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Am I being too harsh with friend or am I being a doormat?

Airyfairy12

Went on a trip with a friend and I used a credit card to book our flights & accommodation, I told my friend when the credit card bill was due to be paid prior to booking, she assured me she had the money and would give it to me when she saw me, I remind her about the due date for the bill before we set off, she says she'll have it, I dont push for the money just trust that ill get it off her before the bill due date. Im not in a great financial place right now, my hours in work have been cut, im doing a part time masters which is fully funded by me, have a car to run and other expenses, she on the other hand has multiple sources of income and admitted to having 2 grand in her bank account when we were away, I had 600 that was to last me until my next pay day and I spent 300 of that on the trip.

Two days before the credit card bill was to be paid I contacted her and said could she drop the money in, I got no reply which I thought was strange then the next day she text to say she didnt have the money, she'd spent it on two bills that came in but that she would send it to me on revolut in a couple of days, I said that wont do as it takes too long to transfer the money from revolut to my bank and I didnt have money to pay her part of the bill but she just kept arguing with me that she would send it to my bank account in a couple of days and couldnt understand that I needed it by the following day to pay the bill, she just full on argued with me about it and couldnt see the problem. I would have had to pay 800 euro to cover both of us on top of some other bits id had on the bill, I didnt have that money and didnt want to have to borrow so I asked her could she borrow off her boyfriend or her kids dad because im really hard up at the minute and cant afford to pay her part of the bill. She said she would leave money in her boyfriends work and I could collect it in the morning but her boyfriends work is a 40 minute drive to another town and I had to go to work. So I pushed for the money until she begrudgingly came in to me that evening at 10pm with the money and was acting like id attacked her or something, like I was out of line for asking for the money she'd owed to be given on time. (Lesson learned and I will never offer the card to someone again, no matter how much of a friend I think they are)..

Id kind of distanced myself for a couple of days but something happened, she was in an accident so I rang her and arranged with her to call out to her house. I was working all week but said id call out on my day off and even made her up a little care package full of treats as she'd been housebound and stuck in bed for a couple of days. I told her the night before id be out to her around lunch time, she said thats great (half hour drive from my house). At 12 the next day she asked me would I come out a bit later, she's going to go out with a relative to do some shopping, I said no problem, would around 3 be ok? She said grand, 2 o clock came and she said could I leave coming out till later again, I asked her could she give me a time that suits herself so im not getting ready to head out just to be told the time doesnt suit. She said she'll be home in an hour so I said grand, ill head out then. I just get into her town when I recieve a voice note from her to say she'll be about 10 minutes as she just doing her grocery shopping, I said thats grand and ill wait outside her house till she gets there. I wait about 15 minutes and get another voicenote to say she's just at the check out and she has to drop her relative home so will be a while longer, I felt really annoyed now as id travelled the whole way out to her and she knew I was coming so I left her gift and get well soon card at her front door and sent her a message that I wasnt waiting around and I was going home and off I went.

Today she sent a text to say 'sorry i missed you yesterday' and asked was I annoyed, I told her I felt very put out and if it didnt suit for me to visit her she should have told me instead of having me waiting around all day. She blew up at me in the messages, told me I was being hard on her, she had been in an accident and I should be considerate of that and that she told me she was going to be 10 minutes longer and just made light of the whole thing, I told her that wasnt the case, she knew I was coming out and I was left waiting allot longer than 10 minutes, I told her my time is valuable as I work so much all week, she didnt reply to me.

I feel like im being treated as a doormat or am I being too harsh?

Mod - Edited title for clarity.

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[Deleted User]

It's time to just accept that you think more of her than she does of you. Accept it or be prepared to walk away from what you have.

Personally I'd walk away and have done with long time friends. I've not seen them chasing after me so had my answer very quickly.

rolling boh

The short answer is yes she is treating you like a doormat as above you are not that high on her priorities . Don't count on her as being a friend in the future .

Panthro

She sounds like a melt. Do you get much from this friendship in all honesty? If she's that reluctant to pay off a debt to her friend speaks volumes how much value she holds to the friendship.

OK so she was in an accident. But she wasn't so bad she couldn't go out with a relative, and do the groceries. Knew you wanted to visit a continually put you off? Nah, good luck. Your time is far too valuable to be sitting outside her house waiting for home to Land home when it suits her.

With the best will in the world OP, you're letting her walk all over you. Is her friendship worth it to that extent really? I'd be holding the hell back from initiating any form of contact, see will she put in the effort. If not, there's your answer.

z80CPU

In the cold light of day OP, fully agree with above posters.

Like a transaction with a bad eBay merchant, you walk away from your old friend NOW.

YellowLead

How she acted regarding not paying you on time for her share of the bill is really bad and I wouldn’t trust somebody like this again. And if there’s no trust and there has been disrespect (on her part) then there is no friendship.

The second part I don’t think was too bad, since you had driven all the way there I think you could have waited a few extra minutes - though on her part she could have communicated much better. And did she exaggerate the accident? Can’t have been too bad if she was out doing a shop.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121389706#Comment_121389706

Second part is worse.

Able to go shopping and meet a relative after an "accident". You're being used op.

RurtBeynolds

This person doesn't sound like a very nice person or a good friend. Get rid.

Also, stop spending money on holidays you can't afford.

Ubbquittious

There are so many people like this in the world. I cant stand it

Bet ya they wouldnt treat the Audi dealer like this when they're waiting for their new car to be delivered

Airyfairy12

Thanks everyone, she was posting on social media yesterday out for coffee with her friend so she can’t be that bad!

when we booked the trip, despite it being her idea, I found and booked both the flights and accommodation, making sure to work it around her schedule and within her budget! she said she was too busy to help but I was busy too and she had no consideration for that. When I’d booked and told where we were staying, she asked me to send her pictures of the hotel like I’m a travel agent! and was offended when I told her to look it up herself! She told me to book a taxi but I had a full on day in work and told her I wasn’t able to, she would have to do it! She told me to do it on my lunch break but I refused! I’ve had allot of my own issues going on lately and she hasn’t been there for me but the last few experiences I’ve had with her have been the final straw for me.

Thanks for the replies, it’s helped me put things in perspective and to not feel so guilty.

[Deleted User]

I've only read the first two paragraphs but that was enough.

She wanted you to waste your petrol money (much less your time) driving 40 minutes to her boyfriend's place of work? Get rid of that dickhead.

Any halfway decent friend keeps their word especially when it comes to money. She knew your predicament and still acted the b*llocks.

She took the mickey out of you.

[Deleted User]

This experience is familiar. Yes she is treating you as a doormat, I wouldn’t be in a hurry to show her further friendliness, and o know just how very annoyed you are, believe me. Some people are raised to feel entitled, and your only comfort might be is that she probably treats some others in a similar fashion. People like that always do, there’s always another story from another sucker.