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Boyfriend watches Porn What Do I Do?

Im not sure if this post has already appeared but I was on my bfs laptop last night when he was out and discovered that he has been looking at porn, I have had my suspicions for a while and have asked him over and over and he promised me he wouldnt ever look at porn because he thought it was disgusting...Then I see what he was looking, Iwent mad and as soon as he came home went for him, I probably should have left to cool down but i didnt, he apologised and said he wouldnt do it again, He knows that pron makes me feel inadequate and unattractive because there is no way I could ever compete...I just want some advice as to what do next? Am I being unfair? Does this mean he doesnt love me!?

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turbot wrote:

- Video yourself talking dirty and stripping for him
... it will probably be your biggest thrill this year.

...all fun and games until someone finds it (not necessarily your BF) and uploads it to the Internet!

turbot wrote:

Guys,

There is a really obvious solution.

To the OP, if you are insecure that your boyf likes porn, why don't you:

- Video yourself talking dirty and stripping for him

Tell your boyfriend you are concerned about his porn habits once more, and you have a video that best explains this.

- Play the video.

Firstly, it will probably be your biggest thrill this year.
Secondly, he'll be so shocked he might go mad for you.
And... you'll most likely have more fun in bed.

Sex is about exploring, and having fun, remember.

Really stupid idea, Turbot.

If she does that, bf will be comaring OP to porn stars. Exactly the thing she is worried about

ManOnTheMoon,

No - her boyfriend will most likely develop a new found appreciation for her... and even better, he'll wake up next to a porn star.

He may already compare her to pornstars, so she's better off if she's classed as one.

That she can do that, implies she could be very wild indeed, which keeps the sexual tension high.

he is going to continue doing it. Most men do. It natural and there is nothing wrong with it.

Leave him alone. It has nothing to do with you nor does it say anything about you or his relationship.

Just be glad that he isnt contacting other women on the internet.

Also if you create an environment where it is forbidden than it becomes even more delectable.

Turbot - thats a good idea but Im not sure its practical for OP because performance takes training.

Have you done this yourself?

MetroVelvet(Vice),

Not exactly, though I'm confident I'd be successful in an audition ;-)

More than this; if she notices that performance requires practice, she'll learn something that will make her better in bed anyhow.

The latest developments in this thread have given me so many ideas I think I could direct it!

OP practise in the mirror first. Learn some dance moves like hip and body rolls. Learn how to confront yourself. Give yourself attitude in the mirror. Seduce yourself.

When you feel comfortable with that - bring out the camera - play with lighting and angle. Think if it like dressup when you were a little girl but just more.... you know...

Dont forget -its your body- you can touch it!

OP,

Get a cadburys creme egg and say on the video:

"This is how I eat mine"

And proceed to nibble it so slowly it dissolves in your mouth, like the most sensuous chocolate eating experence of your life.

And then say:

"Now I need a magnum".

Also, a lot of porn films have really tacky music. Maybe you could play some in the background.

Creme eggs + home made videos are the way to go. Damn, the gf would be in the good books with me.

Where should the camera be? Long mid or close up.

Maybe OP should get a friend to help. Turbot you help her!

And whatever you decide to wear or not wear during this shoot, ice your nipples first and gloss your lips.

turbot wrote:

Also, a lot of porn films have really tacky music. Maybe you could play some in the background.

OP if you are going to do this then I'd love to write the soundtrack to the short. It's been a small desire of mine to write tacky porn music for a while now.

You know, I now want to see this boards produced video.

Has this not gone wildly off-topic Gordon?

Can I storyboard it and write the script? If I were in Ireland at the mo Id offer to choreograph and help with makeup.

Wait - I just thought of something - for it to qualify as porn it needs an erect penis. Any volunteers?

I actually think this is all on topic, because the underlying theme here, and of the OP's post, is related to self confidence.

Being insecure is only an issue if you doubt your ability to compete with girls in porn films. IF on the other hand, you do what it takes to be uber-amazing in bed, and you are smart and thorough, you can probably be much better.

If you love someone, wouldn't you want to be their personal private porn star?

I also think its ON topic but porn is not about love so why mix the two?

And I dont think porn watching is indicative of a partners not being amazing in bed. ITs pure escapism and no reflection of ones performance ability.

All that response and desire you see in a porn film is fake. Are you suggesting also that she fake her orgasms louder and bigger also?

So far all of this has been about her pleasing him? Maybe he cant please her because hes watching all that ****ing porn and getting it all wrong.

There's only a problem here if you feel one of you is not satisfied with the physical side of your relationship, and I think that's why you're asking about this OP. So I suggest you take a look at that side of things rather than getting pissed about him looking at porn, it's really not that different from noticing an attractive guy/girl when your aprtner is not around.

P.S. I realise someone may already have pointed this out, but the entire first page pretty much seemed to be everyone aying you were over-reacting, and i didn't feel like reading 5 pages of that to see if someone had already broached this...

been there wrote:

op- i still have my reservations about stripclubs but there's more to that. just today i saw he was looking at porn on the net last night (its my pc before people say i'm snooping) and it did hurt for a second. i let myself get angry, upset and jealous, then i let it pass. i dont say it to my boyfriend and i feel better after a few minutes. it means he isnt hiding anything from me and we can be totally honest with each other. if he wants to look at porn its fine once he doesnt expect anything off me.

.......I think that's intollerable.Any woman is well within her rights to insist on a porn-free relationship.If he were my boyfriend/husband I'd dump him.....stripclubs for chrissake! Getup off your knees.

O.P. not all men either like porn or think it is a harmless activity.On the contrary,porn can distort and ultimately destroy the sexual culture and dynamic within a relationship.The best advice is to make up your own mind about the issue whilst trying to ignore the chorus of "Its harmless,leave him alone".It's not harmless.Most women know it.Most Men know it.

Thank you Sister Mary, that's all we needed right now..

'get up off your knees' :rolleyes: Why so bitter? did you not match up the porn expectation?

It's harmless, been done for decades, it'll be done for centuries. Build a bridge, get the flock over it or get back to the convent.

Can't say I find any sign of intelligence in your post MM,but full marks for mindless generalisation and gushing sarcasm.

MuggyDev,

.......I think that's intollerable.Any woman is well within her rights to insist on a porn-free relationship.If he were my boyfriend/husband I'd dump him.....stripclubs for chrissake! Getup off your knees.

O.P. not all men either like porn or think it is a harmless activity.On the contrary,porn can distort and ultimately destroy the sexual culture and dynamic within a relationship.The best advice is to make up your own mind about the issue whilst trying to ignore the chorus of "Its harmless,leave him alone".It's not harmless.Most women know it.Most Men know it.

Respectfully, I think you're deluded.

Not because porn, for some, may affect their sexuality, but more because if this happens, then chances are that person has issues around sex that need to be dealt with, for a healthy sexual relationship.

There is a chaos magacian called Peter Carrol. He talks about magick, saying "Magick is not for people who want to escape from reality; magick is for people who want a full on confrontation with reality". I think it's a cool quote, and applies to your situation.

Most men (and women) will admit, whether they are in a relationship or not, that regularly meeting women, or even watching films or TV, will spark off ideas that constitute "inner porn", wherein they imagine a variety of highly sexual activities. This is a biological urge, and any catholic school boy will tell you regulating this urge is futile.

If a guy has already watched a reasonable amount of porn in his life, then neural pathways have been formed that are the basis for behavioural effects of that porn. More porn may re-inforce that which is there already. Specific kinds of porn are often used in sex therapy for this very reason.

If you want a really good relationship, it's possible to re-assign those neural pathways to you, but doing so requires you to:

- Control all the other sources of erotic stimulation a guys mind
- Very precisely entrain his behavioural responses so you become his inner porn star

This requires a calibre of skill and ability that only some women are capable of, and to some extent, a maturity of relationship wherein thats deemed appropriate.

Otherwise, instead of cutting out porn, you are better off encouraging more wisdom around sex and sexuality, including reading about and understanding the whole area more.

Instead of stopping someone from smoking by taking away their cigarettes, you are better off proactively supporting them in being wiser.

Ladies if you man tells you he doesn't look at porn then you should dump him as he clearly has no problem lying to you.

He sounds like a pussy-whipped freak of nature. Apologising and promising he wouldn't look at it again? What are you, his mother as well as his g/f?

He's not expecting you to compete either btw. You might not look like some of the stuff in those videos but trust me a video doesn't compete with the real thing so you've nothing to worry about

And besides, whenever I see a lady getting sprayed in the face by a warm jet I'm only ever thinking about the one I love.

Not true Pigman 2. Some guys dont watch porn. In my experience, the ones who didnt were better in bed too, probably because they had real women teaching them, and not learning from the production/direction values of sleazy greasy profit driven film companies.

metrovelvet wrote:

Not true Pigman 2. Some guys dont watch porn. In my experience, the ones who didnt were better in bed too, probably because they had real women teaching them, and not learning from the production/direction values of sleazy greasy profit driven film companies.

You heard it here first; guys who don't watch porn are better in bed.

metrovelvet wrote:

In my experience, the ones who didnt were better in bed too, probably because they had real women teaching them, and not learning from the production/direction values of sleazy greasy profit driven film companies.

I call bullsh*t on that one... Fair enough you're anti-porn, but don't try and delude the people who are reading this thread with lies like that. You're not convincing anyone.

Im not anti-porn. Where did you come up with that? I also said "in my experience" - I cant speak for other women's experience. Dont get so defensive.

metrovelvet wrote:

Some guys dont watch porn.

Indeed, blind men and men with no access to it.

In my experience, the ones who didnt were better in bed too, probably because they had real women teaching them

....now why would you go and say that? That is ALMOST the most ridiculous thing you've said. Almost.

Zulu how many men have you dated? Have you experimented with men who watch and dont watch porn? Maybe its just Irish men who are the porno fanatatics. But certainly in the US it varies.

Wouldnt women and gay men be a better judge of what constitutes good male performance in bed than a heterosexual male?

You call what I say ridiculous simply because you dont like hearing it.

I know some don't they are rare though.
I watch very little myself as I'm quite picky.
However, nearly all men do.

metrovelvet wrote:

Zulu how many men have you dated?

None.

Have you experimented with men who watch and dont watch porn?

No, but I assume you've done a study on this; that you've questioned all your partners, and they been truthful?

Maybe its just Irish men who are the porno fanatatics. But certainly in the US it varies.

Somehow, I doubt it's an Irish thing. ...and it certainly does vary in the US - judging on the amount and type of porn thats produced there. But I still fail to see how attempting to make this an Irish/American thing strenghtens your argument. Men like porn.

Wouldnt women and gay men be a better judge of what constitutes good male performance in bed than a heterosexual male?

Because I'm a hetrosexual male, dosen't mean I'm ignorant as to how other hetrosexual males preform. I have female friends. I discuss. ...and naturally I've a intrest in the subject. I'm an individual with an intelect.
Why do you insist on bringing the male/female difference into every debate and implying that one is a greater authority than the other? Actually, don't bother answering that, I know the answer.

You call what I say ridiculous simply because you dont like hearing it.

Well your right in that I don't like hearing it. It saddens me. But that's not why I think it's ridiculous. I think it ridiculous, because I (like a lot of my friends) whould never bring what I saw in a porno into the bedroom. One is porn, the other is sharing an intimate moment with someone who I care about and I think the world of. Men can actually determine the difference you know.