snip
I'd go with Borderline Personality Disorder
You are probably looking at a comorbidity of different conditions, which would explain the contradictory nature of some of the behavior.
Tbh this person cannot be helped if they don't realise that their behaviour is troublesome. Doesn't sound like their partner is too bothered.
not ASPD
Moved from Psychology to PI.
OP, your opening post has been snipped making the thread redundant. I'm sure you know however that nobody on an Internet forum can diagnose anybody with anything.
If you are having trouble with someone in your life you have to accept there is only so much you can do with them, or for them.
If you feel upset or scared by the actions of another person, then you need to look to ways of protecting yourself rather than diagnosis to explain, or fix them.
Thread locked. It might be worth speaking to your own GP about your situation.