pinkypinky wrote: » In your first post you said you hid the info? If was a typo,you can edit your post.
srmf5 wrote: » You'd be surprised how disgusted people can get by finding out that a couple are/were third cousins, etc. Some people tend to use the term inbred quite loosely, particularly younger people. My own great grandparents were 2nd cousins and my aunt married her third cousin. I remember telling a friend that my great grandparents were 2nd cousins and she called me inbred. It wasn't in a malicious way but it also wasn't completely in a joking manner. I learned to keep it to myself after that. I personally wouldn't marry a known cousin but I wouldn't be judgemental about it either. However, it could easily happen that I'd unknowingly marry a distant relative if I married someone from the area where I was born. I've seen so many familiar names among matches who I had never known I was related to. I was actually surprised that Mum and Dad didn't end up matching each other when I got their DNA results.
Hermy wrote: » I suppose for some people researching a family tree is a sentimental journey and the more one indulges in sentiment the less one is inclined to allow the facts get in the way of that journey. As I get older I have less and less time for sentiment and especially so in genealogy. There are no heroes and villains in my tree - just lots and lots of dead people who are complete strangers to me despite their apparent familiarity. However, I do think there is great merit in shining light on these so-called skeletons in the closet, either dispelling a myth or confirming a story that's been handed down. As to my own research I have no significant skeletons to speak of, though in the case of one relative whom I had always been told had died young due to cancer, her death record gives cause of death as abortion which I'm not sure what to make of. And while I write this it has just occurred to me that I myself, being an adoptee, am somebody else's skeleton in the closet!
Deleted User wrote: » I found out my great grandfather assaulted a constable in Fermanagh, spent time in Sligo prison and then moved to Cork after release, slightly changing the spelling of his surname. I'd love to know the full story there.
Balmed Out wrote: » I have a distant relative with two hollywood stars in the hollywood walk of fame.
OU812 wrote: » Oh come on!!! You can’t just casually drop that into the thread and give more detail. Two stars means double threat (possibly a third they went recognised for). What is it they have them for and who is it?
Mick Tator wrote: » I wouldn't bother with people like that and certainly would not class them as friends. The marital pool in rural Ireland was very small before mechanised transport and a cash economy. Look at any village and even today you will find the butcher's son marrying the baker's daughter.
srmf5 wrote: » Well she's not my friend anymore. We were only about 15 at the time. That's why I mentioned young people being more likely to be surprised at it since they don't seem to realise how common it was back in the day in a rural area. I grew up in a small town that I went home to pretty much every weekend (pre-pandemic) so I know all about it. I was actually surprised when I first started researching that my grandmother and two of my greatgrandmothers were in their 30s when they married. It's something that was brought up in the people living longer thread. However, I wouldn't have known any of my great grandparents even if they all lived to 100. I only knew two of my grandparents with one dying before I was born and the other a year after I was born. It's still better than my mum who had one grandparent die when she was aged 2 and the other 3 before she was born. Previous generations in my family never knew their great grandparents either so it's a phenomenon that will be missed in my family since we never experienced it. Dad was 33 when he married Mum aged 28. Grandfather 31 married grandmother aged 31 in 1956. Grandfather 37 married grandmother aged 24 in 1952. Great grandfather aged 25 married great grandmother aged 31 in 1923. Great grandfather aged 32 married great grandmother aged 20 in 1911. Great grandfather aged 33 married great grandmother aged 26 in 1914. Great grandfather aged 35 married great grandmother aged 37 in 1923.
Hermy wrote: » And while I write this it has just occurred to me that I myself, being an adoptee, am somebody else's skeleton in the closet!
Mick Tator wrote: » Perhaps I am too analytical at times, but IMO many of the posts in this thread are not ‘skeletons’ and are simple family background stories. Most could be put to rest (or ‘the test’) by a simple bit of research in for e.g. newspaper archives. The fact that one of my second great-grandfathers lost twenty-odd of his sheep to marauding dogs is not a skeleton but it does demonstrate that on the introduction (1865) of the dog licence large numbers of dogs were turned loose by owners rather than pay the two shillings and sixpence licence fee. Another of my great-grandfathers age nine found a dead body on the road near their farm – a murder- and he was, despite his age, cross-examined in court as a witness. Shocking in today’s terms, but not a skeleton. To me the expression ‘a skeleton in the cupboard’ is a pejorative term relating to an undisclosed fact about someone which, if revealed, would damage the perception/standing of that person in the community. In no way does or could it relate to an adoptee. Events must be seen in the context of the day – up to about 1970 an unmarried mother was perceived by the State, her family, the Churches and society at large as a ‘fallen woman’ and at best an embarrassment or at worst a ‘disgrace to the family’. (‘Fallen’ even derives from ‘fallen from the grace of god’.) Such a pregnancy would have an impact on the economic future of the family (“Is he suitable for that promotion, after all, he let his young daughter get pregnant!”) She would be a social outcast and some of that opprobrium would extend to her family and its standing in the community. Very few families would have the financial independence to provide support or the courage as it would be seen as condoning the pregnancy. That is the way it was, whether we like it or not. On her own the girl’s future would be fraught with difficulty, her ability to obtain a job unrealistic and to hold it unfeasible, her financial independence impossible, her marital prospects negligible, her morals forever questioned and her very existence forever open to snide remarks. The father invariably walked free and frequently denied involvement; paternity tests were unknown until the late 1980’s. Should he contest paternity it was an uphill battle for the mother to prove it / obtain maintenance, as she started from a negative position of ‘questionable morals’. That is why a move to a mother and baby home and adoption was seen as a ‘way out. The State and the families simply outsourced what they viewed as a solution to the Churches, who in turn took on the task (their traditional role being reforming ‘sinners’) and made money from it. The rights of the unborn child were not even an item for consideration, let alone discussion, at that time. Everyone in society was implicated and condoned the ‘status quo’. Today, for those who have such a child in their past, the situation is very complex, emotive and any perceived ‘skeleton’ has assumed quite a different character. They are in what many would perceive as a ‘no win’ situation. Most have since married and have families of their own; some fathers might not even be aware of the child; most (probably?) unmarried parents have not told their spouses and/or children of the past childbirth. Bringing out the topic now would be viewed negatively by almost all – the spouse because by keeping the pre-marital child hidden it was a breach of trust/honesty in the marriage, the children of the marriage would view it the same or worse because they would be more openminded and view the concealment as unjust. There also are serious legal implications for the parent since the Inheritance Acts confer rights to a child born outside a marriage who now would share the estate on an equal footing with other siblings. There is more for the parent to lose financially & societally than to gain in searching for a past child. Add a layer of case law, new Acts such as that covering GDPR, several reports (e.g. by Incorp. Law Society) on what should/should not be done and the deep complexity of the legal background is clear. Is it a skeleton in their cupboard? Perhaps, but not one linked to having a child outside marriage, but one as a result of hiding the fact and ignoring any attempt to search now that society’s view is changing. From what I have read, (and I'm no expert) very few (other than the adopted child) want to delve into the topic. Most such adoptees now are aged over fifty and over time the problem will disappear. Unjust as it is to the adoptee, it’s another ‘Irish solution’.
byhookorbycrook wrote: » Adopted person here. Both my birth parents are dead but I still can’t get my file fromEngland ( they say they don’t have it ) and TUSLA hiding behind GDPR. Despite officialdom, I found both my birth parents families .It transpires that I have a half sister , 3 weeks older than I am ! She was also placed for adoption. My birth father’s family thought he died childless and we’re delighted when my sister found them . They were gobsmacked a few months after when I popped up .
pinkypinky wrote: » Impressive to discover a connection to anyone in the 18th century. Most people cannot get easily get past the famine. How did you discover?
Reati wrote: » Two. A great great grandfather died young about 35 of strangulation. No idea if it was an accident or murdered. Anyone got ideas where to look for information on things like that?
Hermy wrote: » Mick, I don't know where to start with this post. It's by times contradictory, factually incorrect and completely at odds with the lived experiences of many of us whose lives have been directly affected by adoption..
8valve wrote: » My great grandfather was the illegitimate child of the local British landlord, who seemingly 'had his way' with the servant girls in his house on a regular basis. He was raised by a local family whose surname he was given. I had a granduncle who emigrated to New York in the 1920s, reportedly became a part of the Irish organised crime mob there, and met his end badly, at the hands of the rival Italian mafia. To hide the shame of his criminality, it was stated that he died from 'the drink'.
spurious wrote: » If it was as the result of a crime it probably would have made the papers if it was in Ireland. I have subs to both Irish and British newspaper archives if you want to PM a name and date.
