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Child Item

Homeless in Ireland at 21 , Advice?

caoimhethefrog

Hi all,
I’m in a very difficult situation right now and would really appreciate any advice or direction.

I was kicked out of an abusive household and have been staying with my long-term partner and his family. It was only ever meant to be temporary, but I thought we had more time. Things have now turned badly , his mother has started blaming me for messes around the house done by herself , her husband and her son , questioning why I haven’t been cleaning, holding me accountable for her sons actions since hes autistic so ' I should know better for him' my partner is not a child - and suggesting I "go back to my own home", which isn’t an option due to the abusive situation I left. Usual demonic boy mom in law stuff

To be honest, I’ve been struggling mentally and physically. I recently got diagnosed with OCD after thinking I was a freak of nature my whole life just to now not get any help after the diagnoses and had to go through an abortion after a contraception failure, which she knew about and was initially supportive of — but that seems to have changed. She's now threatening to kick both me and my partner out.

I have a new job starting on the 2nd of July, and I’m terrified of ending up on the street before then, which would put everything at risk.

I don’t smoke, drink, or use drugs. I’ve always worked and stayed out of trouble. I’m already on the housing list with the council but I don’t know what support is actually available when you’re in a situation like this.

Im spiraling and finding myself in situations i never would

Any advice?

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caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058418041/homeless-in-ireland-at-21-advice

ive been trying to post this on reddit and keep getting my post taken down does anyone know why? im so extremely despertae for advice i know it will happen within a few days

NiceFella

Look, if they want you out of the house their isn't much you can do other than respect their wishes. You could ask nicely that they give you some time to find an alternative. If you have a strong relationship with the son then perhaps you could find something for yourselves. Living with peoples parents is not ideal although I can understand why people do these days.

ax530

Sorry to hear this, great you have a job starting soon that is something positive and worth building on.

Reach out to council and housing charities see if emergency accommodation can be found to tie you by get job started and find room.

Would you have deposit to start looking for a room in house share?

charlessmith22

Temporary means temporary, not as long as you need. And if you're referring to the woman kind enough to take you in as 'demonic' its no wonder shes no longer happy to home you.

But they're likely not going to make their son homeless so you've probably longer than you think, but id advise you both save to move in a house share and learn a few things about responsibilities of adulthood.

babyducklings1

Are you in a position to contribute to the household, pay for your own food and help out with the tidying and cleaning?

You are not in an ideal situation but with a new job starting soon you may be in a better position a bit further down the line.

It’s a really tough for you but try to keep your head down for now and just get started with the new job. Keep linking in with council, checking rental on daft , saving money for rental deposit and think that this won’t be forever.

Housing situation is dire and everyone is experiencing it. My local Facebook page puts up a house or room for rent regularly and the number of responses is crazy! This is not to discourage you but just for you to know that living situations for many people are not good right now. But start that job, get saving every week into bank or credit Union , contribute some bit to household and try to keep the peace while looking to getting yer own place. It is not easy but keep on going and looking forward. Wishing you well .

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123584571#Comment_123584571

Hi,

Its kind of odd thats your take on this but okay ill just explain it better.

ive not actually approached her with any of this or ever even spoke back to her, ive cleaned the messes, ive said my thank yous and made my presense unaware when shes back from work. Ive not made this her problem once and shes made me aware im an inconvenience so im trying to sort out housing.

The reason im making this post is because im going with her wishes I dont want to make a woman uncomfortable in her own home which is why im trying to get something sorted ASAP.

She was the one who offered me to stay here permanently! if I got a job and paid rent , Ive been paying rent and water so that everyone in the house could even shower (she wasnt), cleaning, taking care of her dogs and making dinners etc while I was job hunting.

Ive finally found a job after her pushing for so long about it and so many failed interviews but now she has an issue with me having a job and how me working is an inconvenience so I need to leave , knowing that would make me lose the job meaning no income or housing.

If her actions make any sense to you thats great but they dont make sense to me. she gave me false reassurence , made me feel comfortable enough to speak to her and took me on bonding dates just to use my abuse against me and bring it up any chance she has while making homeless jokes.

This is the first time shes mentioned me being here is an issue and so im fixing the issue by leaving.

Just need somewhere to go.

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123582650#Comment_123582650

Thank you!

Im really thankful I have the job because it is a great start im just worried about losing it without housing now.

I reached out to the council and was advised I cant get help from them until my forms are assessed unsure what ill do with that.

I had a good lump of savings ive had to unfortunately spend on hotels etc for nights I had nowhere up until i was able to couch surf here but had no job to start saving again, with this job im hoping HAP might help me

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123585273#Comment_123585273

Hi!

Thank you so much for your comment I genuinely appreciate it.

At the moment I do contribute with paying rent , buying myself and her son food and paying for oil for heating aswell as cleaning the house daily except for Sat/Sun as they are the days shes chosen herself since shes off work.

I was hoping me starting the job would make my situation better but its made it worse she has said it is now an inconvenience for me to be working.

Im really not sure what her train of thought is and im trying to understand the situation to best help us both but it seems very cut throat shes just sick of us being here and shes allowed to be its her own home I dont want her to feel out of place in her own house because I understand how it feels.

I rang the council but was advised I cant be helped until assessed , Ive emailed some TDs I read it might quicken the assessment.

Im just a really stupid 22 year old and wanted to see what was the right way to go about this to avoid losing the job yk haha

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123582566#Comment_123582566

Hi,

This is exacy it!

I 100% want to go by her words its her house and she shouldnt feel any w in her own home.

She hasnt specified how long I have but she is giving me time which is why im trying to rush getting somewhere cause knowing her it probably isnt long.

Im honestly more just trying to keep the job so I can hopefully do HAP instead but that isnt something that can happen quickly so im lookig for quick quick alternatives rn

Im usually really good at this whole life yoke ive stayed out of trouble ive i think done my best at being respectful , calm and mature etc finished school i did have a good savings i unfortanetly spent on quick accom when i first got kicked out and had no couch surfing option. Ive been scared of being homeless my whole life having to watch every sibling I have get thrown out the same as me becaue of our parental abuse ( but they now side with them for financial gain ) so ive tried preparing for it my whole life but obviously not good enough so im extremely clueless now in what to do

Meeoow

Can you not rent a room somewhere? Why would you expect to get HAP when you're working? I rented a room several times in my younger days. If you get in with a good bunch, it can be really good craic.

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123584571#Comment_123584571

Hi,

Sorry to reply again I just really do not agree with your last little dig 'learn a few things about responsibilities of adulthood'

Is that not what this post is about? Im seeking help which is me taking taking responsibility and trying to fix a situation best for everyone involved.

It is very belittling to me and my experiences though aswell, I searched up responsibilities of adulthood and a few things that came up are actually a few things ive been doing since childhood.

Financial Manegment - Paying bills,budgetting and saving money - I do all of those things.

Household Manegment - Cooking ,Cleaning , Laundry and maintaining a living space - I do all of those things

Career Manegment - Work and maintain a career - I do all of those things and am trying to make sure I can continue to do these things

I buy my own groceries , I pay my bills , I clean up after myself and many others the only responsibilty I dont have right now is the responsibility of a home which is the responsibility I am trying to achieve.

Me having an abortion was me taking care of my adult responsibilities by knowing this is not a situation a child should be involved in.

I am responsible for myself, I take care of myself and have been since I was 13 but I am allowed to ask for help.

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123585406#Comment_123585406

Hi,

Right now im waiting to start work on the 2nd of July , ive been homeless since the 1/2/25

Obviously if im able to afford it by thenIi would just do a house share with someone I dont think id be fussed on who I live with I barely interact with anyone as is , as long as theyre not a murderer lol

Im just used to saying HAP because the council have it inbeded in my head sorry!

If im in the financial situation to just get somewhere myself when I start the job i will be 100000% doing that im planning to just save the first few paychecks as absolutely much as I can after paying for rent/food im just more panicking for the now when I get kicked out before I get any payments to actually pay for somewhere

When I get kicked out and if i didnt find anywhere to go I will have to leave the job as it is one that requires me to have WIFI 24/7 , an office and proper working conditions.

House sharing , pay rent etc this is not something I have an issue with id much prefer it because its something id be in control of not the council not my family yk , im just not in the right financial situation for it atm until paid

Rubberchikken

Just reading through and have to say well done for asking for help.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with what seems a fairly difficult woman/situation.

You're not stupid and don't underestimate yourself. You seem to have gone through a lot in 22 years that many wouldn't be able to manage.

I wish I had some advise but I wish you all the best in your new job and in the future.

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123585462#Comment_123585462

Hi,

Genuinely really really appreciate this comment.

Its been such a rough time and words of encouragement go such a long way , youre so incredibly kind

Thank you so much I really hope everything is well for you and you have a good weekend!

Purple Mountain

You seem like a mature young lady and by the sound of it, you have been pulling your weight/contributing in your inlaws house.

Mum sounds maybe she has some mental health issues going on? That's not your issue or problem but just beware.

To be honest, I wouldn't wait to be pushed. I'd actively start looking for a room to rent in a house share when you start working. Can you ask your bf to go with you? It would work out cheaper as a couple. You could put out word that you're a couple looking for a double room house share. That might even appeal to another couple.

In my 20s I was in a few different house shares. It was the best of fun once you had sound housemates.

caoimhethefrog

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123586034#Comment_123586034

Hi!

Thank you for this commment

Ive genuinely been hinking the same myself which is why ive been so out of her way because i understand it can be frustrating

I never thought about getting the house shre with another couple i actually know a few that this would probably actually work out with and this might be the answer i was looking for it honestly seems like the best solution

Terrier2023

do you have parents and a home you came from why has no one asked this question we all came from a family? Where is your biological family now?

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Closed.

As per the charter: Dragging up old threads is a no no and we will close them.