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Cannot concentrate

LegacyUser

Hi All, I decided to go unreg'd for this as I'm being a wimp!

I have a big exam coming up next week and I have absolutely no motivation to do it.

I know it has been a brutal year for a lot of people but it really affected me. I ended up in a mental health hospital twice in the 2nd half of the year. It did help but the 2nd time I was in I miscarried a very much wanted baby. It was awful, I had to have the baby surgically removed due to the size. My OH wasn't allowed to come to the general hospital with me, for the scans or the procedure. I do get the covid rules and I have taken them all very seriously, but it was his baby too, I think he should have been allowed to come to the confirmation of miscarriage scan. I didn't mind going to the 1st one only as I had presumed it would all be good news. He couldn't meet me outside the hospital after the procedure either, as the mental health hospital had us all tested for covid so no visitors were allowed.

Just before Christmas I had severely bad abdominal pain and ended up in hospital. There were complications after the miscarriage. It's been sorted now.

All that time I should have been studying but I wasn't, so I'm starting to panic now. I just don't know how to refocus myself and get this exam. It's my last one and I have already failed it before. Also it's online so it is going to be totally different experience which I am panicking about. Not really sure what I am looking for here! Spilling down my thoughts have helped anyway.

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Hannibal_Smith

You are not being a wimp at all. Do you have someone in the college you can contact to defer the exam?

[Deleted User]

You're not a wimp, I'm so sorry to hear you went through all of that.

As the poster above suggested, I'm sure the college will allow you to defer the exam.

I would recommend getting in touch with the disability support service in your college, they will have services for mental health issues and they can assist you when dealing with the college.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I already deferred once, around the time I was admitted to the hospital. I didn't say where I was going I just got a gp letter. I know everyone is meant to be more accepting of things these days but this college I don't think really is. The decision to defer would be run past a committee which is still very much the big boys club. And whilst I know they cannot look down on me for mental health or "women's issues" I would be worried it could affect future job prospects as they might think I'm too weak for a tough job. Although I don't really want another high stress job (it was awful in 100 other ways because I had previously had high stress jobs which I loved) i think that is one of the things that lead me to mental health services in the 1st place.

[Deleted User]

Cannot concentrate wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I already deferred once, around the time I was admitted to the hospital. I didn't say where I was going I just got a gp letter. I know everyone is meant to be more accepting of things these days but this college I don't think really is. The decision to defer would be run past a committee which is still very much the big boys club. And whilst I know they cannot look down on me for mental health or "women's issues" I would be worried it could affect future job prospects as they might think I'm too weak for a tough job. Although I don't really want another high stress job (it was awful in 100 other ways because I had previously had high stress jobs which I loved) i think that is one of the things that lead me to mental health services in the 1st place.

Does your college have a disability support service?

Hannibal_Smith

A miscarriage is such a tough ordeal to go through mentally and physically. Added to that you had complications afterwards. It's no wonder you can't concentrate, it's completely understandable.

Do you have a counsellor from the hospital you were in earlier in the year that you could talk to?

It's the last exam. You have done all the others and got them. Deferring wasn't your fault the last time and it wouldn't be this time. Even if you talk to the college and figure out what options you have?

cannotlogin

Your mental health and recovery are far more important than an exam.

It's been a difficult enough year for people dealing with normal day to day life since the Covid outbreak and you have had far more to deal with than most. It's completely understandable that your concentration isn't great at the moment and that deferring your exam is the best option.

Talk to your GP and Counsellor and ask them what they can provide in terms of support, both for you personally and also in terms of written support. I understand your reasons for wanting discretion but "a miscarriage with significant added complications and periods of hospitalization" covers a lot covers a multitude.

Then approach the college, advise them that the above have encouraged you not the sit the exam and see what your options are. Discuss them all (1) defer, (2) if you sit and fail when/how can you repeat and (3) if the above aren't available options, what are the next best alternatives.

You are far more important than any exam. Don't put yourself under unnecessary or extreme pressure at a time like this.

wildwillow

I understand how the exam would be important but I think you are wonderful to have survived all the trauma till now. Coming to terms with losing a baby and having no one to be with you is a huge effort.

Apply for whatever help you can get re deferral. Give the full facts and make no apology for requesting help. Even "big boysclub" type of men will have compassion for your situation.

If you have no choice but to sit the exam, do your best and use all the exam techniques you have learnt to answer the questions.

Above all be kind to yourself and allow time to heal and come to terms with your loss.

LegacyUser

Thanks all, I'm waiting to hear back from the years coordinator tomorrow. Under normal circumstances I am not allowed to defer again. I'd like to know my options for if I fail though.

I've been going through the material today. It's a huge subject so cherry picking/ finding patterns aren't really possible. But a lot is thankfully coming back to me.

Hopefully I can scrap passed the exam.

It's not the miscarriage I'd be worried about them knowing it's the mental health. I'll say it on the phone tomorrow but I don't want to put it on paper unless absolutely necessary.

No it hasn't been fun at all. It really set me back but I am still working with the hospital and a local councillor.

I do know my physical and mental health are more important than an exam but it's hard to even consider throwing away all these years of work. Hopefully I can just suck myself into the books for the next few days and deal with myself after