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Child Item

Is it necessary for a man to be present at his childs birth?

Pighead

Was in the drawing room sipping brandy with some friends the other night when the subject of childbirth came up. Alice was banging on about how wonderful an occasion it was and how every man should be with their wife as she's about to pop, so they can experience the true miracle of life and to give their loved one encouragement and support.

Pighead told Alice he had no great desire to be in the delivery room and would probably wait outside and watch a bit of telly or have a snooze on a trolley. She was disgusted and called Pighead an inconsiderate oaf and questioned his abilities as a husband/boyfriend/father. Had her escorted off the premises before retiring to the thinking room to have a think about what had just transpired.

What purpose does attending the birth of your child achieve? The mother of your baby is in pain and you can do absolutely nothing about it except stand there and weakly say something like "Don't worry honey, it'll all be worth it". Ok for some men it's nice to see their newborns first breath in this crazy world but surely it's not a necessity.

It's far more important for the mother of the child to be in the delivery room!

Do you plan on being their to see your baby's first gasps of air upon being released into the world?

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Mr. Presentable

Not necessarily, though it's nice if the Dad is there at conception.

Pighead

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Childbirth is a natural thing. What reason could the father have for not wanting to be there? He's witnessing the birth of his own child.

He's also witnessing blood, guts and nightmarish scenes of his loved one screaming as if she's just been pricked by three thousand cocktail sticks in that delicate little area just under the toenails.

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Yes, there's going to be blood and screaming, but it's nothing worse than the likes of '2 girls, 1 cup' - if you can stomach that, you can stomach anything.

Why should Pighead have to stomach it though? Why not grab a bite to eat and come back when the mess has been cleared up?

pikachucheeks wrote: »

It doesn't matter whether the woman's oblivious to the dad being there. If she's asked him to be there, he'll be there, to respect what she wants.
If you were lying in a hospital bed, in pain, you'd want someone you loved there to support you.

Yeah but Pighead wouldn't expect them to be in teh operating theatre when he's getting himself fixed up. A visit from Miss Piggy before and after the operation would do just fine.

K4t

Agreed^ However, if I 'loved' the girl, I would be there throughout the whole procedure.

pikachucheeks

Pighead wrote: »

Why should Pighead have to stomach it though? Why not grab a bite to eat and come back when the mess has been cleared up?

Because you're the father of the woman's child. If she wants you to be in the room with her, holding her hand, supporting her, while she gives birth to YOUR child, how can you even argue against that?

If you prioritise eating above your partner's wishes, then you should really be questioning whether or not you're ready to be a father - that role requires putting someone else's needs before your own, the majority of the time.

The Big Red Button

I'd want him there for the labour, but not for the birth itself.

From what I hear, birth is an icky icky process - at least the professionals there would know what to expect and be used to the ickiness - whereas the father would think that I was just some kind of grotesque monster!!!!

Seriously though, men are used to seeing births on TV, where there's a little bit of delicate huffing and puffing, "Ooh my, that was a sore one", and all of a sudden a perfect pink unslimy little baby pops out smiling, and the mother's tummy immediately returns to its former washboard state. Of course there's never any messy afterbirth or anything to deal with.

I've never been through the real thing myself, but from I hear it's not quite like that, and if I was giving birth I'd want to just grit my teeth and do what had to be done without having to worry about how I look or how my partner feels or whether he will view me differently afterwards! It's nothing personal towards the father, and I know he shouldn't view me differently after - but I'd rather just have one less thing to worry about.

Agree with what pikachucheeks said though - if the mother wants him to be there, of course he should be - I just don't think it's what I'd like for myself!

Wibbs

Stark wrote: »

Nope, only at conception.

I mean if a man is to continue to think of his wife in a sexy way, he does not need to see her spread eagled with his first born child being squeezed through her special area.

Have to say I'm more on this side of things. It's a pretty recent thing to have the guy there and very very few cultures have thought it a good thing. I agree with them.

I also don't like the pressure I've seen been put on fathers to be to attend. I can think of some(not all) who while loving the birth thing looked at their wives differently and not always in a good way. Now maybe they're the squeamish type or have issues surrounding seeing womens bodies more in a sexual way or whatever, but guys like that exist and more than will admit it. So I take the practical approach. If the guy is like that, I think it better he have the unfettered choice not to be there as much as the choice to be there.

It's one issue I have with some on the "liberal"(for want of a better word) side of arguments. They're all for choice so long as it coincides with the choice they would make. Like some of the sexual freedom types. The choice to have sex with whomever you fancy and no judgement(all good) is to be lauded, yet the choice not to or god forbid wait for marriage for personal reasons is a choice to be looked down upon or even considered mentally harmful.

I can think of a few of my women mates who don't want their partner there either. Sisters or mothers or female mates cool. One even suggested if she needed a male presence she's prefer me as her friend there.

Cool if you want to be there and equally cool if you don't I reckon.

Scouserfan

ejmaztec wrote: »

The medics don't appreciate the proud father giving birth to the contents of his stomach during the procedure.:eek:

I was refering to the loving husband pandering to his partner's dietary requirements, ie: horsing into the prawns she was off for the last 9 months (shellfish ban)

walshb

Most guys would just be in the way and a distraction. Leave it to the experts and when the birth is over, in you go for a peek.

kelle

Well, my husband was present at all mine, except I had Caesareans so he was just sitting talking to me as I endured the horrible sensation of the needle going into my back and to help me forget I was being cut open, plus he was the first to hold the babies as I couldn't until I was sewn up and back from the recovery room an hour later. That meant a lot to me!

Latchy

Wibbs wrote: »

Cool if you want to be there and equally cool if you don't I reckon.

Agreed and just to answer the question ,if I had being giving the choice ( I wasn't ) I might have opted out but glad I didn't and was present for both births.

I do recall that the young medical student present was from Dublin

.

liah

I'm pretty much with pikachucheeks on this one. Childbirth isn't a pleasant experience and if the woman wants and needs her husband's support, then he should give it to her if he's in any way committed to her and the child.

But if she doesn't want him there, that's grand too. I know I wouldn't, knowing that during pregnancy there's a large chance of defecating yourself nevermind the blood and guts bit. I wouldn't want to shít myself in front of my guy, personally. But some girls would need support, and I'd hope their man would do that for them. I mean, that's what the vows are about, right?

Pighead

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Because you're the father of the woman's child. If she wants you to be in the room with her, holding her hand, supporting her, while she gives birth to YOUR child, how can you even argue against that?

If you prioritise eating above your partner's wishes, then you should really be questioning whether or not you're ready to be a father - that role requires putting someone else's needs before your own, the majority of the time.

You sound just like Alice! If you were in Pighead's house now, you too would be escorted off the premises! Listen pikachucheeks, Pighead doesn't make Miss Piggy do stuff she ain't comfortable with and that's the way it should be.

There have been plenty of times where Pighead has been on the toilet and has yearned for a conversation with the love of his life. It would be oh so easy to text her and say something like "Come on up to the jacks dollface, Piggy's in the mood for chatting" but deep deep down there's a voice inside saying "Hey Pighead put the phone away, there's a very good chance that she won't want to come up and sit beside you as you emit brown stinky material from your firmly toned anus. Why not do your business, clean yourself up and then go down for your chat?"

You see relationships are about knowing what your loved ones are comfortable with and respecting each others wishes. It has to be a two way street. If she's making Pighead come nto the delivery room well then Pighead's making her come up to the crapper for a chat.

WesternNight

There's no blanket "should" to this, in my opinion.

What *should* happen is whatever the couple wants to happen. If he wants to be there, and she wants him to be there, then he should be there. If neither of them want him to be there, then he shouldn't be there. If she wants him there and he doesn't want to...well, it depends on his reasons I guess but it would be nice for him to be there for the mother of his child.

He should also be thankful that he gets a bit of choice in the matter - she'll have to be there regardless!

monkeyfudge

I'd say a mans place is across the road in Conway's pub... but it's closed down...

pikachucheeks

Wibbs wrote: »

I also don't like the pressure I've seen been put on fathers to be to attend. I can think of some(not all) who while loving the birth thing looked at their wives differently and not always in a good way. Now maybe they're the squeamish type or have issues surrounding seeing womens bodies more in a sexual way or whatever, but guys like that exist and more than will admit it.

I think it's an interesting subject. Maybe there are some men, who look at women bodies only on a sexual level but there's nothing unnatural about childbirth and a woman giving birth to a child. Women are designed to reproduce.

Surely if a man is able to accept a woman's body in a sexual way, he should also accept it in a reproductive sense? - If he wants to be the father of her children.

Obviously, if a father has witnessed the mother of his child give birth, he will look at her in a different way. Witnessing her give birth to his child will add a whole new dimension to their relationship with each other.
I think it's sad that a man could look at a woman in a negative way, having seen that. It's a natural thing and it's part of life, for many women.

Yes, it's not pretty. It's not sexy. But it's natural. It's giving birth to a human life.

Pighead wrote: »

If she's making Pighead come nto the delivery room well then Pighead's making her come up to the crapper for a chat.

Pighead, there's a very definite difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you.

00112984

Wouldn't fancy having to watch a head burst from my fadge and would prefer if my husband didn't see it either.

Pighead

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pighead, there's a difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

Ooooh patronising! Well two can play at that game babes. Rightio here goes.

Pikachucheeks, there's a difference between being at the delivery of your child and always being there for your child. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

00112984

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pighead, there's a very definite difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you.

Depends on what the kid looks like.

Wibbs

pikachucheeks wrote: »

I think it's an interesting subject. Maybe there are some men, who look at women bodies only on a sexual level but there's nothing unnatural about childbirth and a woman giving birth to a child. Women are designed to reproduce.

Yep I agree, but just because it's natural doesn't mean different people will not have different reactions.

Surely if a man is able to accept a woman's body in a sexual way, he should also accept it in a reproductive sense? - If he wants to be the father of her children.

OK again, but menstruation is natural, it's part of the reproductive process and part of being a fertile woman, but few men would want to look at that and few women would want them to. That's less "messy" than birth. I'm not squeamish at all about that stuff, but I get why others would be. I know a guy, a helluva good father, who gets embarrassed buying tampons for his wife and thinks the whole thing is icky. Doesn't take away from his parenting strengths.

Obviously, if a father has witnessed the mother of his child give birth, he will look at her in a different way. Witnessing her give birth to his child will add a whole new dimension to their relationship with each other.

Or not and that's the problem. You're assuming a best case scenario. It may be a best case, but how many men would admit in public it wasn't?

I think it's sad that a man could look at a woman in a negative way, having seen that. It's a natural thing and it's part of life, for many women.

As I said a man might. Natural doesn't always equate with appealing. What I find natural and fine for me (periods and such) could have other men, good men, better men than me feeling the eeeewwgh factor. That can vary even in individuals. I mean I've helped exes with period accidents, vomiting, helped with applying ointments etc to "down below women's problems". hell I've even helped squeeze ingrowing hairs out(that was fun actually. lets play hunt the hair:D). A lot of which would have many men(and women) go eeeeuwwgrh, but I would be seriously dubious about the birth thing.

Pighead, there's a difference between pushing a child out of you and pushing a sh*t out of you. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

Oh yes, but he's comparing one natural thing with another for effect. With some reason. They're both natural healthy bodily processes.

Dankoozy

POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

pikachucheeks

Pighead wrote: »

Ooooh patronising! Well two can play at that game babes. Rightio here goes.

Pikachucheeks, there's a difference between being at the delivery of your child and always being there for your child. Maybe someday, you'll understand that.

I never said a father couldn't be there for his child, if he wasn't present at the birth.
I wouldn't say that, either.

My point was that, from the woman's perspective, it's a very hard time in her life ; being pregnant and having to give birth. Yes, it's a natural thing, but that doesn't make it any less difficult. If the woman asks her partner to support her in the hospital by being there for the birth, he should do so - unless he has very good reason against. (which does not include wanting to have "a bite to eat")

As with any difficult time in life, it's nice to have someone you love there to help and support you. It's not easy to be stuck in a hospital bed, in pain, with just the medical staff for support.

Yes, the woman might be delusional and not notice her partner is there throughout the procedure, but surely, he's doing the right thing by honouring her wishes. And it must be comforting for him to know she wanted him there, during this time.

A friend of mine supported me when I was in hospital earlier this year. I was delusional throughout a lot of it. She witnessed everything from me throwing up countless times to having a very serious Asthma attack, which was no doubt unpleasant and uncomfortable for her. For me, I appreciated the fact she was there, throughout the whole thing, whether I was conscious of her being there the whole time or not.

Pighead, if you don't want to be there for your child's birth, that's your choice and I'm sure you'll make a good father, regardless. I suggest you make sure Alice is well cared for and looked after in the hospital - She'll thank you for it afterwards.

Good luck to both of you.

Pighead

pikachucheeks wrote: »

Pighead, if you don't want to be there for your child's birth, that's your choice and I'm sure you'll make a good father, regardless. I suggest you make sure Alice is well cared for and looked after in the hospital - She'll thank you for it afterwards.

She might but Miss Piggy certainly wouldn't. Think she'd be a tad irate and maybe a touch suspicious if Pighead attended her best pals delivery.

Anyway, Pighead's not talking about leaving the country for the whole birthing procedure. He's just taking a back seat whilst the medics and trained lads and lassies do their thing. The last thing a nurse wants is to be asking the man if he's ok and would he like a drink of water. No need for them to be there to be honest. If he wants to see it fine, but if he doesn't want to than that's equally alright.

pikachucheeks

Pighead wrote: »

She might but Miss Piggy certainly wouldn't. Think she'd be a tad irate and maybe a touch suspicious if Pighead attended the birth of her best pal!

Anyway, Pighead's not talking about leaving the country for the whole birthing procedure. He's just taking a back seat whilst the medics and trained lads and lassies do their thing. The last thing a nurse wants is to be asking the man if he's ok and would he like a drink of water. No need for them to be there to be honest. If he wants to see it fine, but if he doesn't want to than that's equally alright.

Oh, I thought Alice was Miss Piggy.

Who knew a man who spoke in the third person could find himself the object of multiple women's affection!

As for the nurse, they're well used to caring for both the mother and father of the child during labour. It's not an easy experience for either parent. But for those who want to have children and a family, it's a natural and necessary part of life.

The man won't be seen as this useless, extra body in the corner, I can assure you. He'll be well looked after by the medical team and everything will be done to assure he's kept happy and his partner is as comfortable as possible.

bronte

Pighead wrote: »

But how can you understand the pain? It's impossible and whatsmore there's not a thing you can do about it.

Good kick in the sack will help.

Thank christ I'm never gonna have to face this crap.
Whatever you do, never watch someone getting an episiotomy. :eek:
I haven't been right since.

The Big Red Button

bronte wrote: »

Good kick in the sack will help.
Thank christ I'm never gonna have to face this crap.
Whatever you do, never watch someone getting an episiotomy. :eek:
I haven't been right since.

What's an episiotomy?

Oh. Just googled it. :eek::eek::eek:

Right, now I'm not going to have to worry about whether or not my husband will be there when I'm giving birth, because I'm never going to give birth!!!

Redpunto

simple answer ..... of course he bloody well should be, its not like he has the hard job

bronte

chatterpillar wrote: »

What's an episiotomy?

Oh. Just googled it. :eek::eek::eek:

Right, now I'm not going to have to worry about whether or not my husband will be there when I'm giving birth, because I'm never going to give birth!!!

Sorry hun! Tis highly unpleasant.

kelle

chatterpillar wrote: »

What's an episiotomy?

Oh. Just googled it. :eek::eek::eek:

Right, now I'm not going to have to worry about whether or not my husband will be there when I'm giving birth, because I'm never going to give birth!!!

Darling, just book a Caesarean like Posh Spice...

pikachucheeks

kelle wrote: »

Darling, just book a Caesarean like Posh Spice...

Nothing wrong with having one of those!

If you choose a private hospital, you can opt to have one.

[Deleted User]

pikachucheeks wrote: »

You got her up the duff, so you should be there to understand her pain, when she's forcing it out of her.

Yeah, if you're training him via aversion therapy to never want sex again...

OH has said should we have one he wouldn't want to be there. I was a bit taken aback at first but after hearing "the mother of my child is screaming in pain", would never look at sex the same way again, etc etc... it makes sense.