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Child Item

Just how is it done????

Lust4Life

Okay, I work at a hospital.
A patient came in today and needed emergency surgery because he had swallowed a spoon!

I am not allowed to ask the patient, but just how DOES one swallow a spoon? Scoopy side first or the side you hold it with?????

It just blows my mind! And I am told this guy does this once a week!
Can you say Iron Deficience? Whoah!

How does a person swallow a whole spoon???????

L4L

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Caco

Poor old dear, was she ok?

jobonar

julep wrote:

it's the soap. therein lies the answer.

you know how you're told never to drop the soap in prison? this is why.

this guy is obviously very clumsy and regularly drops the soap in the shower, giving his fellow inmates the opportunity to shove a spoon up his arse.

LMAO!! brilliant!

paul666

maybe the guy is been bullied and they shove spoons down his throat each week

Aard

Maybe he did it because he knew people would make jokes about "spooning" and "prison" and "taking it up the poop-shute". And then he would make this face: ¬_¬.

Agamemnon

Anyone remember that classic episode of Oz where Robson the Aryan had a spoon shoved up his arse by that Wolfgang Cutler guy? It was the funniest thing I've ever seen on tv. It happened at the end of the episode and the E4 continuity announcer was visibly shaken as she came on to tell us what was coming up next. Happy Days.

4Xcut

Raphael wrote:

He does this once a week, and youre still performing surgery on him? Haven't you people heard of natural selection?

i actually laughed out loud on that one. true too

abetarrush

I thought this thread was about Fig Rolls

$Photo of DonkeyStyle \o/$ DonkeyStyle \o/

julep wrote:

ha. i read "pens" as "penis",

Same here... first time I scanned that sentence I got the impression he'd eaten his own penis. ó_O

/freak/

The Bollox

HavoK wrote:

In that case, god bless the guy who gets done on the day they run outta spoons

it seems they did, they shoved a fork up someone elses arse

groundedplane

Speaking of spoons, years ago there was a party in my house and its was a great night. The lads which were at the party were always f*ucking with each other, you know, fall asleep and your covered in marker kind a thing. Anyway. This one guy was notorious for doing that kind of thing so the rest of the lads decided to get him good. They spiked his drink with a small sedative and within an hour he was knocked out in the corner fast asleep. What happened next will stay with me till I die.

One of the lads turned him over, pulled down is jocks so his arse was sticking out, got a condom, opened it, spat in it, put it on a spoon handle side, put on some lube and shoved it up his arse. He removed the spoon leaving the condom up your mans arse.

Well, I tell you we could not stop laughing at it. I could not believe the guy who did that. As he said “In the normal run of things I would never do such a thing, but this prick has got me too many times and payback a bitch”

Anyhow next morning arrives and your man with the Johnny up his arse wakes up with about 12 dozen eyes fixed on him. He says “what the **** are you looking at” all the while realizing that his jocks are half way down his legs. He is like what the **** and said “I must of pissed in the corner or something, sorry Mick”. With that he stood up and pulled up his jocks and felt something at the back of his arse. Suddenly, the blood drained from his face/body, his life ended in that moment when he felt the rubber and pulled it out, especially with the spit inside of it making it realistic. The screams of him, we could not stop laughing at him. Trust me this ****er deserved it. Someone said to him. “Was it as good for you as it was for him?” His face went bright red at that stage. The lads left him hanging for a couple of weeks until the told him the truth. He was so relived and never played another prank on anyone again. It was a classic.

Good old spoons.

Caco

ROFLMAO! That's f**kin brilliant!!

Reku

Considering how homophobic the average male is it always strikes me as rather odd that one of the first things they seem to think of doing to another guy is sticking things up his arse.

Just glad I'm careful who I drink with!

Tha Gopher

agamemnon wrote:

Anyone remember that classic episode of Oz where Robson the Aryan had a spoon shoved up his arse by that Wolfgang Cutler guy? It was the funniest thing I've ever seen on tv. It happened at the end of the episode and the E4 continuity announcer was visibly shaken as she came on to tell us what was coming up next. Happy Days.

Ah yes. Robson was one of the meanest bastards in the place before he became Cutlers wife, so nobody really cared

Poor oul Robson never had the best luck. His wife left him, Beecher bit his nob off, he got thrown out of his precious Nazi gang after having African gums transplanted into him without his consent by a dentist (one of the funniest bits being O`Reilly and Poet taking the piss and Poet calling him brother and homeboy and all that

), he became Cutlers wife, began using heroin and in the end didnt he catch Aids?

And i always thought Oz was brilliant despite a rather far fetched death toll, I go to rte.ie and some chap beatin to death in the joy last night. Iirc thats the second murder there this year, not to mention the Nigerian who was nearly killed only last week.

Lust4Life

Well, I talked to a friend of mine who used to work at the prison. He knew exactly which guy I was talking about.
Says the prisoner does indeed swallow the spoon. And it is scoopy side first, but he bends the spoon in half first and gets it as flat as possible before swallowing it.

So now we know!!!!!

As to why they don't make him eat with his damn fingers and quit giving him cuttlery???? Well, goodness! That would infringe upon his inalienable rights! Inmates have more protected rights than the average US citizen. Some world I live in!!!!!!!

L4L

the-lad

another swallowing trick they use is to wrap an opened safety pin with cellotape (rendering it harmless) and swallowing it. when they are taken to hospital and x-rayed the safety pin shows up but the tape doesn't!! One operation later = A week or two out of the 'joy

Lust4Life

Friend of mine had an inmate swallow the cap to toothpaste and a toothbrush once. He took the X-ray to the Prison Dentist and said "Hey, this looks like a dental issue, not a medical issue."

At least these nutjobs are behind walls and not walking among us!

magnum69

perhaps he's trying to make a profession out of it!

it's good he doesn't have a surgery every week...or does he? :eek:

Ruu_Old

Lust4Life wrote:

Friend of mine had an inmate swallow the cap to toothpaste and a toothbrush once. He took the X-ray to the Prison Dentist and said "Hey, this looks like a dental issue, not a medical issue."

At least these nutjobs are behind walls and not walking among us!

Maybe he does it every week so he can come in and look at you, L4L.

Zillah

Spoons are nothing:

http://wrongtown.blogspot.com/2006/01/man-eats-plane.html

His major achievement to date: a Cessna 150 light aircraft. He started munching it in June 1978, and at a rate of a few snacks a day, finished it in 1980.

...In 1981 he was attacked and stabbed, receiving severe life threatening internal injuries. He underwent major surgery and recovered surprisingly quickly. Three weeks later he ate a robot.

daveg

This is the funniest thread I've read for ages. Tears streaming down my eyes....

A friend of mine worked in ER in Galway. She often told stories of young lads coming in with all manner of items inserted up the backside. HP bottles etc etc..

Reku

daveg wrote:

This is the funniest thread I've read for ages. Tears streaming down my eyes....

A friend of mine worked in ER in Galway. She often told stories of young lads coming in with all manner of items inserted up the backside. HP bottles etc etc..

Bet they claimed: "I don't know how it got in there, guess I must've sat on it while drunk...".
lol Twits...

Wickedcat

try to recommend he swallow a laddle next time...:D

ST*

Lust4Life wrote:

I think the disorder is called Pika.

Pica - it is also seen in pregnant women. Athough, they seem to sway towards coal, soil and the likes. One explanation for it is that the individual is iron deficient.

I don't think this is the case with your prisoner friend, I reckon he'd rather swallow a spoon...

iFight

Caco wrote:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UObkHzGxKzA

This guy is a legend!

That is amazing!!

Reminds me of the guy on Guinness Book of Records The Show, he put seven knives down his throat and successfully removed them, they even had a camera showing how close the knives were to ripping his throat apart

FranknFurter

lol

Believe it or not, its actually a well recognised, but rare element of the typical Psychological problem "Self Harming".

Seems to be often observed among prison inmates with the disorder.
Lots of very interesting research done about it in the last ten years.

b

DilbertPartII

Just how is it done????

...it's quite easy! just think of it as a delicious appetizer! make sure you've your phone beside you just incase it gets stucked! wanna try?:D