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Advice

corner of hells

Earlier this year , I came into a sum of money, it's made my life a little more comfortable. Most went back into the house , some was kept as a little nest and me and herself spent a bit on ourselves.

We also decided to give a few individuals a gift , no strings attached of a couple of grand to be split between. In all , I gave away about 8 grand .

Anyhow, today I had a minor emergency where I needed some body to bring my wife to an appointment that we received a short notice, my wife has poor health and has been struggling with her health for years , so we asked one of the people I gave money to would they oblige her with lift to an appointment, the journey would be maybe three minutes drive , my wife is unable to drive anymore and can maybe walk 50 or so meters.

The person I asked said no saying they had no plans to leave thier house , I explained I was really stuck , I've no close family and I wouldn't have asked unless I needed to , anyway they stuck to their guns and wouldn't oblige.

Anyone any suggestions how I should approach them , I was on the verge of burning thier house down and kidnapping thier dog but I'm calm now and want speak my mind without a row.

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Thelonious Monk

Let that be the end of your relationship with them

dxhound2005

She will probably have to wait 18 months for a new appointment.

Kylta

Burn their dog and kidnap their house instead
Only you will really know these people, so ill give you what I'm thinking.

I'd just blank them, maybe giving them the money might not have been a good thing.
I've seen this in friends, you come into money and some friends find nothing but contempt and jealousy for you. Its something like when we all nothing everything is ok, when one has something well then its different.
But saying that maybe this person is terrified or going out, maybe they have underlying issue's. Again there your friends and you should know this.
In regards to you having a row over this do not bring up the gift you gave them, you'll only feel worse, and you'll lose the moral and the high ground.
Again if their is a medical issue with them over covid and stuff, I don't think you can say anything. But if they did let you down purposely well I start be asking them over for a barbecue, a start by barbecuing their dog. ( no animal was actually hurt in the writing of this post, so animal lovers Fu¢k off)

corner of hells

Kylta wrote: »

Burn their dog and kidnap their house instead
Only you will really know these people, so ill give you what I'm thinking.

I'd just blank them, maybe giving them the money might not have been a good thing.
I've seen this in friends, you come into money and some friends find nothing but contempt and jealousy for you. Its something like when we all nothing everything is ok, when one has something well then its different.
But saying that maybe this person is terrified or going out, maybe they have underlying issue's. Again there your friends and you should know this.
In regards to you having a row over this do not bring up the gift you gave them, you'll only feel worse, and you'll lose the moral and the high ground.
Again if their is a medical issue with them over covid and stuff, I don't think you can say anything. But if they did let you down purposely well I start be asking them over for a barbecue, a start by barbecuing their dog. ( no animal was actually hurt in the writing of this post, so animal lovers Fu¢k off)

Thanks , Voodoo it is so.

[Deleted User]

corner of hells wrote: »

no strings attached of a couple of grand
.

Clearly not!

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

Clearly not!

Not what?

KaneToad

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Let that be the end of your relationship with them

I second this.

[Deleted User]

corner of hells wrote: »

Not what?

Clearly not, ' no strings attached '

Kylta

corner of hells wrote: »

Thanks , Voodoo it is so.

Corner its basically good riddance to bad friends. But the act is over and done with and you'll only fu¢k your own head up and your misses whose not well. Put it down to what friendship is not about and move on.
Hey the barbecuing dog party sound good though. ( animal lovers read my first post)

KaneToad

corner of hells wrote: »

Not what?

Like what he said above....

.anon.

I wouldn't've said no. You should've given the money to me.

I wouldn't approach them at all. They might argue that the money you gifted them doesn't leave them beholden to you. And they might have a point. Forget about the money or the perception that they're ungrateful. You asked them to do you a small favour and they didn't oblige. Maybe they'll need a favour from you some day.

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

Clearly not, ' no strings attached '

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

.anon.

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

And it looks like you haven't got anything in return.

Move on, but remember it.

corner of hells

KaneToad wrote: »

Like what he said above....

There was never any intent from me to look for anything in return, I was stuck with no option, I get your point though.

Your Face

Would you ask for the money back?

[Deleted User]

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm not with you , I gave away some money not looking for anything in return.

You made a point of telling us how you gave this person.a gift of money. 'no strings attached'
Then told us how he.wouldn't help you out when you needed him.
Clearly these things are related in your mind.
So, not 'no strings attached ' then.

wally1990

I hate people

End of

Ps, cut that ****er of a associate loose (won't even call him a friend )

Without knowing anymore of the background(if that person had genuine reasons in the moment but at a high level going on the response of no intention to leave the house, **** him.

There is no intention required, that's why your asking !

We all don't hang around all day going somewhere to make it convenient for us, that's why it's a favour, to go out of our own way to help another person

Na

**** him. Selfish

Snotty

I might be way off here, but maybe they think you look down on them by giving them the money, if they were living hand to mouth then a few grand is huge, but if not, and they are "comfortable" financially, a couple of grand might be perceived unwanted charity.
It's a very strange thing for you to do, buying them a large voucher or present might have been a better choice, but it does depend on their personal finance circumstances.

corner of hells

bubblypop wrote: »

You made a point of telling us how you gave this person.a gift of money. 'no strings attached'
Then told us how he.wouldn't help you out when you needed him.
Clearly these things are related in your mind.
So, not 'no strings attached ' then.

Ok , well my post was open to interpretation, I couldn't predict six months in advance of giving away some money that I'd be stuck for some help but there ya go .

Edgware

.anon. wrote: »

I wouldn't've said no. You should've given the money to me.

I wouldn't approach them at all. They might argue that the money you gifted them doesn't leave them beholden to you. And they might have a point. Forget about the money or the perception that they're ungrateful. You asked them to do you a small favour and they didn't oblige. Maybe they'll need a favour from you some day.

"Some day, and that day may never come, I will request you to do a service for me"

The wise words of Don Corleone.

corner of hells

Snotty wrote: »

I might be way off here, but maybe they think you look down on them by giving them the money, if they were living hand to mouth then a few grand is huge, but if not, and they are "comfortable" financially, a couple of grand might be perceived unwanted charity.
It's a very strange thing for you to do, buying them a large voucher or present might have been a better choice, but it does depend on their personal finance circumstances.

Yeah good point , I didn't look at it that way.

dxhound2005

It's fortuitous to have a medical facility within three minutes drive, and to be rich. You should plan better for the future, especially as your wife is likely to require medical treatment on an ongoing basis.

Surreptitious

Why didn't you get her a taxi?

corner of hells

Your Face wrote: »

Would you ask for the money back?

No , dont think so.

riclad

If you have to pay someone to do something that person is not a friend. Put this down as a learning experience
No point in looking for an explanation.
Make new friends.Have a plan in future,
what happens if she needs medical treatment in the future and can you arrange a taxi service in advance

corner of hells

Surreptitious wrote: »

Why didn't you get her a taxi?

I suppose I should have , but with mobility issues and so on.

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

It's fortuitous to have a medical facility within three minutes drive, and to be rich. You should plan better for the future, especially as your wife is likely to require medical treatment on an ongoing basis.

I'm certainly not rich .

diaper dude

These individuals are frightened of the novel virus. Simples. Why would they risk their lives for some neighbour?

dxhound2005

corner of hells wrote: »

I'm certainly not rich .

Anyway, what happened in the end. Did she manage to get to the appointment?

corner of hells

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Anyway, what happened in the end. Did she manage to get to the appointment?

Yes.