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Best one liners in Sport / Entertainment

LizT

So we have best one liners in business / politics, let's try this.

My personal favourite has to be

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad - Brian O'Driscoll

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AnonoBoy

Maradona did some great lines in his day.

chopperbyrne

"The Germans are making a substitution, Kuntz." - Euro 96 (Can't remember which commentator)

soundsham

This is a really lovely horse, I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh ftw

davyjose

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father –Greg Norman

[Deleted User]

"I spent all of my money on birds, booze and fast cars, the rest I just squandered..." - George Best

chopperbyrne

Deleted User wrote: »

I spent all my money on booze, drugs, and women, the rest I squandered. - George Best

It's fast cars isn't it, not drugs?

flahavaj

Interviewer to Kenny Dalglish: "Kenny, can I have a quick word?"

Kenny:" Velocity."

Think it was Dalglish anyway, may have been Gordon Strachan.

rednik

For those watching in black and white the pink is next to the green. Whispering Ted Lowe.

rednik

flahavaj wrote: »

Interviewer to Kenny Dalglish: "Kenny, can I have a quick word?"

Kenny:" Velocity."

Think it was Dalglish anyway, may have been Gordon Strachan.

Goes back even further, it was Martin Buchan.

orestes

flahavaj wrote: »

Interviewer to Kenny Dalglish: "Kenny, can I have a quick word?"

Kenny:" Velocity."

Think it was Dalglish anyway, may have been Gordon Strachan.

That was Strachan, he has some awesome ones from messing about with interviers.

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

And my personal favourite:

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...

admiralofthefleet

shove it up yer bollox - roy keane

tallus

Celtic got beaten by Caledonian Thistle in the Scottish cup.

The headline went

Super Cala go Balistic, Celtic are attrocious!

Classic!

chopperbyrne

Strachan definitely said it too then.

Another Strachan gem is this one:

Interviewer - "So Gordon, what area were Southampton outplayed today."

Strachan - "What area? That big green one out there!"

Edit: Orestes beat me to it.

[Deleted User]

"Hes not a great player, But he's a world class player"

Happynappy

flahavaj wrote: »

Interviewer to Kenny Dalglish: "Kenny, can I have a quick word?"

Kenny:" Velocity."

Think it was Dalglish anyway, may have been Gordon Strachan.

It was Strachan.

Also
Interviewer: In what areas were the opposition better than you
Strachan : What areas? The big green one out there

enner43

"Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch." – George Hamilton

"The problem is, Bill, that the kids nowadays have got personal stereos and higher education." – John Giles

"I've had to come out of the dressing room because I don't want to get too excited." – Bobby Robson

Happynappy

chopperbyrne wrote: »

Strachan definitely said it too then.

Another Strachan gem is this one:

Interviewer - "So Gordon, what are were Southampton outplayed today."

Strachan - "What area? That big green one out there!"

beat me to it

Ulysses Gaze

"I can't even spell spaghetti never mind talk Italian. How could I tell an Italian to get the ball - he might grab mine."

Brian Clough

"Rome wasn't built in a day. But I wasn't on that particuar job."

Brian Clough

"Anybody who can do anything in Leicester but make a jumper has got to be a genius."

Brian Clough on Martin O'Neill's success.

"If God had wanted us to play football in the clouds, he'd have put grass up there."

Brian Clough

"I wouldn't say I was the best manager in the business. But I was in the top one."

Brian Clough

orestes

Deleted User wrote: »

"Hes not a great player, But he's a world class player"

Happynappy wrote: »

It was Strachan.

Also
Interviewer: In what areas were the opposition better than you
Strachan : What areas? The big green one out there

Triple-snap! \o/

Ulysses Gaze

"You need poverty and dictatorship to produce great footballers."

Eamonn Dunphy

Crow71

"We lost because we didnt win"- Ronaldo (Brazilian one)

tallus

Football is not a matter of life and death.

It's More important than that.

The Great Bill Shankly

Sharpshooter

Robin Williams:

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

My name is URL

"And there it is, the international symbol of peace – the pigeon!"

Happynappy

" He's pulling his captain off" - George(shut up George, you'll banjax it for us) Hamilton after Michele was substituted for Spain at Landsdowne road

tallus

Happynappy wrote: »

" He's pulling his captain off" - George(shut up George, you'll banjax it for us) Hamilton after Michele was substituted for Spain at Landsdowne road

I remember that game

Ulysses Gaze

Kiwi rugby commentator Murray Mexted has a few:

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."
"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."
"I haven't had a knee operation on any other part of my body."
"Its all tied up at 14-13"
"Andy Ellis - the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago"
"He scored that try after only 22 seconds - totally against the run of play."
"As you know, I've been pumping Marty Leslie for a couple of years now."
"Paul Tito looked like a blind man in a brothel, just left groping"
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."

chopperbyrne

"The Australians looking good too in their bright canary yellow.."

"Canary Yellow? Thats Australian gold my friend and don't you ****ing forget it!"

kenon

"Kilbane's head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg." - Eamonn Dunphy.

mahamageehad

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motering well now... but here comes Joe Rabitte hot on his tail..... I've seen it all now a Rabbitte chasing a Fox
around Croke Park." (Michael O Muircheartaigh)

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball" (Michael O Muircheartaigh)

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50... he's on the 40.... he's on the 30..... he's on the ground!!" (Michael O Muircheartaigh)

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" (Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)

"Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter)