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Child Item

Put your foot in it

mfceiling

The missus has a mate living in artane.
The other night she was having a coffee in her kitchen with her sister when her sister pipes up with "that girl in the house behind you is walking about totally naked with the curtains wide open" - apparently she was a cracker of a brazilian au pair who had moved in with the neighbours.
His missus goes into the living room to the husband and relays the info to him.
Yer man never lifts his eyes of the tele and replys " sure she's been doing that the last 2 weeks!!"
He gradually went bright red as he realised his sister in law was standing there giving him daggers!! Quality.

Have you ever opened your mouth and uttered something then realised "shít, that should have been on inner monologue"??

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brummytom

To my auntie

"Ugh, I'd rather kill mys..."
/deadly silence

A month after her brother hung himself.

I do it all the time actually, normally about people who've died. Not good

mfceiling

brummytom wrote: »

To my auntie

"Ugh, I'd rather kill mys..."
/deadly silence

A month after her brother hung himself.

I do it all the time actually, normally about people who've died. Not good

Remember when my cousin hung himself a few years back and i stroll into my aunt's house for the wake...met my cousin (deceased's sister) and caught for words says "so how's things with you"?. Could have punched myself in the face for my tactless intro!!:o

admiralofthefleet

i was selling numbered balls in work for a cancer charity. i only had a couple left so i asked one of the more tightfisted customers if he wanted one.
he said no and i said 'come on frank its for a cancer charity'

he tore into me telling me that he cant 'get giggy' with his mot because he only has one bollock after losing one to cancer but i replied 'all i wanted was for you to buy one ball' before realising what i said. i dont know how i held in the laughing but he didnt catch it because he had a few on him, thank god:o

Arcade Panda

When I was younger I used to work in a horseriding place...I worked with a girl called Sarah who was forever fighting with her mother and then repeating what was said back to me.

One day I asked "So you never fight with your father?"

Turns out he had died of cancer two years previoulsy....I caught her in the bathroom crying about an hour later:(

To this day I never ask about people's parents...lesson learnt.

Gummy Panda

I wanna see the naked brazilian au pair

Fear Uladh

mfceiling wrote: »

The missus has a mate living in artane.
The other night she was having a coffee in her kitchen with her sister when her sister pipes up with "that girl in the house behind you is walking about totally naked with the curtains wide open" - apparently she was a cracker of a brazilian au pair who had moved in with the neighbours.
His missus goes into the living room to the husband and relays the info to him.
Yer man never lifts his eyes of the tele and replys " sure she's been doing that the last 2 weeks!!"
He gradually went bright red as he realised his sister in law was standing there giving him daggers!! Quality.

Have you ever opened your mouth and uttered something then realised "shít, that should have been on inner monologue"??

*Grabs binoculars*

Were does she live?

admiralofthefleet

mfceiling wrote: »

Remember when my cousin hung himself a few years back and i stroll into my aunt's house for the wake...met my cousin (deceased's sister) and caught for words says "so how's things with you"?. Could have punched myself in the face for my tactless intro!!:o

just as well you didnt say 'howz it hanging'

Riddle101

I got lucky for this but. A guy from my old school's brother died after he was doing work on the school roof. He slipped and fell from it and died. I had no idea that a)Someone actually died, and b)that the guys brother was in my class. Lucky enough the guy wasn't there to hear it. But I said something(can't remember what it was now), and the whole class looked at me with angry expressions before someone said that's no funny. I realised what happened and of course felt bad for saying what I said.

brummytom

Oh not me, but I've never felt more embarrassed on someone's behalf.

A 'mate' of mine was having a laugh with a girl, then kept saying "Ya Mom, Ya Mom, Ya Mom" in a jokey way over and over.
After he'd said it about the 5th time, he realised what he'd actually said. The girl's mom died last year from leaukaemia.

The lad looked like he was going to cry, he felt so bad. The girl wasn't arsed

_Roz_

I put my foot in it regularly over small things. I know I've done it too with serious things, but I seem to have repressed the memories...

Atavan-Halen

My auntie was shopping in a shop and they were doing a charity thing where you could donate a euro.

Staff: Would you like to donate a euro to charity?
Auntie: What charity is it?
Staff: Children with autism
Auntie: Oh, no thank you

She only realised afterwards that it sounded really mean. She shouldn't have asked what charity it was :P

Novella

A while back in work, a man, in his forties I'm guessing, asked me would I ring another store to check if they had a pair of jeans in a particular size for the girl he was with.

I said it was no problem, went away, made the phone call.

I constantly forget what the customers I am dealing with look like so I walked up to a man and instead of talking about the jeans, as I wasn't sure it was the right man, I said, "Sorry, was I ringing about jeans for your daughter?".

He didn't say anything to me but a while later, I saw him and the girl, aged in her teens, kissing. Guess it wasn't his daughter afterall!!! Everyone thought it was hilarious and now I never know what to say to customers!

Four-Percent

Pulling a blind woman around during the Torchlight procession in Lourdes:

"Isn't that lovely Mary, would you look at that?"

_Roz_

Is it wrong that I'm laughing hysterically at most of these?

brummytom

_Roz_ wrote: »

Is it wrong that I'm laughing hysterically at most of these?

I thought the same

I must have a really evil sense of humour but these are hilarious

Aodan83

Do it fairly often myself as well.
Once in school one of the lads royally put his foot in it though. One of our teachers' wife died a few weeks previously (long term illness I think) and the teacher was singing along to some song, takin the piss out of one the lads. My mate,completely innocently, looks up and says " Do you serenade your wife like that sir?" and goes back to his work. Cue me and everyone who heard it just starin at him. He apologised, but the teacher said he didnt hear what he said, so twas all good. It's funny now, but we all felt so bad at the time.

PirateShampoo

Got caught drunk driving in Crete on a moped (pretty funny at the time), when i came home i told the tale of my adventure to the lads on the job only to be reminded afterwards that a guy who we work with(who was listening) 2 young children had been maimed for life a few months earlier by a drunk driver in the same resort in Crete.

sillyputty

My cousin recently had his foot amputated due to diabetes complications, being the thoughtful relative that i am i got him a get well soon card. Gave him the card expecting a thank you or similar. Instead he just looked at me and laughed - on the inside of the card it said "Hope youre back on youre FEET soon"

Varyn

My aunt died from cancer 3 years ago and the funeral was on christmas eve..she was quite young and also had a young son so needless to say it was a very sombre affair. When I was leaving I was saying goodbye to everyone and I gave my other aunt (her sister) a hug and said "hope you have a good christmas" WTF :eek: I still get embarrassed thinking about it

Big Nasty

If anyone knows the village of Stepaside they're used to be two pubs either side of the road: the very busy Step Inn with a small car park and the very quiet Mountain View House with quite a large car park. It was a regular occurance for customers of the former popular pub to park in the car park of the latter, more quiet pub, especially during Sunday lunch. On one such Sunday afternoon I did just that and as I was about to cross the road an old man wearing a cap tugs out of my arm and asks me 'are you going across the road son?'. Thinking the poor owl divil's sight was impaired I proceeded to help him across the road when he shouts at me, 'I'm not ****in' blind son, I'm the car park attendant!'

Fukuyama

Not me, but to a friend from school. I was like 14 at the time.

I'm bored, sitting at home so I decide to give him a buzz to see if he fancies a game of football or something. I get about four rings in and he cuts me off.

Next day in school he came up to ma and told me what had happened.

He had gone to a funeral (friend of his moms) and they were all standing around the coffin as you do. He's a fan of 80s songs n such so when I rang him "Ah AH ah Ah, Stayin' alive, stayin' alive' blares out of his phone. He's desparatly looking for it in his jacket pockets as the women shoot disgusted stares at him and a few of the men hold back the laughs.

Classic!

Bob_Harris

I let slip to a kid suffering from cerebral palsy that there was no Santy.

Poor kids last few Christmases were not what they should have been.

mud

I was chatting to a friend whose da had just had his leg amputated and due to a stroke would be in a wheelchair forever,

Fairly heavy stuff right? So I tried to cheer her up with a joke,

Had gone to the point of no return when I realised what the **** I was doing!

Telling the Christopher Reeves joke?

As in what's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken :pac:

There was an awful silence as I tried to stop my heart beating; death was preferable to her look of disgust

:eek:

JCDUB

I've been driving around Artane for the last hour and a half hanging out me car window with a pair of binoculars.

Still no Brazilian au pair:mad:

Tommy_NDX

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

i was selling numbered balls in work for a cancer charity. i only had a couple left so i asked one of the more tightfisted customers if he wanted one.
he said no and i said 'come on frank its for a cancer charity'

he tore into me telling me that he cant 'get giggy' with his mot because he only has one bollock after losing one to cancer but i replied 'all i wanted was for you to buy one ball' before realising what i said. i dont know how i held in the laughing but he didnt catch it because he had a few on him, thank god:o

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

just as well you didnt say 'howz it hanging'

Could say the same for you.

The Express

Calling the teacher 'mam' was always a great one!

_Roz_

I called my Art teacher mum once. And my employer, another time.

cloneslad

A former shop owner in my town lost his testicles in a bomb in the 70s.

Anyway, my mate worked with the local milkman and hadtold him a joke in the van while doing deliveries to the houses. The milkman thought it was hilarious and went into the shop where he saw the owner and said to him, and I quote "come here till I tell you a joke...it'll blow the balls of you" :eek:

This is the same guy who, when it was snowing, took a big run up to kick a football covered in snow in one of my friends gardens, turned out the football was actually a concrete ball and he broke his foot in bits!!

brendansmith

Woke up this morning put on one shoe and said to the OH wheres my other shoe?
Says she "Over there!"
So I pit my foot in it.

Boy was my face red :mad:

cloneslad

brendansmith wrote: »

Woke up this morning put on one shoe and said to the OH wheres my other shoe?
Says she "Over there!"
So I pit my foot in it.

Boy was my face red :mad:

I would be too if I PIT my foot in it