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Child Item

Dating apps and ladies over 35

Hannibal_12

Just browsing some dating apps and there seems to be a legion of women with desire to have kids "someday" which is fine obviously except most of these women are 37/38+ give or take even well into their 40s.
Only on dating apps due to obvious reasons and I'm surprised by it.

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[Deleted User]

The 31-year-old became the world's youngest self-made female billionaire when she took Bumble public in February.

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56662100

A woman has become a billionaire from a dating site.

It's an interesting read.

zanador

I'm 43 and on those apps there's loads of men in my plus 5 minus 5 age group who want kids. I just skip over them as mine is nearly reared and Im not looking to start again.

I haven't really stopped to think as to why they haven't started a family before that, and definitely not making huge gender assumptions about them.

BrianD3

zanador wrote: »

I'm 43 and on those apps there's loads of men in my plus 5 minus 5 age group who want kids. I just skip over them as mine is nearly reared and Im not looking to start again.

I haven't really stopped to think as to why they haven't started a family before that, and definitely not making huge gender assumptions about them.

There are going to be men on there falsely claiming to want kids thinking it will get them a easy ride from a desperate woman. The sort of man who knows that he is not going to be attracting 25 year olds looking for casual hookups so he adopts a different strategy. May have already had a vasectomy.

No matter how many ad hominems are thrown about in this thread (has anyone been called a neckbeard incel yet?) it is a home truth that many women who are not in a relationship and haven't had children by their mid-late 30s are starting to worry about time running out. Many men want kids too but there is nowhere near the same worry. Therefore there is a power imbalance.

It is also a basic biological instinct to make assumptions and stereotype. Like it or not, this is part of our evolution.

Church on Tuesday

Fairly grim reading by times this thread.

Outkast_IRE

mariaalice wrote: »

The 31-year-old became the world's youngest self-made female billionaire when she took Bumble public in February.

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-56662100

A woman has become a billionaire from a dating site.

It's an interesting read.

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

B.A._Baracus

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

Totally.
Whats that saying... money makes money.
Don't get me wrong, people have genuinely become self made millionaire's. You just have to take what people say with a pinch of salt.

Padre_Pio

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self made about that woman ,family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground . The self made thing is rarely true.

"When I first started Reynholm Industries, I had just two things in my possession: a simple dream, and six million pounds."

[Deleted User]

Padre_Pio wrote: »

"When I first started Reynholm Industries, I had just two things in my possession: a simple dream, and six million pounds."

For Jesus sake

silverharp

Quillette hae an article out called "Mate Selection for Modernity" seems apropo if a little disheartening, I do feel for the youngins

https://quillette.com/2021/06/28/mate-selection-for-modernity/

[Deleted User]

On the one hand it's good that the women are stating their wish to have kids. Any guy who doesn't want that can steer clear.

Saves time. On the other hand, how does a woman put that on a dating profile without sounding a bit nuts? I think "having kids someday" is the right balance between subtle and direct and see no issue with that.

Women in their late 30's need to get moving if that want to have kids.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

On the one hand it's good that the women are stating their wish to have kids. Any guy who doesn't want that can steer clear.

Saves time. On the other hand, how does a woman put that on a dating profile without sounding a bit nuts? I think "having kids someday" is the right balance between subtle and direct and see no issue with that.

Women in their late 30's need to get moving if that want to have kids.

I have a feeling any woman who is in her late 30's and wants children is indeed "moving" within the dating world.

dvdman1

It's a sad reflection on society looking at so many kid crazy late 30s women...most will not have kids and spend the rest of there lives thinking what if....

Of course there's other stuff in life but it's still sad

I'll go have a little cry now huhuhuhu

[Deleted User]

dvdman1 wrote: »

It's a sad reflection on society looking at so many kid crazy late 30s women...most will not have kids and spend the rest of there lives thinking what if....

Of course there's other stuff in life but it's still sad

I'll go have a little cry now huhuhuhu

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

The thing is that both men and women have a right to live the life they choose. A 24 Yr old woman who wants to enjoy her youth and have fun shouldn't be judged for that when she finds herself at 40 and wanting a child.

[Deleted User]

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Nothing self-made about that woman, family sorted her out with initial capital to get it off the ground. The self-made thing is rarely true.

Yeah, the self-made is silly, what she did bring was that elusive thing that makes startups work beside a load of money, seeing what others did not see.

If it really was all just about money every millionaire would become a billionaire just by investing in a start-up.

What is happening in society is interesting, relationships, where the woman is older than the man, are becoming much more common, relationships, when the woman earns significantly more than the man, are becoming more common, that is related to other changes in society girls outperform boys in the leaving cert, women outnumber men in medical degrees for example.

Women have more choices in life there are not out to grab some man to keep that they have their own money.

It can be a double-edged sword though.

[Deleted User]

Deleted User wrote: »

The thing is that both men and women have a right to live the life they choose. A 24 Yr old woman who wants to enjoy her youth and have fun shouldn't be judged for that when she finds herself at 40 and wanting a child.

Nobody would judge that 40 year old. Most people would wish them well. But my point is more about the current generation of young women being "empowered" etc to be just like men (but somehow slightly better, as Douglas Murray would say).

Of course nowadays everyone has the "right" to live the life they choose. But there are certain biological limitations on women that men don't really face. An assymetry. Men could father hundreds of babies potentially, whereas the maximum a woman could have might be 20 at a push. This biological difference needs to be considered when women decide on prioritising their career/freedom over settling down to have a family.

chrissb8

It's fine to be upfront and honest. But you are scaring away potential partners when you plaster on your profile you want kids. Is the first step too much to ask?

That is a steady relationship on which to build upon. If your end goal is just to have children and not consider all the steps leading up to that then that is a big red flag. Kids should be the by-product of a healthy strong relationship, not something you just get off the couch and decide to do one day.

RebeccaK21

Deleted User wrote: »

It is sad. I feel especially sorry for the young women who are encouraged to focus on careers and freedom in their 20's who end up struggling to have kids in their 30's/40's.

I know it's old-fashioned but I genuinely think women are born with a superpower, to create life inside them. They should treasure that ability and make the best use of it while they can rather than imitating some of the worst impulses of boys/men (going out getting drunk etc).

I feel like if any 21 year old said she wanted to get married and have kids in today's world she would be shunned and ridiculed. I think we need to re-calibrate social attitudes to be more accepting of women like this.

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?
Not sure what kind of people you're hanging out with if you think a 21 year old getting married or having kids would be shunned and ridiculed btw

[Deleted User]

RebeccaK21 wrote: »

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?

Respect their choices, absolutely. But give them the right advice. Don't tell them not to worry about having kids until they are in their 30's. Educate them about the limits of biology. And respect the young women who might have no inclination to go out and follow careers but instead might be very happy just to have kids

Antares35

chrissb8 wrote: »

It's fine to be upfront and honest. But you are scaring away potential partners when you plaster on your profile you want kids. Is the first step too much to ask?

That is a steady relationship on which to build upon. If your end goal is just to have children and not consider all the steps leading up to that then that is a big red flag. Kids should be the by-product of a healthy strong relationship, not something you just get off the couch and decide to do one day.

When you say plaster do you mean tick a box alongside all the other boxes where they ask you stuff like if you have kids already, what your height and body type is etc.

SupaCat95

RebeccaK21 wrote: »

Odd statement IMO. I would defend the right of girls to 'go out and get drunk' if that's what they want , without assuming that they are imitating boys/men. How about being accepting of all kinds of women, and respecting their wishes?

You have the right to do what ever you want within the law but there is higher law. It says you cannot have it both ways. I wish I was young again and had the foresight of experience, how many times have we heard that one?

I love Warren Buffet, most young people under 20 dont even know who he is. He gave a lecture in a secondary school in the States.

"Here is the key to a car, it is your dream car. Whatever you imagine it to be. It can be any colour you want, any engine size, any make or model. Its important that it is your dream. How would you treat that car? Would you change the oil every three months, check the brakes and air pressure weekly? Only use genuine and shun spurious parts? Keep it clean and store it in the garage? The catch is that car has to last you for your life. Why would you treat your body any less.

You cannot do everything you want in life without either making a sham of it or being burn out by 50. Most Western women are burnt out by 50. You see it in their eyes, they are on Anti-depressants, sleeping pills and HRT. Eastern women dont carry the same burden.

Life is like being at a buffet, with a limited time frame. What do you pick to eat? How much do you eat, where do you sit and who do you sit with? There is only so much time and the older you get the more aware how short your time is. Then there are dopes who tell you, you can do anything at any age if you you put your mind to it. That is also not true.

Time and tide waits for no man, and for a woman it is painfully shorter.

SupaCat95

Deleted User wrote: »

Respect their choices, absolutely. But give them the right advice. Don't tell them not to worry about having kids until they are in their 30's. Educate them about the limits of biology. And respect the young women who might have no inclination to go out and follow careers but instead might be very happy just to have kids

You really want to be raising children, remember childhood has been extended until about 25 with higher education, so many kids arent independent until they are in their early 30's living at home. There is a natural time for children to fly the coop. It isn't healthy for either party to have adult children in the house after 24.

kowloon

mariaalice wrote: »

How come posts like this attract so many creepy posters.

Enough of the personal attacks, I'll creep where I creep.

Antares35

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Nobody would judge that 40 year old. Most people would wish them well. But my point is more about the current generation of young women being "empowered" etc to be just like men (but somehow slightly better, as Douglas Murray would say).

Of course nowadays everyone has the "right" to live the life they choose. But there are certain biological limitations on women that men don't really face. An assymetry. Men could father hundreds of babies potentially, whereas the maximum a woman could have might be 20 at a push. This biological difference needs to be considered when women decide on prioritising their career/freedom over settling down to have a family.

Why would anyone want 20 babies ffs

You can talk about careers and kids like they're mutually exclusive but yet millions of women across the globe manage just fine to have both. I was 36 having my first and will be 37 having my second. I'm glad I waited. I had time to actually enjoy my youth (or imitating boys as you put it) and get a good education and work my way up the career ladder. It would have been utterly irresponsible for me to procreate if I didn't have the means to provide a good quality of life for those children, my partner and myself. If I'd had them in my twenties I'd be on a third of the take home pay that I have now. No thanks.

And anyway, our sole function is not to reproduce and it's grossly insulting (and definitely not empowering) to reduce all women to this concept.

eviltwin

I don’t think it’s all that great for guys either. Yes men can reproduce much later but I can’t imagine many older men want to be fathering kids in their late 40’s and beyond. Raising children is a young persons game but how many 20 somethings are in long term stable relationships?

[Deleted User]

Antares35 wrote: »

Why would anyone want 20 babies ffs

You can talk about careers and kids like they're mutually exclusive but yet millions of women across the globe manage just fine to have both. I was 36 having my first and will be 37 having my second. I'm glad I waited. I had time to actually enjoy my youth (or imitating boys as you put it) and get a good education and work my way up the career ladder. It would have been utterly irresponsible for me to procreate if I didn't have the means to provide a good quality of life for those children, my partner and myself. If I'd had them in my twenties I'd be on a third of the take home pay that I have now. No thanks.

And anyway, our sole function is not to reproduce and it's grossly insulting (and definitely not empowering) to reduce all women to this concept.

Congrats to you on the 2 arrivals and for treading the very fine line between work hard/play hard while still managing to have a family. I don't mean to sound like women's sole purpose is to re-produce. But it is a big part of all of our purpose of being on this planet. I just think that there are a lot of childless women in their 40's/50's that wish they had lived slightly differently when they were younger.

Padre_Pio

If only we had a decent adoption service in this country too.

From what I hear it seems nearly impossible to adopt a child in Ireland.

eviltwin

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Respect their choices, absolutely. But give them the right advice. Don't tell them not to worry about having kids until they are in their 30's. Educate them about the limits of biology. And respect the young women who might have no inclination to go out and follow careers but instead might be very happy just to have kids

Why is it an either /or? Can’t they not do both?

On the flip side having children young is too often seen as a bad thing with younger parents judged all the time.

So you cant win

[Deleted User]

eviltwin wrote: »

I don’t think it’s all that great for guys either. Yes men can reproduce much later but I can’t imagine many older men want to be fathering kids in their late 40’s and beyond. Raising children is a young persons game but how many 20 somethings are in long term stable relationships?

There must be a sweet spot in there somewhere. What's the ideal age for parents to start having kids? Is it the same for men and women? I would propose mid to late 20's would be the ideal? Old enough to have lived/worked but young enough to have the energy to keep up with a toddler.

eviltwin

Padre_Pio wrote: »

If only we had a decent adoption service in this country too.

From what I hear it seems nearly impossible to adopt a child in Ireland.

That’s because thankfully children are rarely put up for adoption in this country.