in February... Flew through the crash barrier at 100km/h in the express lane, as i had no change in my pocket for the basket. Thought i could simply drive through it and pay online when i got to work...
i learnt the hard way, 3k worth of damage to my car and 13.5k damage to toll plaza!! :eek::eek:

Thank god for car insurance!
Wonder wht my premium will be come september?!

What did you damage for it to cost that??

Or is it because it went through the Insurance so it gives them a magic right to triple the actual price?

I'd say you got some fright!!? LOL

Cill Dara Abu

Jayo11780 wrote: »

I crashed through the M6 toll plaza on the way to Galway one morning in February... Flew through the crash barrier at 100km/h in the express lane, as i had no change in my pocket for the basket. Thought i could simply drive through it and pay online when i got to work...
i learnt the hard way, 3k worth of damage to my car and 13.5k damage to toll plaza!! :eek::eek:

Thank god for car insurance!
Wonder wht my premium will be come september?!

Haha retard:P

Funglegunk

When I was a teenager I tried to cook a pizza, went upstairs, forgot about it, came back down and the kitchen was filled with thick black smoke. Opened the door and windows, the smoke still wasn't going away.

So I got out the hoover and turned it on, doing big arcs trying to get all of the smoke in. It didn't really work tbh, and next time my mum used the hoover loads of black smoke just came belching out.

sunnysoutheast

When I was about 7 my dad bought this brand-new stanley-type knife with mega-sharp carbon steel blades. After about 352 warnings not to go near it the first chance I got whilst "helping" my dad with a wiring job I decided to rub it along the underside of my fingertip to see what would happen. As it goes I sliced a gash about half an inch long down to the bone, the pain was unbelieveable. I had to pretend I'd cut it on something else and got stitched up. Duh.

A couple of years later myself and a buddy were taken to a swanky Italian restaurant where we made a massive song-and-dance about having chips. The chefs hand-made us some beautiful fried potatoes which I then put sugar on, thinking it was salt. As we'd been winding up our parents pretty much all day any further complaint would have been met with instant death, so I had to eat them. Yum.

SSE

Trix

a few years ago i was in the car sitting at the end of my road,waiting for traffic to pass so i could turn right up the hill. as i was sitting there i was trying to readjust the seat as my dad had driven the car before me.
so the traffic clears, i turn right to go up the hill while still trying to adjust seat. so as i lift the lever under the seat the seat shoots back and as i'm going up a hill i'm not able to pull the seat forwards.
i'm only 5 foot 4 so i'm strectched to the max trying to keep my tippy toes on the accelerartor. and i'm practically lying down so i can barely see over the wheel.
From the outside i'm sure it looked like the car was driving itself. not one of my smarter moments. the boyfriend got a good laugh out of it though.