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Finding it hard to watch my girlfriend getting drunk

LegacyUser

I'm a bit of a health freak and hate the idea of poisoning my body with alcohol. I haven't let this stop my social activities though and I regularly socialise in sutuations where everyone is drunk except for me, and I don't mind this at all (unlike most non-drinkers). In fact I find drunk people a lot of fun because they let go of the ego and just let themselves have more fun, and I often go niteclubbing and dancing with people who are drunk and probably on drugs. I don't need to be intoxicated to have fun, but each to their own.

Strange thing is, I regularly watch my friends getting wasted and it doesn't majorly bother me, even though I find the concept of taking alcohol horrific for my own body. But recently I met an amazing girl who I am starting to love very much. She also happens to have the "lets go out and get wasted" mentality (which seems to be popular with a lot of people my age - mid-twenties), i.e. binge drinking to the extreme most weekends, or at least every second weekend.

At the beginning of the relationship I knew she was like this, and because I have no problems going out with my drunk friends I thought this would not be an issue at all. Especially seeing as she only does it once a week, or once a fortnight (unlike some of my mates hehe!). However, because we've been together over 4 months I really care for her... and it is becoming harder and harder for me to stand by and watch her drinking more and more alcohol as the night winds on. After 4 or 5 vodkas she is merry and having lots of fun. If she could leave it at that then I'd be happy, but she can't. She always has to have more and more, and if I say "You're nice and merry now, why not leave it at that and have a sprite", then she makes me feel like I'm putting a dampner on her night, so I just end up going with the flow and let her drink herself to stupidity... which is usually a minimum of 8 vodkas, and can easily go above 10 if some of her hard drinking mates are around (peer pressure and all that). This is becoming more and more painful for me to watch, cos I know how bad this is for the body and the mind, and I can't understand why someone would want to do this to themselves.

I used to drink a lot as a kid (15 onwards), but I stopped around 3 years ago after discovering meditation, and I've never looked back. I understand why someone wants to get drunk, and for me it was mostly an escape and because I was unhappy or feeling drepressed about life. Usually when I did it, it made me feel less lonely and helped me to loosen up and talk to people more. But if you're with someone you love, outgoing and social, and everything in your life is going great (and for her, it is, she loves her job, etc.), then why would you want to have so much vodka that you can't walk straight? I don't understand that mentality. Maybe there is something deeper down that needs to be healed for her before she can move on from this need to become intoxicated, but I dont know what it is.

Then again, perhaps my expectations are beyond what my generation considers realistic. I mean, it's not like she drinks every day, or spends loads of money on alcohol. She doesn't smoke or take any drugs either. And our relationship is fantastic in every other way, we have great fun together. I just wish she could go for a mad night out without going to the excess... it is well known that binge drinking is a lot worse for the body than regular drinking. I'm not a Mr.Sensible by any stretch, but it's just that this kind of drinking is seriously unhealthy IMHO.

Any advice on how I can tackle this situation, or am I just being an a$$hole and should just get over myself and go with the flow?

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Endasaurus

The problem dosen't seem to be that you resent her drinking any alcahol at all, rather that you seriously dislike her drinking to excess on a regular basis just for the sake of it.

I would agree with you. If she drank a few, or even several every now and then I don't think you would have a problem with it. But it seems like she's downing all this stuff every weekend. In my opinion thats a perfectly reasonable thing to worry about someone, especially if you really care for her.

However, I would argue that having brought the situation up with her before, where she listened completely to everything you had to say, if you love her as much as you say you do you should accept her feelings about what she wants to do with some of her nights off.

You seem to care for each other. She has respected your feelings by listening to what you have to say, and if you love her you should respect hers.

LegacyUser

Thanks mate, yes that makes sense to me. I do indeed respect her wishes, and will continue to support her even if she continues to binge drink. It might not always be easy to watch it, but relationships never are easy and you have to give and take.

I don't want to change her. I have just realised that this is something I will have to deal with myself. It's not about who is right or wrong, but I just have to accept that not everyone is interested in purging themselves of the need for intoxication.

LegacyUser

SoberNotJudging wrote:

Sorry, but most of the cases for drinking so far have not been at all convincing. 1. Why do you need to feel good? Do you not feel good already? 2. Why do you feel the need to become "more talkative"? Are you unhappy with YOU as YOU ARE naturally? 3. Why do you feel the need to "let loose"? Do you feel tight, tense, what?

Everything so far proves what I've said about alcohol.

As some people have said, Irish minds have simply been conditioned into accepting something that - when looked at without any other influences - is not a positive or natural process for the human body. The chemical process that takes place through alcohol use is actually poisoning.

Alcohol was responsible for the destruction of my uncles familiy, and in the end it killed him when he was still a young man and had plenty if life left in him.

Yeah, you can say that everyone is responsible for their own choices, but alcohol actually takes away choice, it makes the mind dull and ruins clear, rational thinking. It destroys happiness and is actually a depressant.

I thought I had accepted all this... but again, seeing someone I love caught up in all this has made me very sad, and concerned. Seeing all the young people (MY age) in the country caught up in the process of constant intoxication and running from one mindless entertainment to the next makes me sad... I'm not judging anybody, I just want to see people leave all this $hit behind.

I apologise if I actually made you doubt or consider how important alcohol is to your "social" life... maybe I should just go with the flow...

Ok this is getting a bit off track now, do you want advice about the situation with your girlfriend or do you just want to criticise Irish society? because if it the latter then I'm not sure that that's a topic for Personal Issues.

Also you say that the "cases for drinking so far have not been convincing at all". First of all, no-one is trying to convince you to drink, everyone has accepted that you are a non-drinker and you've got support on that. Second what do you want to see? someone posting "Yes, you are totally right and you should preach to your girlfriend until she seems the light and quits drinking"?

Bottom line, if you can't accept her drinking (or drinking in general it seems) then you should leave her.

Mighty_Mouse

Alcohol was responsible for the destruction of my uncles familiy, and in the end it killed him when he was still a young man and had plenty if life left in him.

Pretty hard to guess that you were a person with serious issues with alcholol!

That said. I reckon everyone in Ireland can think of an alco that ruined a family or died before 50. Doesnt affect my free choice to drink myself stupid if I should so desire

Irish minds have simply been conditioned into accepting something that -

conditioned to agreeing with you? If only we could all be "conditioned" then surely the logic of the anti-drink argument would win?
And agree with you?
You being the supreme example of how someone can be at "peace", "at ease", "spiritually happy", "without the poision", ?
an example of how someone "can cleanse their body" and "pour positive energy into clean living". ?

Man, you sound like THE most serious NON-LAIDBACK person in the world.
The wrong person to be going out with a drinker.

Either you learn to relax and genuinely find the ability to be at ease with you drink "PHOBIA" which leads you to believe that drinkers are stupid, uneducated, lepers
or
you find yourself a new chick.

[Deleted User]

The OP obviously does find the idea of drink unpalatable, but to be fair to him he only develops a problem with his gfs drinking when he sees it's gone beyond the point where the drug is working for her. Trying to talk about that without bringing the 'Irish Question' into is is difficult because what she's doing is so much a part of the network she lives in.

Even though the OP has gone off track, the issue really is binge drinking, not drinking, which is only one form of drug taking and as such will always exist. Where binge drinking is not being able to stop until you are too senseless to continue.

JC 2K3

Lol, this reminds me of the "Fear and Love" chart from Donnie Darko.

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

To the rest of the posters, if the OP's post had read "My girlfriend uses heroin and speedballs once a week", what would the response be? Universal negativity towards the girlfriend - but because she uses alcohol instead, everyone supports the girlfriend and ridicules the OP. It's her body leave her alone - as long as she's just drinking, right?

Funnily enough, using heroin once a week would actually be a lot healthier than binge drinking once a week, but that's sooietal acceptance and anti-drug myths/propoganda vs. scientific and medical fact for you.
AFAIK speedballs, however, are a totally different matter altogether.

OP, who cares if we're all deluded and don't really need drugs/alcohol to be happy? Just chill out man. You sound very uptight.

As regards to your actual situation - you're deluding yourself by thinking this girl is right for you. She's not, she's causing you emotional strain. It's hard but it has to end IMO.

flirt1100

stick to your guns....