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Child Item

What are the worst things you can say on a first date?

IvaBigWun

"Im an accountant"

"All the voices in my head agree that you are the one for us"

"You remind me a lot of my old girlfriend. She's not around any more, but it doesn't bother me, no really I never think about her, well not that often, I miss her, she was gorgeous"

"Oooh your top is lovely, looks great with those shoes and that necklace just sets the whole outfit right off! Where do you shop?"

"I hear you like it up the arse?"

"Let me tell you all about this internet forum I post on it's really cool right, these guys, some of them are really funny right, sometimes I say funny stuff too one of them is called Lasers Pew Pew, mad, and this one time they got into trouble with a promotions company and it might be going to court and everything and sometimes they have to ban people off it for being too rude right but it's gas and I'm on it in work the whole time and theres always jokes on it and funny pictures but serious stuff too you should try it it's kinda cool"

over to you ...

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Pot Noodle =

"I think you'll find escape is impossible"

IvaBigWun

"Im a bank manager"

StormWarrior

The worst I got was a bloke who on the first date said that he wants me to be his wife, and he wants us to start having kids as soon as possible as he's already 28 and he wants at least 3 kids by the time he's 32. I said I didn't want kids and wasn't looking to get married, to which he answered then you're a very sad person and you'll die alone!" He then nagged me for a while, trying to persuade me, saying things like, "Just imagine, a child with my eyes and your nose, wouldn't that be awesome?" and "I've already told my mum all about you, she can't wait to meet her future daughter-in-law."

Then, trying to get rid of him, I mentioned that my number 1 fantasy is man-on-man action, and my date got very angry and began ranting and raving about gheys, saying that God is very angry with them and is going to end the world soon, because of gheys and people who get divorced. He said if we had a gay child he will throw the child out and refuse to let it take his name.

After his ghey rant died down, he said that once we are married, he will never consider getting divorced under any circumstances, but if his wife bores him, he will cheat on her. He said his wife will not be allowed to work outside the home under any circumstances.

Needless to say, I didn't answer his calls after that.

SugarHigh

StormWarrior wrote: »

The worst I got was a bloke who on the first date said that he wants me to be his wife, and he wants us to start having kids as soon as possible as he's already 28 and he wants at least 3 kids by the time he's 32. I said I didn't want kids and wasn't looking to get married, to which he answered then you're a very sad person and you'll die alone!" He then nagged me for a while, trying to persuade me, saying things like, "Just imagine, a child with my eyes and your nose, wouldn't that be awesome?" and "I've already told my mum all about you, she can't wait to meet her future daughter-in-law."

Then, trying to get rid of him, I mentioned that my number 1 fantasy is man-on-man action, and my date got very angry and began ranting and raving about gheys, saying that God is very angry with them and is going to end the world soon, because of gheys and people who get divorced. He said if we had a gay child he will throw the child out and refuse to let it take his name.

After his ghey rant died down, he said that once we are married, he will never consider getting divorced under any circumstances, but if his wife bores him, he will cheat on her. He said his wife will not be allowed to work outside the home under any circumstances.

Needless to say, I didn't answer his calls after that.

Either you made this up or he was taking the piss out of you.

StormWarrior

Neither, he was being serious, he's a devout catholic who's obsessed with getting married and having kids ASAP.

SIX PACK

I think what he really needed is a stint in the Mad house

pvt6zh395dqbrj

the worst thing someone once said to me on a date was

"I'm sorry, I'm not Michael Scofield"

Now, I knew they wouldn't be before I went on the date. But still....there was no need to say it.

StormWarrior

This wasn't a date, but me and some friends were going on holiday, and on the internet we got chatting to 2 brothers who'd be in the same place and wanted people to meet up with, so I said we'd meet them. When we met, one of them looked me up and down and the first thing he said was, "Well, I'm really relieved that you're not fat. I was worried, I was saying to my brother, oh god I hope she's not fat, I don't want to hang around with a fat girl."

Seemed a bit odd, especially considering it wasn't a date or anything other than a meet-up.

starlit

talking about exes

Professional Griefer

''What cologne do you have on? Its smells really nice!!''

''Thanks, its 'Lust' by Josef Fritzl.''

Ricardo G

" You suck d1ck way better than my sister"

MIN2511

StormWarrior wrote: »

The worst I got was a bloke who on the first date said that he wants me to be his wife, and he wants us to start having kids as soon as possible as he's already 28 and he wants at least 3 kids by the time he's 32. I said I didn't want kids and wasn't looking to get married, to which he answered then you're a very sad person and you'll die alone!" He then nagged me for a while, trying to persuade me, saying things like, "Just imagine, a child with my eyes and your nose, wouldn't that be awesome?" and "I've already told my mum all about you, she can't wait to meet her future daughter-in-law."

Then, trying to get rid of him, I mentioned that my number 1 fantasy is man-on-man action, and my date got very angry and began ranting and raving about gheys, saying that God is very angry with them and is going to end the world soon, because of gheys and people who get divorced. He said if we had a gay child he will throw the child out and refuse to let it take his name.

After his ghey rant died down, he said that once we are married, he will never consider getting divorced under any circumstances, but if his wife bores him, he will cheat on her. He said his wife will not be allowed to work outside the home under any circumstances.

Needless to say, I didn't answer his calls after that.

where is he from?

munsterrugby09

have you land?

TaytoCrisps

Tonight... you..

recylingbin

StormWarrior wrote: »

The worst I got was a bloke who on the first date said that he wants me to be his wife, and he wants us to start having kids as soon as possible as he's already 28 and he wants at least 3 kids by the time he's 32. I said I didn't want kids and wasn't looking to get married, to which he answered then you're a very sad person and you'll die alone!" He then nagged me for a while, trying to persuade me, saying things like, "Just imagine, a child with my eyes and your nose, wouldn't that be awesome?" and "I've already told my mum all about you, she can't wait to meet her future daughter-in-law."

Then, trying to get rid of him, I mentioned that my number 1 fantasy is man-on-man action, and my date got very angry and began ranting and raving about gheys, saying that God is very angry with them and is going to end the world soon, because of gheys and people who get divorced. He said if we had a gay child he will throw the child out and refuse to let it take his name.

After his ghey rant died down, he said that once we are married, he will never consider getting divorced under any circumstances, but if his wife bores him, he will cheat on her. He said his wife will not be allowed to work outside the home under any circumstances.

Needless to say, I didn't answer his calls after that.

Post pics of your nose.

stateofflux

"you're very experienced"

kielmanator

lol

Her: "So have ya ever broken the law?"
Him: "I might have done, yeah."
Her: "Go on, you can tell me."
Him: "I don't really want to...:("
Her: "Tell me!:mad:"
Him: "I was in court last month for not having a tv licence:o...."
Her: "Ya big ghey! Get a life."

Cue her storming out of McDonalds.

wanrek

"no mirrors in your house, no"
Dealbreaker!

Panthro

guy: so ahh..do you have any children?
girl: yes, one girl, starting school in september.
guy: ohh thats lovely, do you have any picture of her?
girl: ahh..yes
guy: can i keep it?

dryadssaddle

do you want dessert mom...

Capt'n Midnight

"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Jeez, I've been paid to do all sorts of deviant sexual acts."
"Mind if a few of my girlfriends tag along?"
"And this is where my last 4 boyfriends are buried."
"Do I look fat in this car?"
"Help me laugh at the homeless people, will you love?"
"Men are like ants. Step on one, and there are thousands of others right behind him."
"Then Daddy bought me another Pony!"
"Let me tell you all about my castration fantasy!"
"Me...pay...HAHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!"
"I've had more interesting conversations with soup."
"Then after my fourth abortion I was like.'OK, I'll make my johns wear condoms!'"
"Do you have a tissue...never mind, I have a whole box stuffed in my shirt."
"Have any cute guy friends?"
"Come to think of I never had Chlamydia before...OK, so that makes one so far!"
"Lots of people have dead conjoined twins that are still attached, right?"
"Then my Dad came in the massage parlor...and I HAD TO give him a happy ending."
"Can I rabbit punch you in the throat?"
"Sorry, only my father can touch me there."
"What do you mean your car doesn't have nitrous boosters?"
"Before dinner, can we go shopping for 7 hours?"
"You look poor."
"Ewww. You carry around coins!"

Capt'n Midnight

"I can count to 17. Wanna hear?"
"Next thing you'll tell me is that the Holocaust really happened."
"This one time, at college...I was gay for 4 years! Crazy, huh?"
"Well, I find Toilet Paper evil for lots of reasons." "Pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip."
"This is my wife's favorite restaurant."
"WTF happened to your face? Were you in a fire?"

Capt'n Midnight

"Wow, you're nothing like I thought you were. I mean, the pictures I took of you from the tree behind your house say nothing about your personality!"

"Did it just get sluttier in here, or is it just you?"

"I've had a streak of dating frigid, ugly, evil women, and judging by you, my streak is still goin'..."

"I never thought I'd have to use the phrase 'Your mom did that way better.' on a first date."

"Whoops, how'd that fall out of my pants?"

"Oh shít... you're a woman?!"

"I'm sorry about my choppy moustache. Can you teach me how you shave yours?"

"So my friends. Can they come watch to prove I finally scored?"

"OK, I gotta be honest with you. I'm dating you because we have this bet about who would date the ugliest chick around. I promise to give you 25% of the money if we can skip the making out and the sex."

"The power of God commands thee!"

""And HOW would you know that platypus is a mammal?"

(pointing to a mirror in the room) "ITS BACK!"

"Whoah, like, did everything just taste purple for a second?"

"Well I go to Anime Conventions and talk on the IRC in my spare time ... you?"
(though for many here that is probably the best thing someone could say to them)

"Ok, you gotta be quiet or my roommate will hear. He doesn't know I'm cheating on him!"

"I'm adopting a 'hump and dump' policy"

"And the best part, is she doesn't even know I have AIDS!"

“I really enjoy dating you. You look like my mom when she was slightly younger.”
~ Sigmund Freud on Why he married his wife

Capt'n Midnight

"That? Oh, its a scar from where my penis used to be."

"I believe in Castration before Marriage.. how about you?"

"I just love _______" (the blank can be filled with James Blunt, Madonna, James Blunt,cher, James Blunt, Backstreet Boys, James Blunt,Celine Dione, James Blunt etc. James Blunt)

"Wanna see me rip out my implants? All the blood and fatty tissue will just turn me on!!"

"If you don't pay for dinner, I'll cut your balls off."

I have to lose my virginity before the next full moon so I'll be exempt from the rite sacrifice to Kromdar, Traveler of the Desert of Madness, Lord of Blood and Flames, Vindicator of The Traitorous."

"I promised my parents I'd bring them some fun home."

"Of course as a muslim....." (oh controversial)

"I can't have sex until the economy is more stable."

"WhatWhyareyoulookingatmelikethatAreyouafreakorsomehtingYouthinkyourbetterthanmeWellI'vegotsomenewsforyoubuster..."

"Look, here's the truth. I'm going to act real cute, I'm going to call you "master" in bed and pretend to fight and enjoy it. Then fake some bruises and have a rape test done. Then blackmail you for all your worth."

"So then I just made up lies about him and then told them to all his friends and family. He's serving 10 - 15 years now."

“I’ve memorized over 200 things to say on a first date! I learned them from the internet!”

IvaBigWun

"Hi Im Larry Murphy"

starlit

Exe's
Talking too much about yourself
Certain jobs i.e. farmer, accountant, banker, unemployed
You have a kid
You're broke
No life, don't live it to the full - boring
Awkward Silence!
Nothing to say - blank and or speechless

Tar.Aldarion

let me push your stool in

Antomus Prime

A guy i know used to always ask a girl "so hypathetically what would you do if i was to try kiss you now?" It only took him about 4 years to realise that it wasnt a good tactic!!!

7ofBrian

Her:
'' So, what do you do for a living?''

You:
'' Not much. I have a management position in Anglo Irish Bank''

Her:
''Oh... I guess ill be paying for dinner so. And here's some money for a taxi home. And some more for a nice holiday somewhere warm. And here... Have a new car............''

Jamiekelly

"Hey my name is BrummyTom...."