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Child Item

Dating apps and ladies over 35

Hannibal_12

Just browsing some dating apps and there seems to be a legion of women with desire to have kids "someday" which is fine obviously except most of these women are 37/38+ give or take even well into their 40s.
Only on dating apps due to obvious reasons and I'm surprised by it.

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Thelonious Monk

Deleted User wrote: »

Because a lot of men our age (late 30s here!) are unsure/not interested in having kids and we don't want to be alone forever. Spoiler alert to the OP, those of us who haven't totally ruled out becoming a mother can hear our own biological clocks thank you, and many of us have resigned ourselves to the fact that we wouldn't rule out kids someday, but it's also something that might not happen to us given 1. our age and 2. the frequent reluctance of men our age to commit to children, even in a strong relationship. So maybe it'll happen someday....maybe it won't.

OP, if it's a problem set your age slider to 20s and see how you get on :rolleyes:

Yeah I'm 40 but I understand pretty much every woman my age wants kids like now, so it makes the whole dating thing a minefield

[Deleted User]

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Yeah I'm 40 but I understand pretty much every woman my age wants kids like now, so it makes the whole dating thing a minefield

It is, wish I'd settled years ago :pac:

SnuggyBear

Maybe the wording could be better. I've barely used the apps but I remember on one app it was "open to children" and another is "wants children"

Akrasia

How in the name of god, is a woman who openly states she wants to start a family ‘trapping’ a man who responds to that ad??

Seriously I’m glad some of you people don’t want to have children. The gene pool could go without it

SnuggyBear

Akrasia wrote: »

How in the name of god, is a woman who openly states she wants to start a family ‘trapping’ a man who responds to that ad??

Seriously I’m glad some of you people don’t want to have children. The gene pool could go without it

2nd date she will be asking so are you ready for kids now? Lol

Feisar

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I don’t think too many lads on here’s “batter” is in very high demand. Most of it is getting spaffed into socks or down the drain.

Can we have a slow clap please.

That's like the first time the quotation marks actually made sense.

Feisar

The problem is the world and how we couple up has changed but women's biological clock can't.

Sardonicat

TheValeyard wrote: »

It's often a lot more difficult and expensive. Far more problematic than people think.

For some, not for all by any means. I know plenty of women who had children in their late 30s/early 40s without any medical intervention.

[Deleted User]

My fathers mother was 42 when he born,his father was 49...they had a few more after him....a lad i went to school with father was in his 70s at his 21st,his mother been over 60 aswell....and they had/have a great relationship

37 isnt over hill.by any means and technology & science.as regards frezing eggs/fertility/surrogates etc etc is well known by now

[Deleted User]

Burt Renaults wrote: »

I'm inclined to read that as them not having entirely ruled out having kids, and not that they've all hatched a desperate plan to churn one out before it's too late, and are merely on dating apps because they want some poor unsuspecting man's jism.

If the poor man is "unsuspecting" after having it called out in plain English for him, then I guess that his jism is better off staying in the sock than finding an egg.

[Deleted User]

DeanAustin wrote: »

One day? I need more than that. 8 and 6. They're little darlings...honestly.

I'll take the 6yr old for Mondays, Tuesdays before 2pm and Wednesdays 4pm to 8pm. I'll pass on the 8 yr old. They can be a bit precocious and a nightmare if they are spoilt. I was spoilt so I can say this with authority.

Yurt2

TP_CM wrote: »

Yeah I'd agree with that. My lad friends are completely done with girls who go on dates and then 4 months later throw out the whole "I'm just not ready for a relationship" breakup line. Actually now that the rest of us have settled down with kids, they're really broody and are actively looking for girls like that who know what they want. They're looking in that 34-37 age bracket because they feel it's more likely they'll find a girl who's ready to settle down and not get distracted by the queue of lads on whatever dating site is being used now. This exists for both genders of course, and is probably way worse for women, but it's great there's people out there who have no problem saying exactly where they're at and what they want.

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

Tears, heartbreak and confusion. The game suddenly doesn't work for them anymore.

Then they're the above age (34-38) on dating sites and trying to snare any man that isn't a serial killer and can hold down a job. It's the exact age the power in the dating market flips on its head and is fascinating, if a little grotesque to watch. I've seen it play out several times in my peer group.

DeanAustin

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'll take the 6yr old for Mondays, Tuesdays before 2pm and Wednesdays 4pm to 8pm. I'll pass on the 8 yr old. They can be a bit precocious and a nightmare if they are spoilt. I was spoilt so I can say this with authority.

I’ll be honest, my 8 year old is exactly as you describe x 100. But my 6 year old is even worse. I’ll drop her in the morning. Thanks.

AmberAmber

It's easier to tick the box that says wants kids than deal with the shock and drama of ticking the box that says does not want kids.

Surreptitious

Another woman bashing thread.

Feisar

Surreptitious wrote: »

Another woman bashing thread.

Not really. How is it bashing?

Yurt2

Surreptitious wrote: »

Another woman bashing thread.

Are we breaking omerta? There's a certain type of person that will hold that men holding any opinion about some women is woman bashing. There's an entire industry (and far more common and acceptable at that) of ladies' magazines poring over men, categorizing them, pathologizing them, giving tips and tricks to get them to do what the women pleases etc. I'm not that bothered about it, it's a thing though.

If men break rank and speak about certain women's modus operandi in the dating market, then we've apparently crossed the rubicon into women bashing. I don't buy it.

[Deleted User]

DeanAustin wrote: »

I’ll be honest, my 8 year old is exactly as you describe x 100. But my 6 year old is even worse. I’ll drop her in the morning. Thanks.

Ah. Sure. I won't be long sorting her out. Gruel for dinner and plenty of slaps.

raclle

Yurt! wrote: »

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

Tears, heartbreak and confusion. The game suddenly doesn't work for them anymore.

Ah, but there's still plenty of those types on dating apps looking for a replacement Disney prince

Username here

Feisar wrote: »

Can we have a slow clap please.

That's like the first time the quotation marks actually made sense.

Don't encourage it, FFS!!

Lucy8080

The wimmins/boyo's in my day gave plenty of notice. A feeler ad. in Irelands Own. It may lead to a bit of courtin' after a respectable period of back"n"forth letter writing to each others P.O. box.

Then, and only then, could 12 children be knocked out in six years. ( Age was not a factor).

God be with the days.

Tilden Katz

Yurt! wrote: »

This is a common theme with some female friends of mine. They spent their twenties capriciously botching viable relationships with pretty good men as they move up the dating hierarchy (as they see it). They get to their early 30s and think they've found their Disney prince with the job/money/status/house/looks all ready to roll. Turns out the prince will trade them in in a heartbeat for the young one that just came in on the graduate programme.

Tears, heartbreak and confusion. The game suddenly doesn't work for them anymore.

Then they're the above age (34-38) on dating sites and trying to snare any man that isn't a serial killer and can hold down a job. It's the exact age the power in the dating market flips on its head and is fascinating, if a little grotesque to watch. I've seen it play out several times in my peer group.

These don’t really sound like friends of yours. You seem gleeful, for starters. Love the oul “some” chucked in there too as if that completely neutralises your attitude. Shouldn’t we all aim for the best? We have but one life. Of course, the best varies from person to person. Unless you are in the heads of these women and a fly on the wall in their “capricious” dalliances, you don’t really know what they wanted or what really went wrong in their relationships but you seem very prepared to pass judgment on these supposed friends.

Yurt2

Tilden Katz wrote: »

These don’t really sound like friends of yours. You seem gleeful, for starters. Love the oul “some” chucked in there too as if that completely neutralises your attitude. Shouldn’t we all aim for the best? We have but one life. Of course, the best varies from person to person. Unless you are in the heads of these women and a fly on the wall in their “capricious” dalliances, you don’t really know what they wanted or what really went wrong in their relationships but you seem very prepared to pass judgment on these supposed friends.

There's aiming for the best and there's leaving behind heavy footprints on people's hearts in efforts to find the 'best'. People often get hurt by flighty and capricious dating practices, both male and female - neither gender gets off scot free on this count. You only need to take a look at the Personal Issues forum to get a taste of the fallout.

They're my friends alright, but I'm not uncritical of my friends, and nor are they of me when I need to be pulled up on things. It's the mark of a strong friendship by my measure.

And yes, I put in some for the precise reason it's a noticeable feature of the modern dating game. I only make mention of females in this thread because that's the topic. Believe me, I've plenty to say about some of my male friends that have stepped outside their marriages or undermined solid relationships with f*ck-ups. They know already.

EDIT: And I think it bears repeating, this isn't wallowing or feeling sorry for men, but many women feel empowered in their 20s to treat men pretty awfully, and it doesn't really get picked up on in culture/literature/movies etc (men are untrustworthy hounds grrrr!). When the script gets flipped in their mid-30s (men's sexual appeal and desireability actually increases for the most part), many of these women aren't prepared for it.

[Deleted User]

Jesus but I'm delighted those days are behind me.

kowloon

Deleted User wrote: »

Shure. I'm 39 and feel the exact same as I did about kids when I was 29, I'd like some just not yet. At this stage though I think it means a no.

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

[Deleted User]

kowloon wrote: »

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

Being able to adopt a child in this country is very difficult because there simply are no babies being placed, or very very small numbers. Foreign adoptions are also complicated.
The criteria is also age dependent and we are over it.
It is also not the fairy tale type scenario some people think it is.

For me personally I'd want a genetic link to my child, that would be extremely important to me.

kowloon

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

I don’t think too many lads on here’s “batter” is in very high demand. Most of it is getting spaffed into socks or down the drain.

It has to be contained somehow, I can't risk getting all my Magic: The Gathering cards stuck together :mad:,

Potential-Monke

Feisar wrote: »

The problem is the world and how we couple up has changed but women's biological clock can't.

Ah, it lasts long enough imo, but that's just me being greedy and not having to wait even longer to re-enter the dating scene. My luck I'll wait until I should be well clear of being able to have kids, and then get someone pregnant.

AmberAmber wrote: »

It's easier to tick the box that says wants kids than deal with the shock and drama of ticking the box that says does not want kids.

I've only once seen a woman tick the "doesn't want kids" box. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any other criteria. If women really don't want to have kids, they should just say it, it's absolutely acceptable today, even if it's still getting the usual are 'are you sure?' and related questions. Would make my search a bit easier at least... *sad face*

kowloon wrote: »

You might not be printing them yourself but you can adopt, and you're providing a more stable home than they might get otherwise.

That's what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want kids. I know that 100% now. And I believe I've always felt that way, deep down, but was keeping up appearances and saying what I thought people wanted me to say. It wasn't until my 30's that I decided to not be what society wants me to be. And adoption is definitely a helpful deciding factor. If I find myself older and regretting, I can adopt a kid that's beyond the baby/toddler stage (genuinely hate those stages, I don't even hold babies, ugh.... ). Or at least, I can apply. If the adoption crowd still don't think I'd be a good father, then my suspicions will have been right all along - I would not make a good parent.

kowloon

I did see some single mother's tick the box for not wanting more kids, but I think it's easier for them to reveal that preference, don't remember what kind of number would tick Would like kids vs. wouldn't. "Are you looking for kids in you?" is a terrible opening line.

[Deleted User]

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Ah, it lasts long enough imo, but that's just me being greedy and not having to wait even longer to re-enter the dating scene. My luck I'll wait until I should be well clear of being able to have kids, and then get someone pregnant.

I've only once seen a woman tick the "doesn't want kids" box. Unfortunately, I didn't meet any other criteria. If women really don't want to have kids, they should just say it, it's absolutely acceptable today, even if it's still getting the usual are 'are you sure?' and related questions. Would make my search a bit easier at least... *sad face*

That's what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want kids. I know that 100% now. And I believe I've always felt that way, deep down, but was keeping up appearances and saying what I thought people wanted me to say. It wasn't until my 30's that I decided to not be what society wants me to be. And adoption is definitely a helpful deciding factor. If I find myself older and regretting, I can adopt a kid that's beyond the baby/toddler stage (genuinely hate those stages, I don't even hold babies, ugh.... ). Or at least, I can apply. If the adoption crowd still don't think I'd be a good father, then my suspicions will have been right all along - I would not make a good parent.

Adopting an older child could be very challenging. If you don't want to be a parent then why would you even consider adoption? A newborn would be a damn sight easier than a possibly troubled child who had been in and out of the care system.