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The last time you spoke to somebody before their death.

DEFTLEFTHAND

My brother died suddenly a few weeks back. I vividly recall our last interaction. He was up in my house having a few cans, listening to tunes. He played the Ryan Adams cover of Wonderwall. When it was over he said "I better get going Kid, I'll talk to you later".

I tried listening to that tune last night for the first time since and broke down on the opening chords. I just had to turn it off.

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Ms2011

My nephew (22) died in August, I'd spoken to him a maybe a fortnight before, then 2am I get a call from my Dad to say he had gone into cardiac arrest so I was thinking ok what hospital is he in but then my Dad came back with 'he didn't make it'...I'm not even sure what happened after that but by husband had to take over the call.
Still numb now, you really never know what is around the corner, tomorrow is never guaranteed

careful_now

The last time I spoke to my friend in person before she died was when we met up for coffee before she left to work abroad after graduating. I wished her luck and said I’d visit her in a few months. The last time we messaged each other was a couple of weeks before she died suddenly in an accident. She said how I’m going to love it over there when I come visit. She was a great friend

Graces7

Gervais08 wrote: »

That’s beautiful and tragic and moving . Bless you.

m

it came a couple of years after my father walked out; that holiday was hard won as we were dirt poor and in those days no child support.

Peter was gifted; he had won a place at Emmanuel College Cambridge for that September. For a boy from our background..When he was waiting to hear, the December before he died, he went round the house singing, " Oh come O come , Emmanuel.!" That carol always makes me smile... sadly.

The exam results that came out after his death were the highest in the entire country

And thank you for this thread as it has made me see it differently. It is that

"Don't be afraid" that was totally, utterly atypical.

And it helps offset the other appalling memories of that day. Which never fade.

I wonder sometimes what my life would have been had he lived.

As everyone here does too of course. And that we need to talk with our loved ones before that parting comes

Gervais08

Graces7 wrote: »

m

it came a couple of years after my father walked out; that holiday was hard won as we were dirt poor and in those days no child support.

Peter was gifted; he had won a place at Emmanuel College Cambridge for that September. For a boy from our background..When he was waiting to hear, the December before he died, he went round the house singing, " Oh come O come , Emmanuel.!" That carol always makes me smile... sadly.

The exam results that came out after his death were the highest in the entire country

And thank you for this thread as it has made me see it differently. It is that

"Don't be afraid" that was totally, utterly atypical.

And it helps offset the other appalling memories of that day. Which never fade.

I wonder sometimes what my life would have been had he lived.

As everyone here does too of course. And that we need to talk with our loved ones before that parting comes

Oh you are so right! There were conversations with my dad’s doctors, the funeral director and our priest that I knew I was speaking for what he wanted as we’d had the talks beforehand.

Graces7

John45 wrote: »

My very elderly mam died tragically. Something I could have prevented but there was a row in the family and i didn't get it done. She was on her own. Still cant look at her photo or talk about it4 years on

HUGS.. I never got to say goodbye to my mother. Things were not good between us as I had been ill for years with what was misdiagnosed as being mental illness - which in those times was seen as in some way something you could shake off, ( It was.is CFS/.ME )

I was living 60 miles away and going home when I could cope, at weekends.

One day a policewoman knocked at my door. My mother had been in a road accident and was in hospital. She was evasive when I asked how serious it was.

My car was being serviced; I called my social worker and he drove me over the Pennines.
The nurse took me into the office to tell me my mother had died without regaining consciousness.
Gave me tea; have never been able to face tea since.

She lies with my brother.

Always I have hated that division in those last years. Always feeling guilty but knowing I was not. Wishing she had know the truth about this illness.

Stay as close as you can. While knowing that often it is not possible and is not your fault.

Graces7

Gervais08 wrote: »

Oh you are so right! There were conversations with my dad’s doctors, the funeral director and our priest that I knew I was speaking for what he wanted as we’d had the talks beforehand.

I have done that now also. I have no living kin but I do have loved ones overseas … So I have sorted all that; all documented and set out. I was so please with AIB as when I asked them re all this they sent an excellent booklet, " What to do when someone dies" . Covering not just banking business.

Please, all , think about it? It was hard at first but then a weight off my mind.

Gervais08

Graces7 wrote: »

I have done that now also. I have no living kin but I do have loved ones overseas … So I have sorted all that; all documented and set out. I was so please with AIB as when I asked them re all this they sent an excellent booklet, " What to do when someone dies" . Covering not just banking business.

Please, all , think about it? It was hard at first but then a weight off my mind.

I intend to go to Dignitas if diagnosed with the dementia my dad had.

Some people find it uncomfortable to talk about it but my best friend who is named as my next of kin understands. I think more will, we need an open conversation.

Dub Ste

I am so sorry for your loss DEFTLEFTHAND.

I think I've said this on here before,...

Mam had been ill for a while, she'd also lost her sight which really affected everything about her.
She was always quite active, but when the hospital told her that they would have to register her as blind, she just kind of gave up.
She wouldn't go out anymore, I always told her I'd go with her and we'd take it slow, but she wouldn't do it, so slowly she just started to waste away, physically and mentally.
She was in hospital over Christmas and came home in early January.
I was the only one still living at home, but we had neighbours and helpers and also my sisters would call in every day to see her.
I had gone out for a few drinks after work one Friday, got home about half ten, and mam was in bed, we'd turned one of the downstairs rooms into a bedroom for her.

She called me in, and said she needed to use the commode. I helped her on, and went outside until she had finished.
Went back in and helped her back into bed, and we started talking.

She told me she was so sorry for being a burden on me, and that it wasn't right that I had to help her on and off the commode, a child shouldn't have to do this kind of thing.
I got a little bit angry with her and told if it was me, she'd do it no questions and that's what I'm doing, told her she wasn't a burden and never to say that again.

We chatted a bit more, then she said she was tired and wanted to go to sleep, as I was getting up, she said, "goodnight son, I love you", I told her that I loved her too, then she said, "no, I really love YOU".
I gave her a kiss goodnight...........................she died the next morning.
Sorry, I'm getting a bit teary eyed typing this.

Skip forward a few years, was watching The Royale Family episode where Nana dies, and she had a similar conversation with Barbara, I broke down and sobbed my heart out, it was like they'd heard what we had said to each other.

25 years on, still really miss her, but knowing my last words to her were I love you too, gives me some comfort..

Gervais08

I posted my last words to my dad earlier but his to me will stay with me.

When I sat with him in the hospital he couldn’t speak, he was struggling to breathe and was mildly sedated.

Last visit in person it was through his nursing home room window and he said “get home safe!” but the last words were by phone and he phoned to say that he and my mum were in Yorkshire and couldn’t get home. “Look after yourself, get to school on time. We love you”.

I’m 50 and my mum died in 1993.

Still - it’ll make me cry and smile at the same time and that’s no bad.

extra gravy

My grandmother before she passed last Christmas. She had dementia so it was a one sided conversation. Think the last thing I said was "see you soon" but I knew in that moment it would be the last time I'd see her alive. She was the heart of our family and losing her it was a huge blow. Some heartbreaking stories here, my condolences to everyone that has shared their experiences of loss.

sweetie

Said goodbye to my mother in April over a crappy connection video call from Tallaght hospital. Told me and my siblings to look after each other and all I wanted to do was comfort her in person but couldn't. She had an underlying illness and picked up Covid in hospital but she doesn't matter according to lots of people out there, ponificating on social media. At least my Father was allowed in for 5 mins the day she passed. I'll never forget bringing him to and from the hospital. The funeral was tough as we had to follow guidelines and I feel she didn't get a proper Irish goodbye.

Gervais08

sweetie wrote: »

Said goodbye to my mother in April over a crappy connection video call from Tallaght hospital. Told me and my siblings to look after each other and all I wanted to do was comfort her in person but couldn't. She had an underlying illness and picked up Covid in hospital but she doesn't matter according to lots of people out there, ponificating on social media. At least my Father was allowed in for 5 mins the day she passed. I'll never forget bringing him to and from the hospital. The funeral was tough as we had to follow guidelines and I feel she didn't get a proper Irish goodbye.

I’m scattering my dad’s ashes soon near the Mourne Mountains where the family are from - there’ll be drinking and stories; he may not have had a wake but we’ll send him home Irish style.