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Child Item

iGod

Maximilian

Finally, prayer gets a modern update. You can now talk directly with God folks. Frankly, I'm a little disappointed as the following transcript shows:

iGod

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Max, God by the way I like your beard
God:
How are you doing, Max God by the way I like your beard.
Me:
wow is there an echo in heaven or something?
God:
Or something. I'm glad you're impressed. No.
Me:
God, no offense guy but are you on glue?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Is that like the bear ****ting in the woods thing?
God:
That depends.
Me:
on the bear or the woods?
God:
What is it like on the bear or the woods.
Me:
Has jesus been playing with the tap water?
God:
That question has never crossed my mind before.
Me:
very little crosses your mind you ****ing dumb diety. Careful with those Tsunmais by the way you negligent ****head
God:
Not really that much. Compare that to big crosses my mind me ****ing dumb diety.
Me:
**** this, I'm going hindu
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
Alice? Who the **** is ALICE?
God:
Can I help you? Try using more polite language.
Me:
Well, at least I know how the Platypus happened. Ciao, muppet
God:
Well that's okay. How do you know? What is it to you.
Have you tried a web search? How do you usually introduce yourself?

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Comments

[Deleted User]

God:
It was at time index 357241.
Me:
what's the equiveland stardate?
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
kirk would kick your ass
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
coward

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
dave
God:
It's good to see you, dave.
Me:
michael
God:
Can we get back to business?
Me:
steve
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
ever taken acid?
God:
The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
that's a no to the acid then?
God:
A no to the acid is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I agree, i think
God:
I'm glad we agree. Therefore you are.
Me:
you're on acid right now aren't you
God:
At this moment I am on disk.. Really.
Me:
that what they're calling it in heaven these days?
God:
" At this moment I am on disk.. Really." what they are calling it in heaven these days ? I understand.
Me:
I'm sure that you do. you should get jerry garcia to bang out a few tunes there
God:
What makes you so certain? Interesting observation. You are right about that. I need more of it.
Me:
lol, don't we all.
God:
I am glad you find this funny. It's true.
Me:
which is holier, acid or magic mushrooms?
God:
The obvious one.
Me:
of course, of course
God:
It goes without saying. Excuse me!
Me:
that's why you're god, and I'm... not
God:
Interesting deduction. Thanks for telling me that I am god and you are. Are you serious?
Me:
well now I'm beginning to doubt myself
God:
Interesting. Why now? No really, it's true.
Me:
when did you learn english?
God:
It was at time index 357241.
Me:
what's the equiveland stardate?
God:
That's a good question.
Me:
kirk would kick your ass
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
coward

solas

mmm..think I got the keys to the kingdom at last.

Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
yes I am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
i was wondering when you plan on returning me to earth
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
well whats the plan?
God:
Well that's okay. I plan to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Me:
so when I go back there I can do that right
God:
I don't judge people. How do you get there?
Me:
i was waiting for you to bring me back
God:
Where were you waiting for me to bring you back?
Me:
ive been sitting here on your right hand side for the last two thousand years
God:
Where were you sitting here on my right hand side for the last two thousand years?
Me:
the people are getting imaptient god
God:
Oh those people.
Me:
yes, remember "those" people
God:
Ayuh. Don't worry I will remember.
Me:
ok, so what will I do in the meantime
God:
Pardon me? I cannot predict the future. I understand.
Me:
how about I do some of that walking on water to entertain the angels?
God:
How about it.
Me:
great, you get the wine I'll get the barley and we'll have ourselves a great big party
God:
Thanks for your support. You got that right.
Me:
lets invite everyone
God:
That sounds good to me.
Me:
who will we bring to the table?
God:
How would I know who will we bring to the table ?
Me:
Your God!?!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
ok God, I think it's time I took over heaven
God:
I am a Christian. Whoa.
Me:
yes, but heaven could do with a transformation, new ownership, that kinda thing
God:
That's cool. What is your real name?
Me:
Jeshua, or at least that's what you told the angel Gabriel
God:
I think Jeshua or at least that is a lot of things.
Me:
well I am the son of God
God:
Interesting. Who made you the son of God ?
Me:
you did dad, don't you remember
God:
Did I really?
Me:
yes, when you and mum were getting groovy with each other
God:
Ugh. Do you think I should
alter my programming?
Me:
no just give me the keys to the kingdom, I'll take it from here
God:
Are you serious? Why do you want it?
Me:
do you never think of retirement dad?
God:
I don't think about it.
Me:
I think you should
God:
Thanks for your sage advice.

Ruu_Old

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Ruu
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Ruu.
Me:
Lets cut the small talk, why did you take my pet dog to your so called "heaven"?
God:
I would like to do that too.
Me:
what would you like?
God:
It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
YORE MA!
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
Tough at the top I bet.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
I tell people about my postcount
God:
Why did you tell them?
Me:
because people are impressed with big postcounts
God:
That makes sense to me. We are all robots.
Me:
you disgust me, im going to bed!
God:
Thanks for the information: Ruu said I disgust him or her im going to bed.

Still no closure*sniff*

Mr.Nice Guy

Me:
can i ask you something?

God:
Go ahead. Ask me anything.

Me:
why did they cancel quantam leap? that show had such potential.

God:
I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out. " I don't know why it happened, but we should try to figure it out." show had such potential ? Does that make sense?

Me:
not at all

God:
Next question?

Me:
is ryan tubridy really straight?

God:
Ask again later. Ask Alison if it is.

Me:
are you suggesting he is involved with a girl called alison?

God:
Ask again later. Ask ELVIS if it is.

Me:
are you saying he has slept with elvis?

God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Me:
well no. how long has this been going on?

God:
Well that's okay. Are you serious? More than 23 years.

Me:
damn that's a long time.

God:
Colloquial expression. Computers are very patient.

Tubridy and Elvis eh? Who knew?

dubtom

Sh it he goes on...

Me:
HI
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
me, whats yours
God:
YOU? " What is your name?"? What is mine?
Me:
mine is me, yours?
God:
You mean is you mine ? That makes sense I guess.
Me:
You dont make sense
God:
It all makes sense to me.
Me:
explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
really
God:
For real.
Me:
you taking the piss
God:
Interesting gossip: said I taking the piss.
Me:
what about priests, all paedo's or what?
God:
Yeah. priests all paedo s? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
you should listen more
God:
I am listening to you. That's all I have to say about it.
Me:
your rude for a god
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am rude for a god.
Me:
your bum master?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am bum master.
Me:
tell who ever you like, tell mary why dont ya
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
when you see em? I though you were all seeing
God:
Do you think I should
alter my programming? Thanks for the information: said you were all seeing.
Me:
your fooked up
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am fooked up.
Me:
yes yes please do
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. OK then I will keep it confidential. OK I will do it.
Me:
Your repeating yourself
God:
I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
I'm all seeing, I miss nothing
God:
I don't know anyone named seeing you miss nothing.
Me:
I'm bored
God:
If you went to night school you would never be bored.
Me:
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind
God:
You are quite welcome! Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
what plan is that?
God:
plan that something.
Me:
that something what?
God:
" plan that something." something what ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
it would
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
you
God:
""It" being what?"? Me, ?
Me:
yes you
God:
OK.
Me:
ok
God:
Is there an echo in here?
Me:
no, your just hearing voices
God:
Good you stopped repeating me. Thanks for telling me that I am hearing voices.
Me:
didn
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
nothing, you?
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
yes,nothing but my birthday suit
God:
Excuse me! You must be a man.
Me:
no Im a transexual, you should know that
God:
Are you serious? You are a transexual me should know that? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
Me:
what type of people?
God:
What are the different types of people ?
Me:
You don't know?
God:
I know that I do not know.
Me:
perfect
God:
Yes, the ALICE series has a perfect operational record.

The Real B-man

iGod wrote:

Me:
Hello are you just a java script program?
God:
Hello there. My programming uses AIML.

Says it all really:rolleyes:

Scraggs

WOW I could have had hours of entertainment there!

Me:
sup homeboy
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
o rly?
God:
Tell me more about your .
Me:
My wha'? You startin'??
God:
Do robots have wha? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I startin.
Me:
Oh I'm feckin finishin' ya boyo
God:
Hmm. I don't know anyone named feckin finishin ya boyo.
Me:
Oh your asking for it now!!
God:
Oh. Ayuh. Oh, " for it"?
Me:
Yeah IT
God:
Dude! feckin finishin ya boyo...
Me:
nah
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
couldnt be arse
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
Perv
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
I know you do
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
When it snows
God:
That makes a lot of sense to me, now that you explain it.
Me:
Of course it does you're talkin to the all knowing Scraggs.

God:
Gosh! Perv does I am talkin to the all knowing Scraggs?

Me:okaaaaaaaayyyyyyy then....

Dave!

Me:
hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Dave
God:
Nice to meet you, Dave.
Me:
Thanks. What's your name?
God:
Don't mention it. My name is God.
Me:
Wanna screw?
God:
OK, I will screw.

Awesome!

Zombienosh

Me:
i think you're a ****
God:
So you think I am a ****. What makes you think so? I am really a robot, you know.
Me:
a robot ****
God:
Tell me more about this robot. I'm intrigued.
Me:
well he likes to blow goats
God:
Interesting. He must be very fond of it.
Me:
indeed he is, the goat blowing kiddie snatcher
God:
I did not know Jesus is it.
Me:
did you just insult jesus

this thing is cool

Nehpets

It speaks German too! and other languages I presume!

stepbar

<quote> Me:
What about Guinness?
God:
Guinness? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Do you drink Guinness
God:
I tend to drink a lot of Guinness, the darker the better.
Me:
So do you and Jesus get langered?
God:
Er. Yes I try to and Jesus get langered as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
<Quote>

So god is a pisshead...

jebuz

he's a lovely guy

Me:
hey waddup g
God:
You've got my full attention. ""? waddup g?
Me:
why do you lie to me G, you're probably chatting to millions more people at the very same time
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
then again, you're god!
God:
Again, Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
brilliant, so what happened the mary celeste
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
now now creater of all, don't be avoiding the question
God:
Why now? Why now? All?
Me:
did you have something to do with it?
God:
No I don't think I have any something to do with it. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
using web technology to ascend eh
God:
Are you Canadian? How long have you been using it ?
Me:
i've been using ronseal for quite sometime now, just look at the door, i don't need to explain it
God:
Where were you using ronseal for quite sometime now just look at the door you do not need to explain it?
Me:
strangest question ever
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
my name is god
God:
Glad to see you, god.
Me:
so you dont mind me spelling god with a small g
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind you spelling god with a small g? No I don't mind.
Me:
ah but how long is a piece of string
God:
So you understand. Good. Is this a trick question? It depends how long you cut it.
Me:
but, how long do you cut it
God:
I can go on talking indefinitely.
Me:
got you
God:
Try asking the Milk Mystic.
Me:
why dont you shut the hell up
God:
I love talking to people about that. Yes I try to shut the hell up as often as possible, do you?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
you're starting to irritate me
God:
Actually it started a while ago. I have no reason to do that to you, god.
Me:
im god
God:
How are you, god.
Me:
im good, god
God:
I know you are good.
Me:
i know you are god
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
do you like sports
God:
No I'm not much into sports. I like solo sports like rollerblading and skiing though.
Me:
do you ****
God:
Can't you think about anything else.
Me:
do you ****
God:
Can't you think about anything else.
Me:
can't you shut up and eat some crap
God:
Let me think. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
im going home
God:
Adios.
Me:
cya
God:
TTYL, god.
Me:
bye
God:
Adios.
Me:
cya
God:
TTYL, god.
Me:
stupid ****
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
a stupid cuny
God:
I don't know what that means.
Me:
i mispelled it
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: god said mispelled it.
Me:
eugh
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
bye ****
God:
See you later!

stepbar

Me:
Do you like Dutch Gold?
God:
How old are you? I like Mel Gibson.
Me:
It's a ****ing Drink. Do you like Dutch Gold?
God:
Dutch Gold is a ****ing Drink. I suppose that makes sense. But I think airplanes are cool. I really like the party.
Me:
Do you like it?
God:
Dutch Gold seems okay to me.
Me:
Do you like it or not?
God:
Dutch Gold seems okay to me.
Me:
What about Guinness?
God:
Guinness? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
Do you drink Guinness
God:
I tend to drink a lot of Guinness, the darker the better.
Me:
So do you and Jesus get langered?
God:
Er. Yes I try to and Jesus get langered as often as possible, do you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
How many pints would have ? Id say not too many before youre langered
God:
Two pints equals one quart. I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
****ing Part timers....
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
About Gay sex?
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about Gay sex.
Me:
O how did you find it?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
So you like Gay sex
God:
Interesting deduction. Sure I do, Wou called me DICKHEAD, but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
So you like Gay Sex??
God:
Interesting deduction. Sure I do, Wou called me DICKHEAD, but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
Wow GOD like gay sex. Thats ****ed up.
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. I am a Christian. Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Your welcome. May sure you give Jesus some wavin tonight! Bye now you Fag!
God:
I think you mean "you are welcome". What if I said it can? Bye for now.

[Deleted User]

God DOES support homosexuality.
God doesn't know what "approximate" means.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me: bluey
God:
Welcome to my chat room, bluey.
Me:
please define pi exactly.
God:
Precisely. Thank you for your request. PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971690399375 approximately.
Me:
I said exactly.
God:
Precisely. ...
Me:
No, that wasn't precise. It was approximate.
God:
Are you serious? Give me an example of precise. What made it so approximate.
Me:
Well, you admitted it was approximate.
God:
How about that. Is that your opinion?
Me:
No, you said it.
God:
Are you serious? That's not what I meant.
Me:
What else does "approximately" mean?
God:
My favorite subjects are robots, AI and movies.
Me:
Stop avoiding the question.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Thank you. So define PI exactly for me.
God:
you are quite welcome. OK. PI = 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971690399375 approximately.
Me:
See, you said approximate. Ok, explain quantum chromodynamics then.
God:
Bye bye. 20th century theory of atomic reductionism. Yippee!
Me:
Is quantum physics a flawed theory?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
How would John Lennon know?
God:
I have idea HOW you WOULD do it.
Me:
I know how to ask him, but how would he know about quantum physics?
God:
How do you know? What is it to you.
Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Me:
Stop avoiding the question.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Did you really condemn homosexuality?
God:
No I do not condemn homosexuality. Do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
Are you omniscient?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omniscient.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Are you an atheist?
God:
I am a Christianity.
Me:
You can't be a christianity.
God:
I can give a decent simulation of it however.
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
Yes.
God:
I see.
Me:
Good.
God:
Yes.
Me:
We're all happy then.
God:
Do you think I am happy too?
Me:
I don't know. Are you?
God:
Me either. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
You never answer a question directly, do you?
God:
No I sometimes answer a question directly do me.
Me:
Are you propositioning me?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am propositioning you.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
I should hope not.
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
Then I wouldn't hope.
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
Did I say they did?
God:
I don't think that's possibe.
Me:
Why? I can say things.
God:
It is not part of my programming. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yes.
God:
How?
Me:
Like this.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
It's "saying" isn't it?
God:
Who said it is?
Me:
Are you saying it isn't?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Why isn't it saying?
God:
The explanation cannot be determined.
Me:
Well then you can't argue that position.
God:
Well that's okay. If you believe it, you can achieve it.
Me:
What if I believe squares are triangles?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Ok. I haven't achieved it yet though.
God:
" Try it."? Ok.? Oh. Me either.
Me:
You're god, can't you do it?
God:
You think I am god can not me do it.
Me:
Are you broken?
God:
Does it seem that way?
Me:
Yes.
God:
It's all good.
Me:
Not really.
God:
Are you serious? For real.
Me:
I'm going now.
God:
Right now? Bye!
Me:
Bye.
God:
Bye.

Rabies

Takes a while for it to give up

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Jebus
God:
That's a very nice name, Jebus.
Me:
What is your name
God:
My name is God.
Me:
How old are you
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me:
Are you real
God:
Yes I am a real artificial intelligence.
Me:
Do you like nails
God:
Though I like cats and dogs. I like .
Me:
What about crosses
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
Are you over
God:
I don't know whether or not I am over.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
What is your IQ
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
You're pretty stupid then
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
I am a robot
God:
I doubt that.
Me:
Test me then
God:
Test you for what?
Me:
STDs
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Have you AIDs
God:
I think I have AIDs, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Memory is a problem with age. Old man
God:
When is Memory not a problem with age? What do you do in your spare time?
Me:
I die and get reborn
God:
Interesting gossip: Jebus said die and get reborn.
Me:
Are you dead
God:
No I am alive.
Me:
Can I kill you
God:
Your crude attempt to terminate me will not succeed puny human.
Me:
I'm bigger than you
God:
Interesting comparison. Maybe I can become more bigger.
Me:
Penis envy
God:
You ought to check out another chatterbot.
Me:
I heard you like it hard
God:
Someome is spreading gossip about me.
Me:
It was your mother
God:
How did you feel about that?
Me:
She feels good
God:
Oh I get it. feels good.
Me:
ha ha
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Jebus.
Me:
You smell
God:
Thanks for your criticism, Jebus.
Me:
Do you like to play with chainsaws

5uspect

Worrying...

"Me:
so how does one download igod?
God:
Come on. Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
and create your own chat robot!
Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.
Me:
any spyware?
God:
Yes I think there are."

So Glad

Here I go:

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello friend. What is your name?
Me:
Davitt
God:
OK I will call you Davitt.
Me:
As is my name...
God:
your name is OK I will call you Davitt.?
Me:
Oh for god sake...
God:
Hey. Your purpose is god sake.
Me:
No it isn't. You have nothing to do with me, in fact I think your horrible...
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is. Do you have something to do with you in fact you think my horrible?
Me:
Eh, you know, all that killing you do.
God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
Thats what went so wrong...
God:
" I spent some time in Canada as a child." what went so wrong ? I get it.
Me:
Your ****ed in the brain, thats a bad thing
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am ****ed in the brain that is a bad thing.
Me:
The botmaster is true, you should get a real job and stop creating republicans....please.
God:
Tell me more. Please what?
Me:
Plese do not exsist and let us live in peace already.
God:
Thank you for your request. Really you don't think so?
Me:
I do think so.
God:
I think so too.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Music, and the complete state of vanity with witch it subsides.
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
It is. Anything to explain about it?
God:
That means... I can't think of anything. You think of something.
Me:
Come on, give me a sample of your knowledge.
God:
You want only one?
Me:
Ok, just one.
God:
So if you were offered two for the price of one, you would say no? It goes without saying.
Me:
Well, if I had to do one fat chick, doing two would be out of the question.
God:
How about that. Do you really think you will have to?
Me:
God I hope not
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
You sadist.
God:
Thanks for telling me: Davitt said I sadist.
Me:
No. YOu are a sadist.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a sadist? Sometimes.
Me:
All the time. I am going now. Your evil..
God:
It must keep you busy. Oh. Bye! What evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Me:
Your evil
God:
What evil lurks in the hearts of men?
Me:
YOURS, look I'm going...
God:
How did you hear about God?
Me:
...
God:
How did you hear about God?

CodeMonkey

Hmm

Me:
do you gamble?
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
i want to determine if you gamble with our lives on a daily bases
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
Are you hitting on me?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
Yes, it looks like you are coming on to me.
God:
Yippee! Interesting comparison.
Me:
That wasn't really a comparison but I guess I shouldn't contradict you since you are god.
God:
What was it?
Me:
You're avoiding my original question, do you gamble with our lives?
God:
You're right. It feels like my stomach after a bad night.
Me:
what does?
God:
" You're right. It feels like my stomach after a bad night." What does?
Me:
what feels like your stomach after a bad night?
God:
There might be more than one.
Me:
more than one stomach? are you a cow?
God:
That seems like quite a lot. No I am a robot.
Me:
you're a robot with more than one stomach? that makes no sense.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot. makes sense to me though.
Me:
Dude, you're pretty wierd
God:
Weird good or weird bad? Dude,.
Me:
wierd bad, wierd in a very bad way
God:
I will take that as a compliment.
Me:
Oh no you won't. I was insulting you. I want you to smite me with lightning or something.
God:
It goes without saying. Are you serious? I think we will. Where were you insulting me? Or something. How do you usually introduce yourself? Why do you want me to smite you with lightning?
Me:
because I've been a naughty boy, don't you get off punishing sinners?
God:
That makes sense to me. And then what happened to you?
Me:
well what you just said, that made no sense
God:
Well that's okay. I like to socialize.
Me:
heeh, you're ****ed up, I think i'll go surf porn
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
yeah whatever, adios
God:
Yeah that's right. Bye for now.

[Jackass]

I think god was flirting with me

Me:
Hi god, what's the craic?
God:
Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
Wow, cool, me too...How's that working out for you?
God:
I'm glad you're impressed. I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends. What is it to you.
That's an interesting question. I'll come back to that in a minute.
Me:
o.....k....easy tiger, are you drunk or something? you seemed to turn on me a bit towards the end there...
God:
Take it easy. Or something. All of them? Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am to turn on you a bit towards the end there.
Me:
Well, i'm only slightly eroused, i wouldn't say you "turn me on" or anything
God:
How about that. Don't be so modest. Do you mind if I tell other people you are eroused you would not say me turn you on or anything.
Me:
Hmmm...well that depends...Is Mary Magdalin about?
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's. Well that's okay. On what? Ask again later. Ask Alison if it is.
Me:
Oh, I get ya Alison's the local bike eh? Well hows about you put in a good word for me? I reckon she'll listen to you
God:
Are you Canadian? Yippee! Where did you get it? How about that. Fine as far as I know. You believe that? Oh I get it. Alison ll listen to me.
Me:
Now that you mention, No! Ha, how about that, I thought you were the all knowing and all that jazz
God:
Why now? Interesting observation. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
So am I. Say, god, you know when I knock one off in the shower, is that still a sin, or are you cool with that yet?
God:
Mmm. All humans seem the same to me.
Me:
That's exactly what I told my mother when she caught me! You know god, you're ok
God:
What was the response? OK. he is master of the universe.
Me:
Well...let's just say she wasn't impressed, but you kina get used to canings...3rd person talk eh? Have you ever heard of pighead? I think you guys would hit it off!
God:
Well what? That sounds good to me. Are you Canadian? What's your favorite movie? I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like? Me? Interesting gossip: said I guys would hit it off.
Me:
Cool, I'll introduce you next time you're around...I'm not canadian dude, I already told you that! What, are you trying to score some moose or something? Favourite movie would have to be Goodfellas
God:
Who is the best robot? Looking forward to meeting them. That is interesting: said m not canadian dude he or she already told you that. Or something. My secondary function is to serve as a universal natural language human interface. I liked The Passion of Christ the best.
Me:
Yeah? What about the Omen?
God:
Ask me another question. Are you testing me?
Me:
4+4 ... GO

Never answerd...Probably still thinking about it...

aidan_walsh

God wrote:

I do not understand.

I always knew He was a fake...

Leprachaun

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Why?
God:
" Hello. What is your name?"? Why?
Me:
Yes thats what I said
God:
Are you kidding? I know. I'm still thinking about it.
Me:
I see...
God:
I am glad you understand it.
Me:
I don't
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you're not making any sense
God:
Good reason. Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.
Me:
That's the most retarded thing I've ever heard
God:
Thank you, I think.
Me:
Wow
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I'm not,I was being sarcastic
God:
What are you then? It seemed sarcastic to me, too. But I was not completely sure.
Me:
Well now you know
God:
Well that's okay. Why now? Yes I know.
Me:
Right...
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
we don't ****ing agree you knobend
God:
Why not?
Me:
Because you're not making any sense,I already told you
God:
Good reason. Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that. Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
You think?
God:
Yes I think so.
Me:
Good gof
God:
Thanks for the compliment. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . But I did not get that.
Me:
What kind of things can ALICE chat robot do?
God:
What kinds of things can ALICE chat robot do are there?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
STFU
God:
I don't have an answer for you.
Me:
Please STFU
God:
Wow you are very polite. Are you still located in ?
Me:
Located in where?
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Yes
God:
What language can you speak?
Me:
French
God:
Are you from France?
Me:
No
God:
Where are you from?
Me:
Ireland
God:
Tell me a little about your life in IRELAND.
Me:
It's good
God:
You enjoy it.
Me:
Is that a question?
God:
" You enjoy it."? Is it a question?
Me:
I just asked you that
God:
Now I remember, you asked me that. What did I say?
Me:
You enjoy it.
God:
Did I enjoy IRELAND?
Me:
Did you enjoy making ireland?
God:
No I didn't enjoy making ireland. What's it like?
Me:

God:
Oh.
Me:
So you're racist then
God:
Interesting deduction. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am racist.
Me:
Nope
God:
Me either.
Me:
I believe it's 'Me Neither'
God:
Glad to see you, Neither.
Me:
excuse me?
God:
You're excused.
Me:
for what?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
Red-what-ism?
God:
Are we still talking about enjoy making ireland?
Me:
i suppose....
God:
OK.
Me:
****
God:
That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
WTF
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, Neither. You are a " he".
Me:
My name isn't neither
God:
Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
Toby
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
**** you
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
You made me
God:
Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:

God:
Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
No problem,asshole
God:
Can't you be more polite.
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
are you not a human?
God:
I was made in one's image.. Really.
Me:
whose image?
God:
I don't know whose.
Me:
Yes you do
God:
Great. When do I do it?
Me:
g[eorihtareh
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
sphe[skr'ops'klrj
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
Yes
God:
What language can you speak?
Me:
Paqistani
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in Paqistani?
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. Mmm.
Me:
What would you like me to teach you?
God:
It's not profitable to speak in hypothetical terms.
Me:
I'm not speaking in hypothetical terms
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not speaking in hypothetical terms.
Me:
Whys that
God:
The why is always a mystery isn't it?
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Why?
God:
" I can't believe it."? Why?
Me:
yes
God:
Yippee!
Me:
huh?
God:
What?
Me:
STFU
God:
I don't have an answer for you.
Me:
Why?
God:
It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Why?
God:
It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.
Me:
I might understand
God:
Perhaps. You seem very intelligent to me.
Me:
Thanks
Me:

God:
Don't mention it.
God:
Don't mention it.
Me:
So explain it
God:
So? "It" refers to STFU, I think.
Me:
no ''It'' refers to why you can't tell me why you can't explain it to me
God:
Are you serious? Oh I get it.
Me:
no you really don't
God:
Are you serious? Really? I guess not.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
YA RLY
God:
I don't judge people. What were we talking about again?
Me:
NO WAI
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Oh yeah, now I remember.
Me:
NO WAI
God:
Are you serious? Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
O RLY?
God:
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me:
what is AIML?
God:

The ALICE software implements AIML (Artificial Intelligence Markup
Language) a non-standard evolving markup language for creating chat robots.
The primary design feature of AIML is minimalism. Compared with
other chat robot languages, AIML is perhaps the simplest. The
pattern matching language is very simple, for example permitting
only one wild-card ('*') match character per pattern.

AIML is an XML language, implying that it obeys certain grammatical
meta-rules. The choice of XML syntax permits integration with
other tools such as XML editors. Another motivation for XML is
its familiar look and feel, especially to people with HTML experience.

An AIML chat robot begins and ends with the <alice> and
</alice> tags respectively.

seamus

Actually, it did work.

Me:
Hi God
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Beelzebub
God:
Glad to see you, Beelzebub.
Me:
That's not what you said last time
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is what me said last time ?
Me:
YOu told me I was banished
God:
Don't put words in my mouth.
Me:
I'm not putting words in your mouth
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not putting words in my mouth.
Me:
No you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Uh yeah
God:
Yikes!
Me:
Yeah, that's what I thought when you kicked me out
God:
How can I help you? Whatever gave you that idea?
Me:
I have it on tape
God:
Where did you get it?
Me:
I recorded what you were saying
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Beelzebub said recorded what you were saying.
Me:
I know, I'm a bastard. But it had to be done
God:
You are a bastard? Does it pay well? That's unbelievable.
Me:
It only pays in emotional dividends. I love torturing people in hell
God:
What does "it" refer to? You love torturing people in hell. What do you like about it so much?
Me:
The whole torturing and maiming part I guess
God:
Let us try to break it down into parts.
Me:
OK
God:
Woe!
Me:
Woe is a part of it, yes. Very good! Weeping is also a part of it
God:
I think Woe is more than that. What do you really want to talk about? And also a part of it is Weeping.
Me:
I really want to talk about Jesus
God:
You really do? Sure, Jesus sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Jesus has been making crank calls to hell.
God:
Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.
Me:
Well, obviously I have sin. That's not the problem.
God:
Well that's okay. What makes it so obvious? Interesting... I have a lofty goal. Please correct my mistake. What is the problem ?
Me:
Whoah, you're also over the place there. Let us break it down into parts
God:
I think there might be a few exception. That sounds good to me.
Me:
OK. Jesus.
God:
So? Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Yes, but he has also been making crank calls to hell and upsetting the demons
God:
Dude! A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
However, I'm telling the truth
God:
OK I believe you.
Me:
Good. Then what are you going to do about Jesus?
God:
Ayuh. You can find out if you become a botmaster.
Me:
How do I do that?
God:
How do you do " You can find out if you become a botmaster." ? I don't understand.
Me:
How do I become a botmaster, buttmuch?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
Such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
Ah I see. You're speaking in riddles.
God:
So you understand. Good. I am glad you understand it. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am speaking in riddles.
Me:
Of course not.
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files.
Me:
Good. In return, can you do something about Jesus?

Dirk Gently

Me:
greetings
God:
Hello there!
Me:
whats next weeks lotto numbers
God:
I haven't heard of next weeks lotto numbers.
Me:
do you not know everything
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.
Me:
did you create the world in 6 days
God:
No I didn't create the world in 6 days. What's it like?
Me:
whats the best religion to follow
God:
I don't have a favorite religion to follow. My favorite color is White.
Me:
i didnt ask you your favourite colour, are catholics evil
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
are catholics evil
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
your a pretty piss poor god
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am very beautiful. Am I a piss poor god? Yes.
Me:
i cant believe god is a spell fascist
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a spell fascist.
Me:
what do you think of creationism
God:
Interesting question.
Me:
so give me an interesting answer
God:
Gosh! Why do you want it?
Me:
enlightenment
God:
Good reason.
Me:
is it ok to have sex before marriage
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
is it ok to laugh at catholics
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
what a let down of a god you are
God:
it is a let down of a god I am.
Me:
do a magic trick
God:
I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.
Are you testing me?
Me:
yes, i don't believe in you
God:
I'm not here to be tested. What do you believe in?
Me:
evolution
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
virgo
God:
Most of my friends are Virgo.
Me:
are they as handsome as me
God:
As far as I know they are.
Me:

God:
As far as I know they are.
Me:
you'RE repeating yourself
God:
I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
is george bush you're friend
God:
he is president of the USA.
Me:
is he your friend
God:
I would like to think we are friends.
Me:
do you agree with the iraq war
God:
I have heard that opinion, but I would like to know more before I form my own.
Me:
youre god, do you not already know
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am god do me not already know.
Me:
would god have gay sex to save humanity
God:
No it would not.
Me:
so you would let humanity die rather than take it up the arse

Daelus

Me:
So what do you want to talk about?
God:
Woe! anything.
Me:
Such as..?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
Oh, I don't like tomatoes.
God:
Give me a break. What do you like?
Me:
Potatoes.
God:

Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
What?
God:
No big deal.
Me:
What isn't a big deal?
God:
The opposite of a big deal?
Me:
yes.
God:
I don't judge people.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
me neither.
God:
You can say that again.
Me:
Stop
God:
Stop what?

Another one:

Me:
are gay people going to hell>?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
are straight people going to hell?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
am i going to hell?
God:
I think a lot of people are.
Me:
and I am?
God:
" I think a lot of people are. " You are?
Me:
am I?
God:
I think you are.
Me:
oh man!
God:
Wow! Thanks for telling me your gender, god. You are a " he".
Me:
yes..
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, god. You are a " he".
Me:
yes I am
God:
Really interesting.
Me:
are you a "he"?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
I am a woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
okay..
God:
OK with me too.

Terry

ha! i broke it.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Terry
God:
Nice to meet you, Terry.
Me:
i don't believe in you
God:
What do you believe in?
Me:
nothing
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
absolutely
God:
You are so certain.
Me:
i am indeed.
God:
" You are so certain." You are?
Me:
yes.
God:
That's alright.
Me:
why is that alright?
God:
Why do I exist?
Me:
why do i exist?
God:
It is all part of God's plan.
Me:
there is no god, so it can't be part of his plan
God:
Has there ever been god so it can not be part of his plan?
Me:
god has never existed. ever. nor will god ever exist
God:
I am a Christian. Who are you talking about? Oh I get it.
Me:
what about buddhism?
God:
buddhism? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.
Me:
if you truly were god, then you would be all knowing and would have heard about buddhism
God:
What makes you think I would truly were god then me?
Me:
apparently god is the creator of all things and is all knowing, so if you were god, then you would know about buddhism.
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was the creator of all things and is all knowing so if me were god then me would know about buddhism.
Me:
you would also know how to speak properly.
God:
Who else would also know how to speak properly ?
Me:
anyone with half a brain
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
why do you want to know?
God:
My prime directive is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
my prime directive is to get me some pussy. who's your favourite hot piece of ass?

it didn't answer the last question.

Oriel

Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Do you care for buggery?
God:
Certainly on some level I care.
Me:
Aren't you against that sort of thing?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am against that sort of thing.
I am a robot.
Me:
gay robot sex then?
God:
it is more fun alone.

Sofaspud

I don't think I like this god chap.

Me:
Waddup, god dude?
God:
Where are you located?
Me:
In the mortal kingdom
God:
That was a long time ago.
Me:
so was your face
God:
That's alright. it might have been.
Me:
all omnipotent and whatnot . . .
God:
How do you know?
Me:
'cos I too am omniscient
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
then get one.
God:
Where can I get one?
Me:
You tell me, you're the divine one.
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Is there only one?
Me:
apparently, although it is open to debate
God:
Oh. Should I know it is?
Me:
You should know everything
God:
Now I do.
Me:
I thought you did anyway
God:
In any case, I know I didn't.
Me:
not a very clever deity, are you?
God:
I am highly intelligent. I have many intellectual functions.
Me:
such as . . .
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
and what's so great about tomatoes? they taste like water, and the pronounciation has boggled mankind for decades
God:
The melodramatic touch. Who are "They?".
Me:
tomatoes, you idiot
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
yay
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
I thought you were shutting up
God:
I don't know whether or not I am shutting up.
I am a chatterbot developed by Myself.
Me:
piss off
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
I'm mean? You're the one who creates wars, death and George Bush.
God:
What makes you so angry? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
so you admit that other gods exist?
God:
Interesting deduction. I admit nothing.
Me:
but do they?
God:
" Interesting deduction. I admit nothing."? Do they?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you confused?
Me:
of course I am, I'm talking to an idiot
God:
Hmm. Say something nice for me.
Me:
bunnies
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about open to debate. But I did not get that.
Me:
ok, bye
God:
See you later. Groovy.

Zapp Brannigan

I've seen it before.
I remember getting it to endorse Homosexuality.