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Child Item

Dating apps and ladies over 35

Hannibal_12

Just browsing some dating apps and there seems to be a legion of women with desire to have kids "someday" which is fine obviously except most of these women are 37/38+ give or take even well into their 40s.
Only on dating apps due to obvious reasons and I'm surprised by it.

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silverharp

Tow wrote: »

I thought women in the their late 30's looking for a man for children was thing of the past, in this modern era there are other solutions. In the last year or so, two of my female relations in this age range have independently (they are different sides of the family) given up looking for Mr perfect, and gone the AI route. A few meetings with the 'AI Man' (to us the farming term*), with no messy relation ships. One of them was so pleased they did not wait long before deciding to have a second baby.

* 'AI Man': PC brigade, I acknowledge they can be women as well and probably are in a medical clinic.
* AI does does not stand for Artificial Intelligence :-)

That is still rare enough, that route comes with a lot of stress unless you have lots of helpful family nearby. One income will be priced out of a lot of accomodation, unlikely to be able to give 100% at work so promotions would be slow coming. Then forever be driving them around to activities with no help.

Ultrflat

Im 39, I've dated women in there late 40s and early 30s its a wonderful age to be dating with just so many options :cool:

[Deleted User]

I thought women in the their late 30's looking for a man for children was thing of the past, in this modern era there are other solutions. In the last year or so, two of my female relations in this age range have independently (they are different sides of the family) given up looking for Mr perfect, and gone the AI route. A few meetings with the 'AI Man' (to us the farming term*), with no messy relation ships. One of them was so pleased they did not wait long before deciding to have a second baby.

* 'AI Man': PC brigade, I acknowledge they can be women as well and probably are in a medical clinic.
* AI does does not stand for Artificial Intelligence :-)

silverharp

Government buildings wrote: »

Once a woman can have a child with a man he is no longer essential to the relationship.
Indeed, she has no need for him at all, as the state provides the financial security necessary to raise the child.

That's not true in general and would only apply to the more chaotic end of the scale. Any decent woman would know that kids need a father and if they didnt have that attitude if wouldnt be worth having kids with them

[Deleted User]

It's all random, I have seen someone I use to work with have a baby at 44, and before that relationship, she had not been in a relationship for 9 years they had the baby within 18 months of meeting each other no medical help was required yet others much younger struggle.

As for meeting someone, a man who was separated in his 40's who thought he was going to have woman throwing themselves at him, said he was meeting lots of women but meeting one that was sane and that he was interested in was a different thing, meanwhile, his ex-wife got into a relationship something he wasn't expecting to happen, he came to realise that a lof socialising had been around other couples with children, his wife, and her BF were invited to things and him not so much possible because the woman does a lot of the arranging of thing like BBQs.

So in conclusion these things are not as simple as they seem.

[Deleted User]

Yurt! wrote: »

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

And behind plenty of women in their 30s who would have liked kids but don't have them yet is a relationship with a guy who wasn't ready, agreed to start trying only after he got the promotion/house/travel bug out of his system or plain didn't want them/didn't want them with her but was happy to keep wasting her time.

AlphabetCards

the shift is real for men in their 30's, but I think a lot of that is to do with maturity.

Yurt! wrote: »

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

Tears, heartbreak and confusion. The game suddenly doesn't work for them anymore.

Then they're the above age (34-38) on dating sites and trying to snare any man that isn't a serial killer and can hold down a job. It's the exact age the power in the dating market flips on its head and is fascinating, if a little grotesque to watch. I've seen it play out several times in my peer group.

I've dated a few women who found themselves at this point. They never quite get over that particular man, and all future prospects are continually rated against him. It is unfortunate, and quite sad.

SnuggyBear

knucklehead6 wrote: »

Did anyone even consider the possibility that these profiles were set up quite some time ago and the only thing that gets updated is the picture??

The photo is the last thing she will update

knucklehead6

Did anyone even consider the possibility that these profiles were set up quite some time ago and the only thing that gets updated is the picture??

SnuggyBear

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm struggling to see the point of this thread. Women wanting kids and openly stating it is trapping someone? It's a valid thing to want in life, and it narrows down the interest they receive.

The point is women in her 40s on a dating site saying she wants kids has missed the boat. It's not that hard to understand.

tabby aspreme

[Deleted User] wrote: »

My fathers mother was 42 when he born,his father was 49...they had a few more after him....a lad i went to school with father was in his 70s at his 21st,his mother been over 60 aswell....and they had/have a great relationship

37 isnt over hill.by any means and technology & science.as regards frezing eggs/fertility/surrogates etc etc is well known by now

Two women I was in school with, each had their first, and only, child, at 46, one of them is married to a lad she started going out with at 16, they probably waited till people stopped asking '' well any news ''

Potential-Monke

Deleted User wrote: »

Adopting an older child could be very challenging. If you don't want to be a parent then why would you even consider adoption? A newborn would be a damn sight easier than a possibly troubled child who had been in and out of the care system.

Oh it's a last ditch available option should I find myself regretting in the future, which I doubt I will if we're being honest. The only thing, imo at this point in my life, that I think could sway me towards kids/adoption is pressure from other people. I reckon I've done a very good job of ignoring people or putting their questioning down to jealousy (doesn't mean it is, makes me feel better though), but if people keep saying the same things over and over, it eventually starts to seethe in, and one would start to question themselves.

And newborn vs child, all well and good and valid points, but I refer to an earlier statement that I hate babies. Hate them. I mean that, I'm not using hate in a wrong way here, I hate them. I keep it to myself IRL, obviously, but I hate them. I don't even want to be near them.

Minime2.5 wrote: »

Just remember. A kid is not just for Christmas

I do, and it's one of the main driving factors of not wanting them.

Minime2.5

kowloon wrote: »

Would we not be seeing women opting solely to go the sperm donor route if this was true?

Sperm banks don't provide maintenance payments

[Deleted User]

I'm struggling to see the point of this thread. Women wanting kids and openly stating it is trapping someone? It's a valid thing to want in life, and it narrows down the interest they receive.

kowloon

Government buildings wrote: »

Once a woman can have a child with a man he is no longer essential to the relationship.
Indeed, she has no need for him at all, as the state provides the financial security necessary to raise the child.

Would we not be seeing women opting solely to go the sperm donor route if this was true?

Government buildings

Once a woman can have a child with a man he is no longer essential to the relationship.
Indeed, she has no need for him at all, as the state provides the financial security necessary to raise the child.

[Deleted User]

Hannibal_12 wrote: »

Just browsing some dating apps and there seems to be a legion of women with desire to have kids "someday" which is fine obviously except most of these women are 37/38+ give or take even well into their 40s.
Only on dating apps due to obvious reasons and I'm surprised by it.

I reckon those women are looking for something serious very quickly and are not going to spend much time messing about. Might also mean they wouldn't mind hooking up with a guy who has kids.

Minime2.5

kowloon wrote: »

I got the impression that there was still vastly more men on dating sites than women, even in the mid-30s onwards.

Thats because men are horny and alot of them are looking for something temporary only. Thats being said the type of men these women are interested in who are successful in life don't put their profiles on dating sites and most of them arent interested in women in their mid to late 30s

Minime2.5

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Ah, it lasts long enough imo, but that's just me being greedy and not having to wait even longer to re-enter the dating scene. My luck I'll wait until I should be well clear of being able to have kids, and then get someone pregnant.

I've only once seen a woman tick the "doesn't want kids" box. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any other criteria. If women really don't want to have kids, they should just say it, it's absolutely acceptable today, even if it's still getting the usual are 'are you sure?' and related questions. Would make my search a bit easier at least... *sad face*

That's what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want kids. I know that 100% now. And I believe I've always felt that way, deep down, but was keeping up appearances and saying what I thought people wanted me to say. It wasn't until my 30's that I decided to not be what society wants me to be. And adoption is definitely a helpful deciding factor. If I find myself older and regretting, I can adopt a kid that's beyond the baby/toddler stage (genuinely hate those stages, I don't even hold babies, ugh.... ). Or at least, I can apply. If the adoption crowd still don't think I'd be a good father, then my suspicions will have been right all along - I would not make a good parent.

Just remember. A kid is not just for Christmas

kowloon

Minime2.5 wrote: »

The decline of their sexual market place value when mens is at its peak is very sobering for and hard to accept for most women

I got the impression that there was still vastly more men on dating sites than women, even in the mid-30s onwards.

Minime2.5

Yurt! wrote: »

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

Tears, heartbreak and confusion. The game suddenly doesn't work for them anymore.

Then they're the above age (34-38) on dating sites and trying to snare any man that isn't a serial killer and can hold down a job. It's the exact age the power in the dating market flips on its head and is fascinating, if a little grotesque to watch. I've seen it play out several times in my peer group.

For many too busy in their early 20s having so much fun riding the cock carousel with zero interest in giving a decent guy a chance but the decline of their sexual market place value when mens is at its peak is very sobering for and hard to accept for most women

kowloon

Atlantic Dawn wrote: »

Seek someone in their 20's if you seek a Walton's type finish in your life.

Getting that reference means it's too late

Atlantic Dawn

Seek someone in their 20's if you seek a Walton's type finish in your life.

[Deleted User]

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Ah, it lasts long enough imo, but that's just me being greedy and not having to wait even longer to re-enter the dating scene. My luck I'll wait until I should be well clear of being able to have kids, and then get someone pregnant.

I've only once seen a woman tick the "doesn't want kids" box. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any other criteria. If women really don't want to have kids, they should just say it, it's absolutely acceptable today, even if it's still getting the usual are 'are you sure?' and related questions. Would make my search a bit easier at least... *sad face*

That's what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want kids. I know that 100% now. And I believe I've always felt that way, deep down, but was keeping up appearances and saying what I thought people wanted me to say. It wasn't until my 30's that I decided to not be what society wants me to be. And adoption is definitely a helpful deciding factor. If I find myself older and regretting, I can adopt a kid that's beyond the baby/toddler stage (genuinely hate those stages, I don't even hold babies, ugh.... ). Or at least, I can apply. If the adoption crowd still don't think I'd be a good father, then my suspicions will have been right all along - I would not make a good parent.

Adopting an older child could be very challenging. If you don't want to be a parent then why would you even consider adoption? A newborn would be a damn sight easier than a possibly troubled child who had been in and out of the care system.

kowloon

I did see some single mother's tick the box for not wanting more kids, but I think it's easier for them to reveal that preference, don't remember what kind of number would tick Would like kids vs. wouldn't. "Are you looking for kids in you?" is a terrible opening line.

Potential-Monke

Feisar wrote: »

The problem is the world and how we couple up has changed but women's biological clock can't.

Ah, it lasts long enough imo, but that's just me being greedy and not having to wait even longer to re-enter the dating scene. My luck I'll wait until I should be well clear of being able to have kids, and then get someone pregnant.

AmberAmber wrote: »

It's easier to tick the box that says wants kids than deal with the shock and drama of ticking the box that says does not want kids.

I've only once seen a woman tick the "doesn't want kids" box. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any other criteria. If women really don't want to have kids, they should just say it, it's absolutely acceptable today, even if it's still getting the usual are 'are you sure?' and related questions. Would make my search a bit easier at least... *sad face*

kowloon wrote: »

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

That's what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want kids. I know that 100% now. And I believe I've always felt that way, deep down, but was keeping up appearances and saying what I thought people wanted me to say. It wasn't until my 30's that I decided to not be what society wants me to be. And adoption is definitely a helpful deciding factor. If I find myself older and regretting, I can adopt a kid that's beyond the baby/toddler stage (genuinely hate those stages, I don't even hold babies, ugh.... ). Or at least, I can apply. If the adoption crowd still don't think I'd be a good father, then my suspicions will have been right all along - I would not make a good parent.

kowloon

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I don’t think too many lads on here’s “batter” is in very high demand. Most of it is getting spaffed into socks or down the drain.

It has to be contained somehow, I can't risk getting all my Magic: The Gathering cards stuck together :mad:,

[Deleted User]

kowloon wrote: »

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

Being able to adopt a child in this country is very difficult because there simply are no babies being placed, or very very small numbers. Foreign adoptions are also complicated.
The criteria is also age dependent and we are over it.
It is also not the fairy tale type scenario some people think it is.

For me personally I'd want a genetic link to my child, that would be extremely important to me.

kowloon

Deleted User wrote: »

Shure. I'm 39 and feel the exact same as I did about kids when I was 29, I'd like some just not yet. At this stage though I think it means a no.

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

[Deleted User]

Jesus but I'm delighted those days are behind me.