nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

is marriage pointless these days?

queenlex

Does anyone else wonder about the point of marriage these days? With polls recently saying that in 80% of relatonships at least one person cheats/ has cheated is there any point as its less hassle to just break up with the boyfriend/girlfriend?

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

bronte

The-Rigger wrote:

Nah she is right.

Far too many fools get married.

People just seem to get married and/or have kids because it's the done thing, rather than having a huge commitment to it.

Yeah, I just hate this idea of 'ah sure everyone's doing it, why don't we?'
That's not very romantic.
Also the pressure that's put on people sometimes to follow in friends or siblings footsteps is extremely annoying.

Jesus Wept

Tha Gopher wrote:

You call decent tax credits and having a second person paying the mortgage financial suicide? A bigger financial suicide is buying a one bedroom flat for 180,000 when you are 27, meeting a girl maybe 5 years down, decide to settle/start family/buy real house and then you have a poxy sale price on your flat because in 2012 nobody wants to live in an overpriced boxroom.

Maybe people shouldn't get financial incentives to marry.
Ditto kids.

Seems unfair.

peasant

Any long term relationship needs "work", people change, circumstances change, the relationship needs to evolve and adapt, whether you're married or not.

A marriage is nothing but a long term relationship with tax benefits

The question really is: are you willing and able to commit to one person long term ?

If yes, you might as well get married; if no, you better say so at the beginning of any (every) relationship.

AlmightyCushion

ryanairzer wrote:

Terry is never sarcastic:

Me - "what are you doing, Terry?"
Terry - "Preparing to rape you"
Me - "Haha - **** get off me no no NOOOOO"
Terry - "MHUAHAHAHAHAHA"

It's just his way of saying hi. You get used to it after a while.

North&South

ryanairzer wrote:

Terry is never sarcastic:

Me - "what are you doing, Terry?"
Terry - "Preparing to rape you"
Me - "Haha - **** get off me no no NOOOOO"
Terry - "MHUAHAHAHAHAHA"

Awww... and there was me thinking Terry was a gentleman too......:p

limklad

When One person in the relationship takes over (Becomes the aggressive Boss (Claims they are always right)) and not gives respect to the other, take them for granted, one or both abuses the other verbally, emotionally, and physically, then marriage is then pointless.

The Vow of Marriage.

'for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health until death do them part’

If you are not willing to obey this vow, then marriage is pointless.

Marriage is also pointless when one/both partners do nothing to nourish the relationship. Not doing their bit of the work, in house chores, in finicanal matters , and in sexual relationship.

Also Marriage is pointless when one partner is away with the fairies with delusions about their great future their marriage is going to be, without acknowledging that bad times always happen.
Bad times are a part of life and only if both work together can the marriage succeed, and become stronger for it. Successful Marriage also depends in how to give each other space and/or comfort when the other partner requires is the most.

When both give commitment and respect, then marriage is not pointless. After all, it takes two to tango!

If a Judge gets a person arriving in court with 2 and above divorces in their Résumé, then he should ban them from marring again until they have completed minumual a 2 Year training course once marriage proposal is initiated (6 Months after going out together minimum can the Marriage proposal can they proceed with the next step which is the theory & practical exam with marriage and kids counselors after the two years are up (final exams).
If they both fail then another 2 years should be placed on their marriage ban.

Part of the Course should entail them looking after various species which will be male goats, foxes, skunks within their home (Must be living together). Just like kids they will certainly cause enough problems and if they survive that ordeal together, then they (Students of the marriage course) deserve to pass.

4+: then Jail them

6+: Execute them. :eek:

P.S I would advocate animal cruelty before subjecting kids to bad couples. After all the animals are well able to fight back and throw the pain back. If you do not believe me, Try and upset a skunk.

It will save a lot of unnecessary pain.

[Deleted User]

The-Rigger wrote:

Nah she is right.

Far too many fools get married.

People just seem to get married and/or have kids because it's the done thing, rather than having a huge commitment to it.

Exactly! God I hate that!
I'm only 21 and my gmother keeps asking when I want to get married!

limklad

If only divorce process was this simple to do.
http://news.zdnet.co.uk/emergingtech/0,1000000183,2090283,00.htm

A man in Dubai who divorced his wife by a short text message has set a legal precedent for other Islamic divorce cases.
Under Islamic law, a man can divorce his wife by simply saying "I divorce thee" three times. The Dubai courts have now accepted that this can be done electronically, after a man divorced his wife by a single text message reading, "Why are you late? You are divorced."
The case was referred to Islamic scholars by the family reconciliation of the Dubai courts, in order to assess its validity. "All have said that the divorce is valid as the husband expressed the will to divorce and the wife received it," said religious scholar Abdel-Salam Darwish to the Gulf News.
Darwish decided that four conditions must be met for an electronically communicated divorce to be valid. The husband should be the sender of the message, and he must also wish to divorce. The phrasing must also be unambiguous, and finally the wife must receive the communication. As all four requirements were fulfilled in the above case, the divorce was granted.
In the past two months, 15 other Islamic divorce cases had involved mobile phone messages. Darwish has warned that divorce should not be taken more lightly in the era of electronic communications. "Supposing a husband jokingly sends his wife a message telling her he was divorcing her. Under Sharia law, the divorce would be valid."
The couple in question are in their mid-twenties, and had been married for two years. They are now living together again with their baby daughter, which is allowed under Islamic law.

Jesus Wept

limklad wrote:

If only divorce process was this simple to do.
http://news.zdnet.co.uk/emergingtech/0,1000000183,2090283,00.htm

wrote:

A man in Dubai who divorced his wife by a short text message has set a legal precedent for other Islamic divorce cases.[/B]
Under Islamic law, a man can divorce his wife by simply saying "I divorce thee" three times. The Dubai courts have now accepted that this can be done electronically, after a man divorced his wife by a single text message reading, "Why are you late? You are divorced."
The case was referred to Islamic scholars by the family reconciliation of the Dubai courts, in order to assess its validity. "All have said that the divorce is valid as the husband expressed the will to divorce and the wife received it," said religious scholar Abdel-Salam Darwish to the Gulf News.
Darwish decided that four conditions must be met for an electronically communicated divorce to be valid. The husband should be the sender of the message, and he must also wish to divorce. The phrasing must also be unambiguous, and finally the wife must receive the communication. As all four requirements were fulfilled in the above case, the divorce was granted.
In the past two months, 15 other Islamic divorce cases had involved mobile phone messages. Darwish has warned that divorce should not be taken more lightly in the era of electronic communications. "Supposing a husband jokingly sends his wife a message telling her he was divorcing her. Under Sharia law, the divorce would be valid."
The couple in question are in their mid-twenties, and had been married for two years. They are now living together again with their baby daughter, which is allowed under Islamic law.

What if he writes

wrote:

lol jk!

at the end of it? Or

wrote:

:-D jk! l8ters

limklad

The-Rigger wrote:

What if he writes

at the end of it? Or

I can only assume it divorse is still valid according to the article.

_Kaiser_

limklad wrote:

I can only assume it divorse is still valid according to the article.

Nah.. that's covered by:

The phrasing must also be unambiguous

Adding lol, jk

etc would negate that.

kelle

Marriage is not pointless if you find Mr. Right. I married mine 11 years ago yesterday!

watna

I believe in marriage, I think it's important for a number of reasons. I'm used to arguing about though, my bf always says he never wants to get married. I just think he's protesting too much. I think it's important to stand up in front of your friends and family (not God though, cos, you know... he doesn't exist) and commit to each other. I also think for legal reasons it's important, especially in Ireland where father's rights are poor, especially if you're not married. I do believe in divorce but think people divorce too easily. It should be the last resort after trying everything else. Relationships are hard work in general and I think anyone going in to a marriage thinking "I've got the ring on my finger, it'll be easy now" is being incredibly naive.

Ireland is a country that does encourage marriage I think. My bf is from NZ and if he wants to get residency here because he is my partner we have to get married. In NZ they have something called a "partnership visa" where you can bring your other half bnack to NZ.You don't have to be married, you just have to prove your in a committed relationship (i.e. prove that you have lived together for at least a year, provide financial dealings in both your name etc.) If i were to get this visa I'd get permanent residency in NZ. We wouldn't get married just for visa reasons though, that'd be so unromantic! and a bad reason to start a committed lie together.

loismustdie

watna would you get married in church even though you don't believe in god?

i think marraige is impractical. it's a pity the public see it as an act of dedication when it is only an expensive day out. a couple can prove their love by their day-to-day habits.
i think it would be more important to put money and efforts to get a mortgage in a time when house prices are high, and be able to provide well for a family.
the emphasis on wedding days now and expectation are ridiculous. my baby shares his dad's surname as that is necessary for social reasons in this age to avoid stereotyping

[Deleted User]

loismustdie wrote:

watna would you get married in church even though you don't believe in god?

i think marraige is impractical. it's a pity the public see it as an act of dedication when it is only an expensive day out. a couple can prove their love by their day-to-day habits.
i think it would be more important to put money and efforts to get a mortgage in a time when house prices are high, and be able to provide well for a family.
the emphasis on wedding days now and expectation are ridiculous.

Well you can't call the entirety of marriage impractical just because of the wedding day

loismustdie

i think the cost of a wedding day makes a lasting impact on life after the wedding. i'd be more for a small blessing if anything. i think there are more important things to focus on. marraige doesn't actually change anything. i know people who have been together for up to ten years start to doubt their relationship on the eve of the wedding, whereas before the pressure of the wedding they were happily enjoying the ride.

K-9

bluewolf wrote:

Well you can't call the entirety of marriage impractical just because of the wedding day

Just ask Bridezilla!;)

Dave!

Elessar wrote:

Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life.

Oh the naive.

Jayzus -- cynical much?! :eek:

watna

loismustdie wrote:

watna would you get married in church even though you don't believe in god?

i think marraige is impractical. it's a pity the public see it as an act of dedication when it is only an expensive day out. a couple can prove their love by their day-to-day habits.
i think it would be more important to put money and efforts to get a mortgage in a time when house prices are high, and be able to provide well for a family.
the emphasis on wedding days now and expectation are ridiculous. my baby shares his dad's surname as that is necessary for social reasons in this age to avoid stereotyping

No, I wouldn't get married in a church

a) I'm not a believer
b) my bf is a hindu!

limklad

kelle wrote:

Marriage is not pointless if you find Mr. Right. I married mine 11 years ago yesterday!

There is no point of having Mr. Right if Mrs. Right is not there.
I know one woman who claims to have Mr. Right and go out of her way to make him miserable, when he does not agree with her about any little thing, such as when to pick up a paper. He is not allowed to have his own opinion or have any freedom. She constantly questions (degrading manner) him where has he gone to. He can’t escape from marriage because financially, it is not an option for him, and he is beaten up emotionally and no longer have confidence in himself.
That is not a partnership of equals. The saying "the old ball and chain" comes into mind here. She claims she is happy, because she gets her way. He is totally miserable and put up a performance when out in public. Most people notice it, especially when she puts him down in public, and she very obnoxious when she does it.
She hates me, because I began to question her calm manner in more detail about her relationship, especially when she starts to complain about divorce and the effect it has on children (Most of the Time it is the fighting between them is the main problem especially when they turn the child against the other parent), and unmarried couples living together, etc. I usually find holes in her claims and question those holes in her argument. She usually looses her temper.

I know another couple they both have completely opposite views and they both accept that. When they make a decision together, there is no complaining or arguing about past events. They give each other respect and support when they need to, not just in the good times but in desperate times too. This couple never stops taking to each other, and you just can’t get a word in there once they start!!. To him she is not the “Ball and chain” but a breath of fresh air and he is right, and I envy him and he knows it too. This was a fella who was very nervous about getting married incase she would change just like the other woman I mentioned.

In these modern day, with our law and society, Marriage hands over more personal freedom and control to the female gender of the marriage, especially when there are kids are involved.

As a quote of One woman I know said to her newly found husband on their wedding day speech,
“What is yours is mine and what is mine is mine”

limklad

limklad wrote:

As a quote of One woman I know said to her newly found husband on their wedding day speech,
“What is yours is mine and what is mine is mine”

I just remembered that I heard from a friend, another bride said the same a similar thing to his cousin after he sign his life away, she says: "I'm the Boss, and I now own you and everything you have"

Ninja_scrotum

ejmaztec wrote:

So, what do unmarried parents call their kids? (talking surnames here, not bast*rds)

My parents never married. I was given my fathers surname. Then the parents broke up and mam gave me her surname. I have the official change of name form! It didn't cause too much hassle because I was like 3yrs old or something.

I think marriage is old fashioned and a waste of money. It ages you by a few years also. It starts the ball rolling ie. kids, house, mortgage, no more sessions with the boyz etc.

If I did find a really nice girlfriend, "the one", and I was confident that I could spend the rest of my life with her, I'd SKIP THE WEDDING and go straight for an extended honeymoon. 3 months traveling around some continent like South America or whatever. After the 3 months you will know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life together or not.

Marriage is almost a tribal custom don't you think? Stuck to the same person UNTIL YOU DIE???!!! It's crazy IMO.

A very rare sight is two wedded 40yr olds holding hands....

event

Elessar wrote:

Yes it's pointless. Also financial suicide.

I cant help but snigger when I hear one of my co-workers calling his fiance every f*cking hour cos they're just so much in love. Wait until your 40 mate, you'll hardly have a conversation with your wife, if you're still married that is, which you wont be after one of you cheats or falls "out of love" with the other and everything becomes routine. The you loose the house, your car, your money and your life.

Oh the naive.

'oh the bitter' more like

Orange69

Ninja_scrotum wrote:

I'd SKIP THE WEDDING and go straight for an extended honeymoon. 3 months traveling around some continent like South America or whatever. After the 3 months you will know for sure if you want to spend the rest of your life together or not.

Thats exactly what i told my sister to do ... but did she listen?

1 day in the arsehole of Clare vs. 3 months living it up in SE Asia...

no contest...

arac

its interesting that alot of the views expressed here seem to display a dissillusionment with marriage and the whole idea..I still have faith in it as an institution and a important part of society.
I do think that there is so much emphasis placed on the day itself and it is absolutely ridiculous going 30k in debt, only to constantly worry about how much everyone else will give you in return so that you can hope to break even...
the point of a marriage and indeed a wedding day is to stand up in front of your family and friends, and maybe god if that s what you want and say to everyone, I love this person and I want to spend the rest of my life with them...not neccesarily to have the flashiest hotel, etc etc...if the emphasis shifted from all that maybe ppl would nt be getting married for all the wrong reasons!!

marriages are never easy but there is also evidence to suggest that along with every marriage break down there is a very happily married couple...I know my parents are just one, 31 years strong...

Nevyn

Marriage as a contract and as a legal way by which a person gains rights is still important and valid.

limklad

Thaedydal wrote:

Marriage as a contract and as a legal way by which a person

Mostly (al lot on the side of females)

Thaedydal wrote:

gains rights is still important and valid.

What Rights? and Yes it is a contract, an unfair one to Honest Males nowadays, If a wife leaves a family home and abandon the child to go live with her fling and leave with the husband to look after the child on his own and then a few years later she goes for full custody and wins. This has happens all over the world. Again, Explain what rights!

ScumLord

I don't think marriage works in todays world. I would enter into a contract to start a family though. We agree to have a kid and do our best to raise it it would last 18 years. The parents wouldn't necessarily have to stay faithful to they're partner but would have to consider whats best for the child. It's what happens in the real world anyway once two people have a child they're stuck together for all time no matter what happens.

echter

a lot people are atheist these days - why get joined to someone in an institution you don't believe in/don't attend??????? it's financial ruin and then afterwards phrases such as the 'aul ball and chain come out of the woodwork

Dagon

I can't believe nobody has mentioned the one thing that will solve all these problems about marriage being unfair to men, ball and chain, etc.?

Pre-nuptials - simple as!

There you go, solves all the problems just like that!

But how legally binding are they really if challenged?