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Gaslighting

Away With The Fairies

Has anyone ever had this done to them?

Just horrible behaviour thrown at you and when you point out how hurtful and nasty their behaviour is they make up excuses that don't make sense and no genuine apology. Or an apology but no change in the behaviour. Then if you react badly at all, they blame your reaction and turn it around on you.

What is wrong with these people?

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[Deleted User]

I was accused of this by an ex when she completely misremembered something that happened in the past. Either I had to agree to her incorrect version of events or I am an abusive gas-lighting boyfriend.

[Deleted User]

I had the pleasure of living with a narcissist briefly a few years ago..he was renting a room off me..
Like, tbh for the most part I think he realised that he wouldn't get too far with me, but like a few times was trying to just wreck my head..just ringing me up with stupid bullsh*t..i was like 'that's not my problem, sorry'..everything was just manipulation..
But seeing him in action with these two women he was kind of playing off against each other was eye opening..
They were both like 10 years older than him, and tbh it was just disturbing for a finish..
When I eventually got him to move out (delicately, because at that time I thought he was a dangerous f*cker), afterwards I found out he'd broken a load of stuff too..just for the sake of it I reckon..
But yeah, everything was manipulation..

Gaslight is a good movie though..worth a watch..

amadangomor

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Manipulating someone into doubting their sanity. Manipulating someone against their own cognition.

Papal infallibility would be a great example. Its crazy to suggest that a tenet of belief must be a human man is infallible. Yet you were treated as crazy if you didnt believe it.

Magdelene laundries ..gas lighting.

Sealing of the records of the laundries .....and suggesting they are not being sealed ..gas lighting.

What? It may be manipulation but all that has **** all to do with gaslighting.

ILoveYourVibes

spook_cook wrote: »

But... that's not what Papal infallibility is. And neither are the rest of your examples, actual gas lighting. In fact your post itself seems to be an example of it.

actual definition...don't worry i didn't know either until a jesuit explained it

in the Roman Catholic Church) the doctrine that in specified circumstances the Pope is incapable of error in pronouncing dogma.The doctrine of papal infallibility means that the Pope cannot err or teach error when he speaks on matters of faith and morals ex cathedra, or “from the chair” of the Apostle St. Peter

You don't think the magdelene laundries were gas lighting?

How was my post gas lighting specifically? Not sure i see how?

Necro

Mod:

Quit it with the personal comments, this will be the only warning.

ILoveYourVibes

irishblessing wrote: »

Hence the reason I said what I said. Maybe when you get to a point of saying someone should spit in someones coffee covid / no covid, it's time for a break.

So who gaslighted you???

Spill we wanna know!

irishblessing

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Erm no.

I actually rarely on boards. But i post a lot at a time.

It didn't need to be said really. But you said it. Well done on that. I hope you enjoyed it.

Hence the reason I said what I said. Maybe when you get to a point of saying someone should spit in someones coffee covid / no covid, it's time for a break.

ILoveYourVibes

irishblessing wrote: »

11,800+ posts since May last year... Have you ever heard the phrase 'quality over quantity?' Someone needs to say it.

You must be on boards literally all day every day.

Erm no.

I actually rarely on boards. But i post a lot at a time.

It didn't need to be said really. But you said it. Well done on that. I hope you enjoyed it.

ILoveYourVibes

Nykay wrote: »

Yes but a lot of people won't even know what gaslighting is.

Manipulating someone into doubting their sanity. Manipulating someone against their own cognition.

Papal infallibility would be a great example. Its crazy to suggest that a tenet of belief must be a human man is infallible. Yet you were treated as crazy if you didnt believe it.

Magdelene laundries ..gas lighting.

Sealing of the records of the laundries .....and suggesting they are not being sealed ..gas lighting.

ILoveYourVibes

Nykay wrote: »

I think it's more fun to outwit your bully without referring to the tactics they're using while you're taking them on.

I ain't got time for that.

I belt them upside the brain.

amadangomor

Fella at work used to do it to me. One example when I would talk to someone he would start sing some **** song called "All the lies that you told me". Would try other subtle put downs that no one else would notice.

Was thinking it was just a coincidence until I realised it wasn't.

Obviously very insecure person who was jealous of me getting on with people.

Put him in his place and don't have any dealings with him. Life too short to put up with insecure mentalists imposing themselves on your life.

katiek102010

JeffKenna wrote: »

Did the punishment really fit the crime?

Psychological abuse is just as bad. If not worse than physical abuse. In many cases victims do not realise they are being abused until after long lasting damage has been done.

With physical abuse, especially in the case of DV the victims recognise what is happening and are more inclined to leave the relationship and report it.

With psychological abuse there is no physical damage or scars, however the mental and emotional damage is extremely long lasting and a lot more difficult to heal, that's if it can be

Nykay

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

My dad accuses my mom of it. Says she is manipulative.

I think it's more fun to outwit your bully without referring to the tactics they're using while you're taking them on.

Nykay

Away With The Fairies wrote: »

Has anyone ever had this done to them?

Just horrible behaviour thrown at you and when you point out how hurtful and nasty their behaviour is they make up excuses that don't make sense and no genuine apology. Or an apology but no change in the behaviour. Then if you react badly at all, they blame your reaction and turn it around on you.

Could you be more specific about what happened to you?

Nykay

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Absolutely. More than once. Best reaction is to call them out on it directly. You just sit back and ask, "tell me, do you gaslight people often, or am I the first?".

Yes but a lot of people won't even know what gaslighting is.

ILoveYourVibes

Jequ0n wrote: »

My pleasure to have made the world a better place. You are welcome

No one ever makes the world a better place.
That would be way overestimating the reach and effect of your actions.

The world is still a ****hole.

Unfortunately ..:(

DeanAustin

chooseusername wrote: »

Gaslighters-
can sometimes claim to be victims of gaslighting.

I’m not sure if you’re on the wind up or not but it’s a very fair point. In my case, I was (am) going through a marriage breakdown so a lot of stuff gets thrown around and we inevitably had arguments over some stuff that happened because I had one view and she had another view.

I’ve asked myself the question about whether I was guilty of gaslighting her and I can hand on heart say I’ve never once made something up or never once denied something happened that actually happened. I can prove, through stuff that’s been written, that my ex-wife can’t say the same thing. That doesn’t mean I’ve always behaved in a way that I’m proud of but I’ve never lied and throughout this whole sorry mess, that’s been something I’ve clung to. If this goes the whole way to court, I don’t have to lie or try to cover my lies.

chooseusername

Gaslighters-
can sometimes claim to be victims of gaslighting.

ILoveYourVibes

statto25 wrote: »

if someone goes out of their way to make you believe you are not of sound mind I would call them victims

True.

All they can do is look up.

statto25

Jequ0n wrote: »

“Victims”
Not every case is as drastic as some of the ones described here. It totally depends on principles and boundaries.

if someone goes out of their way to make you believe you are not of sound mind I would call them victims

ILoveYourVibes

Jequ0n wrote: »

“Victims”
Not every case is as drastic as some of the ones described here. It totally depends on principles and boundaries.

You do you.
I am sure you are in fact pretty innocent

Beware the evil eye of karma tho.

katiek102010

KathleenGrant wrote: »

I had just posted that it has long term affects. I was in a situation last week in work where a colleague undermined me in front of another colleague. Instead of standing up for myself, telling her to never speak to me that way again and certainly not in front of someone else I felt my courage leave me. I just said okay, point taken, that's fine and then went to my office and cried for ages. I couldn't eat for the rest of the day and didn't sleep for 2 nights because of my anger at myself for taking the **** i knew i didn't deserve.

Jesus I wish I could give you a hug. Next time you are att you GP or even ring them now ask for a referral to your local day hospital OT team for a self esteem course. The courses are free and it's not just victims of DV that attend.

Some don't even require GP referral, there is usually a short waiting list and they do certs for work too if it's during the day

Jequ0n

katiek102010 wrote: »

That is absolutely horrific. Thankfully it is now a recognised form of psychological abuse, is a prosecutable offence and does warrant a custodial sentence.

I actually hope you a troll if not I really hope your victims report it

“Victims”
Not every case is as drastic as some of the ones described here. It totally depends on principles and boundaries.

ILoveYourVibes

chooseusername wrote: »

Gaslighters —
will often accuse you of gaslighting.

Always.

My dad accuses my mom of it. Says she is manipulative.

I had an argument about the black population of the US once ..i was correct it took me emailing him 3 different us census sites for him to admit i was right with my figures.

And i have his admittance in writing as i made him email me it back.

Yes ...i never give up.

katiek102010

DeanAustin wrote: »

Likewise.

The thing with neighbours and friends is that you think they are logical, good people. So if they don't believe or see what's going on, then can you be right and everyone else is wrong? And I've always sort of worked on the basis that if everyone else is saying something and you're saying something else, then you're probably wrong. It was and is such a strange experience.

There was one incident that a mate of mine witnessed where she was in full flow and then sent me texts afterwards accusing me of all sorts. And he would have liked her up to that and has always been very straight with me even when it's something I didn't want to hear. And he just said "That's absolutely not what just happened. I saw it and if that's what she's claiming and telling people, she's a liar." Again, that was relief because it was the first time someone else had seen it happen from start to finish and saw what I saw.

Still living with it for the moment (thanks coronavirus) but she hasn't been as bad recently as she was.

It is now recognised as a form of DV. I have worked in the area of DV and not surprisingly, there is not a lot of support for men out there.

My advice to you now is have it recognised officially what she is doing by speaking to a recognised support service. The reason I am saying this is women are very adept at twisting things and having everyone convinced that they are the victim and the man is the abuser.

Please do this now for your own sake especially as you have the support of a witness and as ye are still under the same roof

ILoveYourVibes

irishblessing wrote: »

Wow.

aaah im kidding.

chooseusername

Gaslighters —
will often accuse you of gaslighting.

ILoveYourVibes

My dad does it.

More to my mom than me though. He knows i would eat the head off him.

Hannibal_Smith

KathleenGrant wrote: »

I was heartbroken when he left but it was the best thing that could have happened. It has left its mark though. I am definitely less confident and have trust issues. It has also affected my ability to deal with confrontation in my personal and professional life. I try not to let him have that power and influence over me but it's difficult.

I bet. When someone messes with your head it must be hard to rebuild and trust your own decisions after that. It will take time I expect. Have faith in yourself. You were worked over by someone in a very cruel way. You did nothing wrong and it wasnt your decisions that were the issue.

[Deleted User]

KathleenGrant wrote: »

I was heartbroken when he left but it was the best thing that could have happened. It has left its mark though. I am definitely less confident and have trust issues. It has also affected my ability to deal with confrontation in my personal and professional life. I try not to let him have that power and influence over me but it's difficult.

Having a very happy second marriage has made me realise how many people are in abusive relationships ranging from mild to severe and put up with it.

It will all work out alright for you it just takes time.