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Child Item

Most inappropriate thing you've seen/heard at work

Diapason

I enjoy a little bit of workplace banter as much as the next man, and for the most part I'd be anti the PC brigade. However, I once overheard the following interchange out of the blue one morning in an office in Chicago (it wasn't said quietly):

Woman: Hey, how are you?
Man: If I were any better you'd already be on my desk with your legs spread.

In the USA of all places!

Now, admittedly the woman in question was not averse to such comments herself. I was working there on a J1, and towards the end of the summer there was a work party at some restaurant. I sat down at a table near her and she shouted over "I can't believe you've been here all summer and I never got to do you". I was 21, she was 50ish and she scared the living crap out of me!!

Incidentally, I've heard stories of exploits in another office (not in Ireland) that really would curl your hair. One successful afternoon a group of the lads called some hookers to sit under their desks giving them blowjobs while they worked. Now THAT leaves PWC in the shade!!

Any other good stories?

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DonJose

This fella Seanie at Anglo screwed Ireland so hard they had to put Cork in its a$$.

maxwell smart

Worked in a factory many years ago. Boyfriend and girlfriend having a major barney on the production line. So I brought them off into an office down at logistics and asked wtf? She explained he was with someone else and he denied it. I told them to sort it out right now or get out. So I left them. Came back about 15 mins later and he had her bent over the desk banging the ****e out of her!
So guess thats the most inappropriate thing to date.

phill106

maxwell smart wrote: »

Worked in a factory many years ago. Boyfriend and girlfriend having a major barney on the production line. So I brought them off into an office down at logistics and asked wtf? She explained he was with someone else and he denied it. I told them to sort it out right now or get out. So I left them. Came back about 15 mins later and he had her bent over the desk banging the ****e out of her!
So guess thats the most inappropriate thing to date.

Well you did ask them to sort it out.
I think they demonstrated good team building skills and excellent use of resources.

who what when

My boss went through a phase of describing his sex life in way too much detail!

Duggy747

I know a young fella who works at a restaurant and frequently shags his boss there. Lucky bastard.

flyton5

I've had sex in work...i guess that's pretty inappropriate. Put the back in 5mins sign up on the door and went off into the back with my girlfriend.

5mins was generous...

mikemac

Ever watch Mr. Bean where he gets locked out his room and wanders around the hotel naked?

That doesn't just happen on TV. I was a night porter and it was a regular occurance. Hey, all I can do is avert my eyes and use the master key.

Though one guy stood on the balcony overlooking the lobby and started talking to the wedding party below. Completly naked, not a bit of shame or self conscious at all

In the end I wasn't sure was he right in the head or was he most confident man I've ever met.

Ran upstairs with the master key and sorted it anyway

Sykk

Had this young twat in for work experience. Walks into a room full of higher ups with his headphones in, chewing gum with mouth open.. Shouts "Where can is yer man.. Err what's his face" (Reffering to the MD, one of the Richest men in the country also very posh)

I nearly pissed myself.. :pac:

flyton5

Sykk wrote: »

Had this young twat in for work experience. Walks into a room full of higher ups with his headphones in, chewing gum with mouth open.. Shouts "Where can is yer man.. Err what's his face" (Reffering to the MD, one of the Richest men in the country also very posh)

I nearly pissed myself.. :pac:

Dole scrounger I bet.

dave1982

feelingstressed wrote: »

Ever watch Mr. Bean where he gets locked out his room and wanders around the hotel naked?

That doesn't just happen on TV. I was a night porter and it was a regular occurance. Hey, all I can do is avert my eyes and use the master key.

Though one guy stood on the balcony overlooking the lobby and started talking to the wedding party below. Completly naked, not a bit of shame or self conscious at all

In the end I wasn't sure was he right in the head or was he most confident man I've ever met.

Ran upstairs with the master key and sorted it anyway

Not Neil Prenderville by any chance :P

IvyTheTerrible

I worked for a year in an office where no one had offices, it was all just low partitions in between desks. There was a girl who worked close to me who used to have the most inappropriate conversations with her friends on the phone, and really loud too...eg I knew that she had a boil on her bits and was worried about an STD, I also knew she was pregnant before her boyfriend, I also heard her fighting with her sister over the fact her boyfriend was a joyrider...that all stopped though when the management made her pay for her phonecalls..;

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Stale mucus on the walls of the toilets at a certain call center anyone who's worked at will instantly remember.

thebigbiffo

there's been a few...

worked in one of the better known theatres in ireland and the manager's brother threw a brick through the window cos he couldnt get a late drink!

sales office fist fights: i've seen more than i'd care to remember...

sales manager in one company was an alcoholic, he'd get trollied on at least 6 pints between from about 1pm until 2.30 but he could sell like nobody i ever knew in the afternoon!

senior management buying coke for the juniors!

feeling the new tit job of a member of staff...

jesus i gotta stop there cos even one ex-colleague seeing this would know exactly who thebigbiffo really is! but i can think of a shed load more!

dave1982

Worked in a factory Charge hand was a lesbian very nice untill this yound blond girl started as "relief" to cover holidays people out sick etc.Charge hand tried everything to to get people fired to give her eye candy a full time job.No success eventually everyone knew her game.Then the layoffs come there were 12 of us there,6 of us were left go and so was Blondy.

2 weeks later Blondy is back in full time employment:rolleyes:

bonerm

I was flying my plane from England to Ireland one day when suddenly this middle aged man whips out his johnson and starts playing the five finger shuffle right in front of all the other passengers. Well I almost crashed into a cloud! :eek:

some_dose

There was a factory I used to work in that had 2 shift managers - one male, one female. They were 'really' close with each other or so everyone told me. He apparently was a married man and played a large part in getting her promoted to shift manager. Anyway, all of the staff on the floor suspected that something was going on. This was confirmed when the two of them came crashing through the factory ceiling (it was only a story high) with their pants around their respective ankles! Both of them got a slap on the wrists and that was it! :rolleyes:

Diapason

some_dose wrote: »

shift manager

Heh heh.

phill106

Once had sex with a patient at work...
Not so bad you would think!

Except im a vet.

Kidding, none of that happened!

Mr McBoatface

About 5 or 6 years ago.

I was working in large Multi-national in a group made up of women and me the only guy. At first it was great, they where all attractive ladies (not one was ugly) but I soon thought different. The lunchtime talks where hell and usually revolved around fashion and how bad the canteen food was.

One day when the canteen food was fine as always, the ladies decided it was the most disgusting unhygienic thing they had ever eaten. They where complaining to each other, making Polish food jokes, then one of the ladies ask my opinion.

I had enough of listen to these well educated women making comment about the poor food, looking down their noises and talking down to the excellent canteen staff. I responded to the question -

" Well lets face it, you ladies all have husbands, boyfriends or partners and unless you are total prudes you've all had worse things in your mouth than this pasta(referring to the lunch) in some cases you may have even swallowed worse "

I wasn't asked for my opinion again:)

-Leelo-

jobyrne30 wrote: »

" Well lets face it, you ladies all have husbands, boyfriends or partners and unless you are total prunes

Mr McBoatface

-Leelo- wrote: »

Thanks, I fixed that

God damn auto-spell !

scientific1982

Warpping a small woman to the forks of a forklift and then driving her around the factory. Funny as **** though.

del88

A lad i worked withs favorite summer time saying......"God i'm sweating like a rapist"......nice

-Leelo-

jobyrne30 wrote: »

Thanks, I fixed that

God damn auto-spell !

Heehee I got a snigger out of it

Diapason

del88 wrote: »

A lad i worked withs favorite summer time saying......"God i'm sweating like a rapist"......nice

or as a mate of mine says "sweating like a paedo in a Barney suit".