bullying in second year

Shiksha wrote: »

Hello all,

I am a mother to boy who is in second year. He has been bullied by a gang since first year. Earlier in the year he was punched in the face by one, in the school. It was unprovoked and this was caught on camera, the boy who did it suspended. However, the bullying went on. Lots of taunts, insults, challenges. Eventually (obviously without my knowledge) he agreed to meet one of them to be challenged to a fight. They all jumped on top of him, he was badly assaulted, again this was filmed and the film distributed. I have the film and it is horrible. He wasn't badly injured just bruises.

Then, last Monday after they came back to school from lockdown, he got chased and called me from the school to say he was hiding in some toilets. So I came to pick him up.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? I have spoken to the school, numerous times. Other than suspending one pupil because there was no other choice they haven't done anything. Oh, they did do one thing - after many, repeated requests the school reluctantly changed his class, but he tells me when they told him it was being done, the teachers were very cross and seemed to be blaming him.

His self-esteem is at rock bottom. He has very few friends as his peers are being told to stay away from him. I recognise that he is not a saint, but still, I want to help my son and I am hitting brick walls everywhere. I am looking into changing his school but I would be worried that the bullying may continue in other ways. I should add that there is a gang of about five boys, its a very large mixed school.

Does anyone have any advice?

I am sorry to hear about the bullying.
The school are useless with these things.
I would always say stand up to the bully but that's difficult given the number of them so although my view may be unpopular personally I would give the parents one friendly warning before arrangements are made for someone to "have a chat" with those involved.

Secondary teacher here , as someone who was bullied in first year as well many moons ago, this upset me to hear of your troubles. As someone said you really need to rattle the cages of year heads and principal and perhaps BOM on this, the two aforementioned people are getting big money and should have this cleared up or at least give it a genuine effort.

Actually this week myself and another teacher have put in place a simple mentoring session between TYs and First years at lunch time to help them settle back in to school, they do games and activities and just basically get to know each other, i feel its good that first years have a familiar face in the older years to talk to if they need it.

Shiksha wrote: »

Hi everyone,

thank you for the support and very useful suggestions.

I have strongly considered changing his school and I have a place in another school. I am told that this group of boys bully other kids but they seem to have really gone overboard with my son. Over a period of 18-20 months he has been called every name under the son and challenged to fight. One of the boys whacked him, in school while the other ones filmed it (the culprit was suspended). They then tricked him into coming out ostensibly for a scrap with another boy and they then all jumped on top of him, kicking and punching him. That was also filmed. Strangely, the boys who did this are not ashamed that five or six of them attacked one person, indeed they are boasting about it and sharing the footage. Because this took place outside of school hours and off school property, the school say they have no role in this.

At this stage it is clear the school don't want to take action against this particular group of boys. So I am left with very little option except to change his school. His self esteem is at rock bottom and he has become quite negative and withdrawn some of the time. I don't know what goes through these kids' heads, I really don't.

If you do decide to change his schools which you shouldn't have to,If you can get this footage you speak of go to the gardai with it.
Don't interact with anyone at the school anymore. It's obvious they don't give a damn.
report it as assault which it was, take it as far as you can and if nothing else it might frighten the **** out of the little scum bags. They deserve to be punished in some way .
How many of them are there?

Also get on joe duffy if you have the neck a lot of people don't like him but in Lots of ways it does work.

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Primary teacher here . My two cents : your poor boy has been assaulted . The school has a duty of care to him. They really, really need to step up. “ Contacting a parent group” is pointless, a PTA has no power to act , you need to make formal contact with the principal and the board of management.
Joe Duffy? Seriously?

Yes seriously. This kind of story has been on the air before. It wasn't long stopping after it.

Wouldnt you do anything you could to stop your son being bullied. I would.
Anything.

Yes I wouldnt go near Joe Duffy you will get a name among adults of school as a shhhit stirrer. Can i ask is it an all boys school? only i ask as i was treated quite rough as a student in an all boys school , i left and attended co-ed after junior cert, the change was dramatic and a whole new world, i cant over emphasise just how different two school environments can be even in the same general area, it can be massive. It just goes to show the part staff and management can play, but also the part or role having girls in a school can have with boys it can really take the edge off things. I found everyone was so placid and relaxed in the co ed school i attended after junior cert, never a fight where there was one every day in the boys school, lads wanted to act cool and caring in front of the girls in the co ed school. they were also more interested in hanging around chilling and chatting in groups more than playing sport which was a downside. that school was a little odd though in its make up and a rare occurrence now for some reason as it was a convent of mercy school that was co ed, and had a 70-30 to 65-35 female to male ratio, which i think set it up really well regards the social climate.

Is this bullying race related, if so it's a hate crime and police should be involved.

JPup wrote: »

What you’ve described is very serious abuse.

If it was me I’d me in the school Monday morning banging on the principal’s door and refusing to leave until there was a plan in place to solve the issue. If the response from the school isn’t satisfactory I would be going to the guards as my next step. You have footage of the assaults so the guards will have to take it seriously.

If it was my child I'd be bringing the guards to the school with me.

This could have serious repercussions as they get older

No idea what school that is but thats shocking behaviour from them, a kind of kids will be kids attitude.

My son was bullied in primary by a ethnic minority that was fcuked out every school in the area, school did nothing as they were terrified of the ethnic minority. I nearly had to fight the Da to end it.

In secondary he was bullied again by local scummers (meek introverted kid, long hair etc) and the school fcuked out every single person involved literal 0 tolerance for this. I was shocked at how they went about it, literally brought in the parents and told them they had 2 weeks to stop it (wasnt just my kid) they didnt and everyone of them expelled after 2 weeks.

In my area a lot of kids killed themselves over bullying either in school or by social media. Oddly one of the bullies killed himself and the parents blamed the school for expelling him

Hi OP,

Reading your OP was heartbreaking and genuinely brought a tear to my eye. I’m a 30yr old girl, and reading your OP really hit a nerve for me as I was very badly bullied in school, also. The bullying has left a life-long impact, and really changed me as a person. One poster said “it’ll all be forgotten about in a few years”. This is so untrue. Bullying can leave a life-long impact, trust me.

As a child (from birth to about the age of 12), I was extremely happy. I was the class clown, and would definitely have been regarded as “Miss Popular”. I laughed at everything, and I found it really easy to make friends. Then, puberty happened, and the dynamics (and my fellow female classmates) changed.

The bullying started when I entered 1st year — I was 13 years old. It got so bad, that my parents decided to move me to another school. Sadly, the bullying continued in this school, also, as I had little to no confidence and children/teenagers take complete advantage of this. I moved school again (but this time to a mixed school) at the age of 17 (5th year). I finally found people who welcomed me into their group.

I guess my advice to you is, you can complain and complain and complain to the school, but I don’t think anything will change. My parents lodged a frightening amount of complaints to both schools, and nothing ever changed. The culprits may receive a slap on the wrist, but once the teachers backs are turned, it’s almost “payback time” and the situation can actually get worse. This was my experience.

Your son has endured awful treatment and my heart really goes out to him - the poor guy. If it were me, I would be taking him out of his current school, and transferring him to another (a mixed school, ideally, and not one which is in close proximity to the other). I really feel like this is the only option at your stage.

Edit: On a side note - I wouldn’t allow the school to get away with this. I would 100% be reporting this behaviour to the gardai, and I’d show them the evidence which you have. Furthermore, I’d be contacting the Minister of Education, also. I know if I had a child, I would do everything in my power to keep them safe and to hold the culprits accountable. If people don’t speak up, it will continue and someone else’s child will fall victim to these horrible bullies.

Hi Op i was just wondering if you end up moving your son to another school , you could try to have a word with some teachers who may be willing to help him integrate into a group to help him settle and adjust. I know i have helped a mother with this a few years ago, a very shy boy who had been bullied came into the school and needed protection from any further bullying. Myself and another younger teacher used two prefects and few other boys and girls (about 5 in total) that were very popular in the school to integrate this student and get him into their group. It worked very well and he thrived in school, it was one of the most rewarding times i ever had. Now these students were mature and popular and took on this project with great zeal, they student never copped, never had a days trouble. The potential bullies were in a different peer group and wouldnt dare slag or bully soemone from within the popular group.I cant say it will work but i find if you have good , mature teenager they really love to help someone like this.

This is such a sad thread, bullying is such a soul destroying problem. No child should suffer it. I don't have anything to add - you'd have done all that I would've. I would help your son work on his self esteem as a next step, as it's probably feeling quite battered now.

I hope your son thrives in their new school.

Meeoow wrote: »

I hope the new school works out for him. Can I suggest that you get him some counselling, as his self esteem and confidence are probably shattered, and this may make him an easy target not just in school, but unfortunately also work.

+1 here as a former victim of bullying and a teacher i would say you may need to change something to make sure hes not a victim of bullying again. I would look into finding out other students attending this school, contact maybe a parent whos local that you might know from GAA or mass or something or find out who are the "alpha " students , if you could get your son to hang out with these lads or get to know them this may help integrate him into their group and he will be well protected. I often notice bullies are not ususally the popular kids cower down in front of this peer group. So maybe get a bit of homework on whos who iin his new school. Usually GAA or sports lads are well able to look after them selves so think about getting him in with these lads.

My post may sound negative but you need to protect yourself and outside of fighting back this is the cutest way to go about it.