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Embarrassing (Amusing) 'First Date' Experiences

TheScribbler

This is a topic to which all Boards enthusiasts can relate. We have all gone out on a first date or 'firstish' date where we have tried to impress but where disaster struck and we wished we could have been catapulted to another dimension to hide our mortification. Well this is your big chance to tell all. It is your opportunity to engage in Boards therapy and to share your story with fellow sufferers, and give us all a few laughs.

I will kick start the process with a cringe story of my own. Many years ago I took a girl out for a meal with friends. Having had an enjoyable evening I took her home via a romantic route in my car and stopped on the way back. On stopping, having had too much liquid on board I excused myself and exited the car but not wishing to be seen relieving myself I stepped further into the grass verge than was expedient in the dark only to tumble head over heels down an embankment while in full flow. I finally re-emerged after some minutes covered in nettle stings and bramble thorns with one trouser leg missing and the bare bit encased in a cow pat. My date burst out laughing and was still in hysterics as she entered her front door 'unaccompanied.' We didn't date again.

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sunnyjim

sbsquarepants wrote: »

I had agreed to meet this girl for a drink, nothing too romantic or anything, on a particular sunday, went to a friends wedding on the friday before and me being me, forgot when to stop. Woke up monday morning still in my wedding clothes (shoes and all) and thought ****, i've stood that poor girl up so i rang her early that morning to apologise for missing our "date" and cited a terrible string of coincidences that kept me away and also rendered me phoneless, only to be informed that i had indeed turned up, mumbled incoherently for about an hour and then just up and walked out and promptly went head first into a bush! Thankfully she saw the funny side and (after pulling me out of the bush) put me in a taxi and sent me home, alone needless to say! But, nearly 5 years later she's still there, blabbering on endlessly to whoever will listen about what a great first date we had.:D

Bahahahahaa! That has made my day! She must be a good catcch if she put up with that, fair play to her

brummytom

TheScribbler wrote: »

This is a topic to which all Boards enthusiasts can relate.

Is it?

Monkey61

First date with my lovely ex-girlfriend involved lots and lots of wine. She threw up on me and then fell over and smashed her face off a wall. She then threw up in my bed.

We discovered later that she had lost her bag. Just as well that we got on like a house on fire, because her housemates were away for Christmas so she had to stay with me for 3 days until she could get her friend to send her down a spare set of keys.

I thought it was all hilarious. Embarrassing for her though as she had to go to work the next day (when they all knew she had been out on a date the previous night) dying of a hangover, in filthy clothes with a black eye and a big cut on her face.

A different first date at a girl's friend's birthday party, involved me drinking on medication that you really aren't supposed to drink on, making a general drunken nuisance of myself and completely blacking out. I sobered up moderately to find myself alone in a nightclub. I found the girl in question "chatting up" (ie. politely talking to) someone else and proceeded to lecture her about messing me around and not bothering to talk to me all night.

All well and good until the next day when the magic of facebook photos revealed that the person she had been talking to was in fact her best friend; not a rival. And I had indeed spent a lot of time in her presence that night - generally grabbing on to her with a messy drunken leer on my face, whilst her and her seemingly sober friends look repelled by my very existence.

Needless to say that was the last date. I was told months later that I had been so repellent that night, that despite earlier promise, she just couldn't bring herself to look at me in the same light again. I of course apologised again and told her that I didn't remember much. "It's probably best that you don't" she replied...ouch

sbsquarepants

sunnyjim wrote: »

Bahahahahaa! That has made my day! She must be a good catcch if she put up with that, fair play to her

Yeah, she's a keeper i rekon!

petethebrick

DazMarz wrote: »

This happened in a very nice restaurant and I was having dinner (though not technically a 'date') with a girl I had fancied for a long time. I had scrubbed up a good bit for this, as I wanted to make a good impression, as you do.

Was wearing a new blazer/jacket, new shirt, slacks and so on.

Needed to relieve myself about halfway through dinner, so I went to the gents. After using the urinal, the zipper on the slacks was a bit stubborn in closing, so after a bit of wrenching, it finally snaked shut... right over a protruding piece of my new shirt.

Cue much swearing and cursing and jiggling of the zip. Take off jacket as I'm getting quite hot and stressed at this ''f*cking, c*nting, b*starding zip''.:mad: I try to pull the zip up to the top and then back down.

Eventually the little metal bit/grip on the zip flies off... and my fist goes flying into my own forehead, sending me sprawling all over the wet, piss-covered floor. In my new clothes, now destroyed and me semi-conscious.

Date ended rather rapidly after that....:(

Sounds like a classy restaurant if the floor of the toilets was all covered in piss! :pac::pac::pac:

sbsquarepants

petethebrick wrote: »

Sounds like a classy restaurant if the floor of the toilets was all covered in piss! :pac::pac::pac:

Sounds like a certain well known kebab chain to me, i've never seen the floor clean, not once. It's like they actually empty a bucket of piss on it every hour or so. Classy!!

ChemOC

First date with a girl we said "sheep" but with a bit of a lisp. I look at her confused because she had been talking fine up untill then. I ask her why she was talking with a lisp, I thought she was making a joke or something. She says "thats because I have a bit of a lisp". Oh dears!!!! Embarrassment City

Wompa1

I've got a good one! Wasn't a first date but I went out with a girl who didn't tell me she had a blood disorder which means she can have episodes. She wasn't drunk or anything and went into the bathroom. About 10 minutes later I see a bouncer dragging her ass out of the toilet and they leave her outside.

I went outside and sat her down..she couldn't talk and her eyes were all over the place. It was as though she was very very drunk. She couldn't tell me where she lived so I had to bring her back to my place. So I put her into my bed and slept with her(No Funny business though)....anyway I woke up around 8am...feeling very warm...she had pissed all over me!!..She seemed better when we got to mine was making some conversation...didn't expect that in a million years

stovelid

homerun_homer wrote: »

A few of us were briefly introduced to a friend of a friend one night and the next day the friend told me the girl wanted my number so I told her to pass it on. We exchange a few txts and meet the next week.

We meet in front of BT in Limerick and begin a walk to a nearby pub and she says to me "I thought you wore glasses?".

When we were all introduced the week before my other friend had glasses on.

She insisted she asked for the right person but I didn't believe her. It fizzled out after one more meet up.

Why didn't you just wear a pair of glasses on the second date in order to get your hole?

Lux23

I have never had a good first date. Most people I have ended up going it with have been friends of friends who I may have hung around with for a while and hey presto we are an item. To be honest when people ask me out on a date the nerves kill me so I end up acting like a complete knob.

NOGMaxpower

Went out to dinner with a friends girl friends friend (we hit it off in a club one night), nothing too fancy. Anyhoo we were getting on great, exchanging stories, funny times, holidays, travel etc etc when after 15 mins (just finished the starters) she says "no i dont agree with that". We were talking about how it sucks that Irish isn't spoken in Ireland. She didn't agree it was because of British rule... (go figure?). Cool no worries I said and tried to move onto the nex topic. But no she wasn't having it, before i knew it she was standing up in the packed Mao's screaming abuse at me. Saying Im a racist b'tard, typical bloke who doesn't know how to treat a lady amongst many more abusive language.

Embarrassed to say the least I tried to calm her down. Explaining nothing had happend its ok we were just talking there's no need to make a scene. NOpe still more abuse "do you think I am mad and making it up you abused me!!" Enough was enough I said "ok lets call it quits its not working out" at this our mains arrive. I said to the waiter look we're off sorry for the scene I'll pay at the dooor......"no you wont we'll split the bill im not some scabby biatch....." I / we pay for the uneaten meal and leave.... or i try to leave.

Ya see I didn't drive and was a few miles from home. She insisted on giving me a lift in that kind of psycho way. I said feck it if she attacks me I'll knock her out whats the worst that could happen. 2 mins in the car and nothing but silence (felt like 20). She turns and says "im sorry I suffer from depression and I didn't mean to have an outburst like that. I really like you but I flipped out I hoep you can understand". Yeh yeh I said its ok ya know dont worry about (nervous and starting to get afraid). "no!!!" she insists "I'd really liek to give another date a go, what do you think?"... fearing she has a tire iron some where close to hand I entertain this and try to be supportive. At this stage she is in full flight tears while driving. I did all that i could to chill her out.... thankfully we made it to my gaff after her balling her eyes out.

We stop outside and I said "thanks for the lift and Im sorry you had such a hard time during dinner, depression is very hard to cope with and I hope she'll be ok driving home".... nothing... silence. Hm ok i think... then she turns to me with fire in her eyes "Just get the F out of my car you pr*ck".

OMG, I got out of the car in a flash and went straight to my mates house to berrate him for setting me up with a nut case!!!

Shivers26

Notice how most of the disasters happen to men - just an observation

Anyway, I had been dating this guy a short while (maybe 6 weeks) and we really liked each other. Still trying to make a good impression stage. He met me one Friday after work and we went for drinks with my work crowd. There was a free wine tasting on and I ended up absolutely occified. In the bathroom with my head in the toilet for 45 mins. He comes in and scrapes me off the floor and takes me home in a taxi. About 5 mins from home I barfed all over him and was made pay the €75 charge in the taxi. He must have found it endearing because we were together for over 4 years after that.

Sleepy

This one's from quite a few years back:

Whilst walking to get a nitelink after a nightclub and absolutely hammered I run into a nice looking girl who's headed the same way as me on her own and end up chatting with her. Tell her I'll make she gets a cab safely or what have you so we wander on chatting away, ask her name twice and forget it both times! Getting on great and we eventually get to the taxi, she insists on sharing (despite being way out of my way) and asks for my phone number to arrange for dinner some time the next week. I give it to her since we're getting on great, drop her home and head home to sleep it off.

Wake up the next morning and get a text from an unknown number. Figure it's the girl I shared the taxi with and text something flirty back. Arrange to meet for drinks some night during the following week and send each other quite a few flirty texts in the run up to the date. Realise on the way in that I can't even remember what the girl looks like at this stage, never mind her name so pretty relieved when she walks up to me where we were supposed to be meeting and is still cute without the beer goggles.

We go for drinks, get on great. She's taking the piss out of me for forgetting her name twice while we were walking back and telling her I'd make sure she got to a taxi safe when I was in no state to be any use to anyone if something kicked off. We end up back at mine, she gets a taxi home in the early hours of the morning,

More texts during the week and meet up for a second date. Half way through she goes to the bathroom leaving her wallet on the table so I seized my opportunity, checked her bank card and finally found out her name!

Dated for a few months after that, are still friends to this day and she still has no idea that I made it the whole way through our first date without knowing her name!

NothingMan

Sleepy wrote: »

Realise on the way in that I can't even remember what the girl looks like at this stage, never mind her name so pretty relieved when she walks up to me where we were supposed to be meeting

I've done that twice. Asked a girl out at a friends 18th and arranged to meet up. I'm waiting outide Stephens Green shopping ctr and my internal dialogue is "Is that her? ooh that could be her.... WOW I hope that's her." After about 10 minutes I get a call and she says she's outside too and I thought "Oh crap, I'm probably after looking at her 10 times" but she was outside the park and I saw her on her phone across the road. Thank god embaressment was somewhat avoided.

Wile E. Coyote

Not a first date but had been seening this girl for a couple of weeks. One night we went back to hers as she told me her parents were away for the weekend and her brother was staying in his girlfriends. Happy Days free house.

Well that was all good till the next morning. She had to go into work for a few hours from 7-11 and told me I could hang around till she came home. Well there was no way I was getting out of bed at that hour on a Sunday morning so I went back to sleep.

I woke up at about 10 o’clock, got dressed and went down stairs to be greeted in the kitchen by her parents and her brother who was sporting a very nice black eye that I had given him the day before playing football.

Needless to say I didn’t hang around till she came home.

D-A-V-E

DazMarz wrote: »

This happened in a very nice restaurant and I was having dinner (though not technically a 'date') with a girl I had fancied for a long time. I had scrubbed up a good bit for this, as I wanted to make a good impression, as you do.

Was wearing a new blazer/jacket, new shirt, slacks and so on.

Needed to relieve myself about halfway through dinner, so I went to the gents. After using the urinal, the zipper on the slacks was a bit stubborn in closing, so after a bit of wrenching, it finally snaked shut... right over a protruding piece of my new shirt.

Cue much swearing and cursing and jiggling of the zip. Take off jacket as I'm getting quite hot and stressed at this ''f*cking, c*nting, b*starding zip''.:mad: I try to pull the zip up to the top and then back down.

Eventually the little metal bit/grip on the zip flies off... and my fist goes flying into my own forehead, sending me sprawling all over the wet, piss-covered floor. In my new clothes, now destroyed and me semi-conscious.

Date ended rather rapidly after that....:(

i find it hard to believe that a posh restaurant would have piss all over the floor? maybe im wrong..

Acoshla

When I was 18 I had been "seeing" one of the lads in our big group of friends for a few weeks (ie drunken kisses in the nightclub) when we decided we'd go out all day Paddy's Day together, a drunken student version of an official first date. Myself and my friend were meeting my Dad for a few drinks at midday and I was meeting the guy at about 2....that was the plan anyways. We ended up spending the day drinking with my Dad and his friends, I kept texting the guy with updated times that I'd meet him, but he didn't realise how much I'd been drinking and he was being good and staying sober to see me. So at about 7pm we finally met up, he was delighted to see me...until he saw the state of me

What had been meant to be our first date as an official couple went like this:

At about 8.30pm I went to jump up onto my friends back, she didn't expect it and we both fell backwards, I hopped the back of my head off a speaker, hair was matted with blood, the guy kept asking me had I blacked out, but I was so drunk I didn't know

So I started crying then because I was scared I had really hurt myself, so he said he'd take me home to his house to sober up before bringing me home.

We got to his house and the wanker makes me go into the sitting room to say hi to his mom, I just remember waving at her, staggering, and she looked at him horrified, he just said "Spadina had a few drinks and a bit of a fall", such a catch wasn't I?? :rolleyes: So then he brought me upstairs to his room to lie down, where I burst out crying and started texting my ex boyfriend telling him I loved him. We went out for a few months after that and all, it should've been a warning to me what a nutjob he was that he stuck around after that! (He became slightly obsessed and scary, but that's another thread!)

Flex

Last two ex-girlfriends I had Ive had the same thing happen to me on our first dates.

With my previous ex, I was out with her and her friends on a night out and was chatting away, then knocked over a vodka and 7Up onto my ex in front of all her friends and drenched her.

Then with my most recent ex I was out with her and she was drinking a big cocktail (Cosmopolitan I think). I knocked it over her and drenched her again. She was in the ladies room drying off for 20 minutes and I was left sitting there in the middle of the bar alone with people all staring at me having heard the commotion and seen how ruined her dress, handbag and jacket was. Got her shoes pretty badly as well. Her arm was so sticky for the rest of the night too.

Fun times

The Saint

Spadina wrote: »

So then he brought me upstairs to his room to lie down, where I burst out crying and started texting my ex boyfriend telling him I loved him. We went out for a few months after that and all, it should've been a warning to me what a nutjob he was that he stuck around after that.

Hahahahaha. I'm sure he says the exact same thing. :rolleyes:

Acoshla

The Saint wrote: »

Hahahahaha. I'm sure he says the exact same thing. :rolleyes:

Yeeeah, fair point on that, but that was my one off of madness, he just got crazier as time went on, trust me!

DazMarz

petethebrick wrote: »

Sounds like a classy restaurant if the floor of the toilets was all covered in piss! :pac::pac::pac:

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Sounds like a certain well known kebab chain to me, i've never seen the floor clean, not once. It's like they actually empty a bucket of piss on it every hour or so. Classy!!

D-A-V-E wrote: »

i find it hard to believe that a posh restaurant would have piss all over the floor? maybe im wrong..

I don't know what it was, but it was a really nice restaurant (was damn pricey enough too; my main course cost like €50). But the toilets were not the best. It was weird.

Was like being back in Italy. Most restaurants there are smashing, but the toilets are filthy for some reason.

But this was an exception, rather than the rule, as most restaurant toilets are spotless. Lucky me, I hit the one that has the lazy cleaner.

Reginald P. DuM

My story is a little embarassing but I am willing to take the hit to tell a funny tale....

Was out with this great gal one night, dinner drinks etc, and all went very well. We got marvellously drunk, her on vodka and myself on JD. So we wobble away home to my place, taking about twice as long as the walk should have taken. Another drink or two with a few tunes and we both pass out on the bed, fully clothed I may add, just completely wasted..

Now when this poster goes into a drunken coma after JD, it is just that, a coma. There is no waking him, whatever exterior or interior forces may try. So the bladder has filled up but the brain aint receiving any signals so the bladder goes ahead and empties itself anyway, there in the bed, beside this totally cool girl.

Few hours later Reg wakes up, not in the best of states and slowly the moistness of the bed reaches his consciousness. Not to mention the smell. She is still passed out, and he hopes beyond hope that it was her mistake and not his. Alas he knows better because the curse of JD had struck once before.

Time to get up and get out of these wet clothes, which of course stirs the young lady. She notices the problem immediately but seems too ill to care, and laughs it off heading for a shower. Her clothes are drenched through obviously, so she borrows a few ill fitting items of his and calls a cab to head home. So the adventure didn't turn out too badly considering, and she promised to call within a few days.

However in a final twist, she called within a few hours. She had left the house with her black, wet trousers rolled up in her hands. At home she got out of the taxi and left the trousers on the floor of the car. So the cab office promised to have the pants for her the next day when she'd call in. They kept the promise only they had the good sense to put them in a plastic bag and make it airtight. Cue loads of sniggers and jeers from drivers when she went in to pick them up.

She came back for more the happy couple lasted for a good many months after this incident. Needless to say JD has never passed the offenders lips again.

fulhamfanincork

I wonder how many of these stories are genuine?

Me thinks people are just looking for thanks.

Spore

What disturbs is the amount of these disasterous dates that ended up in marriage :eek:

iMax

A very close friend of mine (honest) tells two stories...

The first concerns a date with a girl he'd had his eye on for a while. She was the local game show hostess - incredible body, great looks but not a lot going on upstairs... Anyway, they were both 18, he'd just passed his driving test & had his first car (fiesta) & thought he was the business... A date is arranged by a mutual friend of theirs & he goes to pick her up.

Her dad (the local coalman - built like a brick outhouse) answers the door & gives him the once over. A grunt & nod of the head for my friend to follow him into the house... Now the thing about this story is it's way back in 1987. It was fashionable at that time for guys to wear chains (western style) on their boots.. The second my friend steps into the hall his chains catch on the (new looking) carpet. Instantly he realises & stops. The father tells him to go in & sit down that (let's call her "Clare") will be down in a minute.

My friend replies that no, it's ok, he'll wait, no, come on in says the father, Ah no, it's ok, Sure we'll be going in a minute... whith that, clare appears at the top of the stairs, jiggles down them & kisses her dad goodbye, Enjoy says the dad, clare opens the door & steps outside & my friend turns & rips the carpet with his chains... Dad is gone back to watching the wrestling (or whatever) & Clare doesn't notice because she's outside...

They get to town & she picks the movie they're going to see "Steel Magnolias", that's cool, Julia Roberts is in it, she was good in pretty woman... yeah, except in this one she has cancer & dies at 25... total blubfest... Clare is sobbing her heart out, my friend is watching her breasts jiggle as she cries in the cinema, thinking she's gonna be in no mood after this...

They head home & he resorts to the mood music routine because she's still so upset... slides a tape into the alpine (alpine stereo in a frigging fiesta), & it's Chicago..."If You Leave Me Now" starts oozin out of the speakers... SHe starts blubbing again... You OK asks my friend... That's mine & Stevo's song... she replies...

He drops her home, goes in for a smooch & she skips out of the car & runs off into the house, her dad is standing at the door waiting for them because he's discovered his ripped carpet in the meantime. Sees his little girl running down the path crying & starts running out toward my friend, who then panicks, jams the car into first, hits the coal lorry, denting the door of it & then makes good his escape with "the hulk" banging on the roof of the car halfway down the street...

Not the best of dates...

On another first date he sharted (nerves) & had to leave his boxers in the toilets of the pub

pebbles21

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

That_Guy

fulhamfanincork wrote: »

I wonder how many of these stories are genuine?

Me thinks people are just looking for thanks.

I wish mine were fake.

That_Guy

pebbles21 wrote: »

Went on a date with a woman in her mid-forties(i was late thirties),we went for a nice meal which went down really well, followed by a few beers in the pub next door

At the end of the night we were getting on so well together that she asked me back to hers for a "coffee"

On the way to hers in the taxi we started to get a bit lovey dovey and exchanged a few kisses,then she whispered in my ear "do you fancy a mother daughter threesome?"

So shocked an all that i was i still didnt want to turn down a session with a sexy milf and her twentysomething year old daughter so i said "yeah sure no problem"

We got to hers and we entered the house and she told me to sit down there for a second then she shouted upstairs

"MAAA.............your wanted down here"!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZeeELBWkJc

[Deleted User]

Toots* wrote: »

soaking wet, filthy dirty

giggidy

ronnie3585

NOGMaxpower wrote: »

Went out to dinner with a friends girl friends friend (we hit it off in a club one night), nothing too fancy. Anyhoo we were getting on great, exchanging stories, funny times, holidays, travel etc etc when after 15 mins (just finished the starters) she says "no i dont agree with that". We were talking about how it sucks that Irish isn't spoken in Ireland. She didn't agree it was because of British rule... (go figure?). Cool no worries I said and tried to move onto the nex topic. But no she wasn't having it, before i knew it she was standing up in the packed Mao's screaming abuse at me. Saying Im a racist b'tard, typical bloke who doesn't know how to treat a lady amongst many more abusive language.

Embarrassed to say the least I tried to calm her down. Explaining nothing had happend its ok we were just talking there's no need to make a scene. NOpe still more abuse "do you think I am mad and making it up you abused me!!" Enough was enough I said "ok lets call it quits its not working out" at this our mains arrive. I said to the waiter look we're off sorry for the scene I'll pay at the dooor......"no you wont we'll split the bill im not some scabby biatch....." I / we pay for the uneaten meal and leave.... or i try to leave.

Ya see I didn't drive and was a few miles from home. She insisted on giving me a lift in that kind of psycho way. I said feck it if she attacks me I'll knock her out whats the worst that could happen. 2 mins in the car and nothing but silence (felt like 20). She turns and says "im sorry I suffer from depression and I didn't mean to have an outburst like that. I really like you but I flipped out I hoep you can understand". Yeh yeh I said its ok ya know dont worry about (nervous and starting to get afraid). "no!!!" she insists "I'd really liek to give another date a go, what do you think?"... fearing she has a tire iron some where close to hand I entertain this and try to be supportive. At this stage she is in full flight tears while driving. I did all that i could to chill her out.... thankfully we made it to my gaff after her balling her eyes out.

We stop outside and I said "thanks for the lift and Im sorry you had such a hard time during dinner, depression is very hard to cope with and I hope she'll be ok driving home".... nothing... silence. Hm ok i think... then she turns to me with fire in her eyes "Just get the F out of my car you pr*ck".

OMG, I got out of the car in a flash and went straight to my mates house to berrate him for setting me up with a nut case!!!

Made me think of this;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV8tciBFpCI