I'm 46. I had surgery 10 years ago on a ruptured bulging disc in my lower back. It started out bulging until I was told I wasn't bad enough for surgery and desperate for relief went to a physio who stuck her elbow right into the space I had the pain and hey presto! Ruptured disc. I've been terrified of anyone physically touching my back since.
The surgery was successful, the recovery was horrendous but I was walking lots and even climbed Galty Mór a year later. Then 18 months after the op, a friend asked me to go to Zumba classes. I loved it, the first exercise I'd ever enjoyed. Until, bam, I started getting the old familiar pain again.
It was bearable, I would get intense pressure if I walked too far so I just took Nurofen if I needed to and carried on. These last 6 months, I knew it was getting worse. I work in an office and was feeling very sore, pain down my leg by Day 4. I couldn't tolerate sitting at all when I got home so was having my meal and going straight to lying down.
Then, 3 weeks ago, I woke up on a Sunday morning unable to move at all without intense pain. I saw my GP on the Monday evening, he prescribed Difene and referred me for an MRI which is booked for 2weeks time now.
I got a standing desk at work as I can't sit which I'm struggling to get used to, I now add knee pain to my issues and one knee keeps almost giving way under me.
I have full on panic attacks most mornings as I wake up, generally in little pain although I did have a couple of difficult nights, but I'm so scared of how bad the pain will be when I move and stand up. I struggle with even sitting on the toilet, can't put on socks or tie my shoes, even reaching to turn on the tap is hurting. I live alone although I have a boyfriend so I have to muddle through.
I'm struggling. I keep feeling like I'm headed for a wheelchair (though I can't sit!) Or a nursing home. I'm overweight and have been trying to lose weight from before this latest pain began, I'm down 9.5lbs in 4 weeks but a long, long way to go. Nobody would be able to lift me up if I can't get myself up. I'm well aware that even if it's decided I do need surgery again, they may say they can't do it because of my weight.
I feel pretty hopeless. I'm 46 and feel like the things I wanted to do are out of my reach when I can't even properly dress myself, let alone travel or just live normally.
I don't know how much longer I will be able to cope with work if my knee is now giving out from the standing.
I went to a kinesiologist and while she was nice, I didn't get any help with my back. I'm inclined to wait for for MRI and the outcome of that before going for other treatments because of what happened with the physio 10years ago. I worry about being left paralysed. The outside of my left foot has remained numb since 2011. When I walk or sit currently, numbness extends from my right toes upwards.
I've been doing stretches in bed, lying with my legs on the wall. I love gardening and it's killing me watching weeds grow and I can't get near them.
I need hope.