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Great Quotes

IvaBigWun

So whats your favourite quote and why? Not my overall fave (I'll have to ponder that) but one I saw recently was:

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened." - Douglas Adams

So whats your fav quote? It can be funny, deep and meaningful, sad or whatever.

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Creamy Goodness

"there are no stupid questions, just stupid people." - Herbert Garrison.

[Deleted User]

"The chinaman is not the issue!"-Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski

shane86

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-Dave Barry

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-Winston Churchill

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
-W.C. Fields

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
-Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
-His reply

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-Oscar Wilde

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
-Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
-Kaiser Welhelm

I drink to make other people interesting.
-George Jean Nathan

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
-Homer Simpson

A drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts
- the legendary Oliver Reed

Favourite film quote ever? What else but...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oP1NMB_I0s

Now go home and get your ****in shinebox

tallus

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.
Brendan Behan.

CathyMoran

St Paul to the Corinthians 12:31 - 13:8
"
Be ambitious for the higher gifts. And I am going to show you a way that is better than any of them.
If I have all the eloquence of men or of angels, but speak without love, I am simply a gong booming or a cymbal clashin"g. If I have the gift of prophecy, understanding all the mysteries there~ are, and knowing everything, and if I have faith in all its fullness, to move mountains, but without love, then I am nothing at all. If I give away all that I possess, piece by piece, and if I even let them take my body to burn it, but am without love, it will do me no good whatever.
Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous;
love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offence, and is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end."
I had it at my wedding and I love it, it is the only bit of the bible that I have memorised.

Shryke

'God fights on the side with the best artillery.' - Napoleon

nervous_twitch

"Yore Ma!" - numerous boardsies, origins not quite remembered.

Rovi

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

WindSock

'Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right''-Henry Ford

''Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove doubt''-Mark Twain

''Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?''-Mae West

biko

Great people talk about ideas
Average people talk about events
Small people talk about other people

HAPPYGIRL

"the old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything"

"i have nothing to declare except my genius" Oscar Wilde.

faceman

Couple of my favs:

"Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and even if, which I do not for a moment believe, this Island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old."
- Winston Churchill during WW2

And a movie speech (this is just an excerpt):

"Then it don't matter. I'll be all around in the dark - I'll be everywhere. Wherever you can look - wherever there's a fight, so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beatin' up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready, and when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise and livin' in the houses they build - I'll be there, too."
- As spoken by Tom Joad (Henry Fonda) in Grapes of Wrath

Churchill was a man for quotes and speeches, very charismatic. Grapes of Wrath is a great movie, and fonda was a fantastic actor.

Plug

"He grabed it harder than Graham Norton in a mickey factory"

Tha Gopher

faceman wrote:

Churchill was a man for quotes and speeches, very charismatic.

He was indeed. Too bad he was such a sh1t to us Irish in regards to our war position mind.

Anyway, my favourite

""We will slaughter them, Bush Jr. and his international gang of bastards!"

Comical Ali, Saddams spokesman in 2003

"Don't believe anything! We will chase the rascals back to London!"

"We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"

"My feelings - as usual - we will slaughter them all"

"Our initial assessment is that they will all die"

He had confidence, ill give him that

stratospheres

Friedrich Nietzsche

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing"

"There is always some madness in love but there is also always some reason in madness"

Ingrid Bergman

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous"

Bill Hicks

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt, then it's just hilarious"

AlphaMale 3OO

Churchill on Golf:

"Golf is an ineffuctual attempt to guide an uncontrolable sphere into an inaccessable hole, with tools illequiped for the purpose".

I think he also said golf was a good walk ruined.

Oriel

“There are two great teams in the city, Liverpool and Liverpool reserves.”

Someone said "football is more important than life and death to you" and I said "Listen, it's more important than that."

Bill Shankly.

Crazy Christ

Bubbles: Plato is the smartest man that ever lived. He said it’s okay to lie if it truly benefits the cause of the people. C*cksucker called it the noble lie.

Ricky: One man's garbage is another man person's good ungarbage

"Well I'd like for you two to come with us but it's clear to see who makes the pants here."

Jesus Wept

Deleted User wrote:

"The chinaman is not the issue!"-Walter Sobchak in The Big Lebowski

Walter Sobchak:
Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

The Dude:
Walter, this isn't a guy who built the fúcking railroads here!

Ruu_Old

Do, or do not. There is no 'try'.-Yoda.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.-George Bernard Shaw

Huggles

"Power is nothing without control." - Pirelli

[Deleted User]

I hate Illinois Nazis.

The Bollox

Kryten: a superlitive suggestion, sir, with only two minor drawbacks. one, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we don't have any defensive shields. now I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw, but I felt it was such a big one that I should mention it twice

Red Dwarf, classic show

faceman

Tony Montana (al pacino):

"In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. "

Pherekydes

The die is cast.

(in Latin, Jacta alea est)

pljudge321

Seeing as there are numerous quotes involving either alcohol or Winston Churchill
I thought I'd use one that combines both

(Quote may not be perfect, conflicting sources)

Bessie Bradock: Winston you're drunk, horribly drunk.

Churchill: Yes, and you're ugly, horribly ugly but in the morning I shall be sober.

AlmightyCushion

The Bollox wrote:

Kryten: a superlitive suggestion, sir, with only two minor drawbacks. one, we don't have any defensive shields, and two, we don't have any defensive shields. now I realise that, technically speaking, that's only one flaw, but I felt it was such a big one that I should mention it twice

Red Dwarf, classic show

Ha ha, that's brilliant.

Jesus Wept

faceman wrote:

Tony Montana (al pacino):

"In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women. "

I prefer this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4b5bip_tVA

Piste

"I woudn´t join any club that would have me as a member"- Groucho Marx

Tar.Aldarion

I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men.
Leonardo Da Vinci

"Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, & the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people."
Karl Marx

To my mind the life of the lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of the lamb for the sake of the human body. I hold that, the more helpless the creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.
Gandhi

"The idea of God was not a lie but a device of the unconscious which needed to be decoded by psychology. A personal god was nothing more than an exalted father-figure: desire for such a deity sprang from infantile yearnings for a powerful, protective father, for justice and fairness and for life to go on forever. God is simply a projection of these desires, feared and worshipped by human beings out of an abiding sense of helplessness. Religion belonged to the infancy of the human race; it had been a necessary stage in the transition from childhood to maturity. It had promoted ethical values which were essential to society. Now that humanity had come of age, however, it should be left behind."
Sigmund Freud
Vegetarianism serves as the criterion by which we know that the pursuit of moral perfection on the part of humanity is genuine and sincere.
Leo Tolstoy

"Faith is believing something you know ain't true."
Mark Twain

"It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."
Mark Twain

"Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of."
Mark Twain

"Our Bible reveals to us the character of our god with minute and remorseless exactness... It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast" Reflections on Religion, 1906
Mark Twain

"Man is a marvelous curiosity ... he thinks he is the Creator's pet ... he even believes the Creator loves him; has a passion for him; sits up nights to admire him; yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks He listens. Isn't it a quaint idea." Letters from the Earth
Mark Twain

"[The Bible] has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies."
Mark Twain

We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals.
Immanuel Kant

"During the youthful period of mankind's spiritual evolution, human fantasy created gods in man's own image who, by the operations of their will were supposed to determine, or at any rate influence, the phenomenal world... The idea of God in the religions taught at present is a sublimation of that old conception of the gods. Its anthropomorphic character is shown, for instance, by the fact that men appeal to the Divine Being in prayers and plead for the fulfillment of their wishes... In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is, give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vase power in the hands of priests."
Albert Einstein
A vegetarian is not a person who lives on vegetables, any more than a Catholic is a person who lives on cats.
George Bernard Shaw