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Ever Worked In A Call Centre? Tell Your Funny Stories Here!

steo87

I used to work over the phone for a bank doing debt-collecting....the funniest response I got from a customer was a simple, but very effective, "fúck off". So what are your funny stories/responses?

Ste

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Blitzkrieger

alexander.t wrote: »

Me (to myself): WOW! Apple computers are so easy to use that it’s actually confusing.

Every (may be an exageration) other computer in the world works in a different, normal way but the problem isn't with macs? That's what pisses me off about macs - if Apple made a car and you could have only one type of engine, chassis, stereo and totally ****ed up controls like a clutch that's operated by hand and an accelerator in the middle............ loads of ****ing idiots would buy it because it's not made by GM.....

Turd Ferguson

alexander.t wrote: »

Three moths later the call center was shut down and a couple of thousand employees were laid off because all Customer Service and Technical Support functions were outsourced to India.

Lol

Valmont

DarkJager wrote: »

You haven't seen the full extent of retardation among the public until you've worked in a call centre, believe me.

Retardation of the public? Maybe if you work in a shop but you actually call these people up when they don't want to talk to you. You're almost as bad as a chugger. You are one of those people who calls my house at 11 am when I'm trying to have a lie on! Curse you and your kind!

thefinalstage

Valmont wrote: »

Retardation of the public? Maybe if you work in a shop but you actually call these people up when they don't want to talk to you. You're almost as bad as a chugger. You are one of those people who calls my house at 11 am when I'm trying to have a lie on! Curse you and your kind!

At some point they have to call you. 11am is a good time for most as any normal working person is out of the house.

tannytantans

Worked in a call centre for a telephone company.

One guys phoneline had been down for weeks and he was ringing everyday giving us abuse. Anyway one day we passed him onto the manager

Him: Joe Duffy will be keen to hear about this
Manager: Really?Didn't know he was an electrician too

Also had a psychotic priest who used to call us up and threaten us - telling us he's like to put his hands around our throats and squeeze til we'd no more air in our lungs.....and then we'd rot in hell!When he called we'd a special script to deal with him and he had to be put through to a manager asap :eek:

Big_Mac

When working for an ISP, and a customer who demanded to cancel his contract without penalty

Me: Why would you like to cancel?

Moron: Because my children are looking at porn

Me: I see, and have you not purchased some form of software to safeguard against this?

Moron: No

Me: Ok, why not, can I ask?

Moron: Because you didn't supply it to me

Me: I see, you do realise that we are not contracted to supply you with anything other than a working broadband service?

Moron: Yes you are, you are supposed to supply me with this stuff to prevent my children looking at this stuff.

Me: eh, no sir, we are not responsible for watching over your children, and their internet usage

Moron: Yes you are

Me: No we're not, please read the contract again

Moron: You are in breach of contract

Me: No, we're not

Moron: yes you are

Blah blah blah blah story goes on that way

Customer: Why is my phone not working?

Me: Because you have exceeded your credit limit

Customer: How?

Me: It appears to be a large number of calls to adult entertainment services.

Customer: (to son) Did you make these calls? (Son laughs and say yes)

Customer: How much is it?

Me: somewhere in the region of £850 + VAT.

Customer: Silence..........................

Me: Are you still there?

Customer: Umm yes. Can I make a payment arrangment?

Me: Certainly

Customer: Please ensure that this bill is not sent out, as if my husband sees it, he will kill the son

Me: Certainly Madam, have a nice day

Tellox

One thing I've realised from all the horror stories of callcenters is that normally, they're very funny to read. And you would assume in going into the job that you would get a good laugh off everyone you deal with.

This could not be further from the truth. The unfortunate and very harsh reality is that when you're dealing with 40-50 idiots on a daily basis, the only purpose it serves is to enrage you.

The latest I've had is a chap who rang through having problems setting up his router - the first thing I asked him to do was move somewhere quieter, as his 3-4 kids were running around screaming and generally being little shíts while I was trying to hear him tell me abou his router woes. His response was "I cant, the PC's in here". Wheras most civil people would have their kids **** off onto the street to play in traffic, he continued on.

Then for extra fun time, he realised that it was his kids bedtime - and he couldnt read them their stories as he had to get his broadband set up. So he sits the kids up on his lap one by one, and has them read out error messages for me. Thus resulting in incomprehensible **** for me.

Lockstep

My brother was working for a bank, once he had to phone up some guy called Boris who wasn't paying back money he owned.

Brother: Hi, I'm *blank* calling from *bank*, can I seapk to Boris please?
Boris:uh...Boris is dead.

And so the fun went on, first Boris claimed Boris was dead, then Boris was out of the country, then Boris was badly injured and a vegetable and so on. It was all hilarious enough until someone called in the background asking "Boris, are you finished on the phone yet?"
Boris hung up.

krudler

I could write a book at this stage

Woman: Hi I'd like to register my phone

Me: Ok, what I'll need it the IMEI number, you can find it on the box the phone came in or on the phone itself by dialling *#06#, that may not work if you are calling on the phone right now though

Woman: oh ok I have the box upstairs though hang on I'll go get it, I have to put the phone down though as its plugged in to the wall

Me: No problem , thake your time (assuming phone is being charged up)
Woman comes back but has wrong number, I tell her what the number will look like, tells me needs to put phone down again

Me: If your phone is charged enough you can just bring it with you, it'll spare you running up and down the stairs

Woman: oh but if i plug it out will you get cut off?

Me: can you see the battery symbol on the phone? if it has a decent charge it'll be fine

Woman: No I mean how will the phone work if I unplug it

Me:.......its battery powered

Woman: Really?! I've had it plugged in here since I got it I didnt realise you could use it with no power going to it

Me: Thats why they're called mobile phones?

Woman: Ha god I'm so stupid, I thought it was like a house phone but smaller

Me: seriously?

Have also had a woman literally screaming at me about how crap Eircom are for 5 minutes, not allowing me to get a word in and kept telling me to shut up as she was talking, needless to say when I told her she wasnt talking to someone who worked for Eircom but another phone company, a mobile one at that she hung up in 2 seconds flat without saying a word:D

People are idiots when it comes to their phones...

BnA

tannytantans wrote: »

....One guys phoneline had been down for weeks and he was ringing everyday giving us abuse. Anyway one day we passed him onto the manager .....

Maybe, if you got the line fixed, he wouldn't have had to ring.

krudler

BnA wrote: »

Maybe, if you got the line fixed, he wouldn't have had to ring.

Could have been any reason why though, I had a guy threatening to sue us because a car crashed into a mast in a small town and knocked out the coverage for a few days, that was the companies fault apparently...

krudler

I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing the Joe Duffy threat as well "Expect to hear from Joe!" seems to be peoples last resort when they've done something stupid and expect us to reward this stupidity by giving them money off something or replacing their phone, case in point a farmer who had bought a new phone didnt have insurance, had phone a month, ran over it in his tractor, threatened me with Joe Duffy because we wouldnt give him a free phone, moron

dlofnep

I've had a few weird ones.

My first ever call solo, I got this manly sounding one the phone.

I opened the call - she gives her contact details (it's an african name so it not immediately discernable between being male or female) - and I reply "How may I help you sir?"

She replied (in a quite fierce voice might I add) - I'm a woman!

I was really nervous on the phone, and immediately replied without thinking "Sorry sir" - as I still pictured the person I was speaking to on the phone as a man. Needless to say, she went ape**** at me.

Theres always the typical, non-computer saavy people who don't know what internet explorer is, or when you ask them to double click on something they ask you "double left or right click?".

The worst kind is the know-it-alls. They call in, and when you ask them to do something - they get narky with you telling you how stupid you are and how it won't work.. and then when it does actually resolve their issue, they go dead-silent and then hang up.

Can't say I've had my fair share of "funny" calls, but I've had alot of frusterating ones. there's nothing worse than when you're being dead nice to someone on the phone, and they turn around and abuse the **** out of you. I've been called a fenian scumbag, terrorist paddy, mick, the usual.. Mostly from ignorant cockney ****. If someone gets that antsy with you though, it drives them ****ing insane if you be extremely nice to them in response.

Quint

This thread is more proof that people that ring up Joe Duffy are idiots.

source

I loved the three strike rule,

me: Sir i'm going to have to ask you to stop swearing at me, i can help you fix the issue but you will have to stop swearing at me.

customer says something derogatory and abusive

me: sir I must warn you i am recording this call, and if you keep being abusive to me i will terminate the call,

customer continues being abusive

me: * hit the release button, leave note on account outlining how abusive the customer was.

and smile when the customer gets back into the queue and winds up speaking to me again in a much calmer manner.

beertons

I used to love the hold/silent button. You'd have stopped talking to the person on the phone, but the rest of the room would hear you finish the sentence with.....you thick fúcker, how does someone with a hearing disability get a phone, etc....twas very funny. I nearly gave the CEO heart failure one day. I then told him the name of the customer, and that he wanted to speak to him. He gave me a wide berth for a month!

starflake

I was reading this thread while working and a fella hanging up says love you bye bye... presumably out of habit! Very funny.. bet he was mortified!

Professey Chin

starflake wrote: »

I was reading this thread while working and a fella hanging up says love you bye bye... presumably out of habit! Very funny.. bet he was mortified!

Maybe hes just really appreciative?

Spear

From my time doing directory enquiries many years ago.

Caller: There's 4 farmers living around here, I know the other 3 but not the fourth's number.

Me: Do you know the name?

Caller: No, but I've just run down and killed one of his sheep and it's his marking so I thought it best to tell him.

beertons

Getting back to that love you comment, ever been hit on by a customer that you took a payment for, solved a query, reconnected them, even ceased a line?

HereticPrincess

Oh yeah, like when you have to ask D.O.B for data protection

& this 'ol lad tells ya & goes 'aw I can't ask ya out now cos ya know me age' (being about 80)

stevelknievel

I used to work for a mobile phone company, and we had a deal where we sent out free hands free kits. One of the girls offered a handjob instead. She was mortified.
Another day a guy was leaving a voicemail, while another guy was messing with his computer. Looking up some info or something. Anyway, first guy thought he pressed the hang up button, and proceeded to tear the second guy a new one. "Stop f**kin pressing my buttons. I'm trying to f**king work here" etc. The second guy then starts to p!ss himself laughing and points to the guys display on the phone. Number one shuts up very suddenly and goes red.
Oh yeah, we had another one who wanted to return the phone to us because she couldn't open the box and it was very bad service and blah feckin blah.
And another one who came into the office passport for ID, but it was his wifes so we couldn't use it. He disapperas and comes back about half an hour later with a photocopy of the original passport and his picture positioned over it. But the name on the ID was still jennifer:). That was a classic. Then we had the guy who went properly lunatic with us and threatened to wait outside our offices with a gang of mates to beat the ****e outta everyone who works in the company. Over something minor like a delay in the delivery of the phone. Some serious psycho chancers out there
Apart from calls, we had some serious craic in there. One evening a guy was on a call, and we wheeled him outside. We had bluetooth headsets so the call remained connected. Then we started messing with his volume controls and crap. We knocked another guys headset off with a paper ball one time as well. Someone said this already but the friendship built up and the craic had in a call centre environment is truly fantastic and I don't think you can experience it anywhere else. It more than makes up for the abuse and soul destroying nature of the the actual work.

DarkJager

Valmont wrote: »

Retardation of the public? Maybe if you work in a shop but you actually call these people up when they don't want to talk to you. You're almost as bad as a chugger. You are one of those people who calls my house at 11 am when I'm trying to have a lie on! Curse you and your kind!

Nope, I never worked in an area that involved cold calling, always techcnical support which seems to be a magnet for "know it all, know **** all" asshats.

Turd Ferguson

beertons wrote: »

Getting back to that love you comment, ever been hit on by a customer that you took a payment for, solved a query, reconnected them, even ceased a line?

I had a really hot sounding girl on the line before trying to get her wireless working. She sounded really cute.
Anyways she wasnt very computer literate and she spent the whole call trying to get me to come round and do it for her. I most definatly would have, except I was in Dublin and she was in Donegal *sigh*

PrettyInPunk

I work in a call centre at the moment and you get some god awful twats, but it makes me really happy when i talk to someone whose really nice.

d-don

foinse wrote: »

I loved the three strike rule,

me: Sir i'm going to have to ask you to stop swearing at me, i can help you fix the issue but you will have to stop swearing at me.

customer says something derogatory and abusive

me: sir I must warn you i am recording this call, and if you keep being abusive to me i will terminate the call,

customer continues being abusive

me: * hit the release button, leave note on account outlining how abusive the customer was.

and smile when the customer gets back into the queue and winds up speaking to me again in a much calmer manner.

Ever work in Dell ? sounds like a dell process

DarkJager

3 strikes is a pretty common call centre rule. If you can't stop acting like a spoilt ****ing child after 3 warnings, then you are nicely told to **** off through the use of the release button

d-don

I remember once I had a customer I sold electronics too.. (His ) name was rebecca

lovely guy soft spoken and harmless . He was in the uk and about two months after he received his order I get a call saying his electronics were acting up so I sent him to Technical support. So 3 days later I get a call from his in Histerics :eek: crying etc and sobbing I said whats up

Customer: in a sad voice- the techician came and took one look at me and got back into his van and drove off :eek:

Me:Eh what did you do?Are you a naturist or something ?

Customer : No i'm a trans-sexual (man in woman's clothes)

My draw dropped but I helped him out ... technician got fired I belive :rolleyes:

---====

Or doing a finance check for a customer one day goes like this :

Me: whats your occupation sir?

Customer: Eh I don't know the technical name but I catch chickens .

Me::eek: what

Customer: I catch chickens in the barns and box them up for slaughter.

Lets just say he was DECLINED

====================

source

d-don wrote: »

Ever work in Dell ? sounds like a dell process

nope mobile phone company.as Darkjager pointed out it's a common rule in most call centres.

krudler

I dont even usually use the 3 strikes rules, swear at me once and its a sign you're too immature to have a conversation over the phone, see ya, click.

I did have a girl ask me to her debs once over the phone, she was as mad as a window though

Another time a woman rang to have her number changed as she had left her husband over domestic abuse (its amazing what people will tell you over the phone) and he was trying to find her, this was late on a sunday night and it was really quiet, we then had a 20 minute chat about her marriage falling apart, she told me some really personal stuff but I'd say she just needed to get it all off her chest, she was even crying at one stage and thanked me for listening at the end

People who have genuine complaints or issues we can fix and are aware that hey, things go wrong sometimes but are mature enough to voice there opinion but not make an arse of themselves are the ones who you'll try to help, I cant stand this "I'll act like a dick and scream at you like a 5 year old to get my way" mentality, it never works