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Child Item

rude act performed while watching me

santiago123

Me and my partner have his 18yr old cousin staying with us for the week. He is due to leave today. Know the lad quiet well as he has stayed with us before and has never been a problem until last night.
My partner had to unexpectedly work night shift last night. I offered the young lad a drink during the night - not sure how much of a drinker he is but he ended up having about 6 cans.
Went to bed as normal - I have to sleep with the door open and light on in the hallway. While lying in bed I just happened to spot the cousin standing outside the door and he was naked and he was masterbating while looking at me. he obviously couldn't see that I could see him in the mirror.
He evently returned to his room and as I was so tired I drifted off to sleep and kind of forgot about it until the morning. My husband came home and saw the sperm at door but didn't cop what it was - I didn't say anything.
Don't know how I am going to face the young lad and should I say something to my partner.

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05D

He's an adult!! OMG.

AARRRGH

I remember reading something about flashers and how they nearly always never do it again after they've been caught. Basically the shame is stronger than whatever impulse they have to flash.

I know this isn't quite the same as flashing, but I do think you need to say something. I'm not sure what, but he needs to see his behaviour is unacceptable and has negative conequences.

He could just be a drunk, embarrassed, what-the-****-did-i-do, teenager, or he could be a rapist in training. We don't know. So I think you should say something or do something.

aidan24326

Say something to the lad and let him know you won't tolerate that sort of nonsense. But I'd be wary of telling your husband as it's only likely to cause a row and would achieve little else.

LolaDub

Op if you say something to the guy but not to your husband it could come around in a much worse way. The guy is his family, if he started saying you came onto him and then you had to tell the truth it would leave your partner with a lot of doubt in my opinion.

I know a lot of posters are saying that as you gave him drink and he wasn't a seasoned drinker it might just have been a drunk thing. When i was 18 i was definitely a seasoned drinker and i think nearly all the 18 year olds of today would be!

If you go to the worst dates etc thread in the ladies lounge you'll see a lot of laughs but also a scary amount of abuse towards women. A lot of them seem to have been from younger men. Its possible that younger men and drink produce odd results but many times when they target younger women, the girls are too embarrassed or ashamed to come forward and say anything.

I feel strongly that the thing to do here is speak to your partner and together come up with a way to approach the guy in a constructive manner to let him know its not acceptable. As i said you before you're the partner of his family, what would he do if it was a friend or someone he didn't really know.

05D

santiago123 wrote: »

My husband came home and saw the sperm at door but didn't cop what it was

What did he think it was then?? Tell him!

deisemum

LolaDub wrote: »

Op if you say something to the guy but not to your husband it could come around in a much worse way. The guy is his family, if he started saying you came onto him and then you had to tell the truth it would leave your partner with a lot of doubt in my opinion.

I know a lot of posters are saying that as you gave him drink and he wasn't a seasoned drinker it might just have been a drunk thing. When i was 18 i was definitely a seasoned drinker and i think nearly all the 18 year olds of today would be!

I agree,

OP I think you should tell your husband

Zulu

juvenal wrote: »

To all the posters who are calling him a pervert, and that this is the start of sexual deviance etc., cop on.

Perhaps you should cop on. He wasn't having a wank in the privicy of his own room and got caught; he was watching the adult channel after dark and walked in on. What he did was unacceptable. He stood naked in the hall masturbating over his (aunt?) uncles wife in her home.
These are not the actions of a normal person.
I've been locked many, many, many times, but I'd never even dream of doing that to my own OH never mind my uncles wife/aunt
It is wrong. And he should be made aware that this is unacceptable.

OP talk to your husband. Explain what happened. Talk to you nephew. Explain that if he did that to a complete stranger he could end up in court, and ultimately the sex offenders list.

He's 18. He's not a child.

There is a very real possibility that the boy was asleep and is still not even aware of what has happened

Alseep??? :rolleyes: If he does this in his sleep, he need to be made aware of it. ASAP

and you want to wade in gung-ho and publicly embarrass him before we even know the facts? There's also a possibility that he has serious issues and this wasn't an accidental (for want of a better word) or isolated incident,

whats all this gibberish? Because he has issues (clearly he has) she should just let it slide? Would you say the same if she caught him doing it to her daughter (if they had one?)

and he needs professional help.

That he does, but if she doesn't act on it, he won't get help.

He also was obviously drunk,

Nope I don't see how you can claim that. When I was 18, 6 cans wouldn't get me near drunk.

The alcohol is in no way an excuse, but it is a mitigating factor, which could explain whether he was sleepwalking or not.

Sleepwalking wouldn't be an issue. This isn't sleepwalking. For a start, there was no walking.

MicraBoy

Zulu wrote:

Sleepwalking wouldn't be an issue. This isn't sleepwalking. For a start, there was no walking.

So how did he get into the hall? Float perhaps?

The fact is no one knows if he was asleep or not, you can only believe he was asleep or not. The OP could have determined this by reacting to what was going on, but didn't. It is fairly obvious when you wake a sleep walker up that they have no idea what's going on, and I think it would have been fairly obvious in this case if the lad had been caught out or woken up.

The main point I would make is that it is no good screaming pervert without being certain of the above point.

It does not change the fact that the OP should discuss it with her partner and then the lad in question, because either way it needs to not happen again. It's a matter of being open to the idea that not every one is sicko that does something odd.

Zulu

MicraBoy wrote: »

So how did he get into the hall? Float perhaps?

Schuummmm! The sound of my point, the one you completely missed. Bravo!

Sleepwalking isn't a valid excuse. Neither is "experimenting" or "being drunk". :rolleyes:

MicraBoy

I think you'll find I got your point.

Sleepwalking isn't a valid excuse. Neither is "experimenting" or "being drunk".

Well it must be great to be able to lump all those things in to the same category. Really simplifies things.

"Experimenting" and "being drunk" are excuses. Sleep walking is an explanation (or should I say possible explanation).

Shades799

Nothing like a tabloid reaction to blow things out of proportion.

There are far too many Ifs and Buts in this thread.

OP, you yourself need to decide what's best because you yourself know all the facts. I think you've heard both sides of the arguments from everyone but it's only you yourself that can now decide because you, and only you, know the personalities involved and the exact situation as it happened.

I for one would tell my OH because as my OH they would be the first person I would tell everything to. However if you think by telling him things would be made worse because he is a volitile person then its probably best not to.

It is a very tricky situation and I sympathise with you. It must be very tough but I think you need to make your decision now and go with it.

juvenal

Zulu wrote: »

Perhaps you should cop on. He wasn't having a wank in the privicy of his own room and got caught; he was watching the adult channel after dark and walked in on. What he did was unacceptable. He stood naked in the hall masturbating over his (aunt?) uncles wife in her home.

I never said it wasn't unacceptable - read my post again if you think I'm condoning his actions.

Zulu wrote: »

These are not the actions of a normal person.
I've been locked many, many, many times, but I'd never even dream of doing that to my own OH never mind my uncles wife/aunt
It is wrong. And he should be made aware that this is unacceptable.

Again I fully agree; it is wrong and we've all been drunk many times but never done something like this. Where did I say she should drop it and not make him aware of what happened?

Zulu wrote: »

OP talk to your husband. Explain what happened. Talk to you nephew. Explain that if he did that to a complete stranger he could end up in court, and ultimately the sex offenders list.

He's 18. He's not a child.

Alseep??? :rolleyes: If he does this in his sleep, he need to be made aware of it. ASAP

Once again you seem to be of the opinion that I was in some way saying she should drop it, when I told her to make sure she brought it up; I just advised her to have a bit more initial tact than some of the posters here who are calling for his head based on one post.

Zulu wrote: »

whats all this gibberish? Because he has issues (clearly he has) she should just let it slide? Would you say the same if she caught him doing it to her daughter (if they had one?)
That he does, but if she doesn't act on it, he won't get help.

WTF - when did I tell her to let it slide? You just seem to want to read what you want to see without actually reading what I've posted.

Zulu wrote: »

Nope I don't see how you can claim that. When I was 18, 6 cans wouldn't get me near drunk. Sleepwalking wouldn't be an issue. This isn't sleepwalking. For a start, there was no walking.

This isn't sleepwalking? How do you know? You've no idea of the situation outside of what the OP described. It's not a defence for what happened, but it could go some way towards explaining what happened. If you think it's not possible to be sleep-walking and do something like this I suggest you research some more before you come along a make wild generalisations to suit your arguments. You don't know you're a sleepwalker until someone finds you wandering or you suddenly wake up in the kitchen at 3am. Just because it never happened to you and you seem to think you have a hollow leg it doesn't mean that applies to everyone.

The fact that he had a good bit of drink taken is in no way an excuse, but it is something that could have contributed to the situation.

MicraBoy wrote: »

The main point I would make is that it is no good screaming pervert without being certain of the above point.

It does not change the fact that the OP should discuss it with her partner and then the lad in question, because either way it needs to not happen again. It's a matter of being open to the idea that not every one is sicko that does something odd.

+1 It should not happen again under any circumstances. I fully agree that the OP should discuss it; my only concern was how her partner would react given the situation. Him flying off the handle isn't going to help, but if they can sit down as adults and discuss it then that's the way to go. It would be better that she discussed it with her OH, but it would also depend on how she thinks he would handle it.

Shades799 wrote: »

Nothing like a tabloid reaction to blow things out of proportion.

There are far too many Ifs and Buts in this thread.

OP, you yourself need to decide what's best because you yourself know all the facts. I think you've heard both sides of the arguments from everyone but it's only you yourself that can now decide because you, and only you, know the personalities involved and the exact situation as it happened.

I for one would tell my OH because as my OH they would be the first person I would tell everything to. However if you think by telling him things would be made worse because he is a volitile person then its probably best not to.

It is a very tricky situation and I sympathise with you. It must be very tough but I think you need to make your decision now and go with it.

Yes it's a very difficult situation to deal with. I would also tell my OH as I know them inside-out and know how they would react. As you said, in this case we don't know any of the parties so we don't know how they would take this, hence the hesitation to involve the partner without knowing the personalities involved.

Unfortunately some of the posters here can't see any other rational argument that doesn't involve heavy-handed action without knowing the facts of the situation.:mad:

LegacyUser

I find it quite odd that you watched him till he finished.. why didn't you just roll over so as all he could see was a lump under the covers?

Anyway, this guy sounds weird and if he thinks this is ok.. god knows what else he thinks is ok..

RossFixxxed

It has to be brought up (ooo eck!). I mean even if he sleep-walked-undressed-boner-masturbationed towards her room, and sleep peered through her door... what if there's kids in the house. Either way it's creepy stalker freak territory and I wouldn't stand for it!

Say it to hour hubbie.
r

Toots

Maybe he was having some sort of "sleepwalking" episode, my younger sister used to get dressed in her sleep and my mum found her downstairs halfway through her breakfast a few nights, maybe something similar happened here?

Has the young lad ever shown signs of being a bit pervy or weird in the past? TBH, it sounds to me like he wasn't fully aware of where he was/what he was doing as he was standing in your doorway totally naked. I think if his intention had been to perve on you while having a sneaky ****, he'd probably have worn trousers, or at the very least a pair of underpants, so that in the event you woke up, he could just tuck it back in and pretend he was getting up to go to the loo or something. Lets give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he was not entirely in control of his faculties at the time, because honestly the alternative (that he's some sort of perverted peeping tom) doesn't bear thinking about. Assuming that he was sleepwalking, half asleep, or otherwise not fully aware of what he was doing, what should you do about it?

My advice would be to tell your husband. Mainly for the reason that there was semen stains at your door, and if he starts to think back on it you don't want him starting to wonder how it got there, and jumping to conclusions like that you'd been having it off with the young fella or that you had another guy over. Sit him down and say what happened, calmly and rationally, don't exagerate, just give the facts. Then (assuming he doesn't flip out or anything), ask him to sit down and talk to the guy. Firstly, again assuming that he didn't realise what he was doing, he needs to be made aware that this happened, and maybe go to his GP or something and get to the bottom of why he did it. Secondly, he needs to know that, intentional or not, it's totally unacceptable, that you were really freaked out by it. Thirdly, regardless of whether or not it was intentional, your husband should impress upon him just how serious this actually is. If it happened again and someone reported it, he could go to prison, and end up on the sex offenders register. What would have happened if you'd woken up, and started screaming bloody murder and the Gardai were called? If it was intentional and he thought it was harmless, this may scare him into never doing it again. If it was the case that he was half asleep or something, this should scare him into doing something about it, like see his GP or getting in touch with a sleep clinic?

Hopefully it was a freak occurrence, brought on by perhaps being in a strange house, having a few beers, and maybe being really tired or something. Hopefully when your husband sits down with him, he'll be mortified beyond belief, apologise profusely, and won't be able to look you in the eye again for a good many years. The alternative, is a much more chilling thought, and I really hope that he didn't actually plan what he did. Either way I wouldn't be keen on having him back in the house in the near future.

iPlop

I wouldn't let that horny bugger in my gaff again.If he was pullin' the chimp off himself at your bedroom door with a few beers on him imagine what could happin next time if you get sloshed.You could wake up gettin' teabagged in the middle of the night with a sticky pillow

Tony Broke

syklops wrote: »

I know I will get crucified for this comment but Oh Well!

OP, please do not take this as any sign of disrespect to you. Obviously it must have been very shocking for you. This is just an observation.

I am also not saying you were asking for it, as it is unacceptable whatever signs he got, but is it possible he mis-read the signs?

Your OH is out of the house. You offer him a drink - did you offer him a drink the other nights or just this one? He has about 6 cans which to most boardsies is a drop in the ocean, but to a non-seasoned drinker could more than he is used to, and then you go to bed but leave the door open.

Again I want to re-iterate that I do not think what he did was acceptable behaviour, nor do I think your actions provoked him, I just wonder if he got confused by the situation. Lets not go labelling him as a rapist just yet.

As for telling the OH. If you have not done it by now, then I wouldn't. I think you OH will wonder why you didnt tell him right away, and then make a bigger deal out of it.

As for the lad himself. Maybe ask him was he ok during the night, that you heard him moving about etc? Mention your a very light sleeper or something. This should give him enough of a fright to stop him doing it again.

Yep the young man thought he was in there.

You should have set him straight that second you saw him whip it out, he would have been mortified, while you would have made your intentions totally clear and it would have been all over then.

juvenal

Toots85 wrote: »

Maybe he was having some sort of "sleepwalking" episode, my younger sister used to get dressed in her sleep and my mum found her downstairs halfway through her breakfast a few nights, maybe something similar happened here?

..............................

The alternative, is a much more chilling thought, and I really hope that he didn't actually plan what he did. Either way I wouldn't be keen on having him back in the house in the near future.

I would agree that it would be better discussed with the OP's partner and then the lad, in a calm and rational manner. I've said already if he's going to go nuts about it, then it could just complicate matters. As he noticed the specimen that he left on the door, then honesty is probably the best policy, but everyone needs to keep a cool head. If he (the 18y.o.) was aware of what he was doing then it's a whole new ballpark.

I doubt they'll be able to talk to the GP about anything as this is going to come up against the patient-doctor confidentiality issue.

It may also be an option to discuss it with the cousin's parents, as he should be aware of the gravity of what happened, and they may be able to help deal with the issue. Despite the fact that he is legally an adult, it might be no harm to let them know.

stevelknievel

C'mon guys, stop saying he must have been very drunk, or not able to handle it cos he's 18. He's probably being drinking for the last 6 years ffs, and definitely has been for the last 3. He knew what he was doing. Yes the drink probably gave him the false courage, but he knew what he was at. He knew it was bad. As someone said, mention you are a light sleeper, and heard him. That should frighten him a little. And definitely have a word with your OH.

Toots

I dunno, I'd tread carefully before mentioning anything to his parents. That could turn things really nasty. What if the parents don't believe it? That might cause some sort of family fued. Also, if it is a case that this was genuinely an accident, it'd totally humiliate the nephew. I don't really think his parents have a right to know.

juvenal

Toots85 wrote: »

I dunno, I'd tread carefully before mentioning anything to his parents. That could turn things really nasty. What if the parents don't believe it? That might cause some sort of family fued. Also, if it is a case that this was genuinely an accident, it'd totally humiliate the nephew. I don't really think his parents have a right to know.

Fair point; if the OP's partner gives him a few slaps then it could also head into soap opera territory. It's a tough one no doubt.

I think whatever the OP decides to do, it should be nipped in the bud ASAP.

Toots

True. The OP would be able to gauge her partner's reaction best. In all fairness, he's probably not going to want to believe that his nephew did this on purpose, and hopefully won't fly off the handle.

Pub07

Zulu wrote: »

Sleepwalking wouldn't be an issue. This isn't sleepwalking. For a start, there was no walking.

Correct, this was a closely related phenomenon called sleepwanking.

HugoDuncan

It's not really the issue here but why did he spunk on the floor? Has he never heard of tissues or the "handbrake" technique? Also you say your husband noticed it but ignored it... very strange. I would say that this guy does this every night when you are sleeping. He probably listens at your door when you and your partner are playing hide the sausage. :eek: I would check his bedroom floor for crusty stains because he sounds like a deviant to me. He probably sniffs your underwear when you're out of the house or in another room... I can't believe you'd consider letting him continue to stay in your house and not say anything. :eek::eek::eek:

Maybe secretly you liked it... ever consider that OP? Genuine question.

LolaDub

HugoDuncan wrote: »

It's not really the issue here but why did he spunk on the floor? Has he never heard of tissues or the "handbrake" technique? Also you say your husband noticed it but ignored it... very strange. I would say that this guy does this every night when you are sleeping. He probably listens at your door when you and your partner are playing hide the sausage. :eek: I would check his bedroom floor for crusty stains because he sounds like a deviant to me. He probably sniffs your underwear when you're out of the house or in another room... I can't believe you'd consider letting him continue to stay in your house and not say anything. :eek::eek::eek:

Maybe secretly you liked it... ever consider that OP? Genuine question.

This was a violation of the Op and you say she might have liked it? Thats very low. Would you ask a girl who had been raped if she liked it?!?

kayos

LolaDub wrote: »

This was a violation of the Op and you say she might have liked it? Thats very low. Would you ask a girl who had been raped if she liked it?!?

He has a point, she should have said something to the lad there and then but she left him at it. So it was a question with some basis, some people do like the whole being watched thing.

Now please dont start saying I support this type of thing or rape or what ever else you might try to throw at me. I'm just saying the fact she stayed quiet and said nothing could point to something like hugo asked.

For the record so I dont have a mob after me I think what happened was bang out of order and if it happened my mrs I would be kicking my cousin up and down the country till he learned never to darken the same town as where we lived.

Myxomatosis

She just laid there and watched him do it.

Either she froze, or she liked it.

Anyway...he's an 18 yr old man, 6 cans would not make him drunk enough to relieve him of responsibility, it would just give him a bit more courage to do what he wanted to do.

He needs to be disciplined, if after six cans he has the want and "courage" to do something like this, imagine what he'd do to a 16/17/18 yr old girl.

Burial

WOW, just read the OP... This is disguisting.... I'd tell your husband and have a talk with him about this. The more embarresed he is from this episode the less likely there'll be a "repeat performance". If he wasn't a cousin I'd say never see this guy again...

Why didn't you pretend to wake up or tell him to get lost or anything?? I've never been that sleepy that anyone could do that. Were you drinking? That would be my only conclusion as to why you let this continue until he finished...

Moral of the story, Lock his door, or lock your door.. I don't understand why you need it open and the light from the hallway coming in...

LolaDub

I don't think he has a point, thats not constructive advice to the op, its a deliberate attempt to get at the op. Why didn't the op say something then and there? Probably because because she was woken from sleep and her reactions weren't on the ball, she mightn't have fully realised what was happening or she might have been frightened or shocked to say anything then and there.

Singer73

LolaDub, you are so out of order even MENTIONING rape in this discussion. What in the name of god has that got to do with anything? Jesus, some people...