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Child Item

Uncontrollable Laughing

kfallon

Nothing worse than it in work ffs! Mate sent me a classic of a text and I've basically been biting my tongue ever since, it's not one that can be repeated either.

It's given me a fit of the 'giggles' was sweating like a whore in a church trying to keep it in!

Any idea how to cure it???

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Sykk

Ok, Kfallon.. If you don't entertain, I will!

Where do you take a sick horse?

To the Horspital!

/Skips away

Zynks

Come on Kieren, it can't be as bad as the one above!

kfallon

Sykk wrote: »

Ok, Kfallon.. If you don't entertain, I will!

Where do you take a sick horse?
To the Horspital!

/Skips away

Did you get the same text????

ibarelycare

What's a horse's favourite TV show?

Neeeeeighbours

kfallon

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, the jockey is well ahead of the field. Suddenly he’s hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He manages to keep control of his mount and pulls back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he goes over the last fence. With great skill he manages to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he’s struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. thus distracted, he succeeds in coming only second. He immediately goes to the stewards to complain that he has been seriously hampered.

Btw that wasn't it

Princess Peach

kfallon wrote: »

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, the jockey is well ahead of the field. Suddenly he’s hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He manages to keep control of his mount and pulls back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he goes over the last fence. With great skill he manages to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he’s struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. thus distracted, he succeeds in coming only second. He immediately goes to the stewards to complain that he has been seriously hampered.

Btw that wasn't it

You are such a tease!

*touches his arm, giggles and bats eyelids*

kfallon

A jockey went into the paddock and the trainer said to him 'You need to win this race because my wife has had a pony on and i have had a monkey on the horse'. The jockey replied 'how am going to fit on then?'

kfallon

Kieren Fallon is in the parade ring discussing race tactics with the horses trainer. The trainer tells Lester that this is the worst horse he has in training, it has had 23 races and finished last in all of them, if it doesn't win today the milkman will be using it for deliveries in the morning. Kieren mounts up and takes the horse down to the start.
The race begins and Kieren is 30 lengths last after half a furlong, he gives the horse an almighty backhander on the behind, nothing, he then gives him a series of sharp slaps down the shoulder, nothing, he then gives him two wallops right on the bollocks, the horse comes to a sudden stop, turns round to Kieren and says "for christ sake will you turn it in with that whip I have to be up at half four in the morning to deliver the milk"!

Standard Toaster

Try thinking about Michael Buble's bollix. :pac:

kfallon

Standard Toaster wrote: »

Try thinking about Michael Buble's bollix. :pac:

The giggling/laughing has passed already but thanks for that mental image :eek:

argosy2006

kfallon wrote: »

Riding the favourite at Cheltenham, the jockey is well ahead of the field. Suddenly he’s hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He manages to keep control of his mount and pulls back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he goes over the last fence. With great skill he manages to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he’s struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. thus distracted, he succeeds in coming only second. He immediately goes to the stewards to complain that he has been seriously hampered.

Btw that wasn't it

i saw that race it was the
The Christmas Parties at Dundalk Handicap
1m 2f 150yds , Race Value: €8,500

Asphyxia

I remember it happening a lot in school, you laugh at something silly and then wouldn't be able to stop and in the end you're laughing because you're laughing. I got giving out to more times over it

kfallon

Pocketfizz wrote: »

I remember it happening a lot in school, you laugh at something silly and then wouldn't be able to stop and in the end you're laughing because you're laughing. I got giving out to more times over it

Yeah, thing thing that triggers it off might not be hilarious but for some reason you can't stop no matter how much you try!
It once happened to me in work a few years ago, had to take an early lunch.....at 11am :eek:

Louisayankee2

Yes,I must admit, it has overcome me a few times, to the point where I had to actually dwell on it a few days later! I thought ,"Why could I not control my laughter, especially at such a somber or serious affair?"

Well, to be honest, I have to remember back to ALL the times I had done it.....thank goodness not too many...

I do believe it happened because I had been too serious too many days before the occasion at which I needed to be serious. I think our bodies are designed not to be able to take anything serious too long..... so this is like a release of steam from the pressure cooker!

I have to remember to be diligent to try some good old fashioned laughter , right before a serious occasion again.
The reason?

I last did it right before my wedding vows were taken!!

I got laughing and giggling so hard , and the man about to marry us said in a very serious way, " If you continue on in this way,.....I'm afraid I will not allow you two to get married."

I got very serious right away, however, FEAR replaced the emotion of silliness..........
Please don't ask how long we stayed married....

Irish Guitarist

I used to work in an electrical/DIY shop. One day a fridge freezer fell off a stand and broke. Everyone was standing around in awe but for some reason I just went into fits of laughter. All I could do was go to the other end of the shop and laugh before the manager saw me. He still managed to see me laughing though. I have no idea why I found it so funny.

James T Kirk

If you're a man - catch ballbag in zip.

Woman - give birth.

Kiera

I got this a few weeks ago with one of the girls. We still dont know what we were laughing about but it was like we'd smoked a tone of weed. We just couldnt stop for about 20 mins and then on and off for the rest of the night every time we looked at each other.

Love those proper belly laugh moments

kfallon

Btw I still have the text saved on me phone

laura.

Oh God, you just brought back the best memory with this thread... So we were all in chapel for my grandads anniversary mass. myself and my brother were sitting beside each other and my mam was sitting beside me. I cant even remember how it happened , but i looked at my brother and we both just started laughing que the STARE from my mam, made us worse, i thought i was goin to choke trying to keep my laugh in, my mam started nippin up to shut us up but made us both worse, wouldn't mind if we were 9 or 10 but i was 25 my brother 18...in end up my brother had to leave the chapel after a really loud PAHAHAHAHA at communion time haha. my day has suddenly brightened up after remembering that, thanks OP

PS..got SERIOUS bollicking from the mother, she said grandad would be so dissappointed and i felt like 10

TeddyTedson

Those times when your with your mates and you all get a fit of the giggles can be quite painful. Love it though! Laughter is most defiantly contagious.

:D:D:D:D:D

Quandary

Hehehe...

I was on teaching practice before Xmas and I overheard the following conversation between two 5 year old boys.

Boy_1: Do you know I can fly?

Boy_2: No way!, if you can then fly over to the door and back again.

Boy_1: I cant today cos I have a sore leg.

Boy_2: Ahhh, ok so.

It was a completely serious conversation between the two lads. Still cracks me up

Son Of A Vidic

I most enjoy my uncontrollable laughing when I'm talking to my boss.

dougal-maguire

Damn you,i have reletives over and this brought back a memory of years ago when i was in school,now im sniggering away to myself in the corner.
the teacher was out of the room and just before she came back in someone said they were an alcoholic-aholic.not even funny but we pissed ourselves laughing,even when the teacher brought us up to the staff room to give out to us we couldnt stop.

another time was a couple of weeks ago at mass,the priest said something like bless our souls,and our souls sounded like a**eholes,i nearly fell over laughing.

Caco

6 pages and still no joke... thread fails!

OutlawPete

Why did the horse get arrested when he went to the hospital?

He told them he was feeling a little hoarse for weeks.

TeddyTedson

a funny

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxoldhhUpM0

Irish Guitarist

laura. wrote: »

Oh God, you just brought back the best memory with this thread... So we were all in chapel for my grandads anniversary mass. myself and my brother were sitting beside each other and my mam was sitting beside me. I cant even remember how it happened , but i looked at my brother and we both just started laughing que the STARE from my mam, made us worse, i thought i was goin to choke trying to keep my laugh in, my mam started nippin up to shut us up but made us both worse, wouldn't mind if we were 9 or 10 but i was 25 my brother 18...in end up my brother had to leave the chapel after a really loud PAHAHAHAHA at communion time haha. my day has suddenly brightened up after remembering that, thanks OP

PS..got SERIOUS bollicking from the mother, she said grandad would be so dissappointed and i felt like 10

If you think that's bad I made my sister laugh at my fathers funeral. We were sitting at the front of the chapel and everyone was coming up to shake hands with us. Someone went to shake hands with me and my sister reached out her hand. I jokingly said to her "wait your turn" and she went into fits of laughter. We told my mother later and she found it funny too.

To be honest there was nothing funny about the situation but I think when you get too depressed all you need is something mildly funny to make you laugh. I think it's just a defense mechanism for coping with stress so you don't go mad.

TPD

laura. wrote: »

Oh God, you just brought back the best memory with this thread... So we were all in chapel for my grandads anniversary mass. myself and my brother were sitting beside each other and my mam was sitting beside me. I cant even remember how it happened , but i looked at my brother and we both just started laughing que the STARE from my mam, made us worse, i thought i was goin to choke trying to keep my laugh in, my mam started nippin up to shut us up but made us both worse, wouldn't mind if we were 9 or 10 but i was 25 my brother 18...in end up my brother had to leave the chapel after a really loud PAHAHAHAHA at communion time haha. my day has suddenly brightened up after remembering that, thanks OP

PS..got SERIOUS bollicking from the mother, she said grandad would be so dissappointed and i felt like 10

Exact same situation but I was (still am) the brother, and we were laughing at the preist being unable to control the pitch of his voice. From one word to the next, the pitch would change randomly. Not even a standard country 'high pitched at the end as if in questioning' kind either.

I think we managed to keep it in with only a couple of annoyed glances from others in the church, nobody had to leave. Good times though

rainbowdrop

I got the uncontrollable giggles in mass on Christmas Day cos my Mam whispered to me that the communion host was stuck in her false teeth:D

The looks of disapproval from the old biddies sitting near me only made me laugh even harder. Sorry God!!

Conor Bourke

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If you think that's bad I made my sister laugh at my fathers funeral. We were sitting at the front of the chapel and everyone was coming up to shake hands with us. Someone went to shake hands with me and my sister reached out her hand. I jokingly said to her "wait your turn" and she went into fits of laughter. We told my mother later and she found it funny too.

To be honest there was nothing funny about the situation but I think when you get too depressed all you need is something mildly funny to make you laugh. I think it's just a defense mechanism for coping with stress so you don't go mad.

You're spot on there. Our parish is quite large, there's a church at the top of our road where we would usually have been brought to mass as children but occasionally we would go to the "official" parish church in town. The 4 of us would be tagging along behind Dad mumbling about how we didn't like this church, wondering which priest would say mass, whether it'd be quick or slow. The Parish Priest is quite an elderly man, about 75 now if not more, but for as long as I remember he always shuffled slowly through mass, droning on in his monotone, and he often sang small parts such as "Through him, with him, in him" which my brother would imitate perfectly in the car afterwards.

My brother died suddenly in September and the Parish Priest (who we don't know that well) came to concelebrate the funeral mass in the church on our road. We were sitting there, numb with grief, in disbelief, when good old Fr. G shuffles to the microphone and sings "Through him, with him, in him". My sister and brother and I looked at each other from the corner of our eyes and proceeded to burst into laughter together. We managed to keep our heads down and muffled the laughs but it took us ages to pull ourselves together, I'm pretty sure everyone who saw us thought we were bawling crying, as nothing obviously funny had happened but it was a welcome burst of light on an otherwise black day, and I can guarantee that if Colm was there, he'd have gotten such a kick out of it.

Oh and by the way kfalllon, if the joke ain't for repeatin' in front of the delicate eyes of the AH posters, PM it to me!