Strange/eccentric work colleagues

Stheno wrote: »

I worked with a guy who modelled himself on Stalin, had a biography of Stalin on his desk and when confronted with any problem people would ask you "what would Stalin do?"

He also prided himself on having no empathy whatsoever

So a Marxist-Leninist like Stalin then.

If you haven't got something wrong with you, well you won't get a job were I work, when a homicidal psychopath is the basic, well after that anything kind of goes. I've worked with so many of these people over the years, some are alcoholics, some are coke heads, some have mammy issue's, some i'm sure are incurable. Now I know I can be a bit eccentric at times, but i'm the saneist person in the place. Oh the bosses are worst than the staff.
I won't say who I work for but if I do
People will give a quite nod with agreement at the above statement. But I must admit I love the job not for the job itself. I love watching my colleagues personalities at work.

corner of hells

Kylta wrote: »

If you haven't got something wrong with you, well you won't get a job were I work, when a homicidal psychopath is the basic, well after that anything kind of goes. I've worked with so many of these people over the years, some are alcoholics, some are coke heads, some have mammy issue's, some i'm sure are incurable. Now I know I can be a bit eccentric at times, but i'm the saneist person in the place. Oh the bosses are worst than the staff.
I won't say who I work for but if I do
People will give a quite nod with agreement at the above statement.

You work from home ?

Wanderer78

Kylta wrote:

If you haven't got something wrong with you, well you won't get a job were I work, when a homicidal psychopath is the basic, well after that anything kind of goes. I've worked with so many of these people over the years, some are alcoholics, some are coke heads, some have mammy issue's, some i'm sure are incurable. Now I know I can be a bit eccentric at times, but i'm the saneist person in the place. Oh the bosses are worst than the staff. I won't say who I work for but if I do People will give a quite nod with agreement at the above statement. But I must admit I love the job not for the job itself. I love watching my colleagues personalities at work.

Stress does weird sh1t to people, and complex personality disorders are common, particularly amongst high level employe(r)es

corner of hells wrote: »

You work from home ?

Thanks for the laugh

Won't go to deep into this for obvious reasons. But one guy chased another guy with a sledge hammer, the guy had to hide in a fast food outlet. Another guy tried to stab his workmates at lunch time, he got arrested. Another guy tried to molest a young woman one day, he got sacked, but should've been arrested. Another guy (who eventually ended up a boss) was stopped by police driving around p!ssed in a company van, should've been sacked instead of promoted. Another guy brought back the wrong packet of crisp and for his reward he got hit with a brick to the back of the head. I can go on and on. But their my fu¢ked up colleagues and I wouldn't change them for the world. Well maybe the guy who does everything by the book, he's the guy that frightens me.

jaxxx

Anyone else scanning through the thread to see if there's any mention of them??

Cos.. .. .. I'm like, so not doing that. At all.

*whistles innocently

Phantom sh1tter.

JasonStatham

TheW1zard wrote: »

I had a colleague who we called Jurrasic Park, he kind of looked like the guy with glasses who stole the dna. So did his desk.

He'd work all hours, one night he shat his pants and used his shirt to wipe it up. Did a good job of cleaning but in the panic left it all on the another chaps desk.
I came in the next morning, I saw the guys whos desk it was standing over this with a director. He had picked up the rag on his desk not realising what it was and got **** all over himself.
There was a hilarious investigation carried out by Murray from Flight of the conchords. I was called down as a witness where he had drawn a plan of the office and lots of arrows with times of peoples movements. Obviously no one could prove what actually had happened.
The ****ty top and paper was fished out of the bin and used as evidence, and someone recognised the top.
Now we all guessed what had happened and the culprit was off that week (happened on a Saturday). Email went around about the 'investigation'.
About Tuesday he comes in all flustered to suss the situation out, I asked him what hed been up to and he said he'd been working.

A few days later there was a bad smell and we found a load of ****ty paper hidden under another desk.

In the end the poor chap fessed up, he called us into a room describing how he had exploded and projectile ****ted all over the place.
He was suspended for a week and sent to counselling.

I left the company a month later.

There always seems to be a bloke in IT companies who clogs up the toilets.

Honestly with all the new fangled spangled workshops like wellness and mindfulness....they should include a session on ..... toilet training haha.

[Deleted User]

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Phantom sh1tter.

In leixlip?

JohnnyFlash

When I was doing my PhD in London I shared an office space in the university with this absolute weirdo who was doing postdoctoral research on something related to string theory. He used to clean out his ears with a pencil, examine the wax, then spread the wax on a sheet of paper that he kept in his desk drawer for just this purpose.

Grim.

dirtyden

Kylta wrote: »

Won't go to deep into this for obvious reasons. But one guy chased another guy with a sledge hammer, the guy had to hide in a fast food outlet. Another guy tried to stab his workmates at lunch time, he got arrested. Another guy tried to molest a young woman one day, he got sacked, but should've been arrested. Another guy (who eventually ended up a boss) was stopped by police driving around p!ssed in a company van, should've been sacked instead of promoted. Another guy brought back the wrong packet of crisp and for his reward he got hit with a brick to the back of the head. I can go on and on. But their my fu¢ked up colleagues and I wouldn't change them for the world. Well maybe the guy who does everything by the book, he's the guy that frightens me.

What film is this?

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

In leixlip?

Cherrywood Business Park.

bobbyy gee

i bet the sock puppet did all the work

tylercheribini

TBH I was probably considered odd in my last office job because I dont generally talk for talks sake, its a professional environment,colleagues aint your buddies, do the job you are paid to do and go home, wash/repeat.

dirtyden wrote: »

What film is this?

Actually true story this. I used to write short stories and poetry and bits and pieces years ago. Anyway it was suggested that I write a story based on were I worked and a friend said he would script it and see about doing a pilot for TV.(whether it would've made it or not is a different matter). Well didn't some of my colleagues find out some were delighted with the way they were protrayed (I made them sane). But some warned me I'd be sued and sacked if I went ahead, ( they moaned that sh!t was way to close to the bone for some). That's a true story

castletownman

Worked with a strange lad up to the end of last year.

But for the work uniform, I wouldn't be surprised if he wore the same clothes in every day, as he never deviated from the one pair of jeans and a particular type of boot that was well-worn- rain, hail or shine. Always wore a baseball cap that has seen better days and seemed to take pride in a pair of sunglasses when the weather was good, the type you pick up for cheap in a pharmacy (he treated them like Ra Bans).

He had zero social skills. Fr.Stone levels of interaction like. The most important aspect of the job was to give tours to visitors, but in all my time I was rostered in with him, I never seen him do it once. Could barely string a sentence together if asked a basic question over the phone, and often panicked when having to give out change.

He ate his lunch very loudly as well, and seemed to emphasise each chew. Sometimes I would be getting something near his desk and spot that he would be reading up the wikipedia articles of some sci-fi films and was often quite stalker-ish to women on FB.

Now he is a nice guy, and really loved working here. Hasn't found a job since, and probably has some form of autism. But he would be completely unemployable in a busier work environment.

Church on Tuesday

Nexytus wrote: »

Did the glove puppet hamper his typing?

And did it speak? To him or anyone else.

I bet he channeled all his anger, rage and frustrations through the puppet.

I mean, that's ****ing hilarious if true.

TheW1zard wrote: »

I had a colleague who we called Jurrasic Park, he kind of looked like the guy with glasses who stole the dna. So did his desk.

He'd work all hours, one night he shat his pants and used his shirt to wipe it up. Did a good job of cleaning but in the panic left it all on the another chaps desk.
I came in the next morning, I saw the guys whos desk it was standing over this with a director. He had picked up the rag on his desk not realising what it was and got **** all over himself.
There was a hilarious investigation carried out by Murray from Flight of the conchords. I was called down as a witness where he had drawn a plan of the office and lots of arrows with times of peoples movements. Obviously no one could prove what actually had happened.
The ****ty top and paper was fished out of the bin and used as evidence, and someone recognised the top.
Now we all guessed what had happened and the culprit was off that week (happened on a Saturday). Email went around about the 'investigation'.
About Tuesday he comes in all flustered to suss the situation out, I asked him what hed been up to and he said he'd been working.

A few days later there was a bad smell and we found a load of ****ty paper hidden under another desk.

In the end the poor chap fessed up, he called us into a room describing how he had exploded and projectile ****ted all over the place.
He was suspended for a week and sent to counselling.

I left the company a month later.

Jesus Christ I pissed meself reading this story...holy fcuk. Not sure who’s actually the bigger nutcases here- yer man that shat himself or the loons “investigating” it?!

Stheno wrote: »

I worked with a guy who modelled himself on Stalin, had a biography of Stalin on his desk and when confronted with any problem people would ask you "what would Stalin do?"

He also prided himself on having no empathy whatsoever

What the fcuk? Stalin, lol

Stheno wrote: »

Well I had a female colleague who tended to have problems with sanitary wear being sufficient and left chairs stained with menstrual blood regularly.

We hot desked, so on the first day of every shift, we would all carefully inspect the chairs at any free desks

She was also found once underneath her desk in the middle of a call (it was a call centre) trying to change said sanitary wear

That’s a very common natural and indeed embarrassing problem. Better ways of managing it these days though

HildaOgdenx

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

A guy in our office is constantly choking on food, because he hasn't worked out how to eat properly. He was medically examined, because he assumed there was something physically wrong with him as it was happening so often. But no, they told him that he was just shoving too much food into his gob at a time, and then trying to breathe through his mouth. He explained this to us in all seriousness one day in the canteen.

At least once a month, someone has to thump his back to save him. He's actually had to ask his boss and team to look out for him when he's having his lunch, in case he starts silently dying.

There's another guy I've posted about before. He's not so much eccentric as an utter abomination of a human being.

You have some 'interesting' colleagues!

All I can think of is an episode in Friends where Joey is fretting about possibly saying the wrong thing in an interview for a magazine article ...

Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.

If only there was something that stopped your colleague from shoving too much food into his mouth...

cannotlogin

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Phantom sh1tter.

We had one of those too. The issue was resolved after a number of months but there were multiple meetings where hygiene, health & safety, etc were discussed at length.

Never found out who or why and management just covered it off with the standard "the issue has been resolved" line. No one left the company at the time either do it remains a mystery which is so strange given the lack of discretion in our office.

Seems to be quite common, anyone know the main reason behind it? Dirty protect or medical/psychological issues?

cannotlogin wrote: »

We had one of those too. The issue was resolved after a number of months but there were multiple meetings where hygiene, health & safety, etc were discussed at length.

Never found out who or why and management just covered it off with the standard "the issue has been resolved" line. No one left the company at the time either do it remains a mystery which is so strange given the lack of discretion in our office.

Seems to be quite common, anyone know the main reason behind it? Dirty protect or medical/psychological issues?

Seriously, this is quite common? The odd mess in a toilet I can just about understand. But outside that unless some kind of sudden illness I just can’t comprehend

simongurnick

Was a manager in a call center and one of the staff told me one day his wife had cancer and was getting loads of treatment. I told him to take whatever time he needed to deal with it and support her, no problem.
He'd come in late or leave early and I would turn a blind eye. He would give me regular details. I felt so bad for the fella.
Then one day I bumped into someone and found out they also knew him. I said something like "isn't it awful his wife has cancer". They respond " she doesn't have cancer. She works with my missus". My jaw dropped. Eventually the story unravelled that he was cheating on the missus, telling me he was going to cancer treatments, while really he was off banging the other one...while his wife assumed he was at work!
The crafty bastard. And he was one ugly mofo too. Never thought he'd have it in him. I was pissed with the emotional side of it though as I really felt for the situation.
The bollix must have known the game was up because he went on sick leave and never came back. Wish I met him one more time!

Richmond Ultra

cannotlogin wrote: »

We had one of those too. The issue was resolved after a number of months but there were multiple meetings where hygiene, health & safety, etc were discussed at length.

Never found out who or why and management just covered it off with the standard "the issue has been resolved" line. No one left the company at the time either do it remains a mystery which is so strange given the lack of discretion in our office.

Seems to be quite common, anyone know the main reason behind it? Dirty protect or medical/psychological issues?

It's the lads that put the full roll of jack's paper into the toilet to block it, I'd be worried about. What would make someone do that?