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Child Item

Funniest thing your parents have said?

rebel10

My mother is such a brilliant woman for stories, she has such a flair for words that she would keep you captivated when telling a story about the most trivial things. She is 65 years old, but likes to think she is well up to speed with everything going on. She learnt to use email a few months ago and is delighted, her phone that she learnt to use last year never leaves her side! All these things are great, and she definately does impress me often.
The thing is, there are times i will walk into a room and she will tell me the most ridiculous things just so she can appear to be completely up to date!

1. I have developed a fierce soft spot for Barack Obama.
2. Rings me one day to inform me that Jane Goody passed away.

3. Tells me one day that she loves 2Pac's "California Love" cause it has a happy feel to it.

So many more but will have to try to remember them!

Anyone have funny examples?

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Dilynnio

That I can share my bed with my partner.............as I will not get pregnant!:D

minotour

My 16 yr old brother wanted to go see "Something Happens" play in Whites hotel in Wexford but the ma aint having it, after much protesting by the bro along the lines of "But Ma, Something happens!" She replies "Nothing happens in White hotel on friday nights"

NothingMan

rebel10 wrote: »

Oh no!!!!!!!:eek:
What made you think i was a man??

The big penis?

rebel10

NothingMan wrote: »

The big penis?

:eek:

NothingMan

NothingMan wrote: »

The big penis?

rebel10 wrote: »

:eek:

Is that you opening your mouth to receive the previous comment?

phill106

Dilynnio wrote: »

That I can share my bed with my partner.............as I will not get pregnant!:D

Why and why?
Are you in a same sex relationship? Assuming its not a reproductive problem, as probably wouldnt joke about it!

As for seperate beds for married couples, wtf?
Just for that, id push the beds into the hallway, and wheel in s&m kit (99.99 from argos, with optional electric nipple clamps).
Then be loud!

Runs off giggling

gigggity

rebel10

NothingMan wrote: »

Is that you opening your mouth to receive the previous comment?

Oh no i feel violated!!

= is this better?

Dilynnio

phill106 wrote: »

Why and why?
Are you in a same sex relationship? Assuming its not a reproductive problem, as probably wouldnt joke about it!

As for seperate beds for married couples, wtf?
Just for that, id push the beds into the hallway, and wheel in s&m kit (99.99 from argos, with optional electric nipple clamps).
Then be loud!

Runs off giggling

gigggity

Yeah same sex so not a hope of getting preggers!:D

They are very open minded about the gays!

CrazyFish

Got the first computer in my house and started to show my Mam how to use it. She puts her hand on the mouse and turns around to me and says "How do I move the moose". I tell her to move the mouse and the cursor will move. She then turns around to me and says this must be a very good/fancy computer. Then a week later where getting the internet installed. And she asks the ntl installer if he plugs the internet router into the mp3. When she was talking about the mp3 she was talking about the computer tower. I just left the room and started screaming laughing.

xsiborg

posted this one before...

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055948123 :rolleyes:

xsiborg wrote: »

oh, i just remembered one-

when i was only about ten years of age and i went to use the bathroom, whereupon i discovered a full bath of nice, clean, warm, water. "brilliant" i thought to myself as i quickly took off my clothes and jumped in.

just as i was leaning back in the bath...

my mother walked in-

"AHH JESUS YOU OULD FART OF A BASTARD!!!"

i nearly jumped out of my unwashed skin, suffering from near heart failure at the same time! :eek:

well, you try not to get excited at the sight of clean warm water after for so long having to be next in line in the same water after four of your brothers had just washed themselves in it and it came to your turn- fair mucky i tel ya!

rebel10

CrazyFish wrote: »

Got the first computer in my house and started to show my Mam how to use it. She puts her hand on the mouse and turns around to me and says "How do I move the moose". I tell her to move the mouse and the cursor will move. She then turns around to me and says this must be a very good/fancy computer. Then a week later where getting the internet installed. And she asks the ntl installer if he plugs the internet router into the mp3. When she was talking about the mp3 she was talking about the computer tower. I just left the room and started screaming laughing.

Worse still, when i was showing mom how to email, she started pressing the screen thinking it was touch screen. Technology is advanced alright but not that much.

ams

My mam was telling me how my gran was asking her if she had ever tried ecstacy tablets and where you can buy them. Mam said "shed take them too if she thought they'd make her feel good".

MoodeRator

NothingMan wrote: »

You're a lady!!! :eek:

rebel10 wrote: »

Oh no!!!!!!!:eek:
What made you think i was a man??

I am in tears!!:D
thanks you both for that moment!

Mac Masters

Dad: Just because I'm a nutritional overachiever, doesn't mean I'm beefy!

copperfacegaz

my mother once called me "a son of a bitch" ???

Ickle Magoo

After my relatively short parents bought a kingsize bed that's about four foot off the ground...

Mam says; "So if you hear all this grunting and groaning and banging and creaking, it's not us up to anything, it's us trying to get on the bloody thing"...

:eek:

:pac:

CrazyRabbit

rebel10 wrote: »

Oh no!!!!!!!:eek:
What made you think i was a man??

Maybe you use too many of the 'male' smilies.

Male:

:rolleyes:

:cool: :pac:

Female:
:eek:

:P :mad:

Sanjuro

"My email is very slow today. I don't think my internet is getting enough rams."

I didn't know where to start with that one.

rebel10

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Maybe you use too many of the 'male' smilies.

Male:
:rolleyes: :cool: :pac:

Female:
:eek: :P :mad:

Never knew about smilie genders! Must be more careful in the future. Although i think i did use female ones mostly, must just be a butch vibe off my posts!:o

sam34

i once asked my mother what condoms were

(i was genuinely asking, not winding her up, as i was an innocent 10 or 11 year old)

her answer was "they're something the daddy wears when he and the mammy are trying to make a baby so that the baby cant be made"

clear as mud!

rebel10

Know someone who was out in a pub the day before St. Patricks day one year. Ended going back to a girls house, stayed on the girls sofa in the living room cause she still lived with her parents......next morning they were doing stuff they shouldn't be doing:o and in walks her father and he says "Thats DIRTY what you're doing there, AND on St. Patricks day!!!!!!!!!!" So wrong in so many ways

Loopy

Years ago my bro and sis (twins) were having a screaming row in the kitchen. My mum walks in just as my sister is roaring 'your nothing but a long haired fucking dickhead' to my bro... Cool as you like my mum says, 'he is not longhaired'..

laugh

"I got you a Highflyer jumper for Christmas"

3hn2givr7mx1sc

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

Maybe you use too many of the 'male' smilies.

Male:
:rolleyes: :cool: :pac:

Female:
:eek: :P :mad:

The

,:o and :eek: are mainly used by females in the motoring forum.

Nemanja91

My mother isn't racist at all but we were on a tour bus in new York and I was wearing a Man Utd jersey so the people next to us got talking to us and asked us were we were from, they were middle eastern but lived in England, they asked me mother can they have a look at the map and when they handed it back to her she told them they could keep it, when we got off the bus she said that if they are terrorists they now have our fingerprints

MistyCheese

You're adopted.

Amalgam

Mother: Can you email Ann Landers for me? (x999...)

wonton

my ma comes into my room with a packet of my rollie tobacco and a very concerned look on her face- "I very disapointed that you'd bring this stuff into my house. are you selling or using?"

dinner conversation with parents.....

me- "netherlands won the match today"

ma- " ah i was hoping holland would win"

da- " don't be stupid for feck sake"

me- " ye ma, c'mon your not that much of an eejit"

da-" holland havn't had a soccer team for years"

me " ....wait, what.......your thinking of yugaslavia"

ma- " so holland is yugaslavia?"

da- " like the whole thing with britain and the uk"

........

me- --" no holland is a province in.............these burgers are really nice mam"

Abi

I'll have to come back to this one. My Dad is the funniest fooker ever. I'd wanna get locked and have laughs with him more than most of my friends. My Mom can be funny in the most unintentional way. Hates when I go on the piss with Dad because we could sit up into the early hours laughing at absolutely mental shit. Shes so backward about things, and her priorities are all over the place. She wants me to do mad shit like settle down and stuff. LOL :pac:

BroomBurner

My father couldn't remember what a creme caramel was called, so instead asked for "a yellow substance in a kind of brown fluid".