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Child Item

Can I repeat TY at age 18 due to my unique circumstances

cantthinkofausername1

I'm autistic and have ADHD and I am 17 years old (will turn 18 in next month June) and currently nearly approaching the end of 5th year in secondary school, I am possibly developmentally and emotionally behind and delayed for my chronogical age (around 3 years behind, want to know from a doctor or physchologist) due to autism, prolonged social isolation (as I don't have any family other than my mum and had a very lonely upbringing and had no life outside of school till like 1 year ago when I joined a youth club), 2 years of covid lockdowns and restrictions, and past severe bullying in 2nd year (in 3rd year I was very scared to talk to other kids in my class because of what happened in 2nd year),

I didn't feel like I lived a post covid life till the second half of 2022/beginning of 2023 (when I started TY) due to this (I was 16 and missed out alot of my formative teenage years due to the circumstances above because of this making me developmentally much younger), My life between Early 2020 and Summer/Autumn 2022 was like groundhog day to me, I also have abnormal development for my age is well like delayed developmental milestones, my isolated upbringing and covid also impacted my development even more as well (this is my Reddit post of my delayed developmental milestones https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/6vXiRIOF02)

I also worry about missing out on my teenage and adolescent years due to my circumstances and developmental delays. I have very little proper experience of being a teenager/adolescent compared to somebody my own chronogical age, Im more inline with a typical 14-15 year old. I am considering repeating two years in school (as in starting TY again from September 2024) and stay in school for an extra two years to allow me to catch up in development and would like to delay adulthood (such as responsibilities and having to grow up and living an adult lifestyle) by a few years to allow me to have more time to live my teenage and adolescent years as I've only started feeling and living like a teenager since age 16 (I'm also quite immature for my chronogical age).

I also sometimes struggle with the work in 5th year due to the higher difficulty level and I barely study and sometimes get into trouble for not doing homework. (I also do not care about being 18 in TY if that happens because my chronogical age isnt revelant to me in terms of experience and developmental level) I also don't care and mind being much older doing the Leaving Cert either (I'll be turning 21 in that June as opposed to 19 if I don't repeat) if I were to be held back two years in school as this would enable me to have a longer adolescence lifestyle (by staying in school) and a delayed adulthood. (As people develop at different rates so I don't mind being much older as the age difference wouldn't be any noticeable anyway between me and the other classmates in my repeated class given my emotional developmental delays and my circumstances)

I also was appointed a councillor since January but I wasnt able to see her too much due to circumstances (like school trips, school being closed such as for teacher training and sometimes the councillor was out sick)

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cantthinkofausername1

Not to mention my secondary school is an educate together (no uniform), there is already students that are older than the typical age in a school year in my school due to other circumstances, theres a guy whos 20 in 6th year because of past homeschooling and he also did TY at age 18 with the same class (and hes friends with some of them), there is also a girl whos 19 in 6th year going to be 20 in June doing leaving cert (she repeated a year)

Alexus25

Firstly im sorry to hear about your tough childhood and adolescence

Just to get clarification, "around 3 years behind, want to know from a doctor or physchologist" - are you saying you want to go to a gp or get assessed by a psychologist or have you already went to these practitioners? Did they confirm developmental and emotional delays?

Have you been diagnosed with ASD and ADHD?

I question why staying in school is synonymous with staying in adolescence. I find it interesting you want to hold onto your childhood/adolescence as long as possible (I can see why based on your explanation). I do think you can still delay adulthood and enjoy being a teen to a point without adding more years to secondary school. Who says you're immature for your age?

I guess on the other hand with developmental delays you may need more time and opportunities to develop skills

If you feel you're not benefiting academically..let's look at why that is.. "struggle with the higher difficulty and I barely study". Well as you may already know with ADHD there can come executive functioning problems like planning, organising etc which may make it harder to execute homework tasks. Also medication can help ADHD,not sure if you need this/ are taking meds. It sounds like you need to focus and may need support in getting into a helpful homework/study routine, especially if it's getting you into trouble, do you have access to supports like SNA?

Not good if the school councillor isn't quite avaliable.

I personally think you should express your concerns with your mother and/or principal or some school professional that you trust

wildwillow

Would you consider doing Leaving Cert Applied? Less academic work and usually smaller class.

cantthinkofausername1

I want to go to a GP or a physchologist so I know if I am indeed developmentally behind my age, I'm thinking I'm approximately around 3 years behind in development to my peers. I'm just thinking that staying in secondary school for longer could potentially delay the responsibilities and transition to adulthood since I'll still be attending school if that's the case, I also really hope my facial features don't change anytime soon (to resemble more of a grown man) since I don't want to look like a grown man yet by appearance for obvious reasons (I want to look like a teenager for longer, luckily I still do)

Alexus25

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122091912#Comment_122091912

Then I recommend getting an appointment with your gp to see if a referral can be made, if you have already been diagnosed with asd and adhd then you should be entitled to supports and adaptations for you should be made

HazeDoll

If you're not able for the more challenging work of fifth year at 18, taking an extra year won't make a difference. It'll all still be there in Sept 2025. You should really consider doing LCA, as somebody suggested. Smaller classes, more manageable workload.

The question of an eighteen-year-old who wants to mix with fifteen-year-olds, prolong childhood and appear younger, is probably a completely separate one. Most likely one for a psychologist.

Shield

Mod: Moved from Feedback to Leaving Cert.

-Shield

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122095058#Comment_122095058

I never said I wanted to mix with 15 year olds, I just said that I could possibly be developmentally around that age because of my autism and circumstances (like covid and past social isolation and delayed developmental milestones), it's also even possible for a 15 and 18 year old to be both be in 5th year anyway (a 15 year old couldve started primary at barely 4 and skip TY while an 18 year old could've start primary at nearly 6 and did TY, resulting in the two students both being in 5th year),

I'm actually going to be entering 6th year (if I don't dont repeat) in September 2024 (I'm at the end of 5th year), and also I said I want to prolong my adolescence (equivalent to teenage years) not childhood (the stage before adolescence, usually before around age 12-13 depending on the person), if I did repeat TY then I could be more developmentally ready for 5th year work

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122091767#Comment_122091767

I have also been diagnosed with ASD when I was 3 years old and ADHD at 12 years old, forgot to tell you

CramCycle

Id restart 5th year in LCA. Going back to TY won't delay the real world but probably make you less ready for it and won't help you be more ready for the workload increase. Have a look at the LCA curriculum and see is it more suited.

The comparison with someone starting NS early Vs someone starting later is not the same as your scenario. They became used to it, you are talking about jumping back 2 years. In your own analogy, it would be like finishing 6th class and going back to the start of 5th class the next year.

HazeDoll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122098386#Comment_122098386

If you repeat TY you will be facing the same difficult material in September 2025. That's what I was referring to. It is possible, in fact probable, that you would find it just as challenging. Then you'd be half way through 5th yr, 19 and a half years old, and rapidly running out of options.

However, I have never once heard of a student repeating TY, and I have never heard of a student going back TWO years to repeat a year.

Your circumstances are not all that unique. As you probably know there are many students with ASD and ADHD in mainstream classes. I have two or three with one or the other or both in every class, and this has been the case as long as I've been teaching. You weren't alone in 'missing out' on a year or two with COVID either. Some found it tougher than others but we all have to do our best to get on with things. Attempting to turn back the clock by pretending to have just finished your Junior Cert will not undo the effects of lockdowns. Chat to people your own age and share experiences. You'll find it helpful.

What do the other adults in your life think about your idea? Parents or guardians, teachers, counsellors? Has there been a discussion about transferring to LCA?

HazeDoll

OP, I've looked at a few of your reddit posts and it's clear that nobody here will give you the guidance you need. This is not a question of which path to take through education. You have developed a fixation on age and adulthood and a fear of reaching adulthood. Your self-identity is somehow bound up in adolescence. Your points about covid etc are possibly an attempt to rationalise that.

Prepare a short list of the things that are bothering you and make an appointment with your school counsellor or a GP, preferably both.

The list might be something like this:

You do not want to undergo the physical changes associated with reaching adulthood.

You want to be legally recognised as a child by changing your birth cert.

You feel you aren't prepared for the realities of growing up and you need support.

I hope things improve for you.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122099631#Comment_122099631

Ok talking about the list, it is definitely true that I don't want my facial features to change to resemble an adult man anytime soon (since I would want to have teenage boy facial features for longer to reflect my longer adolescence, I don't really want adult man facial features till I'm like in my mid 20s), I never actually said I wanted to legally change my age (it's not even possible lol), I sorta changed my mind on that (I previously posted something like this before but I dont know if I deleted it or not) like there is advantages of me turning 18 like I can get a passport without my mothers consent (I never had a passport or been abroad) and I have legal freedom but I do worry that people and society will perceive me differently compared to me now at age 17 so I have mixed feelings about turning 18, im not really prepared for the realities of growing up because I basically may require more time and experience to be a teenager/adolescent before I start entering adulthood

cantthinkofausername1

also I'm not really thinking about repeating any school year, its more of a past discussion that I would like to talk about, Im only seeing if it's possible or not if I were to want to repeat TY

HazeDoll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122100017#Comment_122100017

In your opening post you said "I am considering repeating two years in school…"

On reddit you wrote "Due to covid and autism I have missed out alot of my teenage years and need my age legally changed to reflect my developmental age."

OP, lots of people feel unprepared for the wide world. Lots of 30-year-olds feel unprepared! You're not alone in any of this. Most of the adults you encounter are flying by the seat of their pants, no matter how grown-up they seem to you.

However, you have become fixated on finding ways not to enter adulthood when you should be looking for help in preparing for it. Unless your plan is never to enter the real world you need to find a way to accept the passing of the years and move with your classmates into the next phase of your life.

I'm going to repeat my advice to you. Look for help from counsellors or a GP. Don't allow them to focus on this as an educational matter, that's not the kind of help you need.

Print out this thread and your posts on Reddit and bring them to your appointment so they can understand your situation.

witchgirl26

OP - repeating years is very difficult in and of itself so generally isn't encouraged unless there are clear reasons for it. These would have to be assessed by an educational psychologist through the Department of Education (my understanding of it).

As for the issue of losing part of your adolescence due to bullying and then covid, these are not unusual circumstances unfortunately. I feel like I lost the last couple of years of my primary school due to bullying issues, but unfortunately the world doesn't stop turning and you do have to keep going. Going back to repeat TY is not going to help any issue that you have with the idea of reaching adulthood but rather just delay it. A close family member of mine is diagnosed ADHD, ASD and did his leaving cert during Covid. It was tough, he really didn't enjoy most of school & didn't feel happy about it all. He didn't go straight into college but went into a shorter course that would then lead into the degree he wanted. He is a different person since starting it, much happier, much more confident in himself. He still has all of the issues his ADHD & ASD bring but the environment has suited him much better than school. If he had stayed in the school & repeated even one year, it wouldn't have helped half as much as the change.

I get it - adulthood is scary & no one really wants to be one. Even as an adult for a long time, I still miss my teenage years where I had less responsibility & more time to "be". However instead of avoiding it, I think it sounds like you need to understand what it is about it that you are so resistant to and work on coping strategies for those things. As for feeling your age - I'm in my late 30s & most of the time I feel in my late-20's. Nobody ever feels their age. So without a full diagnosis from GP or other professional, you really are a lot like a lot of people.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122106225#Comment_122106225

ive been more affected by Covid than the average person, I have autism and possible developmental delays, I also don't have any family other than my single mother (I've been raised with no family other than my mum basically my whole life) which made me even more isolated and depressed and I formerly lived a groundhog day lifestyle between March 2020 and Summer/Autumn 2022 which definitely impacted my development as an adolescent. And I definitely require myself to have at least 3-4 more years of experience to be a teenager/adolescent before I start transitioning into adulthood at a hopefully later age (like 21)

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122113454#Comment_122113454

Honestly I don't think you can say you were more affected. Everyone was affected differently. I was just back at work from maternity leave & had to suddenly work from home, look after a baby & ended up with post natal anxiety. Those times were incredibly tough on everyone. There is no "average" for it. Yes you had unfortunate circumstances that may have led you to being a bit more isolated than maybe some but a lot of people who lived by themselves were very isolated during Covid. I felt completely cut off at one point because I couldn't see any of my family or friends, one of whom was dying at the time. I'm not saying this to get a sympathy card or anything but just to show that everyone struggled during those times & all in different ways. It was groundhog day for most people as we were all sitting in limbo.

What is it about adulthood that you feel you need more experience in order to face? I mean I don't think I was really an adult at 20. Technically I was but realistically I was doing the same thing as I was a couple of years earlier when I was 17. I don't think I really felt like an adult until I was living completely by myself & responsible for food, rent, bills etc at 25.

What I'm saying is you may feel you require that but without the clinical diagnosis & the educational diagnosis to support it, you're going to struggle to get a school to agree to holding you back. And the argument could be made that if you're cognitively astute enough to express all these things, then you are cognitively an adult. It's a bit like asking them to treat you like an adult to make this decision for yourself to not become an adult & leave school. Which is a contradiction.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122114902#Comment_122114902

i also feel extremely old and confused about my own chronogical age because of my groundhog day lifestyle from ages 14-16, I feel very sad and old when I when I see groups of 15-16 year olds having fun and I'm worried I'm getting very close to the death of my adolescence (which needs to be extended till around age 21 before Im ready to transition to adulthood at a later age), I didn't join a youth club till April/May last year when I was 16 nearly 17 (the maximum age limit for the youth club is 24) because due to my severe bullying in 2nd year I was scared to talk to new people in 3rd year at age 15

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122116841#Comment_122116841

I feel old & sad sometimes when I see younger people having fun, that is natural & normal. You miss your youth or wish you could regain it. You're 17, you're not that much older than those ages & you can still have plenty of fun.

You keep saying that you'd be ready to transition to adulthood at a later age but if you don't look at the reasons why you're reluctant to become an adult, you'll never be ready. And putting it off won't help with that. It's not like a switch where you become an adult & all fun ceases & it's all about responsibility. That takes a fair while. Also there is no "transition to adulthood" it just kinda happens. One day I was 17 & legally considered a child, the next I was 18 & legally considered an adult. Nothing changed on that day. The actual transition is a long, slow process where you grow & evolve & learn how to be responsible & pay your way, you get a job. It is not something that just happens one day & your youth is over.

I never joined a youth club & honestly, after being bullied psychologically at 11/12 years old, it took me till I was about 16 to really make more than 1 or 2 friends. Even in a small school environment where everyone was pretty nice. I don't think I started going out & really having fun till I was 17/18. And TY was a right off for me as I missed about 75% due to being quite sick throughout the year. Do I feel like I missed out a bit? Course! I don't have half the funny stories from it that my friends do. But I never thought of trying to go back to it because that is life. Sometimes we miss out on experiences for varying reasons. And that will always happen. And you can't always go back & try again. That is the nature of life. And if the maximum age for the youth club is 24 that alone should tell you a couple of things - 1 is that they don't expect people to be fully formed adults until then & the other is that you have 7 years left of being involved in it.

Now I will say again, if a medical professional & an educational psychologist assess you as needing to be held back for your best interests, that's a different thing. But until you get that confirmation from them, you won't be granted a request to stay back in school & focusing solely on that as being a means to be happy, will only further serve to make you unhappy. Genuinely you need to start looking at why you don't want to move past school and deal with those issues, creating coping mechanisms so that you can live a full life.

HazeDoll

OP, nobody is going to force you to grow up, get a mortgage, develop a sudden interest in politics, get married and start a family the minute you're legally an adult. You get to do these things when (an if) the time is right for you.

Growing up takes a lifetime. I look back now at the eejit I was when I was 27. It's very possible that some day I'll look back at the eejit I am now! It's a process, not a door slamming behind you. But there's no way to stop the clock.

Plenty of people well into adulthood enjoy messing with lego or playing computer games. These are childish pursuits but there's no upper age limit on them and people certainly aren't ashamed of enjoying them. There's plenty of fun to be had and the really brilliant thing is that with adulthood comes a certain amount of freedom.

There's probably a lot of bluster among your friends about things that seem very grown-up, things like sex and drinking and who is saving for which car. You should remind yourself frequently that big talk is easy and you shouldn't be intimidated by it. They go home to their mammies and daddies in the evening too!

Have you talked to teachers or a guidance counsellor yet about what you're doing in September? I have to say, the parents of this year's third years would probably not like the idea of an 18 year old joining their kids in TY.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122121798#Comment_122121798

The thing Im also worried about that you didn't mention is physical appearance since I'm worried that my facial features is going to change to resemble a grown mans (luckily I still look like a teenager and have practically looked the same since age 15 but I did notice slightly more facial hair on my chin but it's not noticeablely different as I always shave, I also haven't grown taller since around age 14-15, i don't want my facial features resembling an adult man till I'm like in my mid 20s), I'm not really considering repeating a year or two in school but if I did repeat a year then it would most likely be 5th year as if i repeat TY I would be 2-3 years older than most of the students and I may look possibly out of place in the class (i can tell by their physical appearance most look younger than me and they don't look 17/18, some look the same age as me though), if I repeated 5th year ill probably still be the oldest but I'll only be around 1-2 years older than most people so the age difference would definitely not be noticeable

RoTelly

How are you doing academically? I'd argue that you should not think of school as the ultimate sphere of your social life, or your ultimate sphere for getting an education, often this is what we think. It not until many years later that we actually begin to realise that almost everyone was as immature as we were at that age, some people tend to hide it better, while others refuse to accept their little bit of immaturity at 17 - 20. Remember your still a teenage/child and that immaturity comes with the territory. (Honestly most people are immature up to 25).

Have you though about joining other clubs outside of school or find people with similar interests to you outside of school. The school year is coming to an end, you have 3 months off, are you planning to get a part time job, or Work Experience?

Have you consider moving school, rather then moving down a year, by they time your 20 or 21 you may feel very differently about being in school doing your leaving certificate. And the LC isn't what it let up to be, many people do better later in life.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122121945#Comment_122121945

I'm already in two clubs outside of school, my youth club that's a 5 minute walk to my house (I joined it April/may last year at 16 nearly 17, the maximum age for the youth club is 24) and since November last year i attend an autism friendly group for teens and young adults. I use a service called WALK that is linked to my school about my future after my leaving cert, they said that I'll be doing work experience in 6th year. I'm

I am not considering repeating any year in school (This forum is a past discussion but I posted it just so what answers I'll get if I were to want to repeat TY), and I dont want to move to another school since I get on with the staff and students from my current school.

I'm also hope I get a girlfriend this year or next year since I've never had one or even a first kiss, I do aim to get one before I turn 20, I wouldnt have wanted one as a 15 year old in 3rd year anyway because of past gossip and rumors in 2nd year that's related to my former primary school crush I had from 3rd-6th class (my former crush doesn't doesnt attend my secondary school and my peers hasn't met or have any association with her, there are two classmates in my secondary school that were from my old primary school which is where they got the information but they dont gossip about me anymore) which made me wary of getting a new girlfriend at the time incase these rumors start again but thankfully it's calmed down now. I still would NOT want my next girlfriend to have certain things in common with my former crush (like a similar first name, similar interests etc)

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122121980#Comment_122121980

what were the rumours/gossip?

HazeDoll

An 18 year old who wants to pass for 15 and get a girlfriend is a cause for concern. Surely you can see why that is.

NotThisMorning

As the parent of a teen who has been diagnosed with ASD- you should not be looking for advice from eejits with no experience on the internet. You need to talk to your parents, teachers, GP or person in CAMHs. You sound like you are very self-aware and intelligent. Your age is not an issue, like you said the impact of Covid has been huge and has been largely unrecognised. Covid completely derailed our son’s education. He is 17 and we’re trying to get him back into education to start 5th year in September. From anadvice we’ve recieved and our own experience, TY does not work for the majority of people with ASD- the lack of structure makes most feel overwhelmed. You sound like a great person, full of initiative and potential. Ignore the weirdos in this site- their comments allude more to their own problems than they do the issues you’ve expressed on here.

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122122788#Comment_122122788

most 18 year olds look like teenagers by facial features anyway cause they are teenagers, I never even said I want to look 15 I said I want to have teenage facial features cause of my past circumstances

cantthinkofausername1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122091767#Comment_122091767

Also when you mentioned "I do think you can still delay adulthood and enjoy being a teen to the point without adding more years years to secondary school"? How do I delay adulthood and extend my adolescence then

Alexus25

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122127970#Comment_122127970

Well that depends on what your definition of adolescence is, what does it look like to you? No job? Living under parent(s) roof? Gaming?