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Child Item

My loneliness is killing me

zell12

as Britney Spears sang..

the US surgeon general saying that loneliness mortality effects are equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than those associated with obesity and physical inactivity. “These issues don’t affect one country … [Loneliness] is an underappreciated public health threat.”

https://www.theguardian.com/global-development/2023/nov/16/who-declares-loneliness-a-global-public-health-concern

But Ireland is famed for its warmth, community-spirit, friendliness, thousand welcomes.. yet people die and are discovered 20 years later in their Mallow house.

Is another's loneliness obvious to others? Do we care?

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jj880

Saw a good series on Netflix about places where average life expectancy are highest in the world. First episode about how Japan has a system for making sure old people have a purpose and a place in their community.

Live To 100: Secrets Of The Blue Zones

JeffreyEpspeen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121382967#Comment_121382967

Something that sums up the personalities of Irish people for me is a) the suicide rate of young males and b) that article about how endemic sledging was towards family and friends of suicide victims in GAA matches. Also the undercurrent of bigotry towards CoI or people of any background other than good parish stock, although maybe that's getting better.

Anecdotally, I've also had more than one young lad confide in me back when I used to go out about mental turmoil they were having and I was thinking internally "why don't they talk to their friends about this?" Probably because I'm quiet and look a bit sensible. How stunted are Irish people?

Great at the aul attention seeking are the Irish. Like the chap with the head like a slab of boiled ham at the World Cup who rudely interrupted a fan's interview to roar "Je suis baggette", but little of substance a lot of the time.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121382947#Comment_121382947

Not neccesarily trust me! Im not entirely sure where the whole "mens friendships have no drama" originated from, perhaps american tv shows influencing a culture of bros before hoes or ive got your back brother etc but men can be even more bitchy and false in their relationships than the bitchiest woman out there. They get away with it though because society doesnt want to accept that men can be bitchy and false and it usually provokes a very aggressive reaction in men where they try to shut down this notion at all costs.

I have seen it though hundreds of times throughout life...men making very nasty and personal remarks when their so called friend has his back turned...ive worked in several places where cliques of men are not talking to each other for years, starting rumours and stirring the pot. And these are men 45+.

People dont like to hear it but the notion that men arent bitchy is a pure and utter fantasy.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383565#Comment_121383565

Worked in an all male industry that became more mixed over many years.

For sure men are as bad as women, but it just tends to be a bit more open. Women are another level. They could hate each other but still be sending each other cards.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383590#Comment_121383590

I agree with women sending cards etc and smiling at people they hate but up until a few yrs back i never thought men could be that incredibly nasty but wow they took me to school. I was working in 2 different places and the extraordinarily viscious bile that one group of men would spout about their co workers would make Joan Collins scarlet! The tongues on these men were worse than anything ive experienced in my life and i now know that men can hide in that societal myth of not being bitchy and get away with the most vindictive behavior ive ever witnessed!

jj880

From my experience women / girls start the phony stuff very early. Whereas men start slower then get worse as they get older.

Men will cut the cord a lot quicker though. I dont see the point in going to the effort of a creating / maintaining a bullsh!t friendship if its not happening naturally. Personally there's nothing in that kind of nonsense for me. Not worth the effort.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380557#Comment_121380557

This is so very true in my experience. I’d rather be on my own any time than in the company of someone like that. I will do anything to avoid being in such human company that is wrapped up in themselves. That’s one thing that prompts people to have pets, they invariably give so much back.

Zico

I wish it wasn't weird to hug people.

I would do it more.

Ubbquittious

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383790#Comment_121383790

Lots of Irish people not very affectionate. Comes from growing up with strict mammies back in the day and Catholicism in general

Potential-Monke

I think the problem is most people can't put up with themselves so need other people to distract them from their own thoughts. It's something we should be teaching at school level, how to enjoy your own company, so that if/when it happens later in life you're not left wondering what to do.

ruth...less

Rarely get any really alone time.

silliussoddius

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121383623#Comment_121383623

There’s also different kinds of phony stuff; the tough macho exterior that descends into the drunken blithering idiocy, would put any woman to shame.

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121386398#Comment_121386398

This is true. Perhaps thats more related to insecurity.

Phony / shameful behaviour in general could be a whole new thread.

I know a guy who used to run a bar in a big golf club locally. He said Captains Day was the absolute worst. People starting off the night with the polite phonyness, trying to suck up to / befriend certain big wheels but if that didnt work theyd get a load of booz on board and then the real personas would appear. The night would always descend into total chaos.

He said that golf club bar was much worse for it than any normal pubs he worked in. Maybe something to do with the setting and who didnt play well during the day also 😆

He had to get out of it in the end as he ballooned in weight and got seriously depressed working there.

[Deleted User]

Individuals have to stop blaming others and or society, or the Irishness, or the GAA it's not society or anything out there, it's about the individual themselves. As you get older you need less friend not no friends, having friends takes effort, liking your own company is a gift.

An amount here seem to have a sort of social anxiety and blaming society for that.

[Deleted User]

One friend that you see every now and can be enough for most people.

Sam Quentin

Men Who Think Their Hard Men But Lonely.

New Thread Name. 🤔

Princess Calla

Robbed from the ylyl thread

Galwayguy35

I grew up in a small town and neighbours used to always call in to see each other at least a few times a week.

I still live in the same town and it just doesn't happen anymore.

It doesn't bother me because I like my own company but I can see how it could lead to other folks feeling left out and lonely.

suvigirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121375139#Comment_121375139

Exactly. It's like being interrogated for gossip and news🙄

nachouser

Thread title reminds me of Bellow: "More Die of Heartbreak".

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121389276#Comment_121389276

Round where I live that would be:

"They'd go up yer hole for news!"

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121389230#Comment_121389230

That was kind of commonplace. And no doubt it is a sad loss.

I know we have more openness now about mental health, but I also think a reason it is more visible is that more people have problems. Community definitely isn’t what it was 30 years ago, even 15-20, and there are bound to be consequences.

BorneTobyWilde

Irish people are friendly to tourists, but treat their own like dirt.

BENDYBINN

if you’re in the gutter you’ll have lots of friends……start doin well for yourself and watch the hate..

zell12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122417015#Comment_122417015

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( hugz ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

zell12

*sigh*

[Deleted User]

How is society or others people suppose to fix this for individuals.

Irish people are no more or no less friendly that any national, nor are Irish people more nosey or gossip more than anywhere else.

A lot of this threads are individuals extrapolating their own issues on to Irish society.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122573189#Comment_122573189

I don't know about "fixing" it but I think we should be aware that while technological progress is largely linear, it often comes with social consequences. I saw a Sky News piece of the weekend about AI being used to teach children. If they get their education from AI, they risk underdevelopment in terms of social skills IMO.

I like the American idea of the "Third place". We've lost those. Think of Central Perk in Friends, McLaren's in HIMYM or whatever but they're largely gone now as people are usually at home or at work with not much in between. As much as an introvert like me doesn't want to admit it, we need connection and regular interactions. Again, I don't know how to improve things in this regard but large amounts of socially alienated men are not a good thing for anyone.

Meme:

suvigirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122573189#Comment_122573189

That's totally not true. Irish people are way more nosey and gossip far more then say, Finnish people, for an example.

I've spent quite a bit of time there and nobody asks you your business, in fact, they are notorious for not talking. Yet they have a low percentage of lonely people.

yagan

I took social media off my mobile a decade ago but a lot of people around me still seem to be deeply engrossed.

I wouldn't consider sites like this where people converse anonymously as social media, it's just a discussion forum.

My guess would be that over use of social media can make people feel that they are more alone.