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Beauty and the Beast

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I've recently fallen for a guy that I work with and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. When I initially saw him I didn't rate him very highly in the looks department but as I got to know him i discovered that he's a really cool guy and is hilarious. He has the whole office in stitches the entire time and that's a very attractive quality to me.
Anyway, not being big headed but I'm a former Miss Donegal and have been told i could get any guy I want - the guy I want is him. Trouble is, a gang of us went for drinks after work last Satyrday and a bunch of my friends joined us. When I pointed him out to my friends they were all shocked. They all kinda smirked and made remarks like 'You can do so much better', 'Why are you settling for a minger like him' and 'What the hell are you thinking!!'.
These comments really hurt because I like him so much but knowing that my friends find him horrible looking is bothering me.
I know alot of people are probably going to say that I shouldn't care what other people think and I should stop being so shallow but the fact is it's bothereing me. I came into work yesterday and he's no longer attractive to me because I keep picturing my friends laughing at my choice of guy.
Am I being ridiculous or can anyone see where I'm coming from?
Also, how can i block out what they said and like him again??
I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league and i'm concerned of the looks were gonna get walking down the street together. I know i shouldn't care what complete strangers think but it's putting me off him big time, poor guy.

Thanks

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vandermeyde

Sounds like he had a lucky escape so :rolleyes:

star-pants

Your friends wouldn't be the ones dating him
The public wouldn't be the ones dating him

You would.

I do understand the fact that you're aware he's not overly attractive -- people become more attractive the more you get to know him. I suggest you do that, and see what happens.

justsomebloke

vandermeyde wrote: »

Sounds like he had a lucky escape so :rolleyes:

agreed. hopefully he never finds out about it or chances are that he won't even rate you as a friend let alone a potential partner. Seriously girl get over yourself

togster

Brave thread. I can relate to your situation, my girlfriend is a model and i am not. It doesn't bother her and it doesn't bother me. But thats us. If it bothers you it is a reflection on you not him. You need to look at your-self and why your friends approval is so important. But instead of criticising you i would say this, likes too short to care what other people think, as it will infiltrate every aspect of your life. So grow up and decide if you want him and find him attractive... maybe hes not interested in you?!

Beruthiel

vandermeyde wrote: »

Sounds like he had a lucky escape so

Indeed, because if you actually care about what others think of your potential partner then you have a bit of growing up to do yet.
Also, what kind of so called friends would make those kind of comments in the first place?

He'll still have you laughing when your sixty, you won't have your looks.

fits

What horrible friends you must have.

The guy sounds really lovely to me, if you like him go for it...

whiskeyman

Shallow Hal anyone?

biko

Here's my suggestion:
Start seeing the guy if he likes you too (he might not be interested) and then introduce him to your friends one or two at the time. That way he'll win them over too and problem is gone.

Do what's best for YOU, that's the way to go imo.

beans

I know it's easier to say than to do, but you'll enjoy life more if you stop paying so much attention to those around you and take more time out to think about what you feel about a situation.

I do know what you mean though. I used to think like this, probably an insecurity thing. It's liberating when you begin to trust your own instincts on these things, you feel like you're living your own life rather than putting on a perpetual show for the benefit of others. Good luck.

lol at the title by the way

AngryBadger

To be honest you obviously are fairly shallow if it bothers you to this extent.

Everybody wants to find someone they're attracted to on a physical and a non-physical level, when one or the other isn't there it's not going to work out.

But in your case you don't want to go out with this guy because you think your friends will laugh at you. So yeah, you are shallow, and IN FACT it's this guy (not you) who can do a lot better.

Blackpitts

SoShallow? wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I've recently fallen for a guy that I work with and I'm pretty sure he likes me too. When I initially saw him I didn't rate him very highly in the looks department but as I got to know him i discovered that he's a really cool guy and is hilarious. He has the whole office in stitches the entire time and that's a very attractive quality to me.
Anyway, not being big headed but I'm a former Miss Donegal and have been told i could get any guy I want - the guy I want is him. Trouble is, a gang of us went for drinks after work last Satyrday and a bunch of my friends joined us. When I pointed him out to my friends they were all shocked. They all kinda smirked and made remarks like 'You can do so much better', 'Why are you settling for a minger like him' and 'What the hell are you thinking!!'.
These comments really hurt because I like him so much but knowing that my friends find him horrible looking is bothering me.
I know alot of people are probably going to say that I shouldn't care what other people think and I should stop being so shallow but the fact is it's bothereing me. I came into work yesterday and he's no longer attractive to me because I keep picturing my friends laughing at my choice of guy.
Am I being ridiculous or can anyone see where I'm coming from?
Also, how can i block out what they said and like him again??
I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league and i'm concerned of the looks were gonna get walking down the street together. I know i shouldn't care what complete strangers think but it's putting me off him big time, poor guy.

Thanks

this kind of attitude really drives me mad! :mad:
your friends are ridiculous!
when a friend introduced me her/his partner, I've never used such nasty words even if he/she was ugly or not attractive to me. We should always have respect for other people choice and the beauty is in the eye of the beholder ffs! it's not my place to say "u can get more then him" because I assume you know him better than me and obviously he has some qualities.
What are you supposed to do? date a handsome d*ckhead instead?
U'd better off to change friends, you deserve more than them.

dudara

Beruthiel wrote: »

Indeed, because if you actually care about what others think of your potential partner then you have a bit of growing up to do yet.
Also, what kind of so called friends would make those kind of comments in the first place?
He'll still have you laughing when your sixty, you won't have your looks.

+1, especially with regard to the comments made by your so-called "friends".

fits

I've been thinking about this, and I know it shouldnt, but it would bother me if my friends dismissed a guy like that. However my friends wouldnt do such a thing based on looks alone.

OP I think you should trust your instincts on this guy, if he is what you say he is he will win your shallow friends over anyway.

kmick

If you like him ignore your friends. You can hook up with him on the QT for a while and when you are more comfortable let them in on the secret. Tell them he is super-rich and hung like a stallion. Shallow people will think you are wonderful.

Pompey Magnus

SoShallow? wrote: »

I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league

Sorry? What kind of a statement is that to make? If that is your attitude then you should forget about him and move on to some handsome bloke who is actually worthy to be seen in your presence. Otherwise don't listen to what your friends have to say and if you really want to be with him then go for it.

Spud83

Jeez it’s not like your Miss Ireland, Miss World, Miss Universe etc...

Former Miss Donegal, example of competition

Get over your self, besides you are all ready acting like you could have this guy. You never know he might all ready see you as the shallow cow you obviously are, and tell you to piss off. Ah here's hoping anyway.

I can all ready smell the ban stick

BoozyBabe

SoShallow? wrote: »

I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league

WTF!!!!:eek:

Who says? You?
That has to be the most "up my own árse" comment I've ever read on this forum!!!

The fact you even think leagues exist shows how pathetically immature you are!!!

Go & grow up!
Perhaps he doesn't go for the 'self-admiring' type & therefore isn't into you anyway!!!

As B said, a sense of humour stays forever, looks don't.
If you truely like this guy for who he is, then you shouldn't give a rats árse what your friends think of him.
You'd be dating him, not them & there's the possibility that 30 years down the line, when they've married some hunk who got the groups approval, that they'll be left on their own while he chases after a younger piece of skirt, & you're still laughing at 'not-so-hunky's' sense of humour!!

TBH, if you can walk back into work today & not find him attractive because of someone else's opinion, then he's far better off without you.

Glowing

Well your friends seem to be shallow - do you ever wonder if that's the only reason they hang around with you?

muppetkiller

I think the title sums you up perfectly..shallow indeed.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies so far, even the ones saying he had a lucky escape. I guess I am pretty shallow and that's bothering me too because I wish I wasn't. I do put alot of emphasis on looks and I just wish he was hotter. Is there anything wrong with wanting a really hot partner who your proud of though?
I'm always jealous when one of the girls has a hot guy on her arm and I suppose I wanna make them jealous of my guy. They are all envious of my looks so I want them to be envious of everything I have even my boyfriend.

babyguinnessfan

Read and then re-read Beruthiel's post.

Do you ever see couples in restaurants with not one word to say to each other? That's what will happen to you if you choose looks over personality. Maybe you don't realise it yet but personality is sooo much more important, all cliches aside. Would you prefer to be stuck next to a boring hunk who is checking out the waitresses or have a decent entertaining conversation?

And sorry if it's harsh but just because someone is good looking does not mean they have their automatic choice of partners - some people manage to look beyond the 'beauty'...so don't assume that the decision to go out with him is all yours...

l3LoWnA

I would advise you to go for it! And then I'd be crossing my fingers and praying to god that you get the knock-back you truly deserve. This guy is funny and obviously a nice guy, the fact is thatHE can more than likely do SO much better than YOU, (ie. meet someone equally funny and nice as himself!!!) so leave the guy alone, grow up and get over yourself!

What in the name is "Miss Donegal?" And who cares?! And by the way, your friends are a true reflection of how shallow you are yourself!!

Sorry, but her attitude (could it be a troll?!) has just tipped me over the edge today :eek:

JohnCleary

LOL wouldn't it be funny if you asked him out, and he turned you down

Ms. Donegal? Nothing special, apart from ye have sexy accents. An 'average' Eastern European girl would put ya to shame tbh

DonJose

alanmurphy83 wrote: »

Jeez it’s not like your Miss Ireland, Miss World, Miss Universe etc...

Former Miss Donegal, example of competition

LOL you beat me to it, whats the population of Donegal anyway, most of those gals are just making up the numbers

magick

SoShallow? wrote: »

Hi Guys,
I came into work yesterday and he's no longer attractive to me because I keep picturing my friends laughing at my choice of guy.

Am I being ridiculous or can anyone see where I'm coming from?
Also, how can i block out what they said and like him again??

I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league and i'm concerned of the looks were gonna get walking down the street together.
Thanks

looks like he did have a lucky escape!

with a girlfriend like this who needs enemies ?!

Ayla

SoShallow? wrote: »

I'll hold my hands up and admit that I know i'm way out of his league and i'm concerned of the looks were gonna get walking down the street together. I know i shouldn't care what complete strangers think but it's putting me off him big time, poor guy.

I will second (third? fourth?) the other posters who told you to get off your massive high horse. Who do you think you are to make such laim comments as this? Your friends may have expressed their shallowness to you, and maybe this is the first time you've seen it, but by god you're proving you're no better by your comments.

Your fears of strangers' opinions are putting you off him, and you think he's the "poor guy"??? Take a bite of some humble pie, dear, because some day you may be old and wrinkled and he'll still be laughing.

ferdi

OP all you are doing here is re-enforcing the perception that good looking people are often shallow stupid and stuck up. Go find yourself a former Mr. Donegal maybe?

LegacyUser

SoShallow? wrote: »

I'm always jealous when one of the girls has a hot guy on her arm and I suppose I wanna make them jealous of my guy. They are all envious of my looks so I want them to be envious of everything I have even my boyfriend.

Envy? Jealousy? Why is it so important that they're envious of everything you have? These are two very, very destructive emotions and certainly not anything I'd ever aspire to cause or feel.

Would you not rather your friends were _happy_ for you being with a nice guy than _envious_ of you with a good-looking one?

BoozyBabe

SoShallow? wrote: »

Is there anything wrong with wanting a really hot partner who your proud of though?
I'm always jealous when one of the girls has a hot guy on her arm and I suppose I wanna make them jealous of my guy. They are all envious of my looks so I want them to be envious of everything I have even my boyfriend.

Oh my God!!!
It gets worse!!!!

Are you SERIOUS!!!!

So, not being content with been given good genes (which may only be your opinion of yourself), you're only happy if you think everyone's jealous of the fact.
& then not being content with that, you want them to be jealous of everything else too.

God you've some growing up to do!!!!!

& can you not be proud to have an intellient, witty, really kind bloke who thinks the world of you & treats you well who is not 'model' material"

OP, you really need to see how there are SO much more important things in life than looks.
Seriously:- what age are you? You seem to be about 15.

You could go out tomorrow, get hit by a bus, be left in a wheelchair with serious facial disfigurement, you could have children with life debilitating diseases, you could have a hunk of a husband who dies at 30 from prostate cancer!!

If any of these things happened, would the fact that you were Miss Donegal make any difference???? Would the fact that your husband was a hunk make any difference?

Time to see the BIG picture

Zulu

Don't worry about it OP you have a ridiculous ego. The problem will solve itself once you've had a kid or two.