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Child Item

Dating apps and ladies over 35

Hannibal_12

Just browsing some dating apps and there seems to be a legion of women with desire to have kids "someday" which is fine obviously except most of these women are 37/38+ give or take even well into their 40s.
Only on dating apps due to obvious reasons and I'm surprised by it.

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kowloon

mariaalice wrote: »

How come posts like this attract so many creepy posters.

Enough of the personal attacks, I'll creep where I creep.

SupaCat95

Deleted User wrote: »

Respect their choices, absolutely. But give them the right advice. Don't tell them not to worry about having kids until they are in their 30's. Educate them about the limits of biology. And respect the young women who might have no inclination to go out and follow careers but instead might be very happy just to have kids

You really want to be raising children, remember childhood has been extended until about 25 with higher education, so many kids arent independent until they are in their early 30's living at home. There is a natural time for children to fly the coop. It isn't healthy for either party to have adult children in the house after 24.

SupaCat95

RebeccaK21 wrote: »

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?

You have the right to do what ever you want within the law but there is higher law. It says you cannot have it both ways. I wish I was young again and had the foresight of experience, how many times have we heard that one?

I love Warren Buffet, most young people under 20 dont even know who he is. He gave a lecture in a secondary school in the States.

"Here is the key to a car, it is your dream car. Whatever you imagine it to be. It can be any colour you want, any engine size, any make or model. Its important that it is your dream. How would you treat that car? Would you change the oil every three months, check the brakes and air pressure weekly? Only use genuine and shun spurious parts? Keep it clean and store it in the garage? The catch is that car has to last you for your life. Why would you treat your body any less.

You cannot do everything you want in life without either making a sham of it or being burn out by 50. Most Western women are burnt out by 50. You see it in their eyes, they are on Anti-depressants, sleeping pills and HRT. Eastern women dont carry the same burden.

Life is like being at a buffet, with a limited time frame. What do you pick to eat? How much do you eat, where do you sit and who do you sit with? There is only so much time and the older you get the more aware how short your time is. Then there are dopes who tell you, you can do anything at any age if you you put your mind to it. That is also not true.

Time and tide waits for no man, and for a woman it is painfully shorter.

Antares35

chrissb8 wrote: »

It's fine to be upfront and honest. But you are scaring away potential partners when you plaster on your profile you want kids. Is the first step too much to ask?

That is a steady relationship on which to build upon. If your end goal is just to have children and not consider all the steps leading up to that then that is a big red flag. Kids should be the by-product of a healthy strong relationship, not something you just get off the couch and decide to do one day.

When you say plaster do you mean tick a box alongside all the other boxes where they ask you stuff like if you have kids already, what your height and body type is etc.

[Deleted User]

RebeccaK21 wrote: »

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?

Respect their choices, absolutely. But give them the right advice. Don't tell them not to worry about having kids until they are in their 30's. Educate them about the limits of biology. And respect the young women who might have no inclination to go out and follow careers but instead might be very happy just to have kids

RebeccaK21

Deleted User wrote: »

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?
Not sure what kind of people you're hanging out with if you think a 21 year old getting married or having kids would be shunned and ridiculed btw

chrissb8

It's fine to be upfront and honest. But you are scaring away potential partners when you plaster on your profile you want kids. Is the first step too much to ask?

That is a steady relationship on which to build upon. If your end goal is just to have children and not consider all the steps leading up to that then that is a big red flag. Kids should be the by-product of a healthy strong relationship, not something you just get off the couch and decide to do one day.

[Deleted User]

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing is that both men and women have a right to live the life they choose. A 24 Yr old woman who wants to enjoy her youth and have fun shouldn't be judged for that when she finds herself at 40 and wanting a child.

Nobody would judge that 40 year old. Most people would wish them well. But my point is more about the current generation of young women being "empowered" etc to be just like men (but somehow slightly better, as Douglas Murray would say).

Of course nowadays everyone has the "right" to live the life they choose. But there are certain biological limitations on women that men don't really face. An assymetry. Men could father hundreds of babies potentially, whereas the maximum a woman could have might be 20 at a push. This biological difference needs to be considered when women decide on prioritising their career/freedom over settling down to have a family.

[Deleted User]

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self-made about that woman, family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground. The self-made thing is rarely true.

Yeah, the self-made is silly, what she did bring was that elusive thing that makes startups work beside a load of money, seeing what others did not see.

If it really was all just about money every millionaire would become a billionaire just by investing in a start-up.

What is happening in society is interesting, relationships, where the woman is older than the man, are becoming much more common, relationships, when the woman earns significantly more than the man, are becoming more common, that is related to other changes in society girls outperform boys in the leaving cert, women outnumber men in medical degrees for example.

Women have more choices in life there are not out to grab some man to keep that they have their own money.

It can be a double-edged sword though.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

The thing is that both men and women have a right to live the life they choose. A 24 Yr old woman who wants to enjoy her youth and have fun shouldn't be judged for that when she finds herself at 40 and wanting a child.

[Deleted User]

dvdman1 wrote: »

It's a sad reflection on society looking at so many kid crazy late 30s women...most will not have kids and spend the rest of there lives thinking what if....

Of course there's other stuff in life but it's still sad

I'll go have a little cry now huhuhuhu

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

dvdman1

It's a sad reflection on society looking at so many kid crazy late 30s women...most will not have kids and spend the rest of there lives thinking what if....

Of course there's other stuff in life but it's still sad

I'll go have a little cry now huhuhuhu

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the one hand it's good that the women are stating their wish to have kids. Any guy who doesn't want that can steer clear.

Saves time. On the other hand, how does a woman put that on a dating profile without sounding a bit nuts? I think "having kids someday" is the right balance between subtle and direct and see no issue with that.

Women in their late 30's need to get moving if that want to have kids.

I have a feeling any woman who is in her late 30's and wants children is indeed "moving" within the dating world.

[Deleted User]

On the one hand it's good that the women are stating their wish to have kids. Any guy who doesn't want that can steer clear.

Saves time. On the other hand, how does a woman put that on a dating profile without sounding a bit nuts? I think "having kids someday" is the right balance between subtle and direct and see no issue with that.

Women in their late 30's need to get moving if that want to have kids.

silverharp

Quillette hae an article out called "Mate Selection for Modernity" seems apropo if a little disheartening, I do feel for the youngins

https://quillette.com/2021/06/28/mate-selection-for-modernity/

[Deleted User]

Padre_Pio wrote: »

"When I first started Reynholm Industries, I had just two things in my possession: a simple dream, and six million pounds."

For Jesus sake

Padre_Pio

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

"When I first started Reynholm Industries, I had just two things in my possession: a simple dream, and six million pounds."

B.A._Baracus

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

Totally.
Whats that saying... money makes money.
Don't get me wrong, people have genuinely become self made millionaire's. You just have to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

Outkast_IRE

mariaalice wrote: »

The 31-year-old became the world's youngest self-made female billionaire when she took Bumble public in February.

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56662100

A woman has become a billionaire from a dating site.

It's an interesting read.

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

Church on Tuesday

Fairly grim reading by times this thread.

BrianD3

zanador wrote: »

I'm 43 and on those apps there's loads of men in my plus 5 minus 5 age group who want kids. I just skip over them as mine is nearly reared and Im not looking to start again.

I haven't really stopped to think as to why they haven't started a family before that, and definitely not making huge gender assumptions about them.

There are going to be men on there falsely claiming to want kids thinking it will get them a easy ride from a desperate woman. The sort of man who knows that he is not going to be attracting 25 year olds looking for casual hookups so he adopts a different strategy. May have already had a vasectomy.

No matter how many ad hominems are thrown about in this thread (has anyone been called a neckbeard incel yet?) it is a home truth that many women who are not in a relationship and haven't had children by their mid-late 30s are starting to worry about time running out. Many men want kids too but there is nowhere near the same worry. Therefore there is a power imbalance.

It is also a basic biological instinct to make assumptions and stereotype. Like it or not, this is part of our evolution.

zanador

I'm 43 and on those apps there's loads of men in my plus 5 minus 5 age group who want kids. I just skip over them as mine is nearly reared and Im not looking to start again.

I haven't really stopped to think as to why they haven't started a family before that, and definitely not making huge gender assumptions about them.

[Deleted User]

The 31-year-old became the world's youngest self-made female billionaire when she took Bumble public in February.

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56662100

A woman has become a billionaire from a dating site.

It's an interesting read.

SnuggyBear

PropBuyer101 wrote: »

are you for real? apparently so you can read the mind and intentions of any woman on this app who is a certain age and hoping to achieve certain things.

u must be a joy to date lol

Well you can only go off what the profile says. If it says she wants kids I would presume she wants kids and a relationship. No mind reading involved.

Feisar

SupaCat95 wrote: »

Ahh but you are picking out me. Once a man gets married he looses the rights to half his assets. If the relationship fails he has to leave the family home, regardless if it was his fault or not.

"Small man bitchiness"? A bit harsh, there is nothing wrong with wanting to preserve your family wealth.

Fair, the family home plus wealth issue is hardly women’s fault though.

Tilden Katz

SupaCat95 wrote: »

Maths and sociology. Firstly female fertility declines after 26. Its all down hill from there. Kids take a lot of time and energy to raise, do you want to raising a teenager in your 60's?

Then to find a stable partner that hasnt a whole load of baggage with another family post 35 is fairly hard. You really want a guy who has another family or a string of failed relationships? Single at 35 plus, raises a lot of red flags for me like mental health or personality disorders.

Oh that single straight Engineer/Solicitor/Architect/Doctor/Accountant at 35 who is running marathons with the PhD, own house, can drive, with no mental health issues? That unicorn? He is looking at that fine Junior associate at 24.

Artificial insemination isnt the Mecca it is made out to be. The turkey baster for 1,500 is a waste of money and all the 7,500 treatment has the most success but not guaranteed. Also the fertility drug Clomid is linked to breast cancer after about 15 years later. Hence you have all these women in their 50s getting breast cancer in numbers we never saw before.

Moral of the story if you want a man, snag him in your 20's and be done with child birth before 30's.

You know, I would take being delusional on some of these points any day over having this thoroughly depressing worldview.

And don’t read my reply as defensiveness. I’m a late 30s woman in a stable, happy relationship who will never have children (when I was given the news that children wouldn’t be an option for me in my early 30s, it quickly confirmed that which I already knew but hadn’t quite clarified in my mind - that having children was something I didn’t give a crap about. Not a tear was shed).

But yeah, bloody hell, give me some cosy delusions any day over the nihilism of your post. And if your username is indicative of your birth year, that is very young to have allowed such world-weariness to seep into your being. I don’t even know if you are male or female and I think you are going to end up holding yourself back with such an outlook. I look at the great relationships I have seen form between 30-somethings in my friend and acquaintance groups and think how many of them wouldn’t have happened if they adopted your philosophy.

And one thing that hasn’t come up much in this thread is that in many of those relationships, the woman has the higher paid or ritzier job. There’s actually been a fairly retrograde current running through this thread where women are trying to entrap highly paid men instead of being the highly paid person themselves.

Tilden Katz

Yurt! wrote: »

EDIT: And I think it bears repeating, this isn't wallowing or feeling sorry for men, but many women feel empowered in their 20s to treat men pretty awfully, and it doesn't really get picked up on in culture/literature/movies etc (men are untrustworthy hounds grrrr!). When the script gets flipped in their mid-30s (men's sexual appeal and desireability actually increases for the most part), many of these women aren't prepared for it.

For many men but certainly not for all. It’s taken as a given that men get better looking with age but men have to take care of themselves too and even then, it’s not guaranteed. I’m just thinking of my school year who would be 38ish now. It’s a decidedly mixed bag.

Tilden Katz

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm struggling to see the point of this thread. Women wanting kids and openly stating it is trapping someone? It's a valid thing to want in life, and it narrows down the interest they receive.

Indeed. I fail to see how baldly stating that one wants children is a bad thing. It might not happen for the woman but her being upfront about it can only be a good thing. If she’s meek about it then it definitely won’t happen. And let’s not forget that men can afford to have a more blasé attitude about baby-making. They can put if off for quite a while and then if the relationship goes kaput, they are much less screwed than the woman. A late 30s man coming out of a broken relationship has much more time.

[Deleted User]

SupaCat95 wrote: »

There was never an auld sock without an auld boot to go with it.

I kinda disagree with your main point but that's a fucking great expression.

Minime2.5

PropBuyer101 wrote: »

When you say there are people trying to point out a few home truths – it seems more like you are trying to point out your home truths and your point of view of what a woman is like and what she needs and wants and desires at a certain age just because she happens to be on a dating app and dating and open to having kids.

Woman do not exist to be viewed from your point of view . They are not a mere blueprint of what your idea of a woman is - someone who reaches a certain age and needs to have a man and a baby and that is all that drives them instead of someone who may just want to have kids and meet a man- suddenly - this is all they want and they need YOU the man to provide it.

Excuse you - women are a distinct entity onto themselves and are not something that can only be seen by a man's eyes. Speaking about people - whether it is men or women in such a generalised manner is a useless proposition – because every person is an individual and you cant begin to imagine what one person is looking for over another.

As many commenters have mentioned or alluded to - there is a misogynistic attitude on this thread - by generalising women you are certainly not promoting any useful conversation rather you will just simply keep viewing women from your blueprint. And that is kind of boring.

Men are polygamous

They are attracted to youth and beauty and access to as many women that fits this criteria as possible

Women are Hypergamos

Whilst to some degree they are attracted to looks , other things such as wealth status and power are other contributing factors. Basically she is looking for the most high provisioning male she can get and if the opportunity to level up whilst shes already in a relationship most will take it

Whilst we all have our own individual minds and are unique at a conscious level at the subconscious level we are very much still animals and behave the same according to our sex at a very basic level

If this werent true then the topic of psychology wouldn't exist