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Weirdest customer you have ever had to deal with in work

Monkey61

Don't know if this has been done before...but if not, here's mine.

Working in the Ilac Centre we used to get loads of junkies,and general mentals. My favourite of all was a junkie looking type who came in completely covered in blood with a black eye and split lip etc.

Naturally he wanted to buy a few Bob Marley cds for his new discman which he had just bought. I was chatting away to him as you do, showing him how to put the batteries in his discman and ignoring the obvious question.

Finally he mentions that he's just on his way to the hospital now and wants something to listen to in the waiting room. He has been stabbed! Ten minutes previously. Not very bad he says, but he'd better get a few stitches. "Oh dear" says I, "that's terrible." "Ah no" he says, "have a look at this." At which point he whips off his shirt and turns around to show me the massive scar running the entire length of his back. Shop was quite busy and the surrounding customers' jaws were dropping in horror.

"Now you're a very nice girl" he remarks, "most people would've looked at me funny and wouldn't have talked to me, but you've been lovely, so I'll just warn you. This" he points at his scar and announces in a conspiratorial whisper, "this is what happens when you buy a lot of drugs and can't pay for them."

And off he went, happy as a sandboy to the hospital with his new copy of Legend" to listen to.

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[Deleted User]

I remember a very serious middle aged man.
Delicately inquiring about the dynamics of underwear selection for men with medically required shaved nether regions.
Unfortunately he wasn't a pervert, and seriously thought this would have been covered in my shop assistant training.

A_M101

That's hilarious!

I can think of one time I was in work in a boutique, about 2 customers in and this old hunchbacked woman came in wheeling a trolley. I was staring into the distance, generally dossing. A few minutes pass. Next thing I know, yer wan is pointing and screaming at me "What's your f*cking problem, staring at me, do you thing I'm going to steal something, do you, you rude b*tch?". She is actually screaching her lungs out. Thankfully she just left. I just stood there in shock.

TequilaMockingBird

I was working in a department store and a guy came in smoking. He came and asked me for advice and I said "Sorry, I'm afraid you can't smoke in here" (in my head I said "WTF? You are clearly mental and have had to pass 10 other staff to get to me, why is it ALWAYS me gets the nutters.."), so he said "ummm ok" and stubbed it out on the back of his hand :eek:, and asked me where he could find the kettles.

I can still smell it.

[Deleted User]

Was working in a large drapery store in town. Some ould fella wandered into the Mens fitting rooms. Couple of mins later there was a terrible smell of sh!t and a couple of security guards suddenly came rushing past me toward the changing room. The fella was dragged out kicking and screaming. The poor girl on customer service had to clean the mess.

He had then used the curtain in one of the stalls to wipe his arse.

I'm sure he was really a lovely person though.

boogle

I worked in a city centre pharmacy while I was at college. Imelda "The Queen" was a regular. I'd say a lot of people have seen her hanging around O' Connell St/Henry St area: Walks around half naked, cackling her mental head off, and flashing her bits at people, mad black hair and badly-applied make-up. She used to lift up her skirt in front of the security guards (no knickers...ever) and feel them up. By the time she reached the counter we'd be in stiches. One time she asked me for paracetamol but "not the ones you have sex with, I want the ones you swallow!". (She was referring to suppositories). The pharmacist beside me said "suppositories are for rectal use" in a concerned tone. She replied, "Yeah, lots of things are for rectal use HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Another time she attacked a woman in the shop who was wearing a fur coat. Scratched the face off her!

Turd Ferguson

Used to work in a music shop a while ago. Great fun, although we did get alot of pikeys who obviously couldnt read coming in asking me to tell them what songs are on the CD's because "mammy forgot me glasseses"

One night though this guy came into the shop. They had been giving out free yoghurt in town that day, I was in so I helped myself to some, but anyways he comes in with yoghurt all over his face. He then proceeded to come up to the counter and start to eat more, dribbling spitty yoghurt everywhere. I had a good laugh with him until I went to serve a customer. He then started to shout abuse at them, so when I told him to gtfo he went mental and started jumping up and karate kicking the air, falling to to ground and rolling around and then getting up and doing it again. After laughing my ass off for a few minutes at this and with the help of the security gard and another worker there we eventually pinned him down till the police came.
As they were bringing him out he took a swing at them and recieved a few slaps for his troubles before being thrown into the back of the van. Very fun indeed!

Honey-ec

Had a middle-aged woman come in to the dealership looking for a replacement manual for her Renault. Fairly simple, you would think. You'd be wrong... (and this is the very much condensed version!)

Me: No problem, what model is it?

Her: It's an Elf.

Me: Erm, a Renault Elf?

Her: Yes, that's the one.

Me: Are you sure that's the model name? Could it be a Clio?

Her: No, it's definitely an Elf.

Me: It's just that we don't have a model by that name. Is it outside, I'll just have a quick look.

Her: No, my daughter dropped me over. But it's definitely an Elf. It says so on the back...

Cue me trying to keep a straight face while explaining to her that all Renaults have a sticker in the back window to show that ELF lubricants have been used. After another 10 minutes of asking her about her car shape, size, etc., turns out she was driving a MODUS...

anniehoo

I worked in boarding kennels when i was teenager and i remember one woman who came in with her dog. She was due to go on a (very expensive) holiday to Thailand. Well..on leaving the dog called "Baby" she wailed like a banshee, kissin and huggin the life out of the poor thing for about half an hour. Eventually she left with sighs of relief from us and headed off to the airport. An hour later she was back, having cancelled her holiday as she couldnt bear to leave her "baby"!!!:o:D

PurpleBerry

Random wrote: »

Was working in a large drapery store in town. Some ould fella wandered into the Mens fitting rooms. Couple of mins later there was a terrible smell of sh!t and a couple of security guards suddenly came rushing past me toward the changing room. The fella was dragged out kicking and screaming. The poor girl on customer service had to clean the mess.

:eek: :eek: Does this mean that we are being watched whilst in changing rooms?

GhostInTheRuins

Monkey61 wrote: »

Don't know if this has been done before...but if not, here's mine.

Working in the Ilac Centre we used to get loads of junkies,and general mentals. My favourite of all was a junkie looking type who came in completely covered in blood with a black eye and split lip etc.

Naturally he wanted to buy a few Bob Marley cds for his new discman which he had just bought. I was chatting away to him as you do, showing him how to put the batteries in his discman and ignoring the obvious question.

Finally he mentions that he's just on his way to the hospital now and wants something to listen to in the waiting room. He has been stabbed! Ten minutes previously. Not very bad he says, but he'd better get a few stitches. "Oh dear" says I, "that's terrible." "Ah no" he says, "have a look at this." At which point he whips off his shirt and turns around to show me the massive scar running the entire length of his back. Shop was quite busy and the surrounding customers' jaws were dropping in horror.

"Now you're a very nice girl" he remarks, "most people would've looked at me funny and wouldn't have talked to me, but you've been lovely, so I'll just warn you. This" he points at his scar and announces in a conspiratorial whisper, "this is what happens when you buy a lot of drugs and can't pay for them."

And off he went, happy as a sandboy to the hospital with his new copy of Legend" to listen to.

Feckin hell! How long ago was this? I think I know the guy you're talking about!

About a year and a half ago I was in hospital and in the middle of the night this guy was brought into a bed in the ward. He was a total junkie and was after been beaten up. He was still out of his head because he thought the doctors were trying to kill him. He wouldn't let any of them go near him with a needle and insisted that he was much more experienced with needles than they were and only he could do it properly.

Cue some long arguments with nurses, he ended up bleeding and he decided to try to escape, he shuffled along wearing nothing below the waist and leaving a substantial trail of blood while shouting at everyone not to go near it because he's "got HIV".

After loads more shouting and arguing and getting security guards involved, they finally got him to go back to his bed. He then proceeded to take out a cd player and listen to Bob Marley really loudly for the rest of the night (While 'singing' along too).

The next morning he came over to talk to me and he showed me his cd player and a bunch of cds he had, plenty of Bob Marley, the Doors etc.

I'd almost forgot all about that until I read your post. Weird.

captainzapp

I was waitressing in a golf club last summer. You can imagine the types you get during the day, super wealthy women who don't have to work. I was going back and forth from this one table to the kitchen, they kept wanting little things like dressing and black pepper yada yada yada... Anyway the third time i come back one of the ladies says to me "now i know i didn't order this side salad from you, but i specifically asked the other waitress for ONE leaf of lettuce, this side salad has too much lettuce in it", and im staring at her thinking wtf? She complained for awhile about how the other waitress didn't have good enough english and then sent me back to the kitchen to remove the extra two leaves of lettuce from her salad.

Jay P

I served a middle-aged woman with twelve fingers at work a few weeks ago. That was pretty fckued up. How we L
laughed!

Catsmokinpot

I work in a call centre, so I get some of the best ones every day.

One of the weirdest Calls I have heard about was my friend getting a call where this woman wanted 4 years of a refund on her account, which was weird because she could connect without a problem and we could see that there was constant usage on the account.

She got very rude and started swearing at him down the phone, being really obnoxious and my friend took it all the way (he was in cancellations and you get retention money for saving a member) so she barraged him with insults about how sh!t the company was, and how sh!t he was.

Then at the end she turned around and said she was a powerful business woman that owned her own shipping company and got a kick out of ringing up call centres and giving out, then she said she understood that my friend worked off of a retention basis and to sign her up to the most expensive package he could put her on and he did.

there are some freaks out there

Will

Doing an internship at the moment in IT area for a large company.
One of the first few days I got a call to 'fix' a wireless mouse (wireless is key here).

I go up to the gentleman and ask him what the problem is, to which he promptly responds "it's the fúckin wires!!" Shocked the bejaysis out of me, considering this guy is a senior manager. I said that it couldn't be the wires because it's wireless.

He jumped up out of his chair and said at the top of his voice that it was the wires and i didnt have a clue about computers. By this time I noticed the red button was flashing on the mouse (indicates batteries are depleted) I tried explaining it to him but he wasn't having any of it.

After more banter he eventually p!ssed off for a while, i switched the batteries and when he came back told him the batteries were dead and that i'd replaced em. He kept saying it was the wires, so i just agreed with him, ruffled the wiring at the back of the monitor and said it was fixed.

He then proudly said to me that he was right all along and that i should listen to him more in the future... needless to say anymore calls I get from the guy go to the back of the queue and never get done.

Have another gem. Another high flying manager rang and said her computer wasnt working. I called up, she said she was going for a coffee so i tinkered away, quickly realised the hadnt turned on the computer or the screen. Tried explaining to her that she didnt turn on the computer in the first place but was like talking to a brick wall.

syklops

We could have a thread solely for call centre stories.

I had the guy who went absolutely ballistic because he discovered he could have been on 2MB instead of one for only an extra tenner a month, and wanted a refund of thousands because his business failed because he didnt have the right speed. He then started crying on the phone and said he was going to go and commit suicide and that it was all my fault.

What he didnt know was the call was being monitored by the quality assurance team. They called the police, because they have to take threats of this nature very seriously, and they gave me 2 days off work. The police arrived at his house about 30 mins later to find him happily playing counter-strike. I often wonder what they did to him.

Then there was the guy who rang up wanting a replacement modem. First he got the guy beside me, who went through all the checks with him while the guy gets more irate and abusive. In the end the guy next to me hangs up on him. Then he rings in again, and gets me. Is abusive from the get go. I am filling in the form for his replacement modem, and i ask him has he tried the modem on another PC. He says "Of course I have. This is typical of <company name>, slow and stupid!".

Im not proud of it, but I snapped at this stage and said to him "I dont get paid enough to listen to your ****!" - and promptly hung up.

He rings in again and then gets the girl sat beside me. She knew it was him because we had been talking about him. He rings in and very politely asks for a replacement modem. She asked to place him on hold, and he said "yes that is no problem". Then she asked me to listen to the call because I did not believe it was the same guy. Im glad to say he learned his lesson.

I have hundreds more stories like this.

[Deleted User]

This post has been deleted.

Hauk

I love these stories.

I *also* work in tech support. One person was a doctor whose broadband was down. Doctor started going nuts at me because I told them of the time it would take for the problem to be fixed. Doctor going mental with the, "I'm trying to run a business!11!1" waffle, so I asked him why he was on a home package.. He flipped at that...

I also had a woman who was convinced a hacker was working inside her computer. I told her switch off the router and then the "hacker" wouldn't be there anymore. She was convinced he was still working inside the computer. I then needed to get her to connect to her master socket in the house and then call us back on her mobile. She said she couldn't, and when I asked why, she told me that they had bugged the phones. I farkin' died laughing.

Hauk

Monkey61

GhostInTheRuins wrote: »

Feckin hell! How long ago was this? I think I know the guy you're talking about!

That's quite freaky. Although if memory serves it was definitely no later than January 2006.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

I worked in a toy shop a long-long time ago.
There was this crazy old lady who would come in carrying a baby doll. She would stand beside the dolls all day admiring them, so one of my mates I worked with asked me to help her out.
I walked over to her and she had my head wrecked. Asking me what did I think of her baby (the doll). And stuff like "aren't all these babies lovely" when talking about the other dolls. I ended up just walking away from her I was so creeped out.

There was also an old man who'd have his hands in his pockets and be rubbing himself and moaning while talking to the girls...

Corruptedmorals

Probably the anti-consumerism customer, who went off on a big rant when I told her I had to get a barcode for whatever she was buying, I think it was shoes. "No you don't, you don't need a barcode! This is what's wrong with society today, barcodes are the filth of society. Do you know President Bush blah blah....." went on for a good 5 minutes, queue builds up behind her, she wouldn't leave..

Also the cross-dressing customer, who comes in every 2 weeks or so, wandering around Savida. Not weird in itself, but insists every time that be allowed into the women's fitting rooms and every time is refused and told there's no problem if he goes to the mens. Also rings us up and asks the same question. Once handed a long typed letter to a member of staff and told her to show it to us all, basically telling us not be afraid of him.

Best thief ever- the guy who managed to get a trolley load of groceries into the lifts and headed for the exit. Trolley wheels lock on encountering the exit. Cue stupidest thief ever trying to push and shove the trolley over the exit, for a good 5 minutes before security busted him.

DenMan

While working for a film production company in Malta two years ago I also had a part time position working in a library. It was a Saturday late afternoon (4pm) and it was really quiet...after a busy morning. Almost closing time when two men entered the front area. I knew they were Libyan as Malta has a lot of Libyan people living there now.

Here is how it went:

“Good day gentlemen” I asked as they casually walked towards the rental area.

“How are we keeping sir” (in very good English I might ad). “Can we have a moment of your time”.

“Of course guys” I replied. I was delighted to assist them after what was a very busy day. ”Are you interested in renting out a book I asked them”.

“We will get back to that later” he replied.

“Are you hungry” he asked me? “Has it been a long day” ?

Now I did have a small lunch earlier and wasn't really that hungry.

At this point the other man jumps in "don't answer that question my friend" he says. "What type of food makes you hungry" ? he asks.

At this point I had a bad feeling about this. I replied "food on the go I suppose" as I was very busy and didn't get much time that day to sit down and relax.

“food on the go”, he replied to his pal. “This man is a thinker he says, a true genius”.

I was really getting confused at this point. Right then he whisteled to someone outside the door. Within seconds three guys come in (also Libyan). They were carrying plates of chicken, fish, stuffed olives and various other delights. They also had plastic bottles of KINNIE and cans of CISK (Malta's favourite drinks)

“We are here to help you sir” the second man replied, "you and everybody else".

We all had a little look around and there was probably three to four people inside.

“Do you like chicken sir” ? he says to me. “We can take that hunger away from you”.

I didn't feel hungry but it was nearly closing time. At that point one of the library customers came over and asked for a chicken breast. One of the men handed it to her and smiled. She was very pleased. When she finished he asked her that it only came to 1 liri. She was gobsmacked and in a way so was I, but I could see this coming. One of the other men takes out a VISA card reader and asks her how does she want to pay if she hasn't got cash. One of the other men in the background asked that if she was stuck he would drive her to the bank!!! All over one liri (2 euro)

Curiously I asked where they got this amazing food from. “We cook from home sir” one of the guys replied, “just for you”.

I had noticed the plastic bag the drinks were in (a local chipper not 5 mins from the library) In fact you can buy 4 pieces of chicken for a liri in there. When the woman refused to pay they became quite upset and the beautiful excellently flowing English we had heard previously quickly descended into broken English with some choice curse words added for exclamation purposes.

“You eat, you pay”.

Suffice to say it quickly descended into madness with 5 angry Libyans, one defiant middle aged woman and me stuck in the middle. One of the men went to reach for the lady’s handbag to check if she carried any cash on her. It was right at this moment three no nonsence Maltese police officers entered and proceeded to take the men away. They screamed in protest (more about their food remaining here than anything else)

An elderly man got up after reading his newspaper and informed me he rang the police after they came in because they had done something similar in a nearby town and knew they were trouble the moment they walked in. I thanked him and then closed the library to the public. The Maltese police told us we could keep the food. I was flabbergasted and thanked them. We had a microwave in the back kitcken and happily snacked on two tables worth of food and also kept some for a rainy day. That was an unbelievable day and I can still hear the Libyan men’s screams as they were being led away and their feast was left behind to five happy book worms.

Thanks for reading. I wish I could go back in time to that event again as it was timeless and will live forever in my memory.

Turd Ferguson

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote: »

There was also an old man who'd have his hands in his pockets and be rubbing himself and moaning while talking to the girls...

Snyper?

Birneybau

Thanks for posting.No,really......

c - 13

Probably not the weirdest but still one of my favorites -

Working in a garden centre around Christmas time, selling Christmas trees. Some guy comes up to me looking for the biggest tree we had, no problem. So I show it to him, he's happy, i'm happy, I take his cash and carry the tree to the car park for him.

Then he stops beside a Seicento. I point out that he doesn't have a hope of fitting the tree in does he want me to put it out the back and he can collect it later with a larger car maybe ?

No, no, no problem he assures me. he jumps into the driver seat, rolls down the window and asks me to hand him the tree. A little confused at this stage I do so and off he drives out the gate with one hand out the window holding an 8 foot Christmas tree against the side of his car (in busy traffic).

I went back into the shop and turned on the local radio station to listen out for a crash involving a Seicento and a Christmas tree ...

Hauk

@c - 13

Haha. Best mental Image of the day

Hauk

Tupins

I worked in a poultry company years ago doing christmas cover in the office. A big pharmaceutical company in the area used to give their workers a free turkey for christmas. They would each get a voucher and come to our office to claim it. This company had ordered the large size turkeys. Anyway, this woman came to collect hers one day and on seeing the size of it she turned to me and said (in all sincerity) "Oh that's quite big, will it fit in my oven?" - she actually expected me to answer that!!

Overflow

3 Stories:

1. The Homeless Guy
I worked in an Internet Cafe on Dawson St. in Dublin a few years ago. Anyway this old homeless guy used to come in everyday and buy a coffee. He never said a word, just pointed at the coffee machine. The guy stank of p*ss and sh*t and was flithy. So one day he comes in and stands in front of the counter and points to his coffee. So i make him the coffee and hand it to him, but he just stands there looking at me, he then starts making 'Gas Faces' and i get a bit suspicious so i walk around from behind the counter to discover he just stood there and p*ssed his pants infront of the counter and left a nice puddle of p*ss, i suspect he also sh*t his pants coming from the smell of him.

2. The Pedo
Working in the same cafe we had this wierd regular who came in everyday and sat down the back of the internet cafe for hours. One day a couple came up to me and said there was a guy down the back making strange noises and rubbing his crotch area. So i went down and the guy had child porn all over the screen and was relieving himself. I couldnt feckin beleive my eyes, he was doing this infront of other customers. So without saying anything to him i went back to the counter and called the Garda. The guy then came up to pay for his internet time and i told him i seen what he was doing and that i had called the cops ad the he had to stay here. He Actually waited around for the cops and was arrested.

3. Mobile Phone Customer
I worked for a big mobile phone network provider on the helpdesk. One day i get call from a customer telling me they cant make any calls. So i follow some procedures and made some changes on the computer system and asked her to turn the phone off, take out the battery and turn it back on. The phone goes dead....

Monkey61

A few more choice selections of Ilac loveliness...

The creepy peadophile
A man in the filthiest raincoat in the world (regardless of weather) used to come in quite regularly to peruse the selection of children's videos - usually, but not always sporting a massive erection under his flimsy tracksuit bottoms. It was very creepy. He liked to discuss these films at length before asking us to hold some for him until the next day.

The masturbating teen
Once upon a time a colleague strolled down to the corner of the shop to see what a suspicious looking tracksuited teen was up to. He had his hand down his trousers and was furiously masturbating. Apparently the singles chart was just that arousing. She told him that he unfortunately was not going to be allowed to touch anything in the shop with that hand.

rainbow kirby

Had a weird one when I worked for Game:

Was trying to sell an Xbox 360 bundle to a family one Saturday evening, and was trying to help them pick out games. The 2 sons were browsing the usual sport and car games, and the odd FPS, so I suggested Call of Duty 3 as it was one of the games that was on the bundle deal we were supposed to be pushing. The father's jaw nearly dropped at this point and he said "No, absolutely not, my sons can't have any game which involves the killing of human beings in a historical setting. We're Scientologists and we believe in past lives". After taking a minute to get over my internal WTF, they eventually left with a couple of sports games with the console.

cornbb

I worked in a service station/shop once. A guy asked us for advice on motor oil. We asked whether he had a petrol or diesel engine. He said "oh it doesn't matter, I'm gonna rub it on myself". He was a body builder, and apparently motor oil was the right type of shiny for him