nav[aria-label="Primary Navigation"] { padding: 0; & ul { list-style: none; width: 100%; display: flex; flex-direction: row; justify-content: start; align-items: start; gap: 30px; padding: 0; & li { margin: 0; } & ul li { list-style: none; } } }

Child Item

Advice

corner of hells

Earlier this year , I came into a sum of money, it's made my life a little more comfortable. Most went back into the house , some was kept as a little nest and me and herself spent a bit on ourselves.

We also decided to give a few individuals a gift , no strings attached of a couple of grand to be split between. In all , I gave away about 8 grand .

Anyhow, today I had a minor emergency where I needed some body to bring my wife to an appointment that we received a short notice, my wife has poor health and has been struggling with her health for years , so we asked one of the people I gave money to would they oblige her with lift to an appointment, the journey would be maybe three minutes drive , my wife is unable to drive anymore and can maybe walk 50 or so meters.

The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige.

Anyone any suggestions how I should approach them , I was on the verge of burning thier house down and kidnapping thier dog but I'm calm now and want speak my mind without a row.

Find more posts tagged with

Quick Links

Comments

Cee-Jay-Cee

Don’t approach them and don’t speak to them ever again. If they ever ask then simply tell them that you have no time in your life for such a selfish unhelpful person and hang up/walk away.

They’re not your friend.

CountNjord

I'm similar to Marilyn Manson I realized a lot of people are knobs, especially the normies or the Jimmy Mary's, parochial goody toe shoe, ass licking teacher's, gaa officials and their peer's, the "dad's best friend" as created by the Rubber Bandits types.

We learn the hard way, hang out with creative, non liberal or lefty types of Bohemian or humble folk..or working class city dwellers, or old money types.

Middle classes....meeehhhh fur coat no knicker brigade avoid those like the plague..
They're the ones who are empty vessels, always on the make..

Sorry to hear you're left down, lift yourself up and your wife and make real friends who don't ask for money etc

I've been there...

https://youtu.be/iYgPznBrjiA

dxhound2005

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Don’t approach them and don’t speak to them ever again. If they ever ask then simply tell them that you have no time in your life for such a selfish unhelpful person and hang up/walk away.

They’re not your friend.

That may be unfair, and in normal times they might have obliged. They did explain their reasons.

"The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige."

Surreptitious

corner of hells wrote: »

I suppose I should have , but with mobility issues and so on.

There's people in wheelchairs and blind people get Taxis. You will have to arrange this in future and don't ask them again for help.

corner of hells

Surreptitious wrote: »

There's people in wheelchairs and blind people get Taxis. You will have to arrange this in future and don't ask them again for help.

I am well aware of that , thanks.

Cee-Jay-Cee

dxhound2005 wrote: »

That may be unfair, and in normal times they might have obliged. They did explain their reasons.

"The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige."

Possibly but they still sound like people the OP could do without in his life. It was a 3 min drive, they could have wore a mask and had the windows all wound down for the duration but they preferred to leave an ill friend stuck so they’re not worth having as friends at any stage.

dxhound2005

corner of hells wrote: »

I am well aware of that , thanks.

But you said it was "mobility issues and so on" that stopped you calling a taxi. What sort of vehicle has the person you wanted the lift from?

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

But you said it was "mobility issues and so on" that stopped you calling a taxi. What sort of vehicle has the person you wanted the lift from?

Well , its more managing things like steps and crutches and a little bit of embarrassment, she would be kinda shy .
She can manage getting in and out of any car by wriggling about .

dxhound2005

I'm glad it all worked out, and there was no arson or harm to canines.

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I'm glad it all worked out, and there was no arson or harm to canines.

I'm still thinking bout voodoo.

IAMAMORON

Op I see your frustration but there are a few sides you need to see.

Never mix money with friends if at all possible, it always ends up in a disaster. I am not telling you to never do it, but avoid it if possible, real friends would never dream of asking for financial favours anyways.

Just on your predicament today I cannot understand why you did not prepare better for your wife's appointment? A taxi will do the trick in these circumstances. I am getting the feeling that your friends were deliberately adamant about not helping you out today, it may well be a red line for them as regards facilitating your wife and being used to help her attend future appointments.

I am not involved, but part of a decent friendship is sometimes respecting their boundaries and not taking them for granted, I am not saying you are or did, but just because they could not help you today does not make them bad friends either. You never know when they might get the opportunity to do you a good turn in future. Don't burn bridges basically.

[Deleted User]

Yeah, I've found out too that some people don't really mind not paying back money to friends/family..

Like, really i would be of the mind that it's pretty much up to you to pay back money if someone lends it to you, and they shouldn't have to chase you down for it, but not yeah, a lot of people are just selfish, or well, don't mind shafting someone if they think they'll get away with it..

corner of hells

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Yeah, I've found out too that some people don't really mind not paying back money to friends/family..

Like, really i would be of the mind that it's pretty much up to you to pay back money if someone lends it to you, and they shouldn't have to chase you down for it, but not yeah, a lot of people are just selfish, or well, don't mind shafting someone if they think they'll get away with it..

This post is why I love AH.

IAMAMORON

In my experience money is a bad mix with friends. Not always, but it can lead to hassles.

Everyone has lost friends over money crap, rightly or wrongly.

After I while I just lose patience with mean people, it just starts sprouting out in all their other traits and characteristics, it makes me seethe. For years now if I have seen someone around me with a hang up around money or if I smell they are mean or calculating I phucking dump them bigtime, these phuckers are never worth it.

It is like that mate that everyone has that never pays for the first round or always manages to skip a taxi fare or seems to never pay the full share of a meal et etc etc. Eventually they will just tire you through to your limit, they are relentless and exhausting. Drop them, they never change and when you realise it is not just money they are mean with.... you will kick yourself for not spotting it sooner.

GarIT

I'd be lenient on them. It's a terrifying time for some. If I had been in contact with someone, especially someone who had been around a hospital I'd end up too afraid to visit my own family.

Captain Red Beard

You're angry now but that'll subside with time. Wash your hands of this person, they're not worth any more or your time. Revenge might feel like a good idea now but calling that anger with you will ultimately hurt you.
Move on, live your best life.

NSAman

A few years ago, a neighbour came into a lot of money.

We had always done things for her, never thought about being paid for it.

Anyhoo, one day she sent in a letter to my mother with flowers. In the letter was a cheque for a crazy amount of money. We, of course, went back to her and returned the cheque. If people have to do things for money, it is always an issue.

(Shame the fecker on the other side wouldn’t have done things out of pure neighbourliness)

9db3xj7z41fs5u

Does the person have some serious underlying condition (like heart or lung disease)? Or are they looking after somebody with a serious condition? People have to prioritise their loved-ones. If this person is caring for their own elderly relative, they may not want to expose them to the risk. People are genuinely afraid. I think that the situation has to be assessed in the context of the lockdown. My friend’s dad is on chemo, and I have not seen him since March. I understand that his priority is to keep his dad safe!

[Deleted User]

corner of hells wrote: »

This post is why I love AH.

Just because I kind of missed the whole point of your question?.. yeah, sorry, touchy subject kind of..

Montage of Feck

Your both wrong. You've got the gifting thing arseways, they should only be given as a token of appreciation for a favour done not in anticipation of one.

con___manx1

the only reason i can think of why she didnt drive is she was drinking or maybe stoned or taking some mad prescription drugs that she is keeping a secret from people.
if your sure its none of the above then i hope karma caches up with the bitch.

PARlance

con___manx1 wrote: »

the only reason i can think of why she didnt drive is she was drinking or maybe stoned or taking some mad prescription drugs that she is keeping a secret from people.
if your sure its none of the above then i hope karma caches up with the bitch.

Ya that's the only reason I can think of amidst this global pandemic.

LineConsole

As my late Grandmother once said, “Eaten bread is soon forgotten”.

You’re a very kind person, but unfortunately there are a lot of me feiners out there. You now know the true character of that person, who is no friend of yours.

PARlance

Tomas Slow Doughnut wrote: »

Does the person have some serious underlying condition (like heart or lung disease)? Or are they looking after somebody with a serious condition? People have to prioritise their loved-ones. If this person is caring for their own elderly relative, they may not want to expose them to the risk. People are genuinely afraid. I think that the situation has to be assessed in the context of the lockdown. My friend’s dad is on chemo, and I have not seen him since March. I understand that his priority is to keep his dad safe!

It shouldn't matter, a no strings gift had been given so they should have dropped everything and put any valid concerns aside.

Rubberchikken

I wouldn't bring the money donation into the equation, kind as it was, and ask would this person normally help at a moment's notice or are they someone who would him and have if asked a favour?

It's tough that you were stuck Op for a spin for your wife, sometimes people just aren't dependable or helpful.

JustAThought

I agree with the OP’s sense of rage and betrayal over this simple short favour, particularly when you told him you were desperate. Money or no money, IMO you deserved a far better response, apology, explanation AND more effort to assist in any way. Some people are seriously lacking in empathy and just dosn’t see other peoples pain or difficulties - no matter how urgent - as their problem. It bewilders and disgusts me every time. I can’t imagine how betrayed you would feel especially as your wife has ongoing medical issues and they had felt you were good enough friends to warrant and to accept the gift of cash.Selfish ****ers.

BUT, people are genuinely living in fear. People are genuinely not going out and not meeting anyone for any circumstances for fear of being exposed to and bringing home to someone else or risking catching it themselves. My patents have not let me in the door since March. My elderly neighbour refuses to go out AT ALL and has all his groceries delivered and exercises in his garden alone and has done so since the first lockdown. My cousin refuses to go to work or let his child mix with anyone at all and has her sat at a desk by herself in total isolation at the back
of the class since they went back - not even her grandparents can visit.. People are silently paranoid.

I hope that this is the reason they refused to help and were so steadfast about not helping - that they are afraid and afraid that the implied price of your very generous gift might put them in a possibly life threatening situation. I agree that its a major betrayal but they have shown you what they are. Don’t ask again. Don’t give them the oportunity to upset you. Wave and be politely distant and let it go at that. Someday they mY be desperate and you can show you are the far better person by quietly helping them with some facour or practical thing they need and they will burn with the memory of how they treated you in your hour of need. Maybe this will be ringing the fore brigade after some other kindhearted person is scorched by them and does burn their house down.

(and of course never mention the money, nor refer to it. But if they offer it back consider saying a quiet yes. you can be sure they won’t but its good to have a dignified response
just in case ! I’m sure the person who left you the money wouldn’t like you to feel bitter over it - let it go - and know you are the far better person and when you had an opportunity to be a good and generous friend, a considerate neighbour and a decent person, you were).

Graces7

corner of hells wrote: »

Earlier this year , I came into a sum of money, it's made my life a little more comfortable. Most went back into the house , some was kept as a little nest and me and herself spent a bit on ourselves.

We also decided to give a few individuals a gift , no strings attached of a couple of grand to be split between. In all , I gave away about 8 grand .

Anyhow, today I had a minor emergency where I needed some body to bring my wife to an appointment that we received a short notice, my wife has poor health and has been struggling with her health for years , so we asked one of the people I gave money to would they oblige her with lift to an appointment, the journey would be maybe three minutes drive , my wife is unable to drive anymore and can maybe walk 50 or so meters.

The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige.

Anyone any suggestions how I should approach them , I was on the verge of burning thier house down and kidnapping thier dog but I'm calm now and want speak my mind without a row.

Given their totally reasonable response in the current situation ? They were right to refuse. You told them your wife was ill? They did the wise and right thing.
The response they made was totally reasonable and right.

Even three minutes in a car with someone who is sick?

This falls under the "Indian giver" category.

A gift is unconditional surely.

Sam Hain

LineConsole wrote: »

As my late Grandmother once said, “Eaten bread is soon forgotten”.

Aren't old people great.

[Deleted User]

I would rather be thought of badly than be beholden to the OP forever more because he had gifted me some money once!

Jequ0n

corner of hells wrote: »

Well , its more managing things like steps and crutches and a little bit of embarrassment, she would be kinda shy .
She can manage getting in and out of any car by wriggling about .

Don’t take this the wrong way but if this is a continuous state she’ll have to get used to others being aware of her condition/ witnessing it.
Otherwise you’ll find yourself in the same dilemma again. Relying on friends alone can’t be the only option if you can’t drive her