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Child Item

Childbirth

Pighead

"Bah, you males have absolutely no idea what it feels like, its the most agonising excruciating feeling ever to be felt by anybody ever".

Whats the above an impression of? Yeah you're right its Pighead pretending to be a woman moaning about childbirth. I'm pretty sure though thats its just one of those things that they tell us knowing we can't totally disprove them.
Its like when we tell the ladies that we're making sweet sweet love to them and that of course it feels special.

Pighead reckons on a scale of 1-10 he'd give childbirth a 5.

A 1 being somebody flicking the back of your ear and a 10 being somebody ripping your toenail off with a vicescripts and poking about the underneath bit with a cocktail stick.
Another 5 would be somebody bending your finger back really far and keeping it bent for 2 seconds after you started screaming

What pain rating would you give for childbirth and what would you equate it to?

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Nevyn

Catsmokinpot wrote:

first of all womens bodies are made for childbirth, hips extra stretchy down there etc.

But babies have been getting bigger and so have thier heads to the number of c section births are on the rise as a result. Really womens bodies are made to be cut open to take a child out ?

Catsmokinpot wrote:

obviously i cant prove it, but im simply going on the fact that your body is physically and permanently damaged.

Most women that has under gone pregnacy and birth esp if they had a c section and or a episiotomy had had thier body physically and permantly damaged and altered.

Pighead

Thaedydal wrote:

But babies have been getting bigger and so have thier heads to the number of c section births are on the rise as a result.

Are you sure about this Thaedydal? Pighead has heard that older women are more likely to give birth to bigger babies but I didnt think it was a general trend.

By the way have you ever heard of the vacuum method of delivering a baby? Apparently the womans legs go up in stirrups and a suction cup is put on the babies head, the woman pushes for all shes worth while the cup sucks the little fcuker out.
The poor wee fella ends up with a cone shaped head for about a week but this will usually end up ok.
Now I don't know about you but that process sounds like fun,not torture.

Oh and Thaed has childbirth been the worst pain you have ever ever experienced? And yes I do mean ever.

neacy69

i think giving birth to a child would be great I mean 12 hours of pain followed by 6 months of sitting at home getting paid for it or as i like to call it 'the baby holiday'

TerrorFirmer

neacy69 wrote:

i think giving birth to a child would be great I mean 12 hours of pain followed by 6 months of sitting at home getting paid for it or as i like to call it 'the baby holiday'

Man, what a quality male post.

I love it. :v:

ThiiinkPink!

Thaedydal wrote:

But babies have been getting bigger and so have thier heads to the number of c section births are on the rise as a result. Really womens bodies are made to be cut open to take a child out ?
Most women that has under gone pregnacy and birth esp if they had a c section and or a episiotomy had had thier body physically and permantly damaged and altered.

Thank you

As I mentioned in my last post, I've had two c/s's for the same reason. both of my kids were born 10lbs.
I was geared up for a normal birth for my first, an emergency section is an extremely traumatic experience. I begged them to knock me out, but they wanted to monitor my conscienceness. So, I had to stay awake through surgery, they numb the area that they have to cut open, but you are aware of the scalpel, you can feel it being run across your stomach. When its over with you have many nights agony ahead of you. throw in an evil nurse for good measure. Having a sheet cover the area while being operated doesnt make you any less aware of the fact there is someone fishing round with your insides.

And pighead, Im in my twenties, just under the average weight for my size. So it doesnt take a fat-arsed aul one to 'make' big kids.

Catsmokinpot

ThiiinkPink! wrote:

I know it cant be compared to childbirth realistically, I was just indulging in a little fantasy :rolleyes: Its quite clear that the thread was set to infuriate.

Any woman who claims that 'it didnt hurt' was either goofed up on drugs or full of sh*te. I've got two kids. I went through what I can only describe as having the stomach ripped out of me with only gas to make me feel worse for about 12 hours, only then to announce I wasnt dilating and 'couldnt get past' my stretchy hips as you stated we have naturally. I had to have an emergency section, as we both nearly lost our lives. The second child I was advised an elective section, as this baby was bigger than the last. Before you get any notions that I must be 'big enough to be able to handle it', you are wrong.
Well done to you pighead, you got exactly what you wanted with your thread.

the well done! was because i found it quite funny as i find all his threads funny, even though they have serious tones pighead has a way of putting things across that leaves me in stitches. as for the woman who clamed it didnt hurt, she was my mother, she wasnt drugged, was fully natural, nothing went wrong and im still alive the last time i checked, and please don't call her full of sh1te ya ignorant cow i didnt say anything like that to you.:mad:

Stark

Pighead wrote:

By the way have you ever heard of the vacuum method of delivering a baby? Apparently the womans legs go up in stirrups and a suction cup is put on the babies head, the woman pushes for all shes worth while the cup sucks the little fcuker out.
The poor wee fella ends up with a cone shaped head for about a week but this will usually end up ok.
Now I don't know about you but that process sounds like fun,not torture.

Lol

Catsmokingpot, not trying to be offensive here, but "giving birth to you was the worst pain I ever experienced" isn't generally the sort of thing a mother tells her daughter. I don't think you can take "completely painless birth" at 100% face value.

Catsmokinpot

Stark wrote:

Lol

Catsmokingpot, not trying to be offensive here, but "giving birth to you was the worst pain I ever experienced" isn't generally the sort of thing a mother tells her daughter. I don't think you can take "completely painless birth" at 100% face value.

could people please stop adding that G in there its smokin for a reason!!! :mad: and if you had read my previous post like the idiot before you who decided to insult my mother, i didn't say it was completely painless, it just wasnt as bad as many women make it out to be, now things can go wrong, csections are needed but your complete bog standard no catches pregnancy is not as painfull as we are made to believe, and i was no small baby.

on a side note my mother is one of the most honest people i have ever known.

and yeah LOL pighead:)

ThiiinkPink!

Catsmokinpot wrote:

ya ignorant cow

My comment was general, not a direct hit at you or your mother.
I find it extremely hard to believe any woman would find this painless unless epidural had a part to play.
In case you missed it: that is my opinion :rolleyes:

Nevyn

Pighead wrote:

Are you sure about this Thaedydal? Pighead has heard that older women are more likely to give birth to bigger babies but I didnt think it was a general trend.

It is a general trend brith weights used to be 5 to 7 lbs now they are between 7 1/2 to 10 lbs.

Pighead wrote:

By the way have you ever heard of the vacuum method of delivering a baby?

Yes it is used when they can't get forcepts in to help prise the baby out.
My first had to be deleivered using forcepts as even after they cut me he
could not be pushed out.
Ladies honestly look hard at the size of the head of the man you love before considering having his child. If i knew them what I know now.......

The reason why they have to use forcepts and vacum is that the baby's head and sholders are too big/wide for the area it is trying to come out of.

Pighead wrote:

Oh and Thaed has childbirth been the worst pain you have ever ever experienced? And yes I do mean ever.

Yes worst physical pain, worse then toothache and taking a chip out of my kneecap.

nesf

Calm down guys, no need to be getting abusive tbh.

nesf

Stark wrote:

but "giving birth to you was the worst pain I ever experienced" isn't generally the sort of thing a mother tells her daughter.

*shrugs*

Mine told me that I was a very difficult birth, that she was in a lot of pain and that she wanted every drug she could get to block out said pain.

Then I was a son, so maybe that was where the honesty came from.

Kernel32

My mother told us (me and 2 brothers) that her worst was the first. It was the early 1970's and she was a single mother. She gave birth in a Dublin hospital, I'm not sure which one. She was in labour for 48hours. She had no pain medication and she screamed so loud that the head nurse came down to her and slapped her across the face, called her a name and told her to keep it down because she was disturbing the other people.

Pighead

Thaedydal wrote:

It is a general trend brith weights used to be 5 to 7 lbs now they are between 7 1/2 to 10 lbs.

Hmmmm, Pighead doubts this statistic and would like a few links as proof. Had a quick look myself and all I could find was this Hong Kong study. seems to indicate there has been no significant change in babies sizes over the last 20 years. What sort of timeframe are you talking about buddy?

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=9215489&dopt=Abstract

Thaedydal wrote:

Ladies honestly look hard at the size of the head of the man you love before considering having his child. If i knew them what I know now.......

Ahh come on Thaed theres no need to be slagging spooky donkey like that, its the season of goodwill and i know for a fact spookey has feelings. I only pray he doesnt read this thread.

Pighead

nesf wrote:

*shrugs*

Mine told me that I was a very difficult birth, that she was in a lot of pain and that she wanted every drug she could get to block out said pain.

Then I was a son, so maybe that was where the honesty came from.

Read this and got on to the phone to my dear Mother and asked her was I a difficult birth. She said I wasn't but there was a fair bit of pain involved. Then I asked her was I as painful as that time Fred the donkey kicked her on her right leg and she said not at all.
QED

LadyJ

I'm all for having babies but I wouldn't like to give birth!
Ouch!

Just pass 'em onto me when they're all clean and pretty looking!

mad m

Lets all not forget Katie homes to her forth coming birth without a drop of drugs and she isnt even allowed to scream as Tom cruises faith doesnt believe in screaming during childbirth....

Setun

What about the poor guy who holds the hand of the insane red-faced maniac? Poor chaps hand is left like a piece of scrunched paper.

Scraggs

ok i know i can talk not having experienced childbirth... but i'd imagine normal childbirth to be really uncomfortable rather than painful what with all the drugs, epidurals etc. available. One of my friends had a bouncing baby boy recently and she said it wasnt painful just uncomfortable and she was in labour 18hrs.

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.ican-online.org/resources/statistics3.php
20-25% of births are by ceaserian
but a lot of that is to avoid being sued rather than for pain relief

gonker

Hi first child hard labour 14 hours epidural didn’t kick in so all pain…and so tired as it started at 1 o’clock in the morning.
Second child I woke at 6:30 in morning with waters burst….not a nice feeling…. Other half decides to have breakfast “coz I was in labour so long the last time and I was hungry”. gee poor thing.
He proceeds to set the house on fire coz I didn’t clean the grill and there was fat all over it hee hee.
I am standing there with my legs crossed saying come on we have to get to the hospital…anyway……we get to the hospital and he kicks me out of the car and says you head in and Ill park the car….(he is so thoughtful)
He arrives into the hospital and says is (gonker) being admitted yet. Nurse says what does she look like…
He says Tall, Blonde big boobs pregnant ( yeah right)…she says is that her outside hanging on to the railings….Anyway stretcher arrives…I cannot walk at that stage…get to delivery room…I scream at midwife
“I WANT AN EPIDURAL” she gets on phone to anaesthetic person and says “ this lady wants an epidural” “but she wont have time” I then proceeded to give birth to my nearly 9lb daughter and in the process from the pain I dislocated the midwifes shoulder…She came into me later and thanked me for the second most painful experience to giving birth…but it was worth it…but lets not talk about the afterbirth…they don’t tell you about that…..and the AFTER PAINS…..gets worse the more children you have….nearly as bad as labour and no nice outcome….

[Deleted User]

Thankfully, I've no intentions of ever having kids...

WhiteWashMan

Catsmokinpot wrote:

the well done! was because i found it quite funny as i find all his threads funny, even though they have serious tones pighead has a way of putting things across that leaves me in stitches. as for the woman who clamed it didnt hurt, she was my mother, she wasnt drugged, was fully natural, nothing went wrong and im still alive the last time i checked, and please don't call her full of sh1te ya ignorant cow i didnt say anything like that to you.:mad:

banned.

Slutmonkey57b

gonker wrote:

Hi first child hard labour 14 hours epidural didn’t kick in so all pain…and so tired as it started at 1 o’clock in the morning.
Second child I woke at 6:30 in morning with waters burst….not a nice feeling…. Other half decides to have breakfast “coz I was in labour so long the last time and I was hungry”. gee poor thing.
He proceeds to set the house on fire coz I didn’t clean the grill and there was fat all over it hee hee.
I am standing there with my legs crossed saying come on we have to get to the hospital…anyway……we get to the hospital and he kicks me out of the car and says you head in and Ill park the car….(he is so thoughtful)
He arrives into the hospital and says is (gonker) being admitted yet. Nurse says what does she look like…
He says Tall, Blonde big boobs pregnant ( yeah right)…she says is that her outside hanging on to the railings….Anyway stretcher arrives…I cannot walk at that stage…get to delivery room…I scream at midwife
“I WANT AN EPIDURAL” she gets on phone to anaesthetic person and says “ this lady wants an epidural” “but she wont have time” I then proceeded to give birth to my nearly 9lb daughter and in the process from the pain I dislocated the midwifes shoulder…She came into me later and thanked me for the second most painful experience to giving birth…but it was worth it…but lets not talk about the afterbirth…they don’t tell you about that…..and the AFTER PAINS…..gets worse the more children you have….nearly as bad as labour and no nice outcome….

And I thought I was a useless fool at the bedside. Even I wasn't that bad.

Having observed a normal birth and a section, I am positive that nothing comes close to childbirth. Anything like having your toenails ripped off doesn't last more than a few seconds. Birth is massive pain for hours or days at a time.

dragona

mad m wrote:

Anyone ever had a kidney stone,well I'm told its like having a baby passing one.Since I was 21 I have passed a good few,and at moment I have one now and by jesus this one is a humdinger.Its like a golf ball trying to go down a straw....

Someone please think of the kidney stone sufferers.....

You have all my sympathy and then some......
I have given birth to three children,all three drug free, though luckily enough quick(2 1/2hr labours!!!!) and had kidney stones once.

I SWEAR kidney stone was the MOST painful EVER EVER. I literally wanted to die.Off the chart pain. HUsband has instructions to smother me and put me out of my misery should it ever happen again.
I researched it on the web, and it is considered to be the most pain a human can experience.

"The severity of the pain is no indicator of the size of the passing kidney stone. This pain is often described as the worst pain a person has ever suffered even by women who have given birth. It is reported to be more painful than gun shots, surgery, broken bones, or even burns. The pain is not a result of the stone moving or tearing the ureter as a sufferer might suspect. Rather, the pain is caused by the dilating or stretching of the urinary tract being blocked by the stone when it gets stuck in the ureter."

Dac51

Men may never experience the pain of childbirth but a woman will never ever experience the pain of a good kick in the bollocks. Every man at some point in his lifetime will experience this and by god it is a good 11 or 12 on the 1-10 pain scale.

JC 2K3

Dac51 wrote:

Men may never experience the pain of childbirth but a woman will never ever experience the pain of a good kick in the bollocks. Every man at some point in his lifetime will experience this and by god it is a good 11 or 12 on the 1-10 pain scale.

Agreed. It's amazing just how painful it is - and if it's bad the pain can spread all around your pelvic region, I don't understand it, I just know it's damn sore.

I'd say childbirth is worse because it can last for over 12 hours whereas a bad injury to the balls would only last for an hour or two at most(although it can make you feel sick for the rest of the day)

Slutmonkey57b

dragona wrote:

You have all my sympathy and then some......
I have given birth to three children,all three drug free, though luckily enough quick(2 1/2hr labours!!!!) and had kidney stones once.

Do you mean 2-and-one-half-hour-labour or two half-hour labours? At 2 1/2 hours you're really not getting the full experience! Most women are only starting after 2 1/2 hours.

Gordon

I really don't know what the women are complaining about. Giving birth isn't nearly as bad as being kneed in the bollox.

Shabadu

It's grand tbh. I just put down me drink, lifted one leg off the barstool, shot it out, then went for a fag.