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funny quotes said by friends

blocparty

just post up funny comments your friends have said.

ill get the ball rolling:
"i wouldnt classify homosexuals as being gay!" - classic

when asked why phones have a vibrate feature:
"its so deaf people know when their phone is ringing"
(just think bout it!)

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Font22

i'm just waiting for someone i know on this to point out something stupid i've said!

blocparty

another couple of classics were

"does this suit hat me?"

and

"come in my hole"(said in a completly innocent way and not dirty in anyway!!)

we used to have a quote sheet with all the stupid things all of us have said! i should go find that!

ferdi

"wait a second...this is non-alcoholic beer!!!"

Tori

My sister in law comes out with great ones:

If my arse had a nose it would be better looking than her!
She had a head like a chewed toffee!
She had a face like a melted bucket!
Even the tide wouldn't bring her out!

- All about the same girl that she hated....... obviously.

Pet

"I was getting really bored, but then she decided to pick my ring for me, and I felt much better then" - the groom, at his own wedding.

Beer is Life

Fixing a computer for a friend of mine. I asked his mother what she was doing when she noticed the problem and she said she was "typing in microwave word"

funky penguin

Beer is Life wrote:

Fixing a computer for a friend of mine. I asked his mother what she was doing when she noticed the problem and she said she was "typing in microwave word"

Thats such a mammy thing to say.

Mine has a few of them of them.....

MP3 = MGP
iPod = oPid (which she uses for EVERY MP3 player)
Queer Eye for The Straight Guy = Q2. I have no idea how she got this.
Foo Fighters = Karate Chops

I'm convinced she does it on purpose, but she is quick to admit she never listens to me anyway.

Many years ago in secondary school, my French teacher asked a pupil to translate "en hâte" (pronounced "on 'at") and the pupil said "a hat" instead of "in haste". Really strict teacher yet everyone could not hold back the laughter. One of my favourite moments from my school days.

I was talking to a fisherman on his way out to his boat. He asked how I was getting on and I said I was going to do a course in college. He said "it's better than scratching your mebs along to road". For anyone who is wondering what mebs are, it's short for marbles, slang for testicles....

phantom_lord

Once when I was very bored I put a few quotes on my myspace page.

"He wears fat peoples clothes...."

(describing one of our lectures)

"We're not homophobic, we're just not afraid of them"

"But why don't the cars just go under the barrier..."

(Finian, looking out the window at a car stopped waiting for the barrier to lift into the car park)

"Here, which one do you think is the father?"

(Finian to me on the bus, looking over at two Asian guys seated with a woman in between them holding a baby on the bus, yes they did hear that...)

"I hear soap and water is good"

(Old woman to Finian after he got his hand stuck between bars on the bus)

"No, it's acid but thanks for noticing"

(His reply...)

"It's like watching transvestites cooking on TV..."

(Finian on watching my flatmates cook...he said this to them...)

"This is too much like an Avril Lavigne video..."

"Will we get another bus?"

(Finian to me as we watched Peter getting on the bus home...thinking we were following...)

"People were saying you're ****. I think you need a new bassist. I play by the way"

(Me, drunk, talking to a member of a band who just got off stage....who happened to be the bassist....)

"Everything in the kitchen has turned white..."

(a friend said...after throwing a bag of flour all over the kitchen at a house party...)

phantom_lord

They're mostly, "you had to be there" kinda quotes. good at the time tho.

Katykaboom

My friends were slagging m, beacue I knwo the abbreviated terms, like lol, and rofl, I was defending myself, and then my friend said "actually Naomi, wait a second, what does e t c stand for???

She sid she knew it was a dumb thing to say but her mouth was already moving.

jaggeh

a bit nerdy but im always mocked for it

i was sitting in my mothers house playing starwars galaxies, when my brother started quizzing me about the game.

Hobbes: So what races can you be?
Jaggeh: Human, wookie, rodian, mon calamari, trandoshan, zabrak, twilek.
Hobbes: Are there jedi?
Jaggeh: yeah, but its rock hard to become one (explanation of becoming a jedi in game)
Hobbes: so you can be a wookie jedi?
Jaggeh: YES (getting annoyed because im getting killed in game, my attention is drifting)
Hobbes: Can you be a rodian wookie?
Jaggeh: yes yes yes, what?

He walked out of the room laughing at me, probably because i was playing star wars galaxies. but mostly because i walked into it.

Ackbar did not come to my aid

Siogfinsceal

A mate of mine when talking about flirting :
"Well I can't flirt in a tracksuit"

BlueSpiral

Friend; What will I need numbers for??
Me and other friend : To tell the time..
Friend: Who siad I can tell time??

She was being completely serious, then walked off, then came back and told us to shut up when she realised what she said.:rolleyes:

I know of someone who thought until a few months ago that zebras laid eggs.

"What's the death penalty?"
Person in my class.

Rnger

I'm fairly sure baby donkeys ARE NOT called donklets

r3nu4l

Not a friend but a lecturer in college!

To a student talking at the back of a large hall:
"You there. That girl who's talking, yes you...Oh, you're a boy!"

To me, while I was laughing at a mates joke during a lecture...
"That's a nice smile...what are you doing?...Where are your hands?"

To the entire Maths lecture hall (we were all very giddy - rag week)
"You are a bunch of animals, I hope you all end up on the dole! Actually I don't because then my taxes would pay for your lazing about!"
Storms out of lecture hall!!

sioda

After a copious amount of beer one nite one of the lads heads off home lets call him Bob leaves his jacket and his phone behind. After a while the phone rings and its Bob. Dave one of the lads answers it and Bob through a drunken haze recognises the voice and says "Dave have you got my phone?" absolute classic

GreeBo

"He's not the brightest spark in the toolbox"

kensutz

"It's so cold you can almost see the haaww from your breath"

!_Brian_!

Continuing the college lecturer theme, a mate of mine once told me there was a fella causing a bit of trouble in class and the lecturer, losing the plot, turned around to him and said, "What are you gonna do for a face when King Kong wants his arse back?!"

Duckjob

Tori wrote:

My sister in law comes out with great ones:

If my arse had a nose it would be better looking than her!
She had a head like a chewed toffee!
She had a face like a melted bucket!
Even the tide wouldn't bring her out!

- All about the same girl that she hated....... obviously.

On the same theme.....

"Jaysus, you wouldn't ride her into battle"

Dun laoire

Duckjob wrote:

On the same theme.....

"Jaysus, you wouldn't ride her into battle"

Another one i only heard the other day

" you wouldnt take her fishin"

Anto McC

My mate said to me one warm day,"Im sweating like a dyslexic on countdown"

cournioni

"Watch out for the Station dog!" - my friend talking about an Alsatian dog in the next garden.
"We'll be flying with Aer Linglus" - another friend.
"Pass me the crips" - again.

Hilarious altogether.

cournioni

Oh yes, and a girl that I brought to the cinema one night...

"Can I have a large cock porn please"

Whats funniest was that she didn't even mean to say it. Needless to say the whole place was in stitches laughing. And yes, she was blonde.

seabee

I know a girl who works as a hairdresser. One morning at work she was a bit hungover and her colleague ask her was she busy today. She replied "Ya, I've got a good few blow jobs to do this morning".

I used to work with a fella that had a great turn of phrase, describing a man that had received a large sum of money from inheretance he said
"Sure that fella became a millionaire when he dropped from between his mothers legs".

When describing something that had been done without any thought or planning he used to say "No kissin' straight into it".

Duckjob

"She's a fine doorful of a woman"

raheny red

-> On the way to Cork a couple of weeks ago, we were just coming into the Jack Lynch tunnel and one of my mates turned around and said "great stuff I've never been in an under-water bridge before"

A few from the school yearbook:

-> Mr.Fallon telling his Chemistry class "Get away! We are all in great danger!"

-> Ms. Rickard and the "casta Pasta Plan" - if you did geography you'd know what she meant.........

-> "The crust is the best part of the pizza - except for the middle!"

-> "More than 20, mabe more..."

-> "Typical Germans, they're either gay or straight"

-> A teacher muttering the lines "They were playing these huge tampons!" - meaning to say tomtoms

-> A teacher went into the store room and suddenly a loud bang was heard, "Here lad, do you want a mouse for your computer" - then place a dead mouse on the desk.

***This has to be the best of all time***

-> Aware were coming to the school to give a talk on depression, a girl then asks "Are they doing a fashion presentation afterwards"

Wokie

A friend of mine a few years ago when a bloke told her she'd a lovely a&se responded with "you wouldn't say that if you saw what came out of it this morning"!!

mang87

Some cinema ones I can remember:

We were sitting in the savoy waiting for "Silent Hill" to start for ages mate just says "...This movies gay" and walks out (of course just for comedic effect, he came back after he'd gotten some popcorn)
Dunno was a quiet point and everyone just roffled

During a quiet moment in one of the ads at the start of Crash a friend of mine sneezed and farted simultaneously .
"A-choo!" *prrrt* "....oh sh*t"
Everyone held their breath until she said "oh sh*t" and the cinema just errupted. A lot of poeple were still laughing 10 minutes into the damn film.
It was even funnier because she was a chick. Perfect timing on the response, too.