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Bridal Party Expenses

[Deleted User]

We decided at the beginning that we would pay for our bridal party's accommodation. It would be just 2 bedrooms but on top of our accommodation it's all proving a bit expensive.

Would it be "wrong" not to pay? Would it be mean? What is the done thing here?

All opinions very welcome

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[Deleted User]

Loveinapril wrote: »

It depends on whether they have a choice in staying there or not. Do they live locally? Are their cheaper places in the area to stay if they choose to? If neither of those are options, you should pay for their rooms.

They don't live locally and there are cheaper places. The more I think the more it feels like the right thing to do.

[Deleted User]

Loveinapril wrote: »

Yeah, it is. Especially if you would prefer them to stay in the hotel. I know weddings can be expensive but I think it is a nice gesture. For me, it was important that my bridesmaid (and husband's best man) were not out of pocket at all for the day.

I really don't mind where they stay but I would be concerned they are comfortable and aren't worrying about taxis too and from places.

Stheno

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I really don't mind where they stay but I would be concerned they are comfortable and aren't worrying about taxis too and from places.

If you can stretch to it, do

qwerty13

I think it’s if not actually expected, is relatively ‘the norm’ because in general the bridal party can’t dress how the want to, and will have at least some duties on the day. So it’s not the same relaxed feeling for them as going to a wedding just as a guest. If they’ve been involved at all in wedding planning / shopping / duties, I’d say it’s almost a must to pay for them. If you prefer that they stay in the same hotel, well that seals the deal for me, that their rooms should be paid for.

[Deleted User]

qwerty13 wrote: »

I think it’s if not actually expected, is relatively ‘the norm’ because in general the bridal party can’t dress how the want to, and will have at least some duties on the day. So it’s not the same relaxed feeling for them as going to a wedding just as a guest. If they’ve been involved at all in wedding planning / shopping / duties, I’d say it’s almost a must to pay for them. If you prefer that they stay in the same hotel, well that seals the deal for me, that their rooms should be paid for.

The two girls haven't done any planning but one of them has been good when I ask her opinion, I don't feel like I'm annoying her. I picked out her dress making sure to stick to what would suit her and okayed it with her first. Hopefully she will get plenty of wear out of it.

My maid of honour isn't showing much interest at all. I told her I wouldn't mention dresses again until August because she feels she has put on weight. She said her and her partner will sort out their own room. Then there is the Best Man and his wife. Really all the three of them have to do is turn up.

However. My "good" bridesmaid is coming from the UK so I'm happy to pay for her room and Best Man is family. If my MoH hadn't said she would sort her own out then I would book a double and they both could share if willing.
It does feel like the right thing to do.

Vestiapx

Don't book a double unless they ask you to.

[Deleted User]

Vestiapx wrote: »

Don't book a double unless they ask you to.

I'm not. That would be something I'd have to talk to them about if one hadn't already said her and her oh will take care of their own room.

I don't want to seem mean. Their comfort on the day and night matters to me. That trumps any potential savings so we will book for them.

bertsmom

Gosh I'd hate to be asked if I was OK sharing a room as I'd feel a bit obliged to say yes but to be honest I'd rather be left to sort out my own accommodation than share with someone as an adult(except my partner obvs).
But that's just my own opinion and I'm sure for everyone like me there's another that wouldn't mind at all!
Either way have a lovely day.

[Deleted User]

bertsmom wrote: »

Gosh I'd hate to be asked if I was OK sharing a room as I'd feel a bit obliged to say yes but to be honest I'd rather be left to sort out my own accommodation than share with someone as an adult(except my partner obvs).
But that's just my own opinion and I'm sure for everyone like me there's another that wouldn't mind at all!
Either way have a lovely day.

That was just an idea rather than pay almost €1k for 3 rooms. In the end I didn't need to mention it because my MoH said she had no prob getting her own room along with her partner.

Thanks

hurikane

I was best man at a wedding, I was told by the groom my room was covered and that that I didn’t need to pay. I put the price of the room in my card along with the cash I was giving anyway. The morning after the wedding, a lot of guests were gathered in the lobby, in front of everyone, the groom asked me to pay for my room, I was young and stupid and just paid for it. I’ve barely spoken to him since, also the wife caught him cheating and left him.

JustAThought

If you don’t really want to pay 1k out for their 3 rooms imagine how little they might want to pay 350 for them - each - on top of the day off work, drinks, present and all the other hidden costs of a wedding - hair, nails, shoes etc.

I’d do the right thing and pay it for them. The goodwill and warm cosy glow will last a lifetime.

I’m still getting over some expectations for weddings I’d been invited to - and the eyewatering cost of some of the obscure middle of nowhere ‘botique’ hotels I’ve had to stay in as part of the wedding family. I guess you chose and knew your hotels rooms would be at that price-range. Nobody going to a wedding wants to look cheap and spend the evening & next day morning getting taxis to and from to pick up a car and worrying about looking poor or cheap in front of others who are staying at the main venue.

I’ve also been ay weddings where the bar has refused to serve non-residents or asked to see keycards before drinks were served - specifically to weed out guests who chose to stay at
more modest accommodation further away. Four Seasons Dublin, Ferrycarraig & Glen of the Downes spring to mind. We are still talking about it & how mortifying it was for the guests - and the bridal party.

[Deleted User]

JustAThought wrote: »

If you don’t really want to pay 1k out for their 3 rooms imagine how little they might want to pay 350 for them - each - on top of the day off work, drinks, present and all the other hidden costs of a wedding - hair, nails, shoes etc.

I’d do the right thing and pay it for them. The goodwill and warm cosy glow will last a lifetime.

I absolutely agree. We are paying for all hair, makeup, dresses etc but yes we will pay for the rooms. I had a bit of a "oh God look at all the money" moment

JustAThought

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I absolutely agree. We are paying for all hair, makeup, dresses etc but yes we will pay for the rooms. I had a bit of a "oh God look at all the money" moment

!!! Y - its expensive!!!! I think thou it IS a lot of money but people get so wierd about weddings and having to pay for this and that ( guests) as well as when you have a ‘role’ that the long term rosy glow and goodwill will really trade off the short term financial pain!!! It’s odd the way people do get things stuck in their heads about weddings. I guess maybe because there can be a fair few of them one has to go to and one starts adding up and comparing - people are funny that way and have long memories.

I went to an (expected) funeral down the country a few years back - long long drive down, terribly sad Mass, and then TWO HUNDRED back to a local hotel for a lunch and coffees. I”ll never forget it. As the waitresses went around offering and pouring coffees the amount of people that asked about desert or came up to the bereaved family to ask if desert was included or if they could order the apple pie. I was horrified for them. And obviously they had a budget in mind and didn’t want to go over it - but they organised with the hotel and made a lovely announcement about having a last desert with X - and two hundred people ordered a desert. To my dying day I will never get over it. But they all felt it was normal and acceptable - and although the family really didn’t want to they didn’t want the funeral to go down as one where people ‘went without’ . That after their big farmers carvery roast dinner. I’m still embarased for them ( and by this I mean the people who couldn’t go to a funeral and then have a big meal provided without wanting a sweet too - mortifying).

bit off topic. hope I don’t get banned :0

[Deleted User]

JustAThought wrote: »

!!! Y - its expensive!!!! I think thou it IS a lot of money but people get so wierd about weddings and having to pay for this and that ( guests) as well as when you have a ‘role’ that the long term rosy glow and goodwill will really trade off the short term financial pain!!! It’s odd the way people do get things stuck in their heads about weddings. I guess maybe because there can be a fair few of them one has to go to and one starts adding up and comparing - people are funny that way and have long memories.

I went to an (expected) funeral down the country a few years back - long long drive down, terribly sad Mass, and then TWO HUNDRED back to a local hotel for a lunch and coffees. I”ll never forget it. As the waitresses went around offering and pouring coffees the amount of people that asked about desert or came up to the bereaved family to ask if desert was included or if they could order the apple pie. I was horrified for them. And obviously they had a budget in mind and didn’t want to go over it - but they organised with the hotel and made a lovely announcement about having a last desert with X - and two hundred people ordered a desert. To my dying day I will never get over it. But they all felt it was normal and acceptable - and although the family really didn’t want to they didn’t want the funeral to go down as one where people ‘went without’ . That after their big farmers carvery roast dinner. I’m still embarased for them ( and by this I mean the people who couldn’t go to a funeral and then have a big meal provided without wanting a sweet too - mortifying).

bit off topic. hope I don’t get banned :0

Your experience reminds me of being In work earlier. I could hear lots of laughter and "no ways" from some of them. Out I went to investigate and there they were, a number of highly skilled and trained people tripping over each other in the tiny kitchen for........
free sandwiches! The excitement from them was gas. Course I had to have one too

People really are strange when it comes to events. Weddings and funerals are something we do very well in this country and there's often an expectation for a good time. Which is obvious but the stakes feel really high.

We have a wedding to go to in September which will share many of the same guests. I'm already thinking how I hope ours will be as nice as theirs. Madness because it hasn't happened yet.

We started out hopeful to keep the cost under a certain amount but between pinterest and Instagram I lost the run of myself. My Fiancé has a far steadier head on his shoulders thankfully.

AmberKat

Just to give the counter on this. We are not paying for any of our bridal party accommodation. I also have never had my accommodation paid for me when in a bridal party. (Which included 1 transatlantic trip for the wedding).

The people in the bridal party are your nearest and dearest so they would likely be incurring that expense either way.

We are paying for everything else, so the day will likely work out cheaper for them than if they were guests.

There is no right or wrong answer, you should do what is right for you. If your budget doesn't stretch to cover rooms you shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

Having said that you should also understand if they decide that they can't stay at your venue in that scenario.

woodchuck

I've only one bridesmaid and I'll be paying for her accommodation for the night. I'm also paying for her hair and makeup, but it'll be a very early start so she probably won't be that grateful

And I paid for her dress. She had free reign to pick whatever dress she wanted and it's something she'll definitely wear again, as it's not an actual bridesmaid dress.

I know a lot of people buy presents for their bridal party too, but I'm wondering if that's necessary? I figure paying for accommodation is a better present than getting her "stuff" just for the sake of it. Also the wedding venue doesn't actually have accomodation on site, so don't want to give her extra stuff to carry around all day. It would mean giving her something another day, but I can just see it being awkward!!

The only time I was bridesmaid was for my sister. She didn't pay for my dress - my Mam paid for it in the end, but I don't know if she ever told my sister. She had a friend do our hair and makeup, so she didn't have to pay for that. She didn't pay for accommodation for me. The venue was local enough and I wasn't getting paid much at the time, so I got a taxi home at the end of the night as it was much cheaper than paying for a room. But then she had the cheek to to be annoyed at me for not staying over! If she really wanted me there, she should've offered to pay. She did give me a necklace as a present, but that's literally all she paid for for me and the other bridesmaid.

[Deleted User]

@Woodchuck, I am definitely not getting presents for my two girls. To me that's up there with favours.

Like the room thing though I do think it's a personal choice and depends what feels appropriate for you to do.

witchgirl26

On the presents for bridesmaids - I'm planning on a little gift bag thing for my 2 but I'm looking at more practical things to go in it similar to what my sister did for us. The little bag she gave us had the lipstick & lipgloss we'd be wearing for the day in it, a bracelet to wear which would go with our dresses & a couple of other personal little bits. It wasn't too much & was brilliant to have the lipstick on hand for touch ups I have to say!

For our wedding, we're not paying for the night of accommodation as both bridesmaids & groomsmen are staying the night before so we're paying for that instead. Plus most will be staying in family style accommodation as opposed to rooms which are much more expensive (& I love them but I'm not paying for their whole family to stay over!). We've been given 3 rooms as part of our package for the night of the wedding but the extra 2 are going to the mothers.

JustAThought

I’ve just done a list - I’ve been invited (so far) to 28 weddings. 2 of them overseas. I declined 7. So have a back catalogue of 21 Weddings (so far) that I’ve attended. Six of them were possible to travel home after attending if you paid eyewatering fees for taxis or didn’t drink the whole day or paid city centre parking for 2 days and taxis home & back to the car. Every couple chose their optimum botique hotel or destination wedding venue. Many asked for us to book into the venue so they would get a room rate deal.

It does all rather add up for the guests too.

lazygal

That asking people to book so you get cheaper rooms is so cheeky.
We got caught out once with it. We booked and when we went to check in after the wedding ceremony our room had been given away as it was a "special offer room" and apparently we were too late booking in thanks to the lengthy drive from the church. We ended up having to stay in a crappy b and b a short drive away which was a pain to get a taxi to.
Now one of us doesn't drink and drives home instead.