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Inappropriate behaviour between friend and BF

LegacyUser

Im quite concious at not giving to much away here but...

Was out on a night out to celebrate my birthday last weekend. Everything was fine, having a good time. We were all sitting around a table and I looked across to wehre my BF was sitting, and my very good friend was sitting on his lap with her arms around him, his arms around her...

Needless to say I was fuming so got up an left to get away from the situation. Sorted it with the BF the next morning, and the friend in question had approached me that night to apologise saying she didnt even think about it, she was crying and upset about something else, and just wanted a hug. I didnt say much, because I wasnt interested in getting into a long discussion about it with her.

The thing is, this friend is extremely flirty and gorgeous, every boy falls for her. She flirts with pretty much everyone. And I hate to admit it, but if it had been any of my other friends, I wouldnt have minded as much. Its because it was her... and my Bf knew I felt this way before the whole thing happened.

I dunno what Im asking really. I was so embarrassed to be sitting there with everyone else, and for this to be going on in front of me. It was humiliating.

I havnt seen the friend since, and I dont know how Im going to react when I do.

What do you all think of the situation?

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Wibbs

so humiliated wrote: »

Wibbs- you make a good point, I was very very angry after it happened, and I certainly made it clear to both of them. I dont want to jump the gun and just break up with him, he has never acted like this before, like I said, I would have been the one in the relationship who was more likely to do something like that if you get me, not that I would! But you definitely would never think of him as the type to do it!

Your anger is completely natural, but like you say, he's never acted like this before and as the saying goes one swallow does not a summer make. I'd add neither does one cloud make a winter. That's if and it's a big if, if he responded to her advances. This guy who has never given you any indication or suspicion in the past, tells you immediately afterwards that it she just plonked herself down and he's not interested in her. Me? I'd be taking his word. On the basis of drink taken/brainfart and her previous actions that have shown her the more likely culprit in all this. I certainly wouldn't be "hugging and thanking her, for showing your boyfriend in his true colours" or any of that. In my humble that would be a serious over reaction borne on the back of projection and a slanted worldview. Meh I suppose if you see the world in black and white, you're never gonna see it in colour. Not a great way to live.

There was alot of drink involved, which also fuels my friend's crying. I cant remember the last time we were out where she hasnt been crying about some boy. So its not really suprising behaviour in that sense. I think she does enjoy the boost from male attention.

Again she seems to have previous and your boyfriend by your account doesnt.

Seen it all- I dont think he is totally innocent at all, We're not speaking at the moment as a result >:(

He's making me feel like I should apologise for freaking out, but I really dont think I should! The more I dwell on it all, the more upset I get an the more rational I feel for not just letting it go.

I get that, I really do, but lets have a little thought experiment and put yourself in his shoes for a second. Lets imagine one of his mates, a notorious manwhore, plops down beside you and puts his drunken arms around you, just as your boyfriend looks over. You're 100% not interested in this gimp, but are mindful he's a mate of your BF's and you dont wanna cause a scene at the gathering. OK? Now imagine you trying to explain to an irate boyfriend who refuses to believe nothing is going on. Who keeps pushing you for an answer but doesn't want to accept the answer you're giving. How would you feel in his shoes? Ah but I hear some say, "what if he's not innocent?". Well that's where trust and more, good sense comes into it. In trusts case? Trust is predicated in a lot of ways on faith and the acceptance that deep down it might be broken, but living your life expecting it to be is daft. Good sense? On previous behaviour and evidence he's not given you any reason to mistrust him. Has he not earned the benefit of the doubt over a "friend" that has previous of being emotionally and flirtationally incontinent?

OK forget all that if you will. Ask yourself this question. What is the answer you expect to hear from him? And I'll put money deep down there is one. If you're looking for a deeply sorrowful apology what form would this take? If you're looking for the truth, which form would that take? "Oh yea I fancy her, cos you know all the boys fall for her so..", or "she plonked down on me and was all teary so I thought WTF? but nothing happened and I wouldnt ride her into battle". In other words what could he say to put your mind at rest? answer that for yourself truthfully and you'll get a better handle on what this is all about at this stage. If there's no answer, then IMHO you're running on anger, confusion and sorrow regardless of what the actual truth is. So a time out is probably your best bet. Put another way, are you willing to risk an otherwise good relationship over how you feel at the moment, regardless of what may have happened? Upset and rational rarely make good bedfellows.

My 3 cents anyway.

littlefriend

You've said your piece to both of them so I think you should drop it rather than carrying it on any more. If something was actually going on they'd hardly be doing that at the table where you were sitting.

I think you have [understandably] over reacted and a lot of the replies here have been over the top. Maybe I'm missing something? Your drunk friend sat on your boyfriends knee when she was crying? TBH its not the most outrageous thing I have ever heard, particularly as she carries on like that all the time.

Rise above it and her - you are putting doubts in your relationship over a drunken non event. Save your arguments for when you need them.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't call them close, they only know eachother through me and would only see wachother at parties or nights out when Im there.

I actually started this thread more mad at my friend then at him. Then after the first few initial comments, I started to think a bit more about my BF and his role in it. I did and still do accept that he couldnt do anything about it. He couldnt just push her off. I don't think he fancies her, I honestly don't. I guess my problem really does lie with her, and I just don't trust her at all. Because my BF knew this, I guess I expected more from him you know?

I don't know what i'll say to my friend when I see her, she's a very hard person to confront as she tends to twist things and is very good at talking herself out of situations.

Wibbs- I guess what I want from him is to realise why Im still a bit upset about it. He doesn't get it at all, he says he is sorry but basically that he has nothing to be sorry about becuase he didn't do anything. We're going around in circles! Im definitely not prepared to throw it away, I know that much. I am angry and upset and confused, you're right. I guess I just wont forget it as easily as he has.

Also just to clarify, he was holding on to her becuase they were hugging, not because she was falling off his lap. I do know what she is like when she cries while drunk, like she literally can't speak because she is sobbing so much, so I do understand that he couldn't have just pushed her off.

LegacyUser

Oh also I don't think they have any feelings for eachother. But it still doesn't make me feel any better by her blatantly sitting on him right in front of me. She just completely crossed the line, regardless of how she feels about him.

I suppose I can't view it as totally innocent becuase she is such a flirt. I dont know if that makes sense, all I know is that I really don't think any of my other friends would do that. It bothers me that it was her. Ugh my brain is fried Im not making any sense

up for anything

so humiliated wrote: »

I don't know what i'll say to my friend when I see her, she's a very hard person to confront as she tends to twist things and is very good at talking herself out of situations.

Decide what you want to say to her and then say what you want to say and don't let her interrupt you. If she tries, cut her short and say would you mind waiting till I finish. When you do finish tell her that it is not up for discussion as you feel that she will only twist what you say and talk herself out of it. Nothing more than the truth as you see it. No argument, no discussion, no allowing her to speak. It might be slightly unfair but her behaviour hasn't been exactly conducive to fairness.

thefeatheredcat

so humiliated wrote: »

The feathered cat- I think my friends have basically just accepted that she was upset and it was completely innocent. She was in floods after I stormed off, whereas I was on the dancefloor trying to just put it out of my mind. So I can see why they would say "ah sure it was nothing, she didnt realise what she was doing, shes really sorry about it".

I just don't get it. If this had been another rather flirty random drunk girl that wasn't your friend but a friend of a friend who was upset with herself over a fella, would you be ok that she plonked herself on your boyfriend's lap, crying and consoling herself in his arms? And you'd just accept that your friends brush it off, saying, ah hun she's just had a few too many drinks....doesn't know what she's doing....

I don't understand why your friends are so keen to brush this off except to not upset things in the group - I find it truly puzzling that an emotionally upset girl who looks for comfort in another friend's boyfriend is to be tolerated and brushed off as merely nothing. Fair enough she was upset and drunk, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour and tbh I think you're being fobbed off by your friends or didn't want fight to happen to spoil the night. It's almost like she's the one this happened to and not you.
If ye had all been sober and she had done this while upset, would they still think it was all innocent?

so humiliated wrote: »

I don't know what i'll say to my friend when I see her, she's a very hard person to confront as she tends to twist things and is very good at talking herself out of situations.

Stick to the facts but hear her out. If she twists things around, confront her on it straight away, call her on it. Keep to the truth and don't bring up any personal issues outside of this. Don't get into bringing up other things that you're unhappy with regarding her. Keep things on track to this situation. If she veers off from this situation, control it and bring it back to this situation. Stay cool and calm. And do it at a time when you're clear in what you want to say and not feeling anyway emotionally charged so that you don't end up saying things in the heat of the moment that you don't mean.

I've learned the hard way that people who twist things around will just make themselves out to be a victim/guilt trip to be seen in a good light or twist things so much you'll just accept whatever they say and stay friends, out of frustration, pity and sympathy.

Darthhoob

spinandscribble wrote: »

I dunno I might be unpopular for saying this but she could have caught your bf off guard. honestly, a girl jumps into your lap crying? Are you honestly expecting him to throw her to the ground? Shes crying, asking for a hug, he instantly thinks **** shes my gfs friend better give in, puts arms out then she hops on his lap. shock sets in, **** the gfs going to kill me.
Don't get me wrong it must have been horrible to witness and I'd be right pissed off at her but what did his face tell you? All i hope is he didn't look like the cat with the cream. He should understand that isn't something you'd like to witness and make sure he doesn't get in the situation again.

I've experienced a overly flirty girl make suspicious moves on my bf, sometimes you just have to gauge the bfs reaction and the girls general actions, then forget about it if it doesn't repeat. Now she's a flirty girl but that does NOT give her the right to put herself in his lap. Personally I think flirty people who overstep the mark by touching peoples bfs/gfs without permission are the worse kind of "friends".

Why didn't she go to a friend of her's for comfort? why did she pick YOUR boyfriend? She sounds like a attention seeker who didn't get lucky with the guy that upset her so wanted to show her worth by hopping on the birthday girls guy.

If they were up to something dodgy would they really be sitting their in your full view? Most importantly did she actually look upset...?

have to say i agree i've seen girls do this kinda thing with bloke i KNOW have NO interest in them in that way.

he may not be being manipulative, he may simply not know what the issue is as to him it might not have been anything to worry about as much as you are, he could just be a bit 'miffed'.

thats not to say he IS a victim, but i reckon your friend chose him as one...as well as you

spinandscribble

I don't think you should be angry at your bf anymore, he said sorry that he upset you but he won't say sorry for what he did/didn't do and I think thats fair enough.

He couldn't fling your drama lama friend to the ground because a) shes your friend b) he was probably in shock c)he didn't want to cause a scene d)he's probably a decent guy and couldn't be cruel to a crying girl.

he's probably embarrassed about what happened as well and tbh it seems like the normal night with drink for your friend, it was a matter of time before you'd directly be affected by her self centeredness.

Try not to be mad with him, you need to put yourself in his shoes for a moment. He didn't really have a choice by the sounds of it and while he's not a victim of your friends drama he's for sure a innocent bystander. Of course if it happens again or something similar you'll have to revisit the issue but until then try to forget it.

LegacyUser

OP, I really feel that your bf is not at fault. If I were him, I'd have been freaked out by the situation and would've frozen. I can completely understand why you would be more than a little freaked, but I would blame that on your 'friend' rather than him. I would drop her as soon as possible - life is too short to be putting up with people like that! At best she is a drama queen. Does she get upset cos guys don't treat her like a 'princess' by any chance?!

Taltos

OP

you just need to step back for a while.
Way too much has just happened and as you said your head is melted trying to sort it all out.

Ideally you need to try to separate the facts from your emotions and from your assumptions.

Fact
1. Your BF has never cheated on you.
2. Your friend IS a flirt
3. Your friend IS an attention seeker
4. Your friend regularly ends the night crying about some fella
5. Your friend regularly drinks too much

(seeing a pattern here?)

Emotions
1. You are feeling hurt, angry, let down, anxious, jealous, freaked, tired, basically in a spin

Assumptions
1. Your BF somehow "invited" this girl to seat herself and wrap her arms around him.
2. Your BF enjoyed this so so much (having been in a similar position yrs ago I was personally in shock and didn''t know what the crap was going on.... - difference was my GF ribbed me rotten afterwards and we were more wary around that "friend"..)

At the end of the day - no-one can tell you how to feel.
Your BF can do his best to reassure you that it really was nothing - but only you can choose to believe him. Let's face it though - if he really was the cheating sort - is he that stupid to do that in front of you?

Suggest you try to sit down with him again and just talk to each other.
a) Set the ground rules.
>> You each share how you felt, the other listens and no-one and I mean no-one interrupts or disputes what you are saying when you say it...
>> You each commit to listen and hear what the other is saying - whether you agree with it or not...
b) You start off explaining how you felt at the time.
c) He then shares how he felt by your displayed lack of trust in him.

Having been placed in this situation by a friend of my OH I can see it from both sides, and for you both to work as a couple I feel you both need to be able to see this and other issues from the other side too - now whether you agree with that viewpoint or not is not important - what is important is validating what your partner is feeling.

You really both can work thru this - and if done properly this will make you a stronger couple.
However - your friend - whatever her story is - she is not really a friend - she is an attention seeking leech - and really should be pitied as she will never have what you both have and will have once you work through this... Just be careful of her in the future...

LegacyUser

thefeatheredcat wrote: »

I've learned the hard way that people who twist things around will just make themselves out to be a victim/guilt trip to be seen in a good light or twist things so much you'll just accept whatever they say and stay friends, out of frustration, pity and sympathy.

This is her down to a tee. Always makes it about her and starts crying.
My friends dont want to get involved I presume becuase they feel the same as I do, she's not a person you want to fight with. I guess they are just trying ot stay out of it and not take sides, I do understand that. Also I dont think they realise that Im still not ok with it all, because I 'sorted' things with her that night. I just wasn't up for discussing the whole thing at that stage you know?

Im seeing her now today. Really am dreading it. I don't want to come across as this jealous GF because I really am not that person. I dont want my friends thinking "oh god we better be careful what we do around her BF now"

Its going to be tough to bring it up, because she thinks its all fine. Literally on the night it happened, she apologised etc etc said she saw him as one of the girls, was just upset. Literally all I said was yeah its grand. I couldn't even look at her! I suppose I shot myself in the foot I should have had it out with her there and then, but was just trying to enjoy the rest of the night.

LegacyUser

Thanks Taltos. I think you hit the nail on the head there. I am just in a bit of a tizzy I guess. I have an exam in the morning and am trying to study for it now but can't help but think about having to see this friend later!

I don't think Im really ready to see her yet. I don't want to discuss it tbh. Now I sound like the drama queen!

But you are right I do need to just sit down with BF and talk through it. We were texting last night but it didn't get us very far. It just came bac to the same thing. I have said to him that I think she is more at fault and that I don't want to end things etc etc and that I know he didn't really have a choice in what happened... but he just doesn't want to listen he keeps putting words in my mouth! Saying I think he fancies her and did it on purpose. Which I don't think at all. Like seriously we're just going in circles!

I defo do need to step back a bit and maybe just leave it for a day or two and just not think about it because constantly analysing it isn't getting me anywhere! It's just making things with me and the BF worse

Taltos

so humiliated wrote: »

Thanks Taltos. I think you hit the nail on the head there. I am just in a bit of a tizzy I guess. I have an exam in the morning and am trying to study for it now but can't help but think about having to see this friend later!

I don't think Im really ready to see her yet. I don't want to discuss it tbh. Now I sound like the drama queen!

But you are right I do need to just sit down with BF and talk through it. We were texting last night but it didn't get us very far. It just came bac to the same thing. I have said to him that I think she is more at fault and that I don't want to end things etc etc and that I know he didn't really have a choice in what happened... but he just doesn't want to listen he keeps putting words in my mouth! Saying I think he fancies her and did it on purpose. Which I don't think at all. Like seriously we're just going in circles!

I defo do need to step back a bit and maybe just leave it for a day or two and just not think about it because constantly analysing it isn't getting me anywhere! It's just making things with me and the BF worse

Do - just focus on getting thru the exam.
Make whatever excuses you can - and avoid your "friend" until after the exam.
With the stress of the exam all of this is heightened - so do take time to work thru it later.
Avoid - "conversations" with your BF by text / email / phone - just talk face to face - and do try to follow the tips above. Seriously you can work thru this and it will make you stronger. Don't focus on the problem now - just imagine where you want to be - happy with your BF.
Let him know you care for him and you will chat after your exam - but get that out of the way first - way way too much going on to really make useful progress here...

enda1

OP you are WAY over the top and acting like a child.
If you trust your boyfriend, then you should apologise to him, for he did nothing wrong.

Also your friend did nothing wrong.

If they wanted to get together, do you really think they'd do it at your birthday party, right across from you?

LegacyUser

enda1 wrote: »

OP you are WAY over the top and acting like a child.
If you trust your boyfriend, then you should apologise to him, for he did nothing wrong.

Also your friend did nothing wrong.

If they wanted to get together, do you really think they'd do it at your birthday party, right across from you?

Its not a case of me thinking it was going anywhere, I've made it clear that I don't think it has anything to do with them liking eachother. I know they don't.

Its the fact that she showed no respect for me and BF's relationship whatsoever. There is a line and she crossed it. You just don't do that. I would never dream of doing that to one of my friends boyfriends, no matter how innocent. Its just not appropriate.

Unregistered39

enda1 wrote: »

OP you are WAY over the top and acting like a child.
If you trust your boyfriend, then you should apologise to him, for he did nothing wrong.

Also your friend did nothing wrong.

If they wanted to get together, do you really think they'd do it at your birthday party, right across from you?

I have to agree wholeheartedly with Enda1 here. You are beginning to rival this girl in the drama queen stakes. Let it go! I can't believe you're letting it affect your exams and thinking you 'don't want to end it'? What the hell? Unless you back off on this the choice of ending it could be very much out of your hands. If I was your boyfriend I would be incredibly ticked off with you.

I'm guessing you're all quite young. Honestly, a huge part of making relationships succeed is knowing when to let something go. And have a bit of perspective.

Wagon

Can't blame you for being angry. But I ain't going to blame your boyfriend here. If I was in his situation, I'd be the same. What's the alternative? Tell your crying, upset friend to piss off? Then she'd be going on about how he treated her like **** when all she needed was cheering up from a friend etc...

A few years ago, i was out for an ex's birthday. We were together at the time. One of her mates who i never met before was there. We got along well, making **** jokes and generally having a laugh. She was a smoker as well, so we popped out for a smoke and after we finished, she told me she was sexy and walked off. I just ignored and put it down the the booze. Later, we were all in a club and i couldn't find my ex anywhere so buzzed out for a quick smoke. Her mate was out too. She tried to kiss me, i stopped her and told her nicely that I was very flattered but I wasn't interested and loved my girlfriend. She was very embarrassed and started apologising. I told her it was okay, was probably the booze and that i wasn't going to make a big deal about it but i certainly wasn't interested. So the bítch ran into my girlfriend and told her that she just scored me and was really sorry. relationship died a few weeks later and even today, i think my ex still doesn't believe me and thinks i cheated on her that night.

Get rid of your "mate". Attention seeking crap like what she pulled isn't exactly going to make a good friend.

enda1

so humiliated wrote: »

Its not a case of me thinking it was going anywhere, I've made it clear that I don't think it has anything to do with them liking eachother. I know they don't.

Its the fact that she showed no respect for me and BF's relationship whatsoever. There is a line and she crossed it. You just don't do that. I would never dream of doing that to one of my friends boyfriends, no matter how innocent. Its just not appropriate.

How is it not appropriate?

You must be very insecure to believe a hug is inappropriate.

LegacyUser

enda1 wrote: »

How is it not appropriate?

You must be very insecure to believe a hug is inappropriate.

She was sitting on his lap. Like I've said before, Im not the jealous type, I know people who are alot more possessive then I would be over their partners. But Im sorry, if thinking she shouldnt be sitting on my BF's lap is insecure, then fine.

I don't believe I am.

Distorted

enda1 wrote: »

How is it not appropriate?

You must be very insecure to believe a hug is inappropriate.

I don't think it was the hug that was inappropriate, it was the sitting on the lap while recieving the hug!

I think low tolerance of people who are constantly upset and overly emotional and needy is quite a normal reaction actually. Attention seeking and flirting is a pretty bad trait in a friend and generally implies they are more interested in themselves than being a good friend.

enda1

Distorted wrote: »

I don't think it was the hug that was inappropriate, it was the sitting on the lap while recieving the hug!

I think low tolerance of people who are constantly upset and overly emotional and needy is quite a normal reaction actually. Attention seeking and flirting is a pretty bad trait in a friend and generally implies they are more interested in themselves than being a good friend.

How did you get any of that from the OP out of interest?

Attention seeking and flirting are not the worst traits to be honest.
A lack of trust in a partner in far less appealing.

Sitting on a lap is not an issue at all.
My sister who's 21 would sit on my lap no problem as would a number of female friends I am close with and my girlfriend would have no problem.

This whole episode is about trust and insecurity.
The OP has a lack of trust and/or is insecure. Therefore her problem, and no one else's.

fungun

Without reading every post, I have to say I agree with the poster that said to relax a little.

In these situations put yourself in the other persons shoes. As someone said, if he is sitting there after a few drinks and his gfs friend comes along and sits on his knee...should he really obviously get rid of her? Maybe so but its not a slam dunk decision imo. She starts being upset and talking to him...he may well have been thinking 'uh oh, wtf do i do now' (unless his arms around her was a lot more than he needed to do and was getting tooo close). He should recognise your initial reaction an understand it, but if he has explained something like I have outlined above and you have no other reason not to trust him then I do think you have to accept this and move on.

The other thing to remember i that sometimes ppl see people in relns as 'safe flirting' i.e. sometimes there is an underlying understanding that nothing will happen so you feel safer about doing these things. Certainly in my long term reln, the odd thing has happened after a few drinks which I would have been unhappy about when younger but now recognise some harmless flirting. Not saying this is at play here for sure, but it may be.

So sounds to me like your bf was in an awkward situation, did some inappropriate flirting at your birthday, something he should say sorry for. But not sth to make into an enormous issue.

Taltos

OP

going to suggest you sign off now.
Focus on your exam and check back in a few days.

Try not to take all the posts to heart - we are all just giving our views from what we have experienced so the ones that appear as overly critical are just there to prompt you to think outside the box of your norms.

Irrespective though - spending this much time on this right now will only jeapordise your exams... Get them out of the way and then check back in if you still want to.

Best of luck.

bronte

If I were you I'd be getting rid of this "Friend"
She sounds like an absolute drama queen you'd be better off without.
If she causes a scene every time she has a few drinks she should learn to drink responsibly and control herself for heavens sake.
These people are all the same..they're addicted to stirring up trouble, inflict their insecurities onto everyone around them and are utterly selfish.

Have a chat with your boyfriend and explain what's been going on in your head.
Personally I'd chalk this one up to experience and get rid of the "Friend".

Zen65

so humiliated wrote: »

She was sitting on his lap. Like I've said before, Im not the jealous type, I know people who are alot more possessive then I would be over their partners. But Im sorry, if thinking she shouldnt be sitting on my BF's lap is insecure, then fine.

OP, there is very little logical about your position in this thread.

If you feel she should not have sat on your BF's lap (and I would agree, although frankly it's a very minor offence) then you cannot also blame your BF in any way. The only alternative for him would have been to act in a loutish manner by throwing her off. Any man raised to have respect for women people would not allow himself do that. He hugged back when she hugged him; that is just a very natural response. I have been hugged many times over the decades, and I always hug back .... even if only out of politeness and even if the hugger is somebody who's company I can only barely tolerate. It's never an indication of interest on my part. I'm not a hugger by nature, and I prefer to reserve such signs of affection for my wife and kids.

From reading your OP, the one thing that leaps out is this comment:

The thing is, this friend is extremely flirty and gorgeous, every boy falls for her. She flirts with pretty much everyone. And I hate to admit it, but if it had been any of my other friends, I wouldnt have minded as much. Its because it was her... and my Bf knew I felt this way before the whole thing happened.

There is no logic in blaming him for what she did, just because you have strong feelings of insecurity around her. I think your behaviour afterwards (reprimanding your bf) was most unfair, and if he tolerated that from you then it's a good indication that he loves you very much.

He does not want to talk about it now, I'm guessing because if he said exactly what he feels he'd tell you just how unreasonable and selfish you have been. I say "selfish" because you're transferring your feelings about her onto him, without caring how that makes him feels. He behaved in the most gentlemanly manner he could at the time. From his perspective, blaming him is akin to Yoko Ono blaming John Lennon for getting shot.

She may be a drama queen, that friend of yours, but your behaviour must at least earn you a "princess" title

Let it go. Understand that possessiveness is an unattractive and unhelpful trait. If you were older, more secure in yourself and in your bf's love, you would have ignored this incident completely, or at least understood it for what it was. By reacting to your friend's behaviour in this way you have given her what she wanted.... the reassurance that she is "desirable" enough in your eyes to have caused this row.

Now.... breathe, relax, move on. Face up to that exam and when you see that bf again, be sure to let him know that you realise he did nothing wrong.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your comments, some were helpful, others were not.

I have met with my friend and she has apologised and recognised that from where I was sitting it looked bad, as they both had their arms around eachother. She has said she sees him as a friend and nothing more, which I knew all along anyway. She also said she wasn't thinking. I told her how I felt and she accepted it, so as far as Im concerned, it's just a lesson learnt and it won't be happening again.

Like I said repeatedly, my post was not really to do with my BF, alot of posters have made it that way. I was mostly on bad terms with my friend. It is now sorted with both of them.
I had been looking for advice on the situation in general not just about my boyfriend, which some of you, not all, have seemed to focus on. And I really am not a possessive person, and I am genuinely suprised by people saying this about me. It would probably be the one thing that I would never be described as by people who knew me.

Its funny, because the thread started as very much "you should take a long hard look at your BF", then went to.. "you're being way too harsh on him". I guess Im just going to find some
middle ground.

All in all a mixed bag of comments, and I thank you all for them anyway.

Thanks Taltos for your last comment I am going to sign off now and focus on the exam

Mods could you lock this please?