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Child Item

Divorcing PPR and child maintenance

Hammerhead1

Myself and ex spouse are in early stages of divorce. I left the family home due to her having an affair . We have 4 children. I work full time earning circa 70k. She works part time and receives one parent payment and child benefit. My query is the house is in my name only. I only ever paid it she never contributed. I pay the full mortgage , after school costs and 150 euro cash per month . Total outlay is 1500 per month . My take home is 3500 per month . On top of this I pay half clothes , medical , school , trips etc . This averages another 200 per month . My ex believes I should be paying much more . I am living back with parents and take the kids 3 nights one week and 2 the following . We are in 1 shared room in bunks . I cannot afford to rent . I’m struggling very hard to see any positive outcome from divorce proceedings. I can’t see a scenario where I can get a home unless the current home is sold . My solicitor said that won’t happen . Am I paying too much / not enough ? Any advice is grateful . From the outside in people believe I am paying too much as it is a the general consensus is that her having zero housing costs is unfair . I just hope the courts regard the mortgage payment in lieu of maintenance or I’m completely screwed

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miamee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125548#Comment_121125548

She may never have contributed to it monetarily but you are a father of 4 children who was still able to work full-time without having to engage or pay for child care. This was enabled by your wife staying at home to mind your children and it does have a value.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125548#Comment_121125548

It doesn't matter. Once you married, the house became a jointly owned marital asset and is protected by the Family Home Protection Act, 1976.

All assets and income become jointly owned once you marry. From that date, the court won't see it as you paid the mortgage "by yourself," but that you paid it from the joint family income.

But - when the property is eventually divided, or one of you buys the other out (have you considered offering to buy her out?) it does not mean any equity will automatically be split 50% : 50%. The proceeds of any sale will be split based on contributions made - both those you made before the marriage and whatever comes after.

But working part time and raising four children will be seen as "contributing" to the family pot even if it was not directly in cold hard cash to the mortgage account.

By the way, the max child maintenance that can be awarded in the District Court is €150 per child per week, and Spousal Maintenance can be up to €500 per week. However, as your ex-wife has her own income the likelihood of spousal maintenance is also close to nil. The mortgage will be dealt with separately to child related costs.

(The Circuit Court can award higher amounts, but like has been said, they won't order you to pay what you can't pay.)

Hammerhead1

I get what you’re saying . Buying her out with no provide her with the means to purchase a house. Not that much equity in it .

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125577#Comment_121125577

What way is your ex about the whole thing? Seeing as your not going the fire and brimstone route, is she reasonable or even remorseful? She might willingly let you off the hook and give you the house as a good will gesture going forward to try and mend the relationship to some extent? You could let her live there till she finds other arrangements ect?

Maybe ye could come to a more customized agreement that would suit you both?

Hammerhead1

No chance of her leaving she has nowhere else to go. Her new relationship may progress but who knows . We are able to communicate. It’s reasonable amicable for now .

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125679#Comment_121125679

This will be horrendous for you financially because if she has a new relationship your going to have to mind the kids aswell and thats gonna be hard to do if you have to work and your going to have to work more or increase your income if you are to support essentially 2 households.

Get her to give up the house to you and then you rent it to her she can pay you rent allowance? its a tough spot to be in.

CatLick

Is it possible to engage in a formal mediation process with her?

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125720#Comment_121125720

There is family mediation available, and the Courts prefer to see it attempted before actually going to before them, but unless you pay privately there are waiting lists.

Family mediation for separating couples (citizensinformation.ie)

Hammerhead1

Tried it . Failed unfortunately

Hammerhead1

Tried it . She did not really engage and it fell apart

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125744#Comment_121125744

Failed in what sense? she just completely unwilling to budge or?

The long and short of it is she has you over a barrel in every sense of the word, its financially incentivized for her to take you to court it can only improve her situation she essentially cant lose.

Hammerhead1

Already mind the kids a few nights a week . Is what it is . She is entitled to move forward as am I

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125716#Comment_121125716

It's not possible to her to surrender a family home to him and then him rent it back to her while she claims rent allowance.

Please do some fact checking before posting?

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125754#Comment_121125754

It absolutely is, you should check your own advice.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125753#Comment_121125753

Well that's good, and I agree but moving forward is going to be very expensive for you for a long time.

You would be better off going "unemployed" and letting the house go to the wall, because your going to be crippled going forward if you have to keep paying for it, you will struggle to start a new relationship and you will more than likely be stuck living at home.

Paying maintenance is one thing but a mortgage on top of it is down right unfair.

Hammerhead1

Even if it was possible I can’t see it as a runner . Revenue and social welfare implications .

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125777#Comment_121125777

No, its not. The OP's ex-wife has a financial interest in the property as it is a family home.

As an aside, you also cannot claim rent-a-room for family members, either.

miamee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121125786#Comment_121125786

Please stop with the terrible advice. "You would be better off going "unemployed" and letting the house go to the wall" - how is his 4 children being made homeless while he is unemployed and unable to afford a new home for himself or them a good result for anyone??

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126248#Comment_121126248

Whats the alternative ? Pay a 1500 mortgage and maintenance on top of it off a 3500 wage?

What life is he supposed to have out of that where will he live? horrendous fate for anyone and an absolute joke his ex-wife can freeload without any consequence.

She's the problem and his punished for it, absolute joke.

If he takes your politically correct advice he will be ruined in every sense of the word! She will be living it up in the house his paying for while he is on the breadline if his lucky!

Widdensushi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126325#Comment_121126325

You want the family destroyed, seriously you need to get some help, giving bad advice won't heal your hurt.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126403#Comment_121126403

The family is already "destroyed" she already did that.. to use your dramatics, but on top of that he now pays 2000 of a 3500 wage to house her and yet she believes she is entitled to much much more, Your advice of going to court and pleading with them and being nice to her is delusional. He will be on the breadline with a chain around his neck for the rest of his days while she lives it up carefree so yeah i would be doing everything in my power to not give her a cent.

An ideal scenario for him would be to get custody of the kids and her not being able to provide a house for them would benefit his case.

The last thing he should do is accept the status quo for some naive attempt at keeping the "peace".

Its you that needs help bud, you're the one attempting to be a boards.ie therapist. lol

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126325#Comment_121126325

It's their house.

The mortgage is not €1500. His total contribution averages €1500 per month. The OP hasn't specified how much the actual mortgage portion of that is, and he doesn't have to.

His ex-wife is also hardly going to be "living it up" any more than he is, on a part time wage and social welfare with four kids to look after - and I do believe she will be ordered to contribute financially - probably by way of less maintenance in lieu of mortgage payment but legally that's not a great idea either.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126476#Comment_121126476

Its her house he just pays for it.

Add up childrens allowance, lone parent for 4 kids ect and how much his paying she probably earns more than him and never has to lift a finger.

And has the neck to look for more...

Horror show!

Hammerhead1

Child benifit 560 per month . Wages 1.2k per month . One parent 1k per month . No mortgage.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126526#Comment_121126526

Yes, because working part time while raising four kids is "never lifting a finger".

Its already been explained that the value of child benefit will be factored into any child maintenance payments, and that OPFP to the mother is means tested.

But don't let mere facts stop you from venting your spleen.

miamee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126325#Comment_121126325

My "politically correct" advice is to not make his children homeless by giving up on mortgage payments. There's nothing controversial about that.

OP needs some real legal advice about how much he is currently paying and to perhaps go to the family court to have a judge decide what is a reasonable amount to pay taking into account everything both he and his wife are contributing. Maybe it's what he is paying now, maybe it's a bit more or a bit less. I sympathise with @Hammerhead1 he's in a very tough spot at the moment.

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126563#Comment_121126563

She gets 2760 for the privilege of getting to raise her 4 kids and you want to call that work? give me a break!

Meanwhile he gets his wages halved and no where to live and solicitors fees sprinkled ontop.

All for a situation that she created, he has my sympathy anyway this country is a joke she shouldnt get a washer.

markodaly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126546#Comment_121126546

So in essence the ex-wife is in a better financial position than the husband, yet he is expected to foot most of the bills?

Family Law in Ireland is a joke shop.

jj880

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126546#Comment_121126546

🤯 Wow that is shocking!

Always thought everything would be sold, split then a child support payment paid. How naive of me!

Does she get FIS or equivalent? Back to school?

Surely this is all taken into account at some stage?

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121126565#Comment_121126565

Who said make them homeless? Im all for making her homeless never said anything about the kids obviously if he didnt have to prop up her life he d be able to afford his own accommodation for the kids and tbh that would be justice as he done nothing wrong.