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Child Item

Favourite ridiculous sayings.

Romo

"Don't hunt what you can't kill" and "Double the Van Damage" are faves of mine. Any others?

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tel922001

If u see a sexy lady my saying would be 'i'd suck farts from her arse'

jor el

For some reason, I keep saying "You lie like a cheap watch" when I don't believe someone.

The_B_Man

Hes as bent as a fiddlers elbow!

It's all fun & games til someone gets a pineapple shoved up their arse!

If at first you dont succeed, destroy all evidence u tried, and start again.

Ya hoors assistant

I wouldnt go near her wit your dick!

Jaysus, im sweatin like a bitch in heat!

PullMyFinger!

The_B_Man wrote:

Im so hungry, I'd eat a scabby babby through a wheelchair!

jaysus

lol

"she has a fanny like a wizard's sleeve"

seabee

"He thinks his piss is perfume and his sh1t is mamalade" - for somebody who thinks they are brilliant.

Paligulus

A fella said this to another lad in the place I used to work:

"You know about as much about computers as my d!ck knows about eating chips!!!"

ArthurDent

My Grandad's one is:

I'm so hungry I could eat the left hind leg off the lamb of Jaysus

CrowdedHouse

I'll see ya - when I get me glasses !

Le Rack

I'd eat the arse of a low flying duck
I'd eat a nuns arse through a convent gate
I'd eat a farmers arse through a ditch
do for a poke if the tellys broke
I wouldnt kick him out for eating crisps in the bed
thats a load of Tommy Rot!
its so cold it would freeze the balls off of a brass monkey
Put your fingers in your ears and learn!
I'll decapitate you and hang you from the lightbulbs by your toenails!
Oh! Dio! Gracias!
Knobcheese
Wouldnt touch him with a ten foot barge poll witha health inspector on top! A gay health inspector so you can shove the poll up his arse!

I live in a strange world... I hear each of these and many more on a daily basis!

rubadub

LIKE
-I'd ate her sh!te with a wooden spoon. (describing a good looking girl)

-Hung like a knacker's horse, with the balls of a butcher's bloodhound.

-She's had more cocks up her hole than sh!ts out of it. (or he as the case may be)

-She was so ugly her father had to molest her brother instead.

HATE
-That's right, ye didn't think! (taught to all teachers to respond to somebody saying "I didn't think we had to do that essay/homework")

-No horseplay on the stairs. (taught to headmasters)

Muineach

he/she's loola

(taught a female french exchange to say that comes out very sexy in that accent)

and
your a f'in muppet

sinjin_smythe

"If you dont know what you've done ,then theres no point in me telling you"

I love that one get it all the time from parents, what the hell is it supposed to mean?

Musashi

Gay as Christmas

One co-worker on learning another guy was gonna do the summer holiday shift with him
"It's bad enough working 52 weeks of the year with you without working 53!"

Same guy when we were bought by another nearby compan

" They'll go mad now!They only on three thirds of our wages!"

A drunk mate outside the pub

"Mickey is Mickey Lad"
We think he meant "Ass is Ass" or like one of the boys " The ugly ones need loving too!"

For an unattractive person "Like a bag of hammers" "Like a bag O' Busted Hammers" "Dumber than Cow Tracks"

TOPDAWG

"you'd swear he sh*ts crunchies" someone thinks der brill

"SIMPLER TIMES" i.e. u might be recallin something like "remember when u got that text 2 mins ago?" 'ah yeah, they were simpler times' Thats sometin that took off in our bunch over a year ago and still works. Simpler times when it started........

Puttin MO in the middle of words, homer simpon style ie. saxo-MO-phone, mc-MO-donalds, foot-MO-ball.

"Id be dug out of her/him" when used with her it means sexually, when used with him it means ud love to thump the head off him.

"I wouldnt be seen for a week" again refers quite mannerly to the sexual attraction to the female sex

ExOffender

'You couldn't score on The Love Boat'
One of my own and I'm rather proud.
Also a childhood mate of mine's rents used to come out with a truly mind-boggling all-purpose justification for any kind of imposition or injustice. In response to any kind of 'But whyyyyyy?' type-thing, they'd respond 'That's the why.' Drove me crazy. Thanks to LadyJ for stirring that from the old memory banks... I even wrote a short story based around it, it annoyed me so much.

pseudonym

In describing an alcoholic:
"he's drink puss out of a bedsore"

melekalikimaka

as oppose to crack open a can of whoop ass on someone ya wanna beat up

'I'd crack open a can of rape on her'...a girl ya wanna...well not rape but ...eh bond with

Pet

Also a childhood mate of mine's rents used to come out with a truly mind-boggling all-purpose justification for any kind of imposition or injustice. In response to any kind of 'But whyyyyyy?' type-thing, they'd respond 'That's the why.' Drove me crazy. Thanks to LadyJ for stirring that from the old memory banks... I even wrote a short story based around it, it annoyed me so much.

Oh my god! My neighbour's mother used to say that too and it used to WRECK my head!! Argh, thanks for bringing that back!

c - 13

A friend of mine likes to use -
For a fine woman "Jesus, I'd whack off all over her fine cutlery"

Dyr

I'd ate the leg off the lamb a jaysus

(hes) a steaming poof with no more right to live on gods good clean earth than a weasel

whats that got to do with the price of turnips?

he'd queue up for a kick in the arse if it was free

gay as a balloon

give it SOCKS! (yaaayyyy!!! best ever!!)

and the one i learned visiting the rural relatives

"now, said mikeo"

"as bould as five fat pigs"

Terrier

How's You for Duck Eggs!

gaui3d0pnbz86o

spooja = a fool

eg: ya spooja ya

seabee

If somebody is sick they’ve had one of the following ailments or diseases:
A Bowl-e-itus Attack
An Inverted Arse
A Scuttery BumBum

If something is mediocre or crap its POOPISS

If a girl was in the mood for love: there was a smell of want off her.

If somebody has a nervous or shocking occourance: A Sh!tty Knickers Attack

As thick as a bucket of sh!t.

petes

A whole different kettle of fish. I just used that on another thread. Its mad. Kettles with fish in them.

Stix

I'd make $h!t€ of her - I would like to make love with her !

I recognise here face, i think i've come across her face before !!! - self explanatory

*Sassy*

To someone who is moaning about being hungover:
If you run with the hounds at night, you can't pi$$ like a puppy in the morning.

As thick as a double ditch.

As thick as two short planks.

Get the boat!

Ask me ar$e.

Bent as a boomerang.

He'd eat *insert word* out of a smelly sock.

Stix

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's ****ing hilarious !

Da Mutts Nuts - instead of The Dogs Bollocks.

smois

if u break ure leg dont cum runnin back to me????????????????????????????????

Tar.Aldarion

i know your talking but all i hear is **** **** ****

delanest

If my Ant had a bollox she would be my Uncle