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Why did I say that...D'oh!!

Beetlebum

The other night I was round in my friends house having a few drinks, watching Forest Gump. At the end of the movie, my usually intelligent friend says ' Wow, he's amazing, is he still alive?!'.....I looked at her and nearly choked on my beer as I watched the penny drop.

Gotta admit I've said and done some pretty stupid things in my time aswell.
Once I was making soup and I didn't want any of the bits to be in it so I held the saucepan over the sink with a sieve and proceeded to pour the contents in, the mistake I made was not putting a bowl under it so all I was left with was a sieveful of bits....d'oh!!

Another time, I was filling in my application form for an Australian visa and at the section where it says date of birth, the format was day/month/year. Without thinking, I turned to my friend and said 'How the hell am I supposed to know what day I was born on? Sure I'll just put down Wednesday...'

Jesus, sometimes I wonder how I get to work in the morning without a Sherpa! What's the stupidest thing you've ever said or done without thinking?!

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brid_m

these are hilarious!!! i've loads of those kinda stories... but i cant remember them at the mo!!! :rolleyes:

I instinctively bless myself when passing a petrol station.

Lol @ the DB9 post.

Walked into McDonalds on O'Connell Street and asked for a bacon double cheese burger. The poor wan had to go and ask the manager who just stared at me, then of course I copped it. In the end she gave me twice my order, and I had to pay twice the amount, but didn't have the heart to say she was wrong!

aidan_dunne

Dun laoire wrote:

.....one that sticks out was a few of them went out for dinner and he ordered steak, when the waiter asked him how he'd like it done he said "cooked please"

Ummm, do I know you or something? Because that's the exact thing I did once. Out for a meal with my family and some friends, waitress comes to take our orders, I ordered steak and she asks me how did I want it and me, serious as you like, answers "umm, cooked please." :rolleyes: Everyone else at the table couldn't help but laugh at my stupidity.

Another time I was in a shopping centre and was walking along, kind of in a world of my own and not really minding what I was doing. Bumped into a woman and said, "Whoops, I'm sorry", and stepped aside. A moment later I looked back and suddenly realised I had actually bumped into a life-size cardboard cutout of Sarah Jessica Parker! :rolleyes: It was one of those advert things for whatever makeup brand it is she advertises that happened to be standing outside the door of the chemists I had been walking past! Idiot!

Adam

In school we used to have to attend prayers every morning(terrible I know...) and I hated it, it was such a waste of time! So one morning as the year head was clearing us out to the hall for prayers myself and a friend hung back to try and skip it, but he came in and found us. So I desperately tried to argue my case:

Year Head:Come on lads, get up to prayers will ye?!

Me:I'm not goin to prayers, its against my religion!

YH:I don't care, get up there now!

Me:But I'm an atheist, I swear to God I am!!

L31mr0d

I've so many of these, but I think I must be the only one who makes a mental note to erase them from memory for fear of stunting my confidence.

Theres the countless times I called the teacher, mum or dad.

Then there was the time in 6th class, where we were having some political discussion about things up the north which I hadn't done my homework on. The teacher asked me to name a politician from the north and I went blank (well i didn't go blank, i was blank) the guy beside me leans over and whispers ("psst, say Dick Spring") I give him this dirty look, and tell the teacher "Sir, Keiths trying to get me to say a bad word", to which the teacher says "well keith, spit it out?", he says "I was telling him to say Dick Spring Sir. To which the class broke into laughter, I joined in because I assumed they where laughing at the "bad word", It was only that evening at dinner that I actually realised what everyone was laughing about as my parents watched the news.... D'Oh

Dizzyblabla

My one embarrassed my mom more so than me, considering I was so young..
I was a little child of two, had just split my forehead open and was in the hospital, the doctor came in to sew me up but I told him, very matter of factly that he could not operate on me because he was too dirty.. my mother almost collapsed as the tears of laughter rolled down his face and he opened his shirt to show me that he was all black... I still had to help him wash his hands before I would let him sew me back up...

dubtom

Good thread. I found a wallet once and put it in my back pocket in the hope I'd meet a guard and give it to him. Walking down dame street a guy walks up to me and says your wallet's sticking out of your pocket, it's ok, I said, it's not mine. I only realised when I saw his confused expression what I had said.

Ruu_Old

Quality thread.

Whats with the blessing of the petrol stations? I do it also but thats because the petrol station is across the road from the graveyard.
A mate of mine gets communion on the tongue (or at least he thinks he does). Last time I seen him trying to reach up and almost reach into the cup before the priest having to take it away. Poor chap is a bit slow.

Numina

one time when I was young, I was upstairs, and Mary (my mother) calls up to me "Coly, your ice-creams going cold!" also, a few days ago, instead of dishwasher "Put your bowl in the fridge"

Chakar

Beetlebum wrote:

The dumbest thing I've done is so goddamn dumb it's almost unbelievable...and yet believable....

My hair is blonde (there may be a connection here) but I was just after coming from the hairdressers where I'd had it dyed brown. I went into a cafe and was walking up the stairs when this girl steps in my way. She looked vaguely familiar to me so I smiled at her, she smiled back. I stepped to the right but so did she so I stepped to the left and so did she. It suddenly dawned on me why she was copying my every move. There was a mirror at the top of the stairs!! It was my own reflection:eek:

I laughed all the way home that day, what a muppet!!

Jesus..

I once did a creative essay in 6th class about casper the ghost.Everyone wrote the usual story about Casper meeting a child etc.I did a raunchy essay ending with Casper getting into bed with the girl.The teacher read this story to the class everyone laughed.

angeldelight

Some of these are hilarious.

I find myself apologising when I walk into someone only to find I've apologised to a lamp post/door/traffic light.

My friend was telling me all about her cute flatmate, told me he was mexican to which my first response was "oh cool, does he speak mexican?" Stunned silence...

Did call the teacher Mammy once or twice, also managed to call my Dad "baby" :eek: It was a few years ago and the guy I was seeing at the time had just gone home, I'd gone into the kitchen and my dad was telling me some story or something, and said something that was a bit weird, something similar to what my bf had said not too long before so I got all exasperated and said "oh babyyyyyy err Dad err sorry umm I'm going back upstairs"

Ruu_Old

angeldelight wrote:

Some of these are hilarious.

I find myself apologising when I walk into someone only to find I've apologised to a lamp post/door/traffic light.

My friend was telling me all about her cute flatmate, told me he was mexican to which my first response was "oh cool, does he speak mexican?" Stunned silence...

Did call the teacher Mammy once or twice, also managed to call my Dad "baby" :eek: It was a few years ago and the guy I was seeing at the time had just gone home, I'd gone into the kitchen and my dad was telling me some story or something, and said something that was a bit weird, something similar to what my bf had said not too long before so I got all exasperated and said "oh babyyyyyy err Dad err sorry umm I'm going back upstairs"

Thats embarrassing, I done the same. My Mam was a substitute teacher in our class one day, I only got away with it because no one heard and my Mam told the class that we would have no homework, cheers all round.

Slutmonkey57b

Ruu wrote:

Quality thread. Whats with the blessing of the petrol stations? I do it also but thats because the petrol station is across the road from the graveyard.
A mate of mine gets communion on the tongue (or at least he thinks he does). Last time I seen him trying to reach up and almost reach into the cup before the priest having to take it away. Poor chap is a bit slow.

I have an even worse one - I know this woman who thought that a baked wafer became the reincarnated flesh of her saviour after some old dude mumbled gibberish over it. I laughed for years.

Adam

Slutmonkey57b wrote:

I have an even worse one - I know this woman who thought that a baked wafer became the reincarnated flesh of her saviour after some old dude mumbled gibberish over it. I laughed for years.

rofflewaffles!

Metacortex

I used to work in call centre so when you're answering the phone 50 times a day using the same script it gets burned into your brain.
I've often left work in the evening to answer my mobile like this -

Good evening! Welcome to *company name*

This happened to me yesterday. I was pretty tired going home from night shifts and i got on the bus to go home from cork city (i live just outside the city)

Me - Hi, can i have a single to cork please
Bus driver - This is cork

Siogfinsceal

Oh god im known for this and worst of all I always say thre studpiest things in front of people so it never gets forgotten. On the weekend I asked my boyfriend why jessica rabbit didnt have rabbit ears, I thought lithuania and estonia were in europe and I didnt know that trees made air. We were watching foorball one night and the commentator said 'now in the 82nd minute' which I heard as 'eighty second minute' and said 'but i thought a minute had 60 seconds' I realised what I said about half a second later.
worst though has to be last week when I asked a girl who works for me what county antrim was in...the poor girl she just stared at me

r3nu4l

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine telling me that her brother was:

"Five feet fourteen inches tall"

She didn't seem to get the problem when I told her there was only twelve inches in a foot.

Splinter

when i was younger i was having a chat with my gran and told her that i wanted to bet her £20 she wouldnt see the year 2000....shes still going....

Tchocky

I'm always answering the phone without picking it up.

*ring ring*

Hello?

*ring ring*

Oh yes *pick up*

I always say thank you to the ATM, doesnt everyone?

I thought lithuania and estonia were in europe

but but but....

Tobias Greeshman

Siogfinsceal wrote:

I thought lithuania and estonia were in europe

Eh they are in Europe, but they're not in the European Union (which is probably what you thought).

linky

Archeron

I once told a penpal I was 5.9 metres tall.

I was asked why I hadnt processed an order on behalf of The Alzheimers Ass. and answered because I had forgotten all about it. (I had!!)

Picked up the phone once in work and a really loud burp came out. I just hung up :-)

Answered the phone in work and said "fintan speaking" My name isnt Fintan, I was just listening to someone called that talking to someone else.

Picked up the phone at home and said "good afternoon" and stated my name and the name of the company i worked for at the time.

Beetlebum

My mam and dad were on holiday in Wales. My mam is terrified of heights but my dad convinced her to go up in the cable cars. There were in a carraige with 4 or 5 other people soaring above the mountains. My mam was clinging to my dads leg with fear but after looking over the edge seemed to relax. She turned to my dad and said ' I know were really high up but were going so slowly we probably wouldn't hurt ourselves if we fell'

She thought they'd fall at the same speed as they were moving!! My dad was so motified he nearly threw her over!! Everyone else in the carraige was snickering and he didn't speak to her for about two days:p

ScumLord

A few of us where sitting down watching a documentry on John Lenon, when it gets to his assanination a blonde girl sits up, shocked. John Lenons dead??!! She was deadly serious too and tryed to explain how she knew two of them where dead but didn't know which ones, which just made things worse as she digged herself into a bigger and bigger hole.

briano

silas wrote:

Eh they are in Europe, but they're not in the European Union (which is probably what you thought).

linky

Someone voted "No" to the Nice treaty

Linky to the UK FCO, not an American site

damonjewel

Im not the worlds greatest flyer so I usually have a few before I board during the day.

I was on my way to Spain to stay in my newly bought apartment. On touchdown I realised I forgot to take my keys and had to stay in a hotel whilst my flat lay dormant until some one sent me a spare set. Big D'oh

Beetlebum

ScumLord wrote:

A few of us where sitting down watching a documentry on John Lenon, when it gets to his assanination a blonde girl sits up, shocked. John Lenons dead??!! She was deadly serious too and tryed to explain how she knew two of them where dead but didn't know which ones, which just made things worse as she digged herself into a bigger and bigger hole.

Blonde, brunette, black or ginger.....doesn't matter...that's just plain krazy:eek:

Does she know the truth about milli vanilli...tee hee..

Lothaar

I wanted to write a children's book and get it published in time for my daughter's first bday. I said this to my gf, but I told her I would have no chance of hitting that deadline because it would take ages to get the book out even if somebody was interested.

Her: "Why don't you go to that place down the road that makes books?"
Me: "What place? You mean there's a place that I could go with a manuscript and they will make it into a book independently?"
Her: "Yeah!"
Me: "What's it called?"
Her: "Oh... I can't remember... you know it... er... ah yes! Paddy Powers!!!"

... bookmakers, see. Dear God.

Sam Vimes

Siogfinsceal wrote:

I thought lithuania and estonia were in europe

and now you have a new "Why did I say that...D'oh!!" moment

samo

aidan_dunne wrote:

Another time I was in a shopping centre and was walking along, kind of in a world of my own and not really minding what I was doing. Bumped into a woman and said, "Whoops, I'm sorry", and stepped aside. A moment later I looked back and suddenly realised I had actually bumped into a life-size cardboard cutout of Sarah Jessica Parker! :rolleyes: It was one of those advert things for whatever makeup brand it is she advertises that happened to be standing outside the door of the chemists I had been walking past! Idiot!

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read in this thread

Tobias Greeshman

briano wrote:

Someone voted "No" to the Nice treaty

Linky to the UK FCO, not an American site

That's the EU, no they're not in the EU, but I wasn't talking about the EU, I was talking about Europe, which encompasses a lot of countries not in the EU (especially most of the eastern block countries).

Just a bet here but I'm guessing Geography wasn't your strongest subject in school..