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Child Item

Big Feckin' Hairy Bastard Spiders...

Basq

Met a mate of mine yesterday who's just home from a 2 year stint in Canada. Actually, he's on Boards (YeatsCounty).

He mentioned to me how he's been home since last Saturday and "what's with all these huge spiders?". I had seen some big enough spiders as of late but nothing that would make me bring it up in conversation really if you know what i mean.

This morning, i know exactly what he's talking about!

Was doing my traditional Saturday morning clean and lifted up the weighing scales in the bathroom - this massive spider just appeared. How he even fitted under the scales is beyond me? He scarpered around the room for a while.

Took a photo of him with my camera phone in a corner... doesn't really do him justice as there was not enough light but just look at him in perspective to the corner of the wall. It's not maginified or anything... it's as close as i could to him as he'd scarper very fast if he sensed me nearby (sorta like women in that way!).

Shelob..

Anyone else noticed a growth spurt in spiders as of late?

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Niamho!

Agh!! and its not like you can just grab them in tissue. or Squash them. imagine the Crunch.....:eek:

rain on

This thread has reminded me that the first thing I saw when I got up this morning was a jaysusing great spider in the bathroom sink. I reversed at great speed out of the bathroom and perfomed the necessary ablutions in work, and there's been no-one else in the house all day so the bastard is probably still there. Fuxache.

The Bollox

lol, when I looked at Biko's first pic I thought "naaah, he's just having a laugh, or it's 2 moderatly big spiders" but when I saw the second one I thought "I'm going to send my lack-of-sleep bill to that bástard!"

Steez

Was in Australia summer before last, and the little things here have got NOTHING on the ones over there. I still recall me and me mate walking into the sitting room, only to see the biggest spider in the world calmly sitting/standing/hanging on the far wall.
It's the only time i've ever shat meself from seeing on of them. And it was proper big like, not like the ones that're the size of a smoke box. This one's BODY was the size of a smoke box. Add on big ass legs and you get an idea.
Everyone in the house refused to go into the room, until me mates ma went in and killed it

Just looked at that second pic biko posted, massive deja vu.
*whips out hammer, frantically looking everywhere*

Dregon

I remember my dad showed me this picture of camel spiders that are found in Iraq, scared the hell outta me and i couldn't get any sleep that night:(

Basq

Dregon wrote:

I remember my dad showed me this picture of camel spiders that are found in Iraq, scared the hell outta me and i couldn't get any sleep that night:(

Ahhhh yeah... remember that image went around in e-mails like mad a year or two back saying "someone stationed in Baghdad was bitten by it, and they eat the flesh directly off your body" or something like that.

They're harmless though!

Guy:Incognito

I just killed one that looks exactly liek the one in Basquille's OP. I have a fear f them so just went after it with the shoe. It was in my bedroom so its fair game.

Basq

Yeah, i squashed mine with a tissue on the end of the top of a brush, then flushed him!

I have a fear of them too...

The Bollox

A true story and its source was the Australian Quarantine Inspection Service in Adelaide.

A bloke and his family were on holidays in the United States and went to Mexico for a week. An avid cactus fan, the man bought a one-metre high, rare and expensive cactus there. On arrival back home Australian Customs said it must be quarantined for 3 months.

He finally got his cactus home. Planted it in his backyard, and over time it grew to about 2 metres. One evening while watering his garden after a warm spring day, he gave the cactus a light spray. He was amazed to see the plant shiver all over, he gave it another spray and it shivered again. He was puzzled so he rang the council who put him on to the state gardens people. After a few transfers he got the state's foremost cactus expert who asked him many questions. How Tall is it? Has it flowered? etc.

Finally he asked the most disturbing question. "Is your family in the house?" The bloke answered yes. The cactus expert said get out of the house NOW, get on to the front nature strip and wait for me, I will be there in 20 minutes.

Fifteen minutes later, 2 fire trucks, 2 police cars and an ambulance came screaming around the corner. A fireman got out and asked "Are you the bloke with the cactus?" I am, he said. A guy jumped out of the fire truck wearing what looked like a space suit, a breathing cylinder and mask attached to what looked like a scuba backpack with a large hose attached. He headed for the backyard and turned a flame-thrower on the cactus spraying it up and down.

After a few minutes the flame-thrower man stopped, the cactus stood smoking and spitting, half the fence was burnt and parts of the gardens were well and truly scorched. Just then the cactus expert appeared and laid a calming hand on the bloke's shoulder. "What the hell's going on?" he says. "Let me show you" says the cactus man. He went over to the cactus and picked away a crusty bit, the cactus was almost entirely hollow and filled with tiger striped bird-eating tarantula spiders, each about the size of two hand spans.

The story was that this type of spider lays eggs in this type of cactus and they hatch and live in it as they grow to full size. When full size they release themselves. The cactus just explodes and about 150 dinner plate sized hairy spiders are flung from it, dispersing everywhere. They had been ready to pop. The aftermath was that the house and the adjoining houses had to be vacated and fumigated: police tape was put up outside the whole area and no one was allowed in for two weeks.

And here's what one of the spiders looks like sitting on a full size dinner plate.

and here's a picture of the type of spider inside the cactus
massive spider
not actually true!!!!!1!!!1

Basq

Tip for you, The Bollox!

Every time you see anything on an Internet / e-mail containing the words "true story", refer to Snopes

Cos more than likely it's not actually true!

With regards to cactus spider, case and point!

The Bollox

yes I know, look at the white writing under my post, I just wanted to freak out a load of people

bronte

Thanks ya bollox! won't sleep tonight even if it's not true!
I'm still too scared to look at biko's 2nd pic.
The legs freaked me right out Arrrggh!

Steez

bronte wrote:

Thanks ya bollox! won't sleep tonight even if it's not true!
I'm still too scared to look at biko's 2nd pic.
The legs freaked me right out Arrrggh!

You don't have to look at it, just imagine how big the spider'd have to be to have legs that size. I'd say it'd be at least the size of your outstretched hand. Just bodysize like. Now imagine that crawling into your mouth while you slept, that'd be nasty.

bronte

Steez!!!! ya arse! gonna have to get the duct tape out now and tape me gob shut!
I'll need therapy cos of this thread

Steez

You'll need something a bit stronger than duct tape, the size of the feckers in those photos, they'd break through it in no time. I'd say go gorilla tape. Or elephant tape if you can.

bronte

I'd love to travel to Australia sometime,but the size of the yokes over there frightens me!
Spiders...the bane of my life :mad:

Steez

Ah they're not that big.

Google image search a spider crab...you'll probably never run into one though, unless you're in the Arctic sea. Still though, body the size of a basketball. Imagine if they managed to survive on land!

I'll stop now, i'm being quite horrible. Apologies bronte

bronte

You're grand! Those spider crabs look nasty alright!
They don't freak me out at all though, its the feckin spiders...dunno why but they just do!
Even my male friends aren't fond of them

Steez

I don't really understand it tbh. Spider = really not very big at all. Is it the scuttly thing? It's a bit freaky i suppose. But seriously, shoe or rolled up paper.
In fact, any object that's subject to gravity should do.

bronte

i reckon it's just that they have too many legs and too many eyes..and they can be in front of you one second but totally disappear the next.
I hate that...why the need to run off so quickly? They're up to something i tells ya.
Plotting our doom probably

Steez

Or maybe they're scared of us? We invented the world! Spiders ain't got naff on us. Bronte, you've made it my mission to rid you of your arachnaphobia, or however it's spelt.

Step one, find a spider and DON'T RUN.
Step two, roll up newspaper.
Step three, hit spider repeatedly.
Step four, smoke a cigarette.
Step five, be happy that you've killed something that's about the size of your toe.

bronte

Step one, find a spider and DON'T RUN..squeal loudly in an annoying fashion...down pitcher of tequila
Step two, roll up newspaper.
Step three, work up courage to hit spider while squealing.. hit spider repeatedly
Step four, smoke a cigarette.
Step five, spider has somehow ended up in hair..scream and shake hair in a frenzy..convince everyone in sight that bronte's insane (not far wrong)
Step six, free spider from hair...run away.. get nice person to kill it dispose of it.. be happy that you've(ahem) killed something that's about the size of your toe.

Today 23:48

Steez

Close enough...
Unless...you're not one of those people who, despite being scared of them, don't like killing them are you? Because if you can glass a spider (in the capture it way, as opposed to the Dublin way) and not have a mental breakdown then you'll be free for life.

If not, then turn your fear into rage and just beat the living shìte out of it. Hell, find a shotgun and shoot it. Actually, shooting a spider sounds like incredibly amounts of fun. Simply for the overkill factor.

Anyway, if you do the rage thing, all you'll have to handle is calming down afterwards and not ridding the entire world of spiders. I still vote for the shooting it idea anyhow

bronte

I don't like killing them..get a bit guilty..and have successfully 'glassed' a few before. (you should patent that!) Once fecked glass and all out the window just to get rid of the thing.. but if it's a really big fecker I do tend to run like hell.
I'm not really bothered by the little money spiders and will just flick them away.
It's strange.. i'm not at all afraid of mice or rats.

Spider-gun ..now there's an idea!

Steez

See, there's no reason to feel guilty about it. There's 40,000 identified species, and a total estimated 200,000 species of spider.
So if there's eg. 10,000 spiders per species (i'm taking a guess), that's 400,000,000 spiders. And that's probably being conservative and only using the identified species.

Add to that the fact that they only live for about a year, and they lay a crapload of eggs each time, you really really really aren't affecting their population.
I know that may increase the fear, but ignore it and stomp away!

Failing that, i'll look into this spider-gun idea and give you a discount on the first order.

The Bollox

Steez wrote:

Google image search a spider crab...you'll probably never run into one though

I wouldn't be so sure. one was found in Bray (I think it was Bray anyway) a few weeks ago. it was only a baby so only 1 meter wide. They're keeping it in a near-by aquatic centre

Nailz

Good preformence! GREAT preformence!!! by.... the Bollox!

bronte

Thanks steez..ya got yourself a pre-order on that beauty!!

haha..I have homer singing "spider-pig" from the simpson's movie playing in my head