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Wedding present

sunshine321

I’ve been invited to a friend’s wedding that is on in Spain,. I haven’t really been to many weddings so not really sure what is an acceptable/expected amount of money to give as a present. I’m a student so wouldn’t have that much money to give as it is. Does the fact that the wedding is in another country affect how much I should give, considering we have to pay for flights and accommodation for 3 nights over there. My friends that are going are all working but don’t really appear to be too flush (like everyone these days) So, how much should I give ?

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genie_us

I'm getting married in October and I would hate to think that any of my guests are wondering this type of thing. You're not invited for the present you'll give, you're invited because they want you there.

So get them a present or give them whatever you can afford and I'm sure they'll appreciate whatever you get them - I doubt they are expecting a certain amount!
If it's something you're worried about why not suggest that a few of you go in together to get them something?

battycow

I'd say €100 considering your spending a good bit to get there and all.

jw297

I'm getting married next month, and as genie_us said, wouldn't like to think that it's putting pressure on people. Most of my friends are either students or working but not earning vast amounts, and they are having to travel across the country and pay for accommodation for at least one night, so I'm thrilled that they are coming at all. If anything, I'd be happier to receive a small, thoughtful gift or voucher for something that means something to us than an envelope full of cash. Maybe you have a skill that you could offer or some activity you could do with your friends after the wedding and give a 'voucher' for that as a gift?

sunshine321

Id way prefer to give a present, think its a lot more thoughtful, but thought money was the done thing now a days, or is that just the lazy thing to do!? I had something in mind to give them, but I'd be afraid they wont like it and I would have been better off giving them money so they could have bought something they liked. I can always give them a gift receipt I guess.

tinkerbell

You're a student, not much money, it's abroad and you'll incur expenses getting there so just a card will suffice.

I honestly think that if the wedding is abroad then the bride and groom should not be expecting to get wedding gifts from everyone, going abroad is always gonna be more costly on the guests than having a wedding at home.

I attended a friend's wedding in the US a while ago. It cost us prob €1k each to fly there, accommodation and everything. The couple said not to get them any gifts at all so nobody did. In fairness - it's costing that much to get there, so you won't be getting a gift as well.

hooley84

were getting married in sept away and to be honest would be a bit confused if guest didnt bring presents or give gifts, i have been to lots of weddings here in ireland where staying the weekend in a hotel has cost us more than it is costin for our guest to go away for our wedding flights and accommodation included!

tinkerbell

^^ It may cost a bit more, but it is more hassle to go abroad, e.g. you need to take days off work, the stress of going through an airport / flying, etc. etc.

Beruthiel

hooley84 wrote: »

were getting married in sept away and to be honest would be a bit confused if guest didnt bring presents or give gifts

Wow.
Not everyone has money to throw around you know.

sunshine321
Some of my guests are coming from other countries to be at our wedding.
I do not expect a present. They are spending money to fly and stay here. That is their present to us.
Don't feel oblidged to give anything. Tell your friend that you have spent all your money getting there.

cruiserweight

Beruthiel wrote: »

Wow.
Not everyone has money to throw around you know.

sunshine321
Some of my guests are coming from other countries to be at our wedding.
I do not expect a present. They are spending money to fly and stay here. That is their present to us.
Don't feel oblidged to give anything. Tell your friend that you have spent all your money getting there.

I fully agree with this. I am getting married in Glasgow next year, a lot of guests are coming from Ireland, with some from further away including France and Canada. In fact even amongst the guests coming from within Britain, only a handful are living in Glasgow. We are much more interested in spending the day with family and friends, than presents. They are spending money on hotels, flights, petrol, etc. to get here and we hope that none of them feel in any way obliged to splash out on a big present and also that they enjoy the day.

battycow

hooley84 wrote: »

were getting married in sept away and to be honest would be a bit confused if guest didnt bring presents or give gifts, i have been to lots of weddings here in ireland where staying the weekend in a hotel has cost us more than it is costin for our guest to go away for our wedding flights and accommodation included!

I find it very hard to believe that people are saving money in going to your wedding abroad rather than a wedding in Ireland,… you’re saving money you mean.
This person is flying to Spain so flights probably in the region of €200, once the check in bag each way is added in, accommodation, let’s say €50 a night, outfit, €150 and that’s not much really. That is €500 before taxis, spending money (food & drink) and present. It's your choice to have it away, not your guests.
I know I said €100 earlier on but after hearing from all these brides and brides to be and thinking of the cost involved I see it in a different light.

galah

in two minds about the 'saving' and not saving on a wedding abroad.

Our wedding was abroad, and our guests had to spend 60 euros on the flight (if booked when we told them to), 60 euros on 2 nights' accomodation (shared room), roughly 20 euros per person on airport transfer and bus to venue, nothing on drinks on the day of the wedding (open bar), and nothing on presents (cause we didnt want any), maybe another 20 on food for the rest of the weekend, and obviously the transfer to the airport in Dublin.

So our wedding, at most and if on a tight budget, would have cost per person 200 euros, 250 absolute max.

I have been to weddings in Ireland (in Galway even) where I spent more...(expensive hotels, in the middle of nowhere, expensive drinks, presents, etc etc). Then again, I have been to weddings in the UK where we easily spent a grand between the ferry, castle, present, dress, and all...for two days of fun...

Anyhoo, back to the original Q: We usually give between 100 and 150 Euros as a present. However, if you're travelling anyway, and if you don't have loadsa cash, give whatever you think is right. It doesnt have to be money, either...

To the people 'expecting' cash/presents: A wedding is to celebrate the love of two people with the friends and family they love, not a fund raiser.

sunshine321

Actually battycow was fairly spot on with the gustimate there! Even though I don’t have a dress or anything as of yet.

I must say galah, you guys made a great effort for your guests. Unfortunately everything is up to us to organize ourselves, which is kind of hard when you’ve never been before, just with it being in another country and all. I think it will involve a lot of taxies; another unfortunate is that we’ve not arriving on a flight with any other guests, which I know anyway. Hope taxies are not too expensive in Spain! Some of my friends are going over a week beforehand, making a holiday of it and getting a tan for the day. Looking back it would have been a good idea to make it into my summer holiday rather than just going for three days but we’d already got plans made to go on holidays to Greece with my boyfriend’s two brothers and their girlfriends for 5 days in August.

galah

yeah, we wanted to make it as easy as possible for our guests - so we informed people about the flights very early, hired a shuttle bus for the airport transfers, hired a bus to get everyone to the venue from the hotel, got special rates for the hotels for our guests, organised taxi transfer from the venue back to the hotel at various stages throughout the night - just so that no one had to worry about all that, and could just enjoy the weekend that was in it.

Anyway, good luck, have fun, and enjoy the wedding! ;-0

Elbi

if the wedding isnt abroad but in another county, how much of a gift would you all consider acceptable to give.
I know its the thought that counts but its a very old friend, id live to be able to give a really good present but at the moment work is cut back and so on therefore my cash flow isnt as good as it used to be.

Im thinking €100 but am worried that seems stingy

[Deleted User]

Elbi wrote: »

Im thinking €100 but am worried that seems stingy

they'll be delighted with that, €100 is a good lash of cash nowadays.

Elbi

RoverJames wrote: »

they'll be delighted with that, €100 is a good lash of cash nowadays.

Really! oh thats great now thanks.

I was worried it wouldnt be enough as i had planned on givin €250 but with cost of the room in hotel and travel I just couldnt budget it,

[Deleted User]

Don't worry at all, we all have to earn it and everyone can appreciate there isn't as much of it around as a few years ago, as I said I'm sure they'll be delighted.

tinkerbell

€100 is really generous. In this day and age, the couple should be delighted with any sort of cash gift in fairness.

Shellygoose

Someone once told me that you give enough to cover the cost of your meal....so a few years ago when the hotels (in Ireland anyway) were charging big bucks it would be pretty standard to give 50-75euro per person. Now hotels are doing great deals and meals are working out roughly at 35-40euro per person, so I think 100euro is more then acceptable.

You could always give them a bale of towels or a kettle like ppl used to get years ago haha

As others have mentioned, its not about the amount of money you give but the fact that you are there to spend their special day with them.

The Big Red Button

hooley84 wrote: »

were getting married in sept away and to be honest would be a bit confused if guest didnt bring presents or give gifts, i have been to lots of weddings here in ireland where staying the weekend in a hotel has cost us more than it is costin for our guest to go away for our wedding flights and accommodation included!

I just hope that you're not one of those couples who are counting on the cash gifts for paying for your wedding! :rolleyes:

As far as I know the general etiquette for weddings abroad is that "your presence is your present", although most couples make this clear on the invitation anyways. So if I were you I would be expecting, at most, perhaps a couple of token non-cash gifts.

I'm planning on getting married in Italy, and for anyone who takes the time and pays the money to go all that way for my wedding, that will certainly be enough for me. You have to take into account that, when you're going abroad, you need to organise at least a few days off work (unlike in Ireland - one night is the max necessary), you might need to organise babysitters, transport to and from the airport, all these things add up. If people are willing to organise all this and pay all the money to travel abroad to be at my wedding, that itself would mean so much to me and make me happier than any cash gift would. In fact I would feel awful if any of my guests felt like they should be giving me presents, but I will make it clear to all of them that no gifts will be expected.

galah wrote: »

yeah, we wanted to make it as easy as possible for our guests - so we informed people about the flights very early, hired a shuttle bus for the airport transfers, hired a bus to get everyone to the venue from the hotel, got special rates for the hotels for our guests, organised taxi transfer from the venue back to the hotel at various stages throughout the night - just so that no one had to worry about all that, and could just enjoy the weekend that was in it.

That's a brilliant idea - will definitely be doing the same for my own wedding. Can I ask, how far in advance did you organise all this, and how far in advance did you send the invitations/inform the guests? I have a few years to go til my own, but no harm looking into these things now!

Anyways, sorry for off-topicness, OP you should definitely not feel obliged to give a gift, I doubt it will be expected of you. If you really wanted to though, maybe you could plan to give them something nice for their one-year anniversary instead? Might be a nice idea, and I'm sure they'd appreciate it.