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average recession wedding gift??

mossyhennebry

Just wondering what the average cash wedding gift is these days?

Best friends will be very generous, Grandparents can't be expected to give too much - so what's the general average?

Just curious as we booked our venue last week and trying to make a realistic guesstimate as to how much we may owe after the day.

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izzyflusky

Yeah, they were very lucky indeed.

H2B and I won't want presents because we simply don't have the space for them, but not going to ask for cash either. I have read in other forums how some people include a card in the invitation with bank details...I mean, how tacky is that?? They might as well put a price on the invite and sell them.

Anyway, by the time we get married (if all goes to plan) we'll have saved more money than we need for the wedding, plus his parents are also paying for some of it.

We've only invited people we REALLY want there, so at the end of the day we won't need to worry about money or expect our guests to pay anything.

Polar Girl

I think it is so funny to see people who are getting their parents to pay for half of their wedding getting on their high horses!

Anyway We are having a small enough wedding, 90 guests, leaving out a lot of extras but spending a bit on food. A lot of my family and friends have asked what would I like, cash or presents. I have said well look whatever you want, we will appreciate anything but we have the house and everything we need so cash would be more practical. I see nothing wrong with saying this.

We will not be in debt for the wedding as we are both working. If someone turned up with no gift I probably wouldn't really think much of it either way, if they were well off I would think of them as scabby but if they weren't well off I wouldn't think anything of it.

I think some people are being dishonest saying oh I never wanted gifts and never thought about money. I will be totally honest and say that while obviously our friends and family being there means everything. We have wondered will we get many cash gifts and I think most people do. We are human and we do think these things.

I would never go to a wedding, birthday party, barbeque without giving something. Why would anyone go to a wedding and give nothing? Sorry but that is tight especially if you see a girl with hair, make up done and a brand new dress yet they give no present. Come on people own up- that would piss you off!!

Also for anyone who has their daddys pay for most of their wedding - isn't it easy to climb on on that very high horse of yours and bleat about we only want peoples presence- of course that is all you want- sure you hardly have to pay anything for your wedding yourself!

iguana

Polar Girl wrote: »

A lot of my family and friends have asked what would I like, cash or presents. I have said well look whatever you want, we will appreciate anything but we have the house and everything we need so cash would be more practical. I see nothing wrong with saying this.

I don't think anybody thinks there is anything wrong with saying you'd prefer cash after you've been asked. It's when you make the request for cash as an assumption that you will be getting gifts that it's considered rude. Of course you will be getting gifts, you know it, your guests know it. But a gift is meant to be something you are given at the givers discretion, it's what gift means. Asking for a gift before one has been offered is the act of a spoiled child. And spending those gifts before you get them is very foolish.

Polar Girl

I agree I think is is the height of tackiness to ask for cash in the invitation or even face to face without having being asked. But I think the op was wondering what is the average cash gift and somehow people think this is an awful thing to ask and I think it isn't. I think it is natural to assume you will get presents and natural to wonder what to expect.

beegirl

Polar Girl wrote: »

Also for anyone who has their daddys pay for most of their wedding - isn't it easy to climb on on that very high horse of yours and bleat about we only want peoples presence- of course that is all you want- sure you hardly have to pay anything for your wedding yourself!

This better not be aimed at me?!?! First of all, I was not "on my high horse" I simply said I didn't invite people so that they would give me loads of cash, I invited them because I want them there either way. Secondly I didn't say that my parents were paying for "most of" my wedding or that I hardly had to pay anything myself - I said they made a donation, which was a wedding gift not that it's any of your bloody business. Other than that it is our savings and sticking to a tight budget. How dare you assume anything about me, based on one post... talk about being on a high horse :mad::mad::mad:

AARRRRGH

We used to give cash. We dont anymore. Too many people asked for cash and that annoyed me. Now its clocks, crystal or art for wedding presents.

Polar Girl

beegirl wrote: »

This better not be aimed at me?!?! First of all, I was not "on my high horse" I simply said I didn't invite people so that they would give me loads of cash, I invited them because I want them there either way. Secondly I didn't say that my parents were paying for "most of" my wedding or that I hardly had to pay anything myself - I said they made a donation, which was a wedding gift not that it's any of your bloody business. Other than that it is our savings and sticking to a tight budget. How dare you assume anything about me, based on one post... talk about being on a high horse :mad::mad::mad:

Calm down. I was talking about people in general who have a lot of the wedding paid for but still say noone should wants presents.

Also I don't even think it was your post I was going on, it is a long long thread. No need to get so upset.

I never said it was my business what your parents gave you. I don't really care all that much. We have also been saving like mad and used all our own money. As I mentioned out wedding will only be 100 people so obviously we are inviting close friends and family who we want there, I certainly am not inviting anyone cos of what we might get out of them but at the same time I don't think it is obscene to want cash rather than presents or to wonder what is a normal cash gift these days. That is all I was trying to say.

aviendha

beegirl wrote: »

This better not be aimed at me?!?! First of all, I was not "on my high horse" I simply said I didn't invite people so that they would give me loads of cash, I invited them because I want them there either way. Secondly I didn't say that my parents were paying for "most of" my wedding or that I hardly had to pay anything myself - I said they made a donation, which was a wedding gift not that it's any of your bloody business. Other than that it is our savings and sticking to a tight budget. How dare you assume anything about me, based on one post... talk about being on a high horse :mad::mad::mad:

woooh there, a little bit on the sensitive side there!!! relax, I think it was more of a general comment!! come on now, you're hardly so paranoid as to assume this post is obviously directed at you! :rolleyes:
no need to get so defensive, this is a public forum, people have opinions.. not all of them are aimed at you

..
.
methinks the lady doth protest ... *cough* !

Tail Wagger

Well I'v posted earlier on this thread, and I'm talking from experience as I was married this time last year.

We sent out our invitations, we got no help from anyone, we did get some cash gifts, not a lot mind you. We didn't care, as I said before the whole thing about your wedding is, you invite people because you want them there. Not for what you can get out of them, people now feel under pressure coming to Weddings.... It's all expense for them, new outfits/ present/ cash for the day/ day off work/ and possibly a stay in the Hotel/ so don't get to greedy girls...Oh see how many of them remember your first Anniversary?

izzyflusky

Polar Girl wrote: »

I think it is so funny to see people who are getting their parents to pay for half of their wedding getting on their high horses!

Anyway We are having a small enough wedding, 90 guests, leaving out a lot of extras but spending a bit on food. A lot of my family and friends have asked what would I like, cash or presents. I have said well look whatever you want, we will appreciate anything but we have the house and everything we need so cash would be more practical. I see nothing wrong with saying this.

We will not be in debt for the wedding as we are both working. If someone turned up with no gift I probably wouldn't really think much of it either way, if they were well off I would think of them as scabby but if they weren't well off I wouldn't think anything of it.
I think some people are being dishonest saying oh I never wanted gifts and never thought about money. I will be totally honest and say that while obviously our friends and family being there means everything. We have wondered will we get many cash gifts and I think most people do. We are human and we do think these things.

I would never go to a wedding, birthday party, barbeque without giving something. Why would anyone go to a wedding and give nothing? Sorry but that is tight especially if you see a girl with hair, make up done and a brand new dress yet they give no present. Come on people own up- that would piss you off!!

Also for anyone who has their daddys pay for most of their wedding - isn't it easy to climb on on that very high horse of yours and bleat about we only want peoples presence- of course that is all you want- sure you hardly have to pay anything for your wedding yourself!

I get what you are saying, but tbh (and I don't mean it in a bad way) it sounds like you begrudge people that get help with the costs of their wedding. Also, I don't think you should assume that they don't mean what they say about just wanting people's presence on the day.

I know it's only natural to think whether you'll receive presents or not, but you have to understand that these type of questions also get to people. There is so many people out there that expect for their guests to pay for a party the couple chose to have that their reaction is understandable.

hunnymonster

AARRRRGH wrote: »

We used to give cash. We dont anymore. Too many people asked for cash and that annoyed me. Now its clocks, crystal or art for wedding presents.

Do you not think it's a bit strange to give a couple a gift that is probably unsuitable for them?

beegirl

Polar Girl wrote: »

No need to get so upset.

aviendha wrote: »

woooh there, a little bit on the sensitive side there!!!

You are both dead right, I don't know why I would let idiots on the internet upset me... that is just a general comment, not aimed at anyone in particular

By the way I never said that there was anything wrong with wondering whether you might get cash gifts, it is probably realistic that a lot of people will give cash - all I said was, don't invite people just for this reason. And certainly don't count on getting 'x' amount of cash, not these days anyway.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

We used to give cash. We dont anymore. Too many people asked for cash and that annoyed me. Now its clocks, crystal or art for wedding presents.

That sounds like you're trying to punish people- "You naughty wedding couple, asking for money- just for that, you're getting a clock!"
Only in Ireland could a gift turn into a punishment, haha.

AARRRRGH

whatdoicare wrote: »

That sounds like you're trying to punish people- "You naughty wedding couple, asking for money- just for that, you're getting a clock!"
Only in Ireland could a gift turn into a punishment, haha.

Good point.
Exactly LOL.
It always annoys me when people ASK you for something that you are supposed to want to GIFT them.
It makes it seem like a price of going to the wedding.
(I also give to charity, but wont give to chuggers or anyone calling to the door, because they are making feel like its not my choice to give, that i have to be pressured. I will seek out the charity i want to give to)

Ive been thinking about it though today. Going to a wedding in a few weeks and they asked for money again.
I think now i'll get them a gift to a charity. eg i'll buy some goats for someone in Africa through Bothar.ie and put their name on it and give them the receipt.
So now I am punishing them for being greedy, but helping someone else with it too.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

Good point.

Ive been thinking about it though today. Going to a wedding in a few weeks and they asked for money again.
I think now i'll get them a gift to a charity. eg i'll buy some goats for someone in Africa through Bothar.ie and put their name on it and give them the receipt.
So now I am punishing them for being greedy, but helping someone else with it too.

Uuuummmmm....I wasn't really encouraging it, TBH, I was kinda hoping you'd go the other way.
Why bother buying them anything at all? What I mean is, why do you feel you must give a gift and how did that lead to "I feel I am being forced to give something, so I'll punish people for making me"?
Would you not be better off just not giving anything?

You may have missed the point of gifting at weddings- the general idea is to help the couple start out in life.
The best gift I could give a couple, as I see it, is to help them start off their married life a little less in debt.

But then again, I'm a practical person.

gstar

im going to wedding in a month or so, in the past i would have given cash no problem, but money aint what it used to be and the fact that im going as a single person i feel that if i gave cash it would stick out like a sore thumb.

my firends who are also going are giving cash, all of whom are in couples which looks a little better. I was a little bit concerned as there was no mention of the gift policy they were adopting on the invite, i know that the married couple to be have had their home for a few years so i can understand that they would have things such as the toasters/rugs/coffee tables etc already. if im totally honest attending the wedding is costing a lot of money for both me and for them to have me there, but having said that, its their choice where to get married be it a castle or a local hotel, i would hope that they are not expecting cash gifts because i have bought them a present - i got a nice Le Crueset set which i think will last them a lifetime, but thats all i can afford. i hope they happy with it but its all i can afford to give at the moment. but you know what if u dont mention from the outset what your gift expectations/policy is going to be, then you honestly have to be prepared to get stuff you dont want!

regarding wether or not people should be asking for or expecting cash, i think this can be done in a tactful way. i was at a wedding last year, and the couple said that as they didnt have a home together yet and didnt know when they would have their own permanent place, that they preferred cash, but only under strict instructions that there was no names on the envelope so that people wouldnt feel like they were obliged to give a certain amount - they just give what they wanted and you knew it was never going to be a competitive thing when they time came to count the takings if you pardon the pun, at the end of the day.

i think vouchers are a good idea i.e. one4all or some such, as it means that the couple will spend it on something for themselves (something they have chosen more importantly) rather than just possibly paying off the loan they took out for the wedding ! other option is that if people are going on honeymoon and you know where they are going you could buy dollars or local currency for them, that way its doesnt look so obvious that someone only gave €35 euro or whatever they could afford.

AARRRRGH

whatdoicare wrote: »

What I mean is, why do you feel you must give a gift and how did that lead to "I feel I am being forced to give something, so I'll punish people for making me"?

Have you read the thread.
Started by someone getting married. Looking to work out how much they would EARN from their guests.
And then full of posts about wedding invitations asking for cash.

Now maybe im wrong, but getting married used to be about having your friends celebrate your marraige and not about how much they would give you.

I will give cash to couple who dont ask me for cash for going to their wedding. If they are polite to me, the gesture will be returned.
Its a GIFT from me, not a ticket for your wedding.

What would stop all this money grabbing is that if it became customary that nobody gave cash anymore for a wedding present. Then you'd see who really wanted you at their wedding.

Im getting married this year and we are requesting that any gifts go to charity (a friend did this before, it was a great idea). People already pay enough just to come to a wedding ... clothes, transport, travel, hotel. It adds up. Im not asking them for anymore. Its my choice to ask them to the wedding without trying to extract cash from them.

Toots

There's a difference between being asked 'what would you like for a present?' and a couple replying that they'd prefer cash, and a couple who tell their guests that they want cash before the guests even get a chance to ask what they'd like. I totally agree with what Iguana says here:

I don't think anybody thinks there is anything wrong with saying you'd prefer cash after you've been asked. It's when you make the request for cash as an assumption that you will be getting gifts that it's considered rude. Of course you will be getting gifts, you know it, your guests know it. But a gift is meant to be something you are given at the givers discretion, it's what gift means. Asking for a gift before one has been offered is the act of a spoiled child. And spending those gifts before you get them is very foolish.

Call me old fashioned, but I think it's rude to just assume everyone is going to get you a gift of a certain value (lets face it, I doubt anyone is gonna stick a €20 note in a card) so if you ask for cash, most guests will feel that they'll need to give at least €50 (most would probably give more). If a couple were to invite me to their wedding and say 'cash gifts only' (paraphrasing here btw) I'd still give them the cash, not going to deliberately go out and get them one thing when I know they want something else. But it would leave a bit of a bad taste in my mouth.

whatdoicare

AARRRRGH wrote: »

Now maybe im wrong, but getting married used to be about having your friends celebrate your marraige and not about how much they would give you.

I will give cash to couple who dont ask me for cash for going to their wedding. If they are polite to me, the gesture will be returned.
Its a GIFT from me, not a ticket for your wedding.

What would stop all this money grabbing is that if it became customary that nobody gave cash anymore for a wedding present. Then you'd see who really wanted you at their wedding.

Im getting married this year and we are requesting that any gifts go to charity (a friend did this before, it was a great idea). People already pay enough just to come to a wedding ... clothes, transport, travel, hotel. It adds up. Im not asking them for anymore. Its my choice to ask them to the wedding without trying to extract cash from them.

I can't speak for anyone else but I had enough trouble just getting my family and close friends to fit onto the wedding list. I didn't think about who were gonna give what and in what abundance. I was just concerned about making sure noone got left out and that my folks and the OH folks got to invite who they wanted (my mom has what my dad is calling a "subs bench" a whole page of her pals she wants to invite but can't 'coz I capped the numbers).

I don't know any wedding couple that did any different to me.

Noone has ever made money from their wedding- maybe they broke even, if they were very lucky. I'm just hoping that everyone has a great time and my dress fits!
Any useless gifts are going in the attic.

Tootle

I think expecting money is vulgar. I would rather give a voucher if it came to it. If you can't afford to have a wedding with everyone at it then don't have a big wedding. Do not expect the guests to pay for it. Its such a huge expense for people to even attend the wedding without even counting the present and people these days are strapped for cash.
Why would you put extra financial pressure on people you consider friends? Why not get married with your immediate family only and then when you can afford it, throw a party. I'm sure it would half the cost.

Thats my tuppence worth!:o

Heineken Helen

Cincikchick wrote: »

your own horse is no pony!

Having close friends and family offer to pay for things in advance is IMO different to expecting general guests to pay for your day.
Most parents and family will give as much as they can afford, and generally they will give this to you in advance of the day because that is practical. I think most people's objection is for couples to assume that the rest (or most) of the other expenses will be paid for by the rest of the guests. A risky strategy as you never know how much or what others will give....at least family generally tell you exactly what they are giving/paying for so no nasty shocks (would be a bit of a pisser if granny said she'd pay for the flowers and then gave you a candlestick on the day instead! )

Agreed... our parents are helping out... when we got engaged, we were going to get married on whatever we could afford... but we were able to lift our budget then. We will not be getting any loan or relying on gifts to pay for anything as it will all be paid in advance.

HOWEVER... I'm lucky that I know my friends well enough to personally say to each of them 'our preference is cash but, if you have a gift in mind, we would absolutely love it' cos I have the kinda friends who would most likely ask which we'd prefer. If they DON'T ask, we'll leave it to their better judgment. If they can't afford anything, I'd rather they came and gave us nothing than didn't come cos they couldn't afford it. But I'd rather start married life with a nice cash injection than a loada silverware

but that's just me?

In saying that... if somebody CHOSE to give me a wine glass worth £150, I'd love it! Every glass of wine out of that would remind me of my wedding... not make me think 'I coulda put this on my mortgage'. Any gift somebody wants to get me, even if it's only worth 20, would be more than welcome. Even if someone wanted to make something for us, I'd appreciate the time gone into it.

I'd love to know the ages of people posting though. I'm 29 and I would imagine most people my age expect to GIVE money! Older people probably expect to give gifts though as that was what their generation needed and wanted.

Sabrielle

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

whatdoicare

Sabrielle wrote: »

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

Same here, two this year and one after christmas , I think if a couple expects you to go into expense to see them get married, then they shouldn't expect a gift really. Bit over the top.

tatli_lokma

Sabrielle wrote: »

I am going to two weddings this year. Both weddings involve weekend hen parties, two night hotel stays and parties both the night before and day after the wedding. I think this puts huge pressure on guests and I've estimated that each wedding is going to cost 800 euro to go to and thats before a gift. Thats 1600 euro on weddings this year (different outfits have to be got because of overlap of wedding parties)

I appreciate your point, and some couples do make things expensive to be involved in the whole thing, hens etc....but....
you don't HAVE to go to the hens. YOu don't HAVE to stay two nights in the hotel. Perhaps if more people pointed out they would love to go to all of that, but simply can't afford it, the couple might realise they are expecting a lot. In fairness, if no one says this, then the couple think, but sure no one minds and continue to live in their little bubble.

Also, there is no pressure on you to have a different outfit for every wedding other than the pressure you put on yourself. Ask youself this - do you remember many outfits others wore at other weddings? Other than the bride and bridal party, no one is going to pay that much attention to your attire (unless you arrive in a tracksuit!lol) We all like to look our best and impress, but honestly putting pressure on yourself like that is silly. And no one likes an excuse to get a new outfit more than me but if it was putting me under financial pressure then I would just have to accept its not an option. Push comes to shove, get something that can be dressed up with different colour shoes and bag for each wedding....
truth be known I bought a dress for a wedding recently and on the day the zip broke. I had nothing else but the dress I brought for dinner the next night (which was from dunnes or somewhere similar if I remember correctly).....I ran into town bought a belt and shoes in Penny's, a fancy broche and flower for my hair. Several people commented on how nice I looked.

Anyway, got the zip in dress number 1 fixed and two months later wore that to a wedding. Whilst no one said i looked pants, not half as many people commented on my outfit and it cost 10 times more than the other one!

All my waffling aside, the point I am making is that you cannot be bullied or pressured into feeling that you MUST spend money you don't have to go to a wedding. Most normal people would prefer that you forgo the unneccessary expenses and save your money for the main event - if it were me that would be my preference. Its a shame to have to miss the hens or not stay the second night and miss out, but if you can't afford it you can't afford it. If you stay anyway, then you can't really blame anyone else. And like I say, maybe if a few people said thanks, but I can't afford it, the B&G might realise that their first choices are not very accessible to the people they care about. If it were me I'd rather have a my piss up (sorry, hen!) at home with all my mates than a weekend away with a smaller group.... but maybe thats just me??

iguana

Cincikchick wrote: »

Also, there is no pressure on you to have a different outfit for every wedding other than the pressure you put on yourself. Ask youself this - do you remember many outfits others wore at other weddings?

What I do is I have a selection of wedding suitable dresses that I've bought in secondhand shops or ebay for a pittance. Then when someone is getting married all I do is pick the most suitable one. If the person getting married is someone from a group where I haven't been to a wedding yet I have a free choice. If it's a family wedding I just remove any I've worn for recent family weddings and then pick, and so on for different friend groups. It takes all of the dress hassle away and means that all of the dresses get a good few wears.

jkeane234

I reckon a lot of people are talking bull saying they'd be happy with an empty card. If somebody showed up at any of my parties a few times in a row without a few drinks or a few burgers for the bbq, he wouldn't be invited again, if somebody slipped out on a round of drinks at the bar frequently, I wouldn't buy him another. Somebody showing up at any party & not contributing isn't a friend, he's a user.
Same thing with a wedding, the couple have forked out a minimum of €60 a head for meals, drinks & entertainment & if you feel you can't contribute, then you can at least cut the costs for the couple by not showing up. If you are very close to the couple & really don't have any spare few pounds, they'll understand & be glad you managed to attend but that's not a get out clause for the majority of people who are just feeling a bit mean.
If somebody feels the need to spite a couple by bringing a photo frame, they really shouldn't be going anywhere social & definitely not to a wedding.

We always give €150 as a couple, a bit more if we are close to them, this covers the day & gives them a small few pounds towards their new life together, & hopefully they will do the same for me.

amdublin

jkeane234 wrote: »

I reckon a lot of people are talking bull saying they'd be happy with an empty card. If somebody showed up at any of my parties a few times in a row without a few drinks or a few burgers for the bbq, he wouldn't be invited again, if somebody slipped out on a round of drinks at the bar frequently, I wouldn't buy him another. Somebody showing up at any party & not contributing isn't a friend, he's a user.
Same thing with a wedding, the couple have forked out a minimum of €60 a head for meals, drinks & entertainment & if you feel you can't contribute, then you can at least cut the costs for the couple by not showing up. If you are very close to the couple & really don't have any spare few pounds, they'll understand & be glad you managed to attend but that's not a get out clause for the majority of people who are just feeling a bit mean.
If somebody feels the need to spite a couple by bringing a photo frame, they really shouldn't be going anywhere social & definitely not to a wedding.

We always give €150 as a couple, a bit more if we are close to them, this covers the day & gives them a small few pounds towards their new life together, & hopefully they will do the same for me.

What is wrong with a lovely photo frame as a gift

Were you taught any manners at all when you growing up - anything about it is the thought that counts??

As for the meal costing €60 per head....this was the couples choice to throw a party at this cost. Do you generally throw parties, invite people and expect your guests to pay for it?

I give a gift that will help people on their married life together - not to pay for the party they decided to throw.

At the end of the day at my wedding I wanted people's prescence NOT their presents.

jkeane234

Thats it, your off the invite list. No comebacks. So there

LeeHoffmann

Getting married next year. Wouldn't care about or expect gifts or money as I see these as extra and it would embarrass me to talk about them! However, we are planning to go travelling for probably a year after we get married so we're trying to limit (and get rid of) the stuff we've accumulated. So, just because of that, it's occurred to me that it would be extremely inconvenient to get loads of physical wedding gifts - ornaments, photo frames, toasters, what have you - as we will have nowhere to store them. I don't want to bring up the subject of gifts at all at all at all (I don't understand why anyone would do this voluntarily) so I'm wondering how to handle it. Maybe we should tell people to make a charitable donation if they feel they want to give gifts. Maybe we can ask close family/close friends to sort out some aspect of the wedding for us as a gift - e.g. somebody could arrange and pay for flowers. Maybe something like this could be an option for anyone else in a similar boat

Evonatron

Just jumping in on this thread as I have had 3 weddings this year.

All there were work friends of my OH. We gave the 1st wedding this year e150 and felt really bad about it as I would liked to have given more, but we did have a long drive to the wedding and had to stay over the night in the hotel.

The 2nd wedding we gave e150, I didnt feel so bad this time as it was really all we could afford and we didnt have to stay over in the hotel.

The 3rd wedding we gave e100 and I was happy that we were able to give something, we werent staying in the hotel and were able to head home after.

I wore the same black dress that I got in a sale in Debenhams, 3 different wedding parties so I was lucky and OH just changes his tie or shirt.

The biggest issue I think people have to contend with are the words "have to". You have to give e250 as a present that's the norm, you have to get a new dress, get your hair done, have a spray tan. You have to book in just so you can spend an extra hour or two spending more money in the residents bar. A friend of mine follows all these "have to's". She would not even comtemplate going to a wedding if she couldnt hit the above criteria. Where has it landed her? 5k in debt with a credit card, a maxed Debehams card and a hefty bill from Littlewoods.

You dont have to anything. I am planning my wedding now for 2013. I want to have a brilliant time and celebrate will all my close friends and family. I will be booking a hotel close to the city centre so its easily accessible, ensuring cheap room rates and throwing a great party. I am inviting people who we see and interact with on a regular basis, which is about 100 incl family and bridal party. I want all these people to go and have a great time and remember a brilliant wedding, I do not want them dreading it worrying about money problems and not bring able to pay bills. I wont be expecting money from them, if we get it then great but I am having a small wedding with the people I love that I can afford without depending on money presents.

Whoa bit of a rant there, just taking deep breath......