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Child Item

Keeping Single...? For now

Dickie10

Hi all so after the last 2 years of lock down and most men would have struggled to get relationships off the ground or even getting their social lives going for dating , the world is now open to all this again. My thinking these days is though one of being petrified at the thought of embarking on a relationship. it seems being part of a couple or worse still a coupple with children is a very precarious position to be in right now. With spiralling financial difficulties such as childcare, food, rent etc . i got thinking I am definitley going to row a lone ship for a while and see how it pans out. The world really seems to be going the way of being a tough place to be married with kids and a much simpler and stress free life of being single and no kids. what are your thoughts on this? surely those single and childless they are in a much better place right now as we head into Gods knows what precipice

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carrollsno1

Id be on the fence about this myself at the moment, ive given the last two years in a fairly high level of isolation due to factors outside covid restrictions. Having been away for the three years prior to the pandemic i was living a fairly carefree lifestyle with little to no restriction whatsoever i was just going with the flow, so as you can imagine two years of imposed restrictions was not good for me mentally and socially. Im doing fairly good at the moment now the main reason would be due to changing employers at the start of the year mentally, physically and financially im all the better for it im very comfortable compared to others in my situation. However most of my friends who i mst abroad and returned home and started a relationship since seem to have a lot more fulfillment in there lives compared to myself i.e weekend breaks, holidays, weekends based less around alcohol etc whereas i hadnt taken a holiday at all (bar christmas break only for its the norm we probably would have worked it though) as i didnt see the point in taking time off to be alone with myself 24hrs a day as work was the only thing i really had at the time up until this January. I suppose its all about what you want yourself at the end of the day too, ive put up fair mileage across the world travelling solo but it was only really traversing across this country i realised i wouldnt mind sharing it with someone either. I see where youre coming from and the last thing i want is to get tied down straight away either as im hoping to leave this country indefinitly in the coming years. As for the financial reasons you mentioned above, is two incomes not better than one and is cohabiting not instantly slashing the bills in half for each person? Surely thats gonna be a better situation financially in the long run

fryup

well there's always 'Pam and her five sisters'

Mister Vain

I'm slightly petrified too but not for financial reasons. I hope my hydraulics are still working after being out of action for so long.

iptba

This tweet has generated a lot of discussion on Twitter. Wasn't sure which thread it might fit on:

https://twitter.com/panagis21/status/1523822935194185747

Daughter told me a boy asked her out in school.

Me: What did you say?

8 yo: I said I can speak 3 languages and was the lead in my camp’s play. What can he offer.

Me: 😳

carrollsno1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042587#Comment_119042587

I can see myself getting backlash for this.

The opposite happened to me yesterday, im no oil painting myself whatsoever but ive been training like a bastard the last 6 months and slimmed down a bit however theres still plenty of room for improvement im in no way saying im a picture of fitness but im getting there, have a decent enough job potential to clear well over €1000/week in a few years every week of the year by the looks of it, im well travelled open minded put in a few tough years to get to where i am even though im still not at the end goal yet, non smoker, dont drink a whole lot well at least a hell of a lot less than i used to anyways and no time for drugs either.

I got two matches yesterday from two larger than life ladies a few years older than me who had a list of demands on there profile these were: must be 6ft, must have a good job, must drive or have drive couldnt figure it out which it was as well as having to be a certain age and be willing to settle down, but anyways these women were aiming high thats for sure (maybe thats where im going wrong). But i thought it was fairly high for someone only showing a face picture, no real signs of any drive themselves, and a few years older too even .

Am i wrong or am i doing it wrong do i need to aim higher or put a list of demands on my bio or are men allowed do that?

ancapailldorcha

I've always been single and I've gotten to the point where it's just easier to remain so. Ironically, I seem to get bits of interest here and there now that I've stopped caring about dating. Caught some woman in the gym looking at me the other day which was a bit random.

Mister Vain

I thought about joining a gym for the social aspect as I know a few couples that have met that way. I just got used to training at home during the lockdowns

ancapailldorcha

When did the gym develop a social aspect?

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058238710/keeping-single-for-now

As a broad principle I'd advise all guys not to do marriage or (especially) fatherhood unless you're absolutely sure. Relationship Issues forum is full of blokes, mostly decent-sounding, who stumbled into matrimony and fatherhood without really thinking it through and are now trapped in nightmarish setups.

Alkers

Being in a relationship, kids aside, is a more resilient position than being single. When you're in a relationship you've twice the potential to earn money, can look after each other, live in each others places, borrow and load things, two circles of friends to interact with, two families to gain support from etc etc

Mister Vain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119058470#Comment_119058470

Does your gym not have any classes? Do you ever interact with anyone there? It's not uncommon for people to meet at the gym.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119058503#Comment_119058503

Do you know what selection bias is?

I would day the opposite. The most worthwhile thing I have done in my life was having children.

HBC08

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058238710/keeping-single-for-now

Stop reading boards and the independent,there's serious issues going on in the world but there always has been.It wouldn't be a consideration to have kids or not for me.

The absolute doom mongering is bad for people's health.

kerryjack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119058503#Comment_119058503

It's a funny old game all right, I was in my early 30s had bought my first semi and suddenly was getting a lot of interest from women, that was the early 00s and than this stunner came in to my life and moved herself in and she still a stunner today 20 years on and 4 kids latter. Back in my father day if you had a car you had the pick of them as well. Young lad down here early 30s has his own house built but don't live in it, rents it out for the summer, still lives at home with mom and dad, mom does everything for him even makes his lunch for work, it's a handy life.

gladvimpaker

Never settled down myself, I'm in my mid 40's have a son in his 20's. As a single father I had him a lot and now he's turning out like his dad nonchalant about having a relationship and just happy with his few friends and hobbies

I'm at the stage where I'm quite content. Learned over the years that it's a blessing really as I'm happy go lucky, independent and dependent on no one. Come and go as I choose, not on the dating scene either. I had a few 3 year's plus relationships but they fizzled out.

I think as guy's and women get older and have a bit of life experience social status and earning potential in a relationship goes out the window and people just need to have someone who's reliable, trustworthy and fun to be around. Looking at the struggles of the world nowadays and the price of houses, energy bills all the different insurances, other bills financial insecurity seems to be the biggest wedge in relationships. If one person is out of work say their contract isn't renewed, company goes bust, moves to a different location it throws a spanner into mortgage payments, savings, educating your kids, childcare, food on the table.

No doubt my generation had it easier, my dad's generation had it easier again house's were more affordable and lot's for sale signs all over the country. You hardly see any property with for sale signs nowadays. I walk past an auctioneers office in the local town and there's hardly any pics of houses on the windows. Looking back at the early 00's the windows had hardly room for advertising houses for sale, old and new houses. Good solid well built house's.

At your age the only thing you have to do is whatever makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with you rowing your own boat or let destiny take yourself where ever your sails take you. Shoot the breeze.

There's a lady in her early 30's who's showing an interest in me, she's attractive, old school humor and a bit of a lone wolf like myself. She's asked me out for coffee or go hiking sometime, or head on a day trip. I wouldn't say she's persuasive but she's not shy I tell her I'm just too busy. She says she'll twist my arm some day. She's a country lady, working in the rural shop when I get my coffee in the morning. I've a big sleeve tattoo so how she started getting friendly was admiring the tattoo and my fitted snickers work pants lol she's a real rogue. Has that daisy duke country girl dancing eye's look and soft country accent. The intrigue is fun and harmless but it's nice to have the flirty banter and chat's about the damp morning, there's a warm spell on the way, we could do with a drop of rain...and how was your weekend, are you going to take me for a hike this weekend,how come you're not settled down, any dates lined up, have you tried tinder. She's not shy. But it's nice to meet someone that early in the morning who's divel the care.

A rarity nowadays someone who's able to hold an interesting conversation, her co worker is always snappy and cross behind the deli counter. While the other lady is top of the morning to ya.

You've plenty of time young man, you never know you could meet someone who is easy going, not looking for the sun moon and stars and has her own life rowing her boat and not expecting you to pay for new oars, or fix the sails.... because she's well able to look after herself....

Independent people are far more attractive than dependent people...

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119059640#Comment_119059640

Probably does. Last time I checked was before the pandemic. None of them took my interest tbh. All I want to do is do some lifts and get a bit stronger. It's not working but I at least feel better.

I go at half 6 in the morning because I doubt I'd go after work. I think at that time people just want to do their work and leave. I also get to avoid most of the Instagram brigade.

Wanderer78

i actually couldnt be arsed anymore, im really enjoying single life again, tis great

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119059647#Comment_119059647

I'm just using that forum as an illustration, it's kind of an theoretical point that I could make with little real-world knowledge. If you stick to the principles of no marriage, no kids and no shared property investments there's a limit to how bad things can get in your personal life. If you fall out of love with your woman or she starts acting crazy you can just cut her out painlessly. Of course marriage and fatherhood are the greatest joys in many men's lives but it's a gamble...

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119059861#Comment_119059861

Possibly but there are also the mental health aspects of living alone while all your friends have moved on with their lives. Single life is great in your teens 20s and even up to your mid late 30s. After that to enjoy single life you need to be very outgoing, have a wide circle of similar minded friends and passions that occupy your life. Otherwise you just end up burying yourself in work or fatting it out in front of TV. It suits some people of course and if you have these things you can be perfectly happy and have a fulfilling life. It doesn't suit a lot of people though and they turn into bitter sad lonely men. I have met more of the latter in my life than the former.

Dickie10

some super comments here, having a great time these last couple of months since lockdown , in fact too good im on a diet and running just to keep the lifestyle body half right. i wouldnt mind trying out a relationship because the longest i ever had was from mid may to late august one summer in 2016. it kind of scarred me too much to bother for a long time again. It is brilliant though having financial stability and no dependents very easy to get used to that. compared to the risks some have to take. the question i suppose is would i risk it all for the joy of fatherhood? they say its great, then i think of all the autism stories and down syndrome and other disabled children out there, my God that seems like the absolute nightmarish scenario to be in. i see their parent especially the mothers always look ten years older than there age. i really dread a situation like that

carrollsno1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119082742#Comment_119082742

Jaysus Dickie, thats more or less my situation and thinking in a nutshell. Dont ask me why but im absolutely terrified of fatherhood for those reasons too.

Dickie10

yea like no matter what you hear from parents in that situation, it must be hell on earth day in day out. nobody can tell me they wouldnt trade it in for our lives of zero dependents , plenty of disposable income and the world being their oyster. for me the good life far outweighs the fear of dying old and childless. are there many cases of people who regretted not having children on their deathbed i wonder?

dalyboy

Mid forties , happily single myself. 2 kids under ten. Have an outstanding relationship with the kids mother and we both support each other with the raising of the kids.

If your in your early 30’s , believe me when I say you’ve plenty of time and there’s no panic. Regarding the pressures of costs of living etc from what I’m reading / hearing / experiencing there’s an imminent economic explosion about to occur that could reset things to a hopeful semi manageable balance.

I’ve had more relationships than I can count. Mostly 6 months to 2 years. Back in my 20’s and 30’s I was living in a utopian paradox. When I was single I wanted to be in a relationship and when I was in a relationship I wanted to be single. Took until my 40’s to realise that personally single life is by far the better fit for me. Especially in Ireland. Costs are manageable, no pressures of someone else’s families / friends , no dealing with others political PC sensitivities, go and do what suits me instead of any prior consultation with anyone else. Freedom.

I now spend as much time as I can away from Ireland (2-3 months a year) and planning a full time move within 8-10 years to live and work in Asia full time. My plan keeps me sane as to have to remain in a drab Kip like here in my 50’s would be disastrous.

Your road could lead to 3 scenarios…… you could meet an amazing girl and settle down etc etc …… stay single and be happy or sad …… or experience a similar awakening like I did and become content with a future escape route.

Good luck with everything

CreadanLady

Middle aged single man spending 2-3 months abroad each year and then opts to move to Asia full time.

Hmmmm.

tinytobe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058238710/keeping-single-for-now

You're neither entirely wrong with your perception nor alone with your opinion. The world in it's current state in general isn't the best to consider children.

Also any kind of relationship is always subject to pressures from the outside. One is simply more flexible being single these days, reacting to all sorts of challenges, housing issues, cost of living crisis, insecure jobs, not the best salaries around, wars, pandemics, and whatever else comes along.....

Dickie10

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157603#Comment_119157603

Yeah each day e seem to slip further towards the precepice to a dystopian future, christ its gone to the stage where i look on with pity at the moms and dads struggling aroud with 3 small kids hanging out of them and the heads on them looking grey and dishevelled. I shudder each time i see it!

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119157603#Comment_119157603

Why isn't it? We have never had such a level of food security and the chances of being forced to go off and fight Johnny Foreigner are lower now than at any point in history. Never before could we provide children with such a relative worry free life.

Trondheim

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119181706#Comment_119181706

That is fair enough that you think like that, but for context, this is your view of their life. I am a parent and you would probably often see me struggling around with children hanging out of me, looking tired and disheveled. But i know that this is the best time of my life. So at any one point in the day, i may be exhausted or frustrated, but overall i have never been so content in my life, and i know that in the future i will look back on this part of my life and miss it.

On the other hand, i know that is just my viewpoint, and you might hate the life i have at the moment.

ancapailldorcha

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119182113#Comment_119182113

In some ways, we're living in a golden age. In others, very much not IMO. Climate change and inequality have gone out of control. I'd say the pandemic on top of things is going to make for a lot of mental health issues down the line.

lawred2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119042587#Comment_119042587

Well that was fake