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Child Item

Boxed in the face

70swally

I have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months, however I have known her for many years as we have worked (and still do) together.

We were away at the weekend and there was a bit of drinking with myself, herself and one of her friends. A conversation came up about one of my ex's and there was quite a bit of quizzing. I am still friends with my ex (actually friends with 3 ex's, things dont work out but you can be adult about things)

We headed to bed and she decided to tell me that she didnt like that I was friends with this ex and tried to hit me, I just grabbed her hands and told her to stop and go to bed, I tried to make light of it by tickling her with my other hand. After a few minutes we quit messing about and I was getting ready to go to bed and she caught me with a sucker punch which hit me in the face, the punch pushed my glasses into my face and then they fell on the floor, the lens cut the side of my eye and bruised my check and noise.

I was stunned and left the room until she went asleep, in the morning she had no memory of the incident and wanted to know what we were talking about, in a way implying I wound her up.

I didnt really engage with her on it, other than to say that I was disgusted and that I would never lay a hand on anyone

It is the first time as an adult I have ever been hit like this by anyone. I have said in the past that if a relationship comes to blows its not really worth it but never thought I would be in that situation.

She has apologised and says she is deeply embarassed by it which I dont doubt, but do I put this down to a once off or has a rubicon been crossed? We are due to travel on a business trip with a holiday tagged onto it in a few weeks, work knows we're a couple and have sent us on this trip (we tagged the holiday bit on outselves) so I dont know how I might get out of that.

I dont feel emasculated by this, just extermely disappointed that someone I thought I knew would do something like this.

Really would appreciate the wisdom of the crowd on this.

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Glen Immal

Hi OP

I-Logged in and scrolled straight to the end to tell you to make her an ex as well… hopefully no further explanation necessary.

893bet

Just be glad you are only 6 months deep.

i hope you listen to all the advice here. I always remember these words.

“when someone shows you who they are…….believe them”.

she has shown her hand already.

ahappychappy

Sorry this happened to you. You know you have to leave this relationship. Nobody ever has a reason to assault another.

As the saying goes when someone shows you who they are pay attention.

igCorcaigh

@70swally,

I spent 17 years of my life in a relationship that was not good for me, or my partner. The violence only came at the end.

The thing I didn't like from day one were the constant getting me do things for him. Collect his laundry, cook his dinner, make tea for everyone when visitors called... and then the embarrassing put downs in front of other people. The shaming. The non ending questioning of myself, from myself, who is right or wrong... I though that I had destroyed his life.

And then the smashing of my head against the ground. But the psychological aspect was the worst.

OP, listen to the good advice from posters on this thread.

Run.

manonboard

OP, im sure you've been pissed drunk many times yourself?

You ever hit someone, a loved one especially and not remembered it?

No, it doesnt happen. She remembers it, and lets make this clear.. she tried twice to hit you.. you just happened to diffuse the first situation.

The way she asked what you were saying to wound her up is also extremely scary.

Then making any kind of light of it rather than immediately quitting alcohol, and getting herself into therapy.

I would never raise a hand to my partner.. but IF i did something as terrible as that. I cant see how i wouldnt be taking major steps immediately to fix it. Quitting alcohol, drugs, getting therapy, making sure her friends know so they can hold me accountable, telling my own friends etc.. I want my partner to be safe and sound.. not protecting my ego.

6 months in and you have faced physical violence because YOU manage to keep good relationships with an ex? Crazy OP, make her your next ex but dont remain friends. If i was you, i'd also have at least one conversation over text where you tell her you need to know why she did it etc... so you have some proof of physical violence. Doesnt take much for a person to make an accusation.. especially a person who pretends they dont remember it.

bucketybuck

I used to go out with a girl who was a delight when sober, great fun after 2/3 drinks, and then a totally different person after 4/5 drinks.

She would become this completely different person, totally irrational and unpredictable. The sort who would do something completely out of order and then the next day claim no memory of it at all.

No matter how much I liked her eventually I got to dreading any night out. If I was there I would be wondering what would happen. If I wasn't there I would still be wondering what would happen, because I knew she could get up to anything.

It becomes a misery, and since we broke up I feel nothing but relief at no longer having to live on that knife edge of wondering what is going to happen next.

You may not realise yet but you have just started that cycle. Now you will always be waiting for the next slap, waiting for the next outburst. Looking for the signs, and since you can't relax that will feed back into the relationship and it will start to fray which ironically will probably give her a reason to lash out at you.

Play it out if you want, but it never ends well.

Purple Mountain

Just to add...it's bad enough that she hit you but she came back to do it when essentially the situation was being defused not in the middle of the adrenaline (still not OK by the way)

She is either abusive or has a serious drink problem or both.

Either way- run.

Spon Farmer

Like the poster said at the top of the page, I too scrolled to the the end to say I hope the OP has ended this relationship already.

Larbre34

Done.

Bye bye.

Why? Just imagine the potential consequences if roles were reversed.

New job needed? Sure, why not, do it. Or tell her to.

Done.

Mongfinder General

You’re lucky in a way. Not married, no kids, no assets together. Imagine being 5 years down the line with this crazy? The stress would be unbearable.

Work will sort itself out. One of you will eventually move on. Just swerve her as much as possible.

[Deleted User]

brother I’d never tell someone to end a relationship with a person they really are quite fond of— but this wasn’t just a wee angry slap, she absolutely burst you. Your glasses were knocked off your face and you were cut to bits in the process, if a friend did this would you stay friends?

Work will be awkward for a bit, nothing you can do. It’s up to you if you want to tell superiors the reason or just keep it at you broke up. If you don't just make sure to keep it to close friends if you do share so it doesn’t end up back to management from someone else who may make a hack of the real story and cause more drama.

all I can really say otherwise is good luck OP.

Victor

Take a photo of your injury / any damage.

I would suggest that you sit down with a trusted family member or friend and talk this out. You need to consider exiting the relationship and you also need to decide what to do about the work trip. You should flag with your employer if there is a risk of problems on the trip - problems that not only involve your relationship, but also your job and your employer's good will.

I very much understand the people saying run. If you stay, then there has to be no drinking at all and there has to be couples counselling. And of course, no violence.

RabbleRouser2k

Dump her. If she gets jealous over an ex, imagine what she'd do if you had a child, and the child preferred you?

She'll blame the drink this time, then blame you the next. There'll always be an excuse. Yet never take responsibility herself.

She's got issues.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119758937#Comment_119758937

Sorry but why should OP spend money for couples counselling after six months?

Senature

So sorry OP.

Definitely walk away. Don't wait. I personally wouldn't bother with long chats or explanations, you don't owe her anything after what she's done.

Take photos.

Start job hunting.

Don't get caught up in the confusion. Was it because she was drunk, was it because you annoyed her talking about your ex, but she's so nice otherwise, she doesn't remember etc. You know all you need to know to leave and not let your life go down this path.

Your job now is to protect yourself, and your future self from this happening ever again. That's your responsibility, not hers. There is no guarantee she can offer you now that can be relied on.

SAMTALK

If you stay with her it might not happen for another year or 2 but then you are deep into the relationship.

another few years and a child or mortgage, gets more difficult to walk away.

I have had my fair share of nights when I have drank too much but have never felt the urge to punch anyone.

[Deleted User]

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119758883#Comment_119758883

I'd add that the OP would be the one being reported for domestic violence to that list.

ELM327

Leave as fast as you can.

BBM77

OP, end it now, it's that simple.

notAMember

Zero tolerance for violence, domestic abuse, assault in any relationship. This wasn't a jokey tickling turned into hurting someone or a misinterpretation of some game. This was a deliberate angry punch in the face. If it was placed even slightly differently, you could have lost sight in an eye, or lost a tooth, or been knocked down a flight of stairs and broken your neck.

Leave this relationship immediately. No ifs, ands or buts. If you can stomach the argument, make it clear to her why as well, so she doesn't feel this is tolerable in any other relationship in future.

Make sure you protect yourself here too when you exit, reputationally and physically. Do tell one or two friends what happened, and that you intend to break up with her.

85603

Mod Note

@85603 I have deleted your post. Please familiarise yourself with the charter before posting again in P.I.

Hilda

GavPJ

Leave and do it ASAP.

witchgirl26

There are accidents where one partner hits another during a play fight or in their sleep (my brother ended up with a black eye due to a narrow bed & his wife turning over in her sleep) but the argument was over per your account when she came back & deliberately hit you. It doesn't have had to be a "proper" punch as someone asked or a flail of an arm. She deliberately did it.

I think it shows great maturity that you were able to stay friends with some exes. I know I have with a couple. There's no hope I'd ever go back there but we ended on good terms so we've stayed friends. I think anyone who has an issue with this, it's their issue & not the partners. It shows their insecurity in themselves. Well unless your ex is in your life everyday & imposing but I don't get that impression.

Get out. Violence that leaves you with injuries like that is never excusable. Drunk is not an excuse. Many a man in Ireland used that excuse for hitting his wife in times gone by. It wasn't right then, it isn't right now. I would explain to her what happened & what she did. I wouldn't let her off lightly on this at all in that regards. Someone who loves you does not cause you harm like that.

thefallingman

Funny if it was the other way around you'd probably be in jail. Op i'd run a mile this behaviour is dangerous, could you honestly see a future with kids with this person, god knows what she'd do.

Seth Brundle

It seems to have been lost in the flow but she didn't just punch you. She tried it before punching you before she hit you...

We headed to bed and she decided to tell me that she didnt like that I was friends with this ex and tried to hit me, I just grabbed her hands and told her to stop and go to bed, I tried to make light of it by tickling her with my other hand. After a few minutes we quit messing about and I was getting ready to go to bed and she caught me with a sucker punch which hit me in the face, the punch pushed my glasses into my face and then they fell on the floor, the lens cut the side of my eye and bruised my check and noise.

So she went for you but missed and then a short while later went for you again. So she obviously was still fuming away while you started getting ready. It wasn't a one-off.

If someone did that to your mother/sister/friend, what would you say?

[Deleted User]

Would be getting the skates on were I in your position

murphthesmurf

"I don't remember"

"if I did do it you must have really wound me up"

Hit her and see how far this defence will get you in court.

She's full of s**t! She remembers. It definitely won't be the last.

Get out!

[Deleted User]

Though there are exceptions, this is likely to recur under any similar circumstance, ie combination of rapid alcohol ingestion and even casual mention of something she doesn’t like. It becomes easier for her to do it again, once she did it once. More especially as she didn’t express remorse quickly, and it is likely she would have some recollection. Though it is possible that a very rapid ingestion of alcohol can cause a memory blackout, there is more often a recollection of the bit before, the build up of enormous anger such that she would know she likely had behaved very badly.

She needs now to be an ex, and go and address her issues if she wants to.

dontmindme

You're only six months in although I appreciate you know her longer and how it's complicated by you working together. You now know her a little more now than you did previously. She has serious issues not to mention possibly being alcoholic. She physically lashed out and hurt you. Really, you already know what the answer is. Wish her well and goodbye.

JupiterKid

Leave this abusive and violent person, OP. No ifs or buts.

It will only get worse if you stay and she has shown her true self to you already - someone who is quick to physically assault their partner due to intense jealousy only 6 months into the relationship.