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Help with getting away from an abusive friend

LegacyUser

My male best friend (whose gay for context) puts me down so much, to the point I have no confidence left.

People tell me I’m pretty. But he makes me feel horrible.

He calls me fat, says I have frizzy hair, says my clothes are ugly, he says how I dress is embarrassing. All under the guise of joking/slagging. I usually say shut up and try laugh it off or say "Aw stop, that's not nice."

When we have a few drinks and I’m dancing he laughs at me and says that I have no rhythm. I’m so sick of it. My confidence is on the floor.

The problem is I’m very attached to him and I’m not sure why. We have been friends for a long time. I talk to him every single day and he very much knows and understands me. But I can’t take anymore put downs. It's a bit like an abusive relationship really. He also never celebrates my successes, but he is quick to point out when I fail.

Last night we were having a few drinks and he said something horrible and I told him I’d had enough. I started crying. He said “but we always do this, why are you crying?” I think I’ve just let it go on for so long that it’s normal to him now, and I recognise that's my fault too for allowing it.

He puts down everyone. Apart from his very pretty friends who he hypes up.

He has a friend who is very photogenic and when I said she’s so pretty, he said “Only in pictures though, not in real life, and I said that to her.”

He's extremely toxic, doesn't uplift me, and I am realising now how mucg he is holding me back. Someone flirted with me recently and I didn't know what to do. I thought "I am disgusting. Why would he be interested in me?" I realised then how much I have internalised all of these "slaggings". I hate myself. I even stopped wearing my favourite runners because he laughed at them and said they were horrible, even though I'd received lots of compliments about them.

I need to get away but I feel absolutely stuck and I guess we are dependent on each other in a way. There is really no point in me bringing any of this up with him, I believe he is far too toxic to take it on board and I'm not sure he is capable of changing. This is far too engrained in his personality at this stage.

Any advice at all for getting away from a person like this would be great. I know now that I need to for my own sanity. Thank you.

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whomadewho

Any advice at all for getting away from a person like this would be great. I know now that I need to for my own sanity. Thank you.[/QUOTE]

He is your best friend op! He is not your friend full stop. I'm all for friendly banter but Friends dont act like that. Cut him loose.

1hnr79jr65

First thing you need to correct is that is NOT a friend, that is a bully abuser.

Second talk to someone to assist you with telling the abuser to fk off out of your life if you need support. There is no need for you to stay around so this person can put you down for their own self gratification.

RebeccaK21

This guy isn't your friend. Think about what you actually get from the friendship, I know you say you're dependent on each other, but besides company the friendship isn't meaningful for you. You deserve way more. Just be less available to him and phase him out, he isn't going to change. That kind of thing takes willpower, but the effect he's having on you is holding you back, so I would just focus on that.

Yurt2

Your friend is a d*ck and a bully.

Don't even bother calling him out on it, he'll get all high and mighty and turn it on you.

Cut him out of your life - full radio silence.

yosser hughes

Ditch him, he's toxic and sounds incredibly shallow. Life's too short for this sort of shyte.

Are you female by any chance? Is he like this with his male friends?

Big Bag of Chips

Give yourself a couple of days. Don't answer his calls or texts. If he tries to meet up with you tell him you're not available. He upset you last night and knows it. So you avoiding him for a day or two shouldn't come as a surprise to him.

In a way, if this is how he is with everyone and this is how he has always been with you you can almost excuse it as banter. But, now that you have pointed out to him it upsets you he should make every effort to stop.

If he doesn't then you just phase him out. You actually don't need him as much as you think you do. And if you do walk away and spend less time with him you will more than likely find other friends. Friends who have been avoiding you because of him!